Mousepox, anthrax, and plague—Oh my!

Add to the things New Orleans has to worry about -- various research labs in and around the city that worked with very nasty germs. Is this thing turning into a straight-to-video horror show or what? So what are we thinking, fast zombies or slow zombies?

Comments

[independent worm]

Wasn't Hatfill, the suspected anthrax dude, a former LSU prof, or somehow affiliated with LSU?

[Umbriel]

It's still the Big Easy... They'd have to be sloooow, laid back zombies.

... then BAM!

[JAT]

ooh, I'd forgotten that one.......LSU fired him in '02 after the FBI and Ashcroft crawled all over him......

[Blue]

Someone better warn the animal rescue folks. I don't think they usually go in armed.

[Brian]

Can zombies swim? Sounds like something from Cities of the Red Night down there.

[Jeff P.]

I believe this is how Swamp Thing began.

[joe]

This is the South.

Slow zombies.

Now if this was Boston, the zombies would run you down before you could cross the street, while talking to other zombies on their cell phones, and flipping the bird at a zombie cabbie.

[Jeff P.]

Just in case no one has seen this, here's an interesting piece on the concept of contemporary cities in ruin in science fiction.

[Akira MacKenzie]

I always thought the whole zombie holocaust thing was oddly appropos for New Orleans, what with the whole Voodun thing. A friend e-mailed me a linkn to web cam set up in downtown NA after the storm and I watched a few minutes of it. Wind damaged buildings. Deserted streets. Nothing moving at all. Creepy. I kept expecting to see the hoardes of half-rotten undead shambling down the street any second.

Oh well, nothing for it but to load up your boomstick and gas up the chainsaw. HAIL TO THE KING, BABY!

[ATR]

The zombies will most definitely be slow zombies, but they will be of the "Night of the Living Dead" variety. They will look stoned out of their minds and thus vaguely unthreatening. And then they will eat your brains, because they have the munchies

[ATR]

The zombies will most definitely be slow zombies, but they will be of the "Night of the Living Dead" variety. They will look stoned out of their minds and thus vaguely unthreatening. And then they will eat your brains, because they have the munchies

[Cedarburg]

"Now if this was Boston, the zombies would run you down before you could cross the street, while talking to other zombies on their cell phones, and flipping the bird at a zombie cabbie."

But they'd be provincial zombies who wouldn't stray outside of 128 unless they were going to the Cape, so the damage would be contained. 🙂

Yeah, those animal rescue folks better look out for The Rage.

[Cedarburg]

"Now if this was Boston, the zombies would run you down before you could cross the street, while talking to other zombies on their cell phones, and flipping the bird at a zombie cabbie."

But they'd be provincial zombies who wouldn't stray outside of 128 unless they were going to the Cape, so the damage would be contained. 🙂

Yeah, those animal rescue folks better look out for The Rage.

[Cedarburg]

The Rage!

[John]

This reminds me of what a pathetic bunch Al Quada has become. If Osama is not dead, he might as well be. If I am a terrorist, I can't imagine not doing something, anything, within the U.S. this last week. Even if its the odd suicide bomber or lone gunman in the New York Subway. With all of the nation's attention focused on the gulf coast even a small terrorist attack would terrorized the hell out of people. Yet, they haven't managed one thing.

[Jennifer]

Assuming such dangerous germs have been accidentally released, would they even be able to survive in the toxic soup down there?

[thoreau]

In Los Angeles the zombies would be tan and laid back.

[thoreau]

I agree with John.

[Shelby]

I agree with thoreau.

[joe]

In New Hampshire, the zombies just stand there, unless you step onto their property. Then they eat you.

In Washington DC, the zombies are always looking over your shoulder while they gnaw on your skill, to see if there's someone more important they can eat in the room.

[smacky]

I agree with Shelby.

[agentalbert]

In Romero's "Day of the Dead", the zombies traverse a moat by simply walking along the bottom. No breathing necessary!

New Orleans could be the perfect setting for the next Resident Evil video game/movie.

[Cedarburg]

In Wisconsin, the zombies would only eat Bears fans.

[Mike]

This reminds me of what a pathetic bunch Al Quada has become.

That's because they were never the arch-villians we painted them as. Osama doesn't now, and never has, sat in his bunker twirling his mustache waiting for an opening. Just because we've been taught to live in fear for four years, doesn't mean the enemy ever warranted that fear.

Osama is the post-millenial Crack: a bad thing, that has done terrible damage, but only a serious threat to our society if we allow our fear to get the better of us.

[*]

I agree

[wellfellow]

In Detroit the zombies either shoot you or shoot you.

[Tim Cavanaugh]

Slow zombies, always slow zombies. Fast zombies are from hunger-not scary, not funny, and useless as metaphors for anything. And worst of all, they don't deliver the gore! Compare the tame levels of gut munching in the Dawn of the Dead remake with the luxurious feast in the original. The only useful thing about fast zombies is that they allow no-talent directors to cheat the angles. Anybody who thinks they're scarier because "they can get you" would lose a think-off with Bub from Day of the Dead.

That having been said, New Orleans was the setting for a legendary disease-outbreak film: Elia Kazan's 1950 Panic In the Streets, which features a lot of great location work and a noirish view of Big Easy corruption.

[Yakov Smirnoff]

In Soviet Russia, you eat zombie!

[butterbarrel]

In Seattle zombies pay $10.50 for a tall skinny brain latte

[Timothy]

City full of zombies, eh? Nothing my 10th-level cleric of Pelor can't handle!

[/uberdork]

[Chrisd]

In Portland, the Zombies are all vegan.

[Phil]

In answer to the question, "Can zombies swim?" the answer is, "Yes, yes they can." (Scroll to second picture.)

[Tom Crick]

"Is this thing turning into a straight-to-video horror show or what?"

I'm thinkin' they're slow zombies...

...and I'm thinkin' the disease turns the zombies back into Soccer Moms.

[Portlander]

In Portland, the Zombies are all vegan.

Not only that, but the county will hire English-to-Grunt translators and the city council will consider making zombie food a public utility.

[Eddy]

In New Jersey zombies are soccer moms.

"Mmmm, zombies" - Homer

[Timothy]

Not only that, but the county will hire English-to-Grunt translators and the city council will consider making zombie food a public utility.

And METRO will try to decide whether or not to expand the urban growth boundary to take into account the need for new zombie dwellings.

[JDM]

"And METRO will try to decide whether or not to expand the urban growth boundary to take into account the need for new zombie dwellings."

In the end they won't, and all the zombies will move to Vancouver, WA.

The Seattle zombies will, of course, order their lattes while peering thourgh skinny glasses and wearing large sweaters.

[vee]

>Can zombies swim? Sounds like something from Cities of the Red Night down there.

As demonstrated in Land of the Dead, since zombies are already dead and not in need of oxygen, they just walk under water.

[Stevo Darkly]

In St. Louis, all the zombies would be standing in an extremely long line at Ted Drewes Frozen Custard on Chippewa, where the most popular item would be the "Braincrete."

Also, I agree with smacky.

[Stevo Darkly]

In Tokyo, if you asked the zombies not to eat your brain, they would say, "We will try, but that may be difficult." Then they would eat your brain anyway. But they would be consider it rude to refuse your request directly.

In New Orleans, I think chick zombies would flash for brains.

[Brett]

The north Dallas zombie has had face and boob work done, drives a rented BMW and goes to Stars games to be seen.

[Stevo Darkly]

Wasn't Hatfill, the suspected anthrax dude, a former LSU prof, or somehow affiliated with LSU?

You are thinking of Hatfield, and he was a Metallica dude, not an Anthrax dude.

In lieu of a Friday Fun Link:

http://www.beatallica.org/
(see "music" page for downloads)

[Ruthless]

Excuse me on my way to the bed, but has anyone hexed themselves 'bout athelete's tootsie, what with all the moistness and all?

Stevo,
Kindly stand in for moi until tomorrow eve.

[Ayn_Randian]

The Ohio zombie will attempt to grow brains, and rotate the various fields of flesh to get the best results.

Zombie Browns fans won't exhibit any noticeable difference.

Zombie Bengals fans will moan "this is the year" over and over, and therefore not be ay different from the average citizen of Cincinnasty.

[Ayn_Randian]

Addendum: Columbus zombies will only eat the flesh from Michganders while mercilessly droning "Hang On Sloopy".

[mediageek]

All this posting about zombies, and not one link to Max Brooks' guide to beating a zombie apocolypse (Zombocolypse?)
The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead

[Legate Damar]

Returning to Portland, I'd like to point out that you'd better be outrunning the zombies with a full tank of gas, because it's unlikely that the fueling attendants will not be zombified fairly early on in the apocalypse, and FSM forbid you pump your *own* gas.

Also, I agree with Stevo.

[Stevo Darkly]

Now, if we can only get John to agree with Legate Damar, we would have a perfect daisy chain.

("Daisy chain" isn't a naughty expression, is it?)