Stop Blaming, Canada

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From the cranky-hegemon files:

The U.S. ambassador to Canada, David Wilkins, interjected himself into a Canadian national election with an implicit but strong warning to Prime Minister Paul Martin to stop attacking the United States while on the campaign trail.

"I understand political expediency, but the last time I looked, the United States was not on the ballot for the Jan. 23 election," Wilkins said Tuesday in a speech in Ottawa. "It may be smart election-year politics to thump your chest and constantly criticize your friend and your No. 1 trading partner, but it is a slippery slope. And all of us should hope that it doesn't have a long-term impact on the relationship." […]

"Just think about this," Wilkins said. "What if one of your best friends criticized you directly and incorrectly, almost relentlessly? What if that friend's agenda was to highlight your perceived flaws while avoiding mentioning your successes? What if that friend demanded respect, but offered little in return?"

Whole thing here.

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  1. Normally I’d just say “Fuck Canada” but maybe we are to blame for tariffs we impose on their lumber. We should continue the metaphor and ask if we should keep telling our friend how good our business relationships is when we interfere with said business.

  2. … pass the freedom fries….

    les pommes frites des libertes…

  3. I don’t recall mention of our ambassadors doing this in the lead-ups to German and French elections a few years back. Why Canada?

  4. Personally, I like my hegemons angry. Keeps them interesting, that way.

  5. “I understand political expediency, but the last time I looked, the United States was not on the ballot for the Jan. 23 election,” Wilkins said Tuesday in a speech in Ottawa.

    Well, if the United States isn’t on the ballot, then I suppose there’s no need for public comment from an American official then.

    …Tell me, what does the Canadian ambassador to the U.S. think of the upcoming congressional elections?

  6. It’s all a plot:

    Welcome to the General Headquarters of the Campaign for Canadian World Domination. Your future tyrants are General Claire and General Jenny. The Generals are Canadians who are taking over the world and re-designing it to suit their aims. We will accomplish this goal by:
    • The systematic destruction and sublimation of all opposing the Canadian reign — and the polite, yet horrifically brutal, control of our future territories of conquest.
    • Infiltrating the USA and through a cleverly designed plan, destroying it, and using its resources for our own purposes.
    • Demonstrating to the world that Canada is the final and ultimate power.
    • Decontaminating the world of American influence.
    • Reorganizing a New World Society of Canucks to suit our kindly, peace-loving, and diabolical aims.
  7. ..Tell me, what does the Canadian ambassador to the U.S. think of the upcoming congressional elections?

    We don’t know. He’s been awfully quiet lately. Perhaps he’s been abducted by a UFO.

  8. I like my hegemons angry.

    Sounds painful. Isn’t there an ointment you can use?

  9. pot kettle black

  10. Can’t we all just get along, eh?

  11. Doesn’t Willins know that he’s only feeding the myth of Canadian relevance?

  12. Has the US always behaved like a sullen 14-year-old? We think we know everything, about everything. We’re going to need that oil they’ve got up there. If I was Canada I’d be all like “Dude, I’ve moved on. I’m with China now.”

  13. I’m going to start calling it freedom poutine.

  14. We’re going to need that oil they’ve got up there. If I was Canada I’d be all like “Dude, I’ve moved on. I’m with China now.”

    Well, then, perhaps we should invade Alberta. There’s plenty of oil, everyone there speaks English, and unlike the Iraqis, the Albertans would actually be grateful for being liberated.

  15. …Tell me, what does the Canadian ambassador to the U.S. think of the upcoming congressional elections?

    I’m not sure if he would care, because Congress doesn’t care about canada. Canada only cares about us.

  16. Why the comma in the title?

  17. Well, then, perhaps we should invade Alberta. There’s plenty of oil, everyone there speaks English, and unlike the Iraqis, the Albertans would actually be grateful for being liberated.

    What is it with the Canadian preoccupation with putting weeds on their flags?

  18. Relax – the Canucks are just trying to get some payback for Pat Buchanan’s “Soviet Canuckistan” line. To America’s credit, Canada had to get its Prime Minister involved in the act before we responded, whereas Los Yanquis were able to cause an uproar across the border simply by enlisting the efforts of a xenophobic never-was hack of a politico.

  19. jeez, Thoreau. man, that’s one messed up thread.

    Mr. Mannix: mercy…

  20. “Canada: Our big retarded cousin in the attic.”

    (Sincere apologies to the main citizens of Canada who are, in fact, fine and freedom-loving folks.)

    (Especially those in the western provinces, Alberta, British Columbia, etc.)

    (Also, we should stop with the anti-Canadian tariffs and stuff.)

  21. (Sincere apologies to the many citizens of Canada who are…

  22. VM-

    I think it was JDM (apologies if I’m wrong) who brought that thread to our attention.

  23. Mock the Canadians about UFOs if you will, but recall that American–Republican, one hastens to add–congressmen crowned the Reverend Moon king of America in the Senate office building.

  24. Er, meant to put Democrat congressmen. What’s the difference, again, though?

  25. They’re not pissed off about the lumber tariffs, they’re pissed off that the Nordiques and the Jets left. If we let one of their teams win the Cup this year, they’ll be happy again.

  26. I lived most my life on the North Coast. I grew up learning to think of Canada as the United States’ little brother. Always tagging along, trying to be just like us, all the while pouting and telling us how much they hate us, and also being easy to push around and laugh at for their incompetence in all manner of things.

    GWB has changed that perception for me. The peace loving ways of Canada have always held appeal, but (since I was way too young to draft in Vietnam) always seemed quaint and trifling. Their economy was always a joke, now it’s not so different from ours (same joke but no longer funny).

    I like to think that what’s really giving the ambassador the Hershey squirts is the thought of legal marijuana. It’s a fantasy I’ve been having for the past six months now. Canada legalizes pot, and the whole WOD comes crumbling down inside 18 months.

    Health Canada is of course the greatest threat to civilization? Well in the top ten anyway. I still think if we just allowed drug re-importation we’d put a stop to this socialized medicine nonsense.

    Well, no matter what, we still own the premier real-estate. Our latitudes are unparalleled eh.

  27. It’s all about the Tampa Bay Lightning being the Stanley Cup champions. Yep, that’s in Florida, where the only ice is found in our freezers. Heh.

  28. I wonder what these guys would say about it:

    https://www.reason.com/hitandrun/2002/11/us_should_invad.shtml

    Wow. A Hit & Run Alternate Universe.

    *tries to imagine thoreau with a goatee*

  29. case in point:

    Reason, and American blog, webzine, magazine, political action group…has t-shirts…they refuse to sell me said t-shirts.

    I think cananda could be right.

  30. okay. then how about a lascivious, ?berlecherous STEVENCRANE???

    bizarrocrane. it works.

    and stevo brightly or would it be stevo chirpy. yes. stevo chirpy. and you would be Spam Maddux. after the luncheon meat and the pitcher.

    it works.

  31. “their economy was always a joke”

    I dunno, they’ve got all kinds of natural resources that China/India/etc. are going to be gobbling up. We’re 5 years into a 20 year commodity bull market. Meanwhile the economy of the US appears to be based on government spending, debt, and flipping condos.

  32. Looking through the archives it seems that Jennifer used to be Jennifer A. (Abramowitz?) and I’m trying to remember if Steve Oliver became Mr. Darkly.

    And the pleasure of reliving Jean Bart …

    Did we win the election yet?

  33. And wasn’t the Moose formerly known as DRF? Or was that SPD?

  34. “I grew up learning to think of Canada as the United States’ little brother.”

    Nah. They’re more like the prom queen’s younger uglier jealous sister.

    They remind me of Janet from the Brady Bunch. Marsha Marsha Marsha!!!

    I have friends and relatives in Canada and every time they go on and on about how damn clean their public transportation is I just want to puke.

  35. Mock the Canadians about UFOs if you will, but recall that American–Republican, one hastens to add–congressmen crowned the Reverend Moon king of America in the Senate office building.

    Yeah, but he did that only after accidentally watching a large amount of Canadian television, and listening to Alanis Morissette- so… it’s not his fault.

  36. I’m trying to remember if Steve Oliver became Mr. Darkly.

    No, I was just plain “Stevo” at first, but there were so many Steves here I decided the handle needed further distinguishing. So I was “Stevo Threadkiller” for a while, because I always seemed to be the last person to post on a thread.

    That changed into “Stevo Darkly” as a result of a joke I can no longer recall. I think maybe joe suggested it.

    And “Viking Moose” used to be “drf.” Or maybe, sometimes still is. (He still looks the same.)

  37. They remind me of Janet from the Brady Bunch. Marsha Marsha Marsha!!!

    You mean “Jan.”

    “Canada: The ‘Jan’ of North America.” Kind of has a ring to it.

    And I guess Mexico would be the “Cindy.”

    No wait — make that “Alice.”

  38. Post in the O.T.:

    Oh, for those who think as highly of Ms. Morissette’s talent as I surely do, there’s the A.M. Lyric generator so you too, can write catchy canadian pop songs, too.

    http://www.brunching.com/alanislyrics.html

  39. “(Sincere apologies to the many citizens of Canada who are…”

    still alive?

  40. Moniker:

    yup – the moose is drf. i even posted as both.

    gary gunnels appears in early feb 2003.

    and here’s a goodie:

    >>By that logic, it’d be OK to invade Canada. (Hey, they’ve got oil, too!)

    Comment by: Ken at February 21, 2003 01:37 AM

  41. Now if we could just get the northeastern U.S. mayors to quit blaming all their crime problems on Texas gun shows…

  42. Of course running around blaming America probably won’t coverup ADSCAM and the insider trading mess that forced this election in the first place.

  43. Now if we could just get the northeastern U.S. mayors to quit blaming all their crime problems on Texas gun shows…

    That’ll be about as likely as getting Canadians to stop doing the same thing.

  44. “Canada: The ‘Jan’ of North America.” Kind of has a ring to it.

    Janada. Yeah, too obvious.

    I would really like to tell the Canadians what to do and how to live, but I am afraid it would be about 25 years before they got the message.

  45. A people that put mayonnaise on their french (or freedom, whatever) fries should not be heard to complain about anything. Be quiet Canada, or we’ll send Mike Myers back.

  46. Janada. Yeah, too obvious.

    Hey! Not so obvious — I didn’t think of that. I like it.

    “Janada” vs. “The United States of a Marcia.”

    “(Sincere apologies to the many citizens of Canada who are…” still alive?

    I apologize to the applicable dead ones too.

  47. …mayonnaise on their french (or freedom, whatever) fries…

    Mayonnaise? I remember vinegar but I never knew anyone who put mayonnaise on french fries. And anyway they’re chips.

  48. How embarrassing for David Wilkins to be the United States’ ambassador to diet-United States. Poor bastard. I bet the other ambassadors snicker behind his back at all the DC functions. It’s no wonder he’s taking it out on them.

  49. I thought Canadians put some kind of goopy stuff on their fries, like cheese and curry or gravy or something like that. It has a special name.

  50. Aha! I’m thinking of poutine.

  51. I want to try poutine, some day.

  52. The English and Canadians all put mayo on fries. I have seen it. I’ve also heard rumors that the Belgians do the same thing.

    However, this is no match for the grossness that was watching my Uruguayan choir director in church during high school put mayo on pancakes.

    My preferred fry topping is sausage gravy, or chocolate milkshake.

  53. I put haggis on my fries.

    Free Scotland!

  54. I want to try poutine, some day.

    Me too, actually.

    I’m pretty omnivorous, and there are only a few things I’ve tried that I will never touch again:

    1) Beef tongue.

    2) Pickled pigs feet. The tart, vinegary taste was good, but the gelatinous texture made me want to vomit.

    And I’m such a regular customer at the local sushi place that last night the manager gave me a free commemorative keychain, which looks like a realistic piece of sushi. It’s kind of creepy-looking, actually. (Oh, I found a

  55. It’s all about the Tampa Bay Lightning being the Stanley Cup champions. Yep, that’s in Florida, where the only ice is found in our freezers. Heh.

    You realize that Pinellas and Hillsboro counties are actually Canada’s southern most provinces. That’s not red tide you see on Bay Area beaches every winter. It’s thousands of sunburned Canuks.

  56. I meant to say I found a pic of that very keychain.

  57. Stevo, I’ve got it in for sea urchin. By Neptune, it was nasty.

  58. ralphus, the Canadians down here are but a drop in the bucket. We get invaded by everyone here–northerners, Asians, Canadians, Europeans, Muslim terrorists, you name it. I actually miss the days when most of our guests were Canadian. They’re polite, you know. Though I hear that they don’t tip at the same rate that we do. Okay by me, I’ve never served food for a living, but I’ve heard complaints.

  59. Pro,

    The tipping thing is true. I had buddies that waited down on Clearwater Beach. They said it was frustrating because the Canuks were so polite and friendly that they always thought a fat tip was in the cards. Nope. Just a Loony and a smile. I guess when you pay Canadian taxes you figure you already tipped your waiter with your last paycheck. Plus, putting 15% on top of 10% GST probably stings a bit.

    However, working retail in Clearwater taught me that politeness is not universal among Canadians. I would rather deal with an angry New Yorker any day over a French Canadian.

    Does every hotel on Indian Rocks Beach still fly the Maple Leaf?

  60. Why is the U.S. ambassador to Canada even mentioning this? Who cares if Canada is talking shit, what else is new?

    The Canadian government is always going to have a problem with us. When I met Canadian citizens they were actually really nice to me, I never had a problem with them. I think that the P.M. is just trying to get a few more votes by talking down to the U.S. government.

  61. You still see lots of Maple Leaf flags down here, though I’d say more so in Pinellas than in Hillsborough.

    In all seriousness, I like Canadians. They’re so much like us (and a small part of that is us being like them), that it’s hard not to. I don’t blame them for wanting to have their own identity, but the fact remains that we’re two sides of the same culture. They’ve stood by us when it’s counted, and you occasionally even hear them loudly proclaim our friendship, most famously the broadcast by Gordon Sinclair. And they give us great comedy and beer, too.

  62. I’ve always looked at Canada’s rivalry with us as every other team’s (except Boston’s) rivalry with the New York Yankees. Big deal to them. Not that big a deal to the Yankees.

  63. “I’ve always looked at Canada’s rivalry with us as every other team’s (except Boston’s) rivalry with the New York Yankees. Big deal to them. Not that big a deal to the Yankees.”

    Yes exactly. Being from Chicago, I’d say they’re like White Sox fans. They’re not as popular here as the Cubs so they kind of hate the Cubs a tad bit more then Cubs dislike the Sox.

    As far as the tipping thing goes, isn’t that the case with almost all Europeans as well? I had a girlfriend who was a waitress at an uppity restaurant and Euro’s were her worst tippers.

  64. How embarrassing for David Wilkins to be the United States’ ambassador to diet-United States. Poor bastard.

    Yeah, what he said. And I hear that’s how the CIA punishes its wayward analysts… they put them on “The Canada Desk”.

    Oh, and I prefer to think of Canada as the “Atkins Friendly U.S.” Any of y’all ever had ‘low carb’ bread? ‘Nuff said.

  65. emme,
    Does that mean we have to worry that the Canucks are on the road to being a superpower? (White Sox win World Series = Canada overtakes US?)

  66. “Does that mean we have to worry that the Canucks are on the road to being a superpower? (White Sox win World Series = Canada overtakes US?) ”

    Possibli.

  67. I like Canadians too, really.

    They’ve stood by us when it’s counted, and you occasionally even hear them loudly proclaim our friendship, most famously the broadcast by Gordon Sinclair.

    Totally OT, but via free association — who the hell is Tony Sinclair, the guy in the Tanqueray commercials now? What is he famous for?

    Also, about 10 years ago, I saw this soft-porn video that was structured as a “host” presenting a series of video clips of various actresses. And the host introduced himself as, “Hello, I’m Tony Sinclair.” With an English accent, but white. Now I wonder if this was some kind of spoof that went over my head.

  68. How pitiful that the US ambassador to Canada is so whiney.

    I would love to hear him (or Bush) say:
    It is official US policy to support the Albertan separatist movement. If necessary, the US armed forces will defend the right of Alberta to self determination.

    (This would be said on April 1. On April 2 we would issue a press release claiming it was an April fool’s joke.)

  69. I want to try poutine, some day.

    The closest place to gamble my money away is Niagara, and every time I cross the border, I have poutine for at least two meals. God that stuff is great.

  70. Hey, mayo on fries is pretty good! You oughta try it sometime.

    I lived in Canada for a while. For Canadians, it’s an article of faith that no matter how bad things are Up North, they’re always worse in the States.

    And the little brother/ugly sister analogy is apt. Canadians can’t figure out why the US is so wealthy and powerful when Canada is clearly superior in every way.

  71. Good to see we’re still bullying our northerly neighbor.

    Good job boys!

  72. It doesn’t actually make any difference to us Canadians where the Stanley Cup champions are based, since every team in the league is staffed primarily by Canadians, all busily sending their salaries home to Mom in Saskatchewan.

    Cheers, eh!

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