Fighting Terrorism with Volunteerism (at Gunpoint)

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Britain considers the John Edwards plan for moral betterment, social unity, and free labor:

Plans for every young person in Britain to enrol in a national volunteering scheme that could become compulsory are at the centre of a government report into improving social cohesion.

The possibility of mandatory community service is put forward today by Darra Singh, chair of the Commission on Integration and Cohesion, the body created by Tony Blair after the 7 July bombings in 2005 to promote more unity. It echoes the concept of National Service, which ended in 1960, that required all men between the ages of 18 and 26 to serve in the military for up to two years.

Via Rational Review.

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  1. My prediction: this idea will not be popular among H&R readers.

  2. Volunteerism just works better if it’s mandatory, every Army sergeant knows that!

  3. The good news, however, is that all the drafted volunteers will get attractive brown shirts to wear!

  4. My prediction: Dan T. will continue to be a trolling jack ass.

  5. In an article in today’s Observer, Singh also suggests that children taking GCSEs in citizenship should be asked to a special town hall ceremony after passing the exam, to instill in them the sense of what it is to be part of Britain.

    Because the only way to know how special it is to be British is to have someone fucking tell you.

  6. Because nothing promotes more unity like involuntary servitude.

  7. A SHORT LESSON IN THE MANNERISM AND MECHANISMS OF THOSE BEASTS WE CALL TROLLS;
    or, “A tale in which the heroes and heroines learn a valuable lesson”

    A troll, then, is much like an advertisement for aftershave or iced creams; it seeks attention. To give attention, then, is to give aftershave or iced creams life, animated via the currency in one’s wallet and the desire in one’s heart. A Troll, then, is a similar beast to aftershave or iced creams, in that it can only live when attention (in this case we can call it “emotional currency”) is poured upon him in a manner similar to the gentle Japanese art called ‘bukkake.’ This frothy shower of attention and vitrol gives the Troll a purpose in life, just as a healthy lather is worked up by mixing aftershave and warm water and lends that fine foam its own purpose. Though one might happily bring iced creams to a social event, much to the delight of women, children and men of a ‘certain character’ and shaving cream is to be found in the medicine-shelf of any man of good breeding and conscience (or any woman who suffers from the stubble-laden heritage of the Mediterranean), it is important to remember that we would not suffer either item to control the ebb and flow of our day. But these items should serve us, and never should we suffer otherwise.

    Remember This Always: We should no more suffer a Troll to influence the ebb and flow of social and intellectual discourse than we would allow our shaving cream to take liberties with the tooth-cleaning paste in a frothy display of vile lust and degredation.

  8. I really don’t understand. I’m unlikely to feel more unified with anyone who coerces my labor at gunpoint. Where do the warm fuzzy feelings come from?

  9. Possible beneficial unintended side-effect: This could hasten the end of the Monarchy.

    Who the hell wants to be enslaved in the service of some wretched old hag, her adulterous buffoon son and his horse-faced wife, and two douchebag playboy princes who get more vagina in an afternoon than the average bloke will see in a lifetime?

  10. The Edwards Youth is what it sounds like to me

  11. the Commission on Integration and Cohesion, the body created by Tony Blair after the 7 July bombings in 2005 to promote more unity

    The idea is already working–young Brits of all backgrounds are unified in thinking that the Commission is full of douchebags.

  12. These propositions are always put forward by people who are older than the draft age. It’s just like raising the drinking age, or the driving age. It’s easy for them to suggest, because they’re past the point where it matters.

    That being said, I’m always surprised when politicians propose these things. Young people tend not to vote, so you want to put forward a proposal that will probably get tons of them to single-issue vote against you?

    Of course, this is all beside the point that this is involuntary servitude, or, technically, slavery.


  13. Who the hell wants to be enslaved in the service of some wretched old hag, her adulterous buffoon son and his horse-faced wife, and two douchebag playboy princes who get more vagina in an afternoon than the average bloke will see in a lifetime?”

    Thank God for Yorktown.

  14. So what penalties would British teens face if they didn’t show up for their mandatory volunteer work, anyway? The article doesn’t say.

  15. Jennifer,
    20 hours community service?

  16. Jennifer,

    Perhaps failure to show up would require the delinquents to be put on trains to Unity Camps, where they can work and live together in perfect unity.

    For their safety, and the safety of the children.

  17. “Slaves cannot breathe in England: if their lungs receive our air, that moment they are free; They touch our country, and their shackles fall.”

    …oops, wrong century…

  18. P.S. Conveying sarcasm in text still proves challenging…

  19. I think a fun game to play on H&R would be to add “at gunpoint” to the end of selected sentences (similar to the “in bed” game).

    Then again, this appears to be a game that has been going on for a while here. At gunpoint.

  20. Remember, kids, if a foreign government forces it’s citizens into service, detains random folks indefinitely, eavesdrops and actively spies on its citizens and uses enhanced interrogation on suspects, it’s an evil tyrrany that requires liberal application of Allied bombs to impose democracy.

    If a communist government does this and creates a network of vassal states, they’re an Evil Empire worthy of derision.

    If the American or UK government does this, it’s merely promoting and imposing progressive democratic programs for the safety and betterment of society.

  21. Did I say Unity Camps? I meant Happy Camps!

  22. Am I the only one who thinks that “a national volunteering scheme” that has “Plans for every young person in Britain to enroll” is already pretty fucking compulsory?

  23. Am I the only one who thinks that “a national volunteering scheme” that has “Plans for every young person in Britain to enroll” is already pretty fucking compulsory?

    Nope. Somehow, that Orwellian use of language almost bothers me more than the program itself. Just fucking call it compulsory, instead of changing the meaning of “volunteer.”

  24. Possible beneficial unintended side-effect: This could hasten the end of the Monarchy.

    Why the monarchy? The PM’s Commission and Parliament came up with the proposal. Where’s Guy Faulks when you need him?

    Just fucking call it compulsory, instead of changing the meaning of “volunteer.”

    Over here in the U.S., of course, we have high school students “volunteering” for community service as a graduation requirement, and criminals “volunteering” for community service under threat of jail time.

  25. Over here in the U.S., of course, we have high school students “volunteering” for community service as a graduation requirement

    Rrrrrrgh. Don’t even get me started on that high-school-graduation mandatory-community-service bullshit.

  26. “Did I say Unity Camps? I meant Happy Camps!”

    It’s kind of like Tolerance Camp. There’s finger painting.

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