Put Your Hand Inside the Puppet Head

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The dudes at the now–inaptly named Wonkette link to a Washington Times story about how "Fire departments are using Homeland Security grants to buy gym equipment, sponsor puppet and clown shows, and turn first responders into fitness trainers":

The LAFS for Life program which received a $69,000 grant, partners with the Des Moines, Iowa, fire department to teach fire safety through puppet and clown shows. The Onalaska Fire Department in Wisconsin also has an $8,000 grant for clowns and puppet shows, and Grants Pass in Oregon will use a $22,000 grant to buy an educational robot.

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  1. Well, Julian, I guess that everything right is wrong again when it comes to spending.

    But that’s a can of worms, so don’t don’t don’t let’s start.

    (You aren’t the only TMBG geek here.)

  2. I’ve seen similar grants used for even more ludicrous things than this.

    A lot of insane spending occurs where your eyes don’t go.

  3. Gotta love any spending on Robots, even the educational ones.

    Fry: “I heard that Zap Brannigan single handedly defeated an army of killbots!”

    Bender: “That was a dark day for Robot-kind. Ah well, you can always build more killbots.”

  4. Beg pardon?

    …an educational robot?

    Isn’t that overkill?

    Whatever happened to opening a book?

    *sigh*…must be my meds…

  5. It just goes to prove that even though alienation’s for the rich, those fire departments are their own worst enemy — as well as a piece of dirt who are working undercover for the man — even though they’ll need a crane if, like a snowball in Hell, they want to stand on your own head for a change. But, now that we’re finished with lies, why must I be sad?

  6. Congress has lost complete sight of the national interest and governing and instead devolved into pork-bestowers who are constantly running for reelection.

  7. Bring back for-profit fire departments.

  8. Okay, let’s pretend for a moment that some individual wanted to put together a series of clown and puppet shows for a local festival. How would an enterprising individual, spending his own bankroll, go about procuring such services? Methinks he would first look in all of the likely places for cheap talent (craigslist would be a place to begin looking, I would think). No matter what the performance art, performers are always in greater supply than jobs, so the “curator” of such a show should be able to negotiate a more-than-fair price. Now, I admit that I’ve never put together a clown-and-puppet show or even hired a clown, but I refuse to believe that it can’t be done for under $8,000, even if you wanted performances in every elementary school in the area.

  9. …says Marc Short, Homeland Security spokesman. “Physical fitness is an individual responsibility.”

    I had to clean my glasses and read that line again.

  10. If I wasn’t shy I would participate in the TMBG dork-fest. I do want to thank Julian for pointing out what goes on where my eyes don’t go.

  11. Will the clowns have prosthetic foreheads on their real heads?

  12. Memo to myself: Do the dumb things I gotta do; touch the puppet head. Quit it! Ahhhhhh! I kick the rocks beneath me; I scream at the sun, “I got a piece of dirt in my fingertips and then got hit by a mink car!”

    Besides, why does the sun shine after a long tall weekend following an angel?

    Ahh well, I’ts back to skull for me. Forget it, I’m going to bed bed bed bed bed.

  13. I, for one, welcome our educational robot overlords.

  14. “Puppets and Clown Shows” would be a good name for a history of the last five years.

  15. The locals in Grant’s Pass are just going to run from that newfangled roboman. You’d think the Fire Department would realize that.

  16. As far as the gym equipment goes, is there some kind of problem with ensuring that firemen stay in shape?

  17. I’d just like to add that in Grants Pass, in a future time, children will work together to build a giant cyborg. Next there will be a robot parade with everyone waving the flags that the robots made. But it will be OK, because robots obey what the children say.

  18. What’s that blue thing doing here?

  19. I’d just like to add that in Grants Pass, in a future time, children will work together to build a giant cyborg. Next there will be a robot parade with everyone waving the flags that the robots made. But it will be OK, because robots obey what the children say.

    NOOOOOOOOO! What if that robot decides it has a mind of its own?

    There are some things that child scientists were not meant to know!

    You can’t play godchild!

  20. Come on and wreck my car!
    Yeah!
    Come on and wreck my car!

  21. I’m picturing a fire marshall watching as his crew stumbles from a blazing building full of children, crying that the fire is too intense for even the most hardened firefighter to handle. The fire marshall picks up his radio:
    “Send in the clowns.”

  22. Aren’t you the guy who hit me in the eye?

  23. Everything is catching, yes, everything is catching on fire. Now what will those fire departments do?

  24. Hey now everybody now hey now everybody hey now everybody now! But when they sing you can’t hear – there’s no air.

  25. But it’s no problem in a spacesuit since you can hear when the bells are ringing ~Then~ they hear the sound.

    But this is the worst part: they want to be an octofish.

  26. Put Your Hand Inside the Puppet Head

    From the title, I thought that this thread was about the neocons and Bush.

  27. fingertips.

  28. I go up to a town near Grants Pass each summer… Since I presume homeland security grants are federal, i.e. my money, I’m going to go up there, find the fire department, and demand to be educated by a robot!

  29. “to buy an educational robot.”

    Interesting euphemism for a Real Doll.

  30. I don’t know whether I’d rather be having a bottle of vinegar; I don’t know whether I’d rather be having an egg.

    I don’t know whether I’d rather be buying a fancy new robot or whether I’d rather be sponsoring spendy new puppet shows.

    I don’t know whether I’d rather be hiring some clowns, or blowing the cash on porn; ’cause I’m waiting for the bureaucrats to do the pork thing; dinner bell, dinner bell, ring!

  31. As far as the gym equipment goes, is there some kind of problem with ensuring that firemen stay in shape?

    Is there some kind of problem with paying for your local fire department with local tax money?

  32. I tend to think of the Department of Homeland Security itself as clown show.

  33. A woman came up to me and said I’d like to poison your mind with wrong ideas that appeal to you though I am not unkind. She looked at me, I looked at something written across her scalp. And these are the words that it faintly said as I tried to call for help:

    Homeland Security

  34. Hopeless bleak despair.

  35. My papa-san made a giant robot for me, and I use it to save people all the time!

  36. I once batch-edited a large mailing list, changing every occurrence of ‘Grants Pass’ to ‘Grass Pants’. Hey, the PO just needs a ZIP code, right?

    I still wonder if it ‘stuck’ in anyone’s mass-mail profile.

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