Ways to Help Paranoid Schizophrenics

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The Onion has some suggestions.

[Via David Beito.]

NEXT: Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them* — Clinton Edition

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  1. Hey now. I have to share the elevator with these people where I work. Let’s not rile them up too much, at least not until after I get my lunch.

  2. That is funny, but is also several months old…the best Onion video is the one about the new World Trade Center site.

  3. A couple years ago, Howard Stern would have a segment where he also talked directly to paranoid schizophrenics.

  4. Back in middle school, for a period of a couple of months, I began to hear voices in my head (saying my name over and over), had wild paranoid delusions (the school was a breeding ground for some grand, master, plan), saw secret messages directed to me from the tv, and I’d clean all the time. After a while the symptoms stopped.

    Anyone have any clue what that could had been? It’s something I’ve always wondered, but it was nothing that so concerned me that I would had seen a head shrink about.

  5. Howard Stern would have a segment where he also talked directly to paranoid schizophrenics

    Some people on this board talk to paranoid schizophrenics all the time. HFCS anyone?

  6. Beside thinking that the man-holes cover up secret prisons, some of the paranoid schizophrenics probably even think that the government has secret prisons in other nations…..Oh wait!

  7. …Actually, that’s not funny at all.

  8. Quick note: For those doing this on the company dime, can you mention that something is video or audio in the link? I was expecting to go to a nice Onion article, not an ONN video. I know we can check the status bar, but the ‘mute your computer at work’ tag would help immensely.

  9. For a while I worked with a brain imaging machine which sensed the magnetic waves emitted by brain activity. It looks like an enormous hair drier, filled with liquid helium inside the helmet, and sits in a small room with 30in thick walls and a great big thick door that goes thud. Studies on schizophrenics were interesting.

  10. I’m worried that maybe Jesse didn’t call this thread a “Fun Link” cuz he doesn’t want me to post a New Wave link in it…

  11. Remember, just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean that they’re not out to get you.

  12. Ha! Seeing that brings back memories! When I was a kid, I had a buddy with a schizy aunt. We used to have a lot of fun with her, doing things like hanging bird-houses with camera lenses sticking out of them outside of her window. Then there was the guy whose old man was a drunk with bad eyes – we could usually get a rise out of him by tying a piece of thread to his bottle, and dragging it across the floor. He swore up and down the house was haunted, and even called in some paranormal society to investigate…

    …I am so going to hell….

  13. Rick Barton, after you linked to that execrable Dev2.0, your linking privileges are revoked.

  14. The 300+ abortion thread from yesterday is mostly dead, but a major late development in comments was “Chunk Pride” and the wearing of t-shirts by fat kids at the pool / waterpark.

    I just found this on the ONN linked page too. Awesome!

  15. Jonathan Hohensee | January 23, 2008, 11:17am | #

    Let me guess: The bell rang and you went home, right?

  16. Jeebus, Jonathan, if all this:

    for a period of a couple of months, I began to hear voices in my head (saying my name over and over), had wild paranoid delusions (the school was a breeding ground for some grand, master, plan), saw secret messages directed to me from the tv, and I’d clean all the time

    wouldn’t prompt you to get some help, what would?

  17. Jonathan Hohensee,

    Depending upon your age, that could have been an isolated incident, or it could mean that you were experiencing the first psychotic episode of a progressive schizophrenia…which usually does not develop until adulthood.

    Psychosis can also be associated with severe depression, severe stress, bipolar disorder, and anxiety disorders.

  18. Shem,

    Oh oh. I was afraid of that. May I redeem myself with…

    Rockwell – “Somebody’s Watching Me”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uu1RP34FLXU

    and…

    THOMPSON TWINS – “We Are Detective” (audio only)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDURiXC7gPY

  19. The video blows, like 80% of their standard fare.

  20. Depending upon your age, that could have been an isolated incident, or it could mean that you were experiencing the first psychotic episode of a progressive schizophrenia…which usually does not develop until adulthood.

    Psychosis can also be associated with severe depression, severe stress, bipolar disorder, and anxiety disorders.

    It happened when I was 11-12 years old, and I’m 22 years old now, so I figure that if it is going to come back it would had shown up by now. I have a couple of neurosis, but so debilitating that I can’t live a normal life like Bipolar or anxiety disorder (severe stress sounds about right; at the time I had an unhealthy home and school life)

  21. Jonathan H,

    It was likely a reaction to stress then, but…Schizophrenia usually develops/emerges in the 20-30 year-old range.

    Here is some reliable information:
    http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/schizophrenia/index.shtml
    http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/schizophrenia/complete-publication.shtml

    Not saying you need to worry…
    Just sharing some information.

  22. Neu Mejican,

    I’ve heard of em but never checked em out before. Not my nusical taste but not terrible for me like say, Korn or Elvis Presley. BTW, thanks for the schitz links.

  23. I forgive you Rick Barton. This time.

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