Wouldn't Change If They Could

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As Reason's resident devotee of redneck cinema, I'm obliged to pass along this important announcement:

A former star of the "The Dukes of Hazzard" TV
show is urging fans to skip the forthcoming movie version, calling it
"a sleazy insult."

Ben Jones, a former Georgia congressman who played the wisecracking mechanic Cooter on the popular series from 1979 to 1985, said profanity and sexual content in the film make a mockery of the family-friendly show.

"Basically, they trashed our show," said Jones, who read a script of the Warner Brothers movie, which is scheduled to be released next month. "It's one thing to do whatever movie they want to do, but to take a classic family show and do that is like taking 'I Love Lucy' and making her a crackhead or something."

Strong words for a guy called Cooter. Footnote: In the long-lost days of 1980, when "Another Brick in the Wall" emanated from every radio and cassette deck in America, me and my dumbass friends persistently misheard the phrase "dark sarcasm in the classroom" as "Dukes of Hazzard in the classroom." We were nine. It was the south. At the time, it seemed to make sense.

NEXT: Have a Sadistic Bastille Day!

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  1. It has also been misheard as "No duck's orgasm in the classroom."

    (By my parents. They demanded an explanation of what the song was about.)

  2. Here comes the flag debate.

  3. Call me a literalist, but I always found that song somewhat perplexing...by stating "We don't need no education" they were demonstrating that, at the very least, they required a bit more training in grammar. Or was it an ironic joke I failed to understand?

    On the other hand, I definitely see the humorous twist in elevating "The Dukes of Hazard" to the level of high-brow, moral entertainment. People watched that show for the car and Daisy's shorts, because there wasn't anything else to it. Hogan's Heroes had deeper and more complicated plots.

  4. Perhaps he is just upset that there is no big name star playing Cooter.

  5. Jesse Walker,
    As Johnny Carson would say, "I did not know that."
    What I didn't know was that you are the designated Reasonoid Red Neck cinema avatar.

    This will be my last post in this thread as Ma and Pa Kettle were my last heroes of aforementioned venue.
    For some reason, when Ma raised one corner of her heavily upholstered chair and banged it down to get the radio playing right, it resonated with me. Still does.

  6. Did Celebrity Deathmatch ever set Ben "Cooter" Jones against Fred "Gopher" Grandy?

    I know that everytime I saw Catherine Bach walk around in her Daisy Dukes and one of those shirts tied up so as to bare her midriff, all I could think about were Family Values. Right.

    Kevin

  7. Call me a literalist, but I always found that song somewhat perplexing...by stating "We don't need no education" they were demonstrating that, at the very least, they required a bit more training in grammar. Or was it an ironic joke I failed to understand?

    Yes.

    PS: You're a literalist. 🙂

  8. Damn. I never could quite get the hang of irony. And Thursdays.

  9. In the French version of "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban," the rat Scabbers is named Cooter. If he wants to complain, he should complain about that.

  10. So, that's not what they were singing in that song?

    Paul

  11. FWIW, we thought it was "no dogs or cats are in the classroom." We were 11, in our case, in the mid atlantic.

    At the risk of ... something, is that really any worse than "no dark sarcasm"? What does that really mean, anyway? The way they're portraying English schools you'd think there'd be plenty of dark sarcasm in those rooms. Or was there so much of it that Pink Floyd were calling for a ban on it? Are they saying there wasn't any, or that they didn't want it there anymore? Hard to say.

    At least "dogs or cats" makes sense -- after all, its common knowledge you can't bring dogs or cats to school.

  12. Ruthless,

    I'm a-gonna have to fix that, one of these days.

  13. I hope Reason's resident devotee of Redneck Cinema has picked up the recent DVD releases of the Peter Fonda classics "Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry" and "Race with the Devil." Otherwise, I shall have to revoke his Redneck Cinema Devotee membership card.

    God save the drive-in!

  14. There's a much better reason to skip the Dukes of Hazzard movie than what Cooter brought up: They picked the wrong woman to play Daisy.

    Jessica Simpson doesn't have the ass to fill them cutoffs properly, whoever picked her needs a new prescription on those glasses if they're confusing T with A...

  15. What I always thought (or hoped, I guess) was that "we don't need not education" meant "we don't need no state education." Wishful libertarian thinking perhaps.

  16. b-psycho:

    not only is Jessica Simpson wrong for the Daisy Duke part for the reason you cite, but also Daisy Duke was actually smart (probably smarter than her cousins) I don't know about Catherine Bach's IQ, but it's quite obvious that Jessica Simpson is dumb as a post (and at the same time, not especially attractive)

    (yes, I probably know too much about the Dukes of Hazzard. I've said too much already)

  17. Jessica Simpson is a good example of the phenomenon whereby there exists an agreed-upon social fiction that a woman is stunningly attractive but she's really rather mediocre looking. Not pugfugly or anything but nothing special. Julia Roberts is a prime example of this. Dumb as a box of hair too.

    If there's ever been a more libertarian show on TV than Dukes of Hazzard I haven't seen it. The State as Boss Hogg and Roscoe P. Coltrane.

  18. independent worm --

    They were saying, "We don't need ... no [that is, any] dark sarcasm in the classroom." "Dark" meaning "evil, mean-spirited, cruel," not playful banter.
    -----------------

    Jessica Simpson is a good example of the phenomenon whereby there exists an agreed-upon social fiction that a woman is stunningly attractive but she's really rather mediocre looking. Not pugfugly or anything but nothing special. Julia Roberts is a prime example of this. Dumb as a box of hair too.

    Actually, I think what they've got going for them is that they're cute. Barbara Bach ... or Catherine Bach ... or Raquel Welch ... or Ursula Andress (yes, I'm a student of the classics) ... or Tawny Kitaen (esp. in the 1980s White Snake video) ... are hot, but also intimidating in a way that Jessica Simpson or Julia Roberts or Sandra Bullock are not.

  19. "If there's ever been a more libertarian show on TV than Dukes of Hazzard I haven't seen it."

    But surely the inadequacy of law enforcement was a running theme in so many shows -- The A-Team, say, or Knight Rider ("The Foundation for Law and Justice"? NGO or private army?), both mentioned on this board in the past few days.

    Corporate-type crime was mostly handled by MacGuyver, if I recall correctly.

    Anon

  20. there exists an agreed-upon social fiction that a woman is stunningly attractive but she's really rather mediocre looking.

    Pamela Anderson (Lee)

  21. They were saying, "We don't need ... no [that is, any] dark sarcasm in the classroom." "Dark" meaning "evil, mean-spirited, cruel," not playful banter.

    Stevo Darkly,

    your input regarding this is appreciated. however, i must say that I do not feel as yet clarified on the point. For one, you state the lyrics as "we don't need no dark sarcasm in the classroom". While I appreciate that your username implies with it a certain expertise regarding that which is dark (or darkly 🙂 ) i cannot help but point out that the lyric is not "WE DON'T NEED" no dark sarcasm, but rather it is "NO DARK SARCASM", which ambiguously suggests either that there is an absence of such sarcasm, or that they are calling for such an absence (and this might come down to punctuation; if the sentence ends with a period or comma, it would suggest an absence; whereas if the sentence ends with an exclamation point it would suggest a call for a ban).

    I believe your interpretation falls into the "ban" category, and I cannot say that is wrong. After all, I remain befuddled as to Pink Floyd's intent here. But i'm just saying that I'm not convinced you've settled the issue for me.

    and for that matter, what of "official lyrics" anyway? Hell, for all i know, my original "no dogs or cats are in the classroom" theory just might be right; and as i said earlier, it does carry with it the commonsense notion that dogs and cats are not, in fact, allowed in classrooms.

    so maybe, just maybe, my 11 year old self was right after all, and my 36 year old self has simply become too damn confused by the many shades of gray in this world to make sense of it all anymore.

    /pours another glass of wine and awaits.... stuff

  22. I think the key to interpreting the lyric in question is to realize that on "No dark sarcasm in the classroom," Floyd switches narrative voices, in a clear allusion to Faulkner's As I Lay Dying. Juxtaposed between the first-person declarative "We don't need no thought control" and the imperative "Teacher, leave them kids alone," lies a rejoinder from aforementioned teachers: "No dark sarcasm in the classroom!" The dark sarcasm exhibited in the first two lines of the chorus is rebuked by its targets. Further evidence that Pink Floyd should have taught my 10th grade English class.

  23. ... and to add to the point about my confusion, why wouldn't the members of Pink Floyd want "dark sarcasm in the classroom"? They put out "Dark Side" of the Moon after all. And were not "Welcome to the Machine" and "Have a Cigar" and "Money" not themselves "dark sarcasms" about the record industry? For that matter, wasn't The Wall full of dark sarcasms of one kind or another? How can we be sure they weren't complaining about the lack of dark sarcasm in the classroom from which to feed their artistic influences?

    full disclosure: i am in fact, engaging in the time honored practice of drunken posting. However, be that as it may, I do not disclaim any humor i might impart unintentionally (although as we all know, that IS the best kind 🙂 ).

  24. anonymo,

    that's what i'm talking about! (my inability to close out on italics notwithstanding). That's one of the things that haunts me to this day: how can we be sure Pink Floyd didn't switch narrative voices? If I could have thought of a way to say that, I would have. Alas, I am far removed from the days where such a way of putting things might have leapt readily to mind.

  25. and there i go again with the inability to close out the fucking italics....

  26. BTW FWIW: It's "Dark Sarcasms", plural.
    Sarcasms as in, "The laddy fancies himself a poet", for example. It's an indictment of sadistic teachers.

  27. IW, there are two ways to read the line, but both mean the same thing. One way to read it - the correct one, IMO - is that dark sarcasm is third on the list of things we don't need none of, the other two being education and thought control. The other is to read the dark sarcasm line in a vacuum, in which case it is grammatically identical to "no smoking in the building," which everyone will interpret as a prohibition on a smoking in the building, not an idle observation f the fact that "gee, have you ever noticed that nobody ever smokes in this here building?"

  28. Dark Sarcasm,
    Pink floyd is saying that they have had enough of mean dark sarcastic teachers picking on their students. That should be clear enough.

    Attractive movie stars.
    Jessica Simpson, Natalie Portman, and sandra bullock are attractive in a girl next door kind of way.

    Pamela Anderson is not especially attractive either, but she exudes a sexuality. Also she is traditionally good at makeup and camera angles.

    Julia Roberts is not attractive in any way.

  29. It has also been misheard as "No duck's orgasm in the classroom." (By my parents. They demanded an explanation of what the song was about.)

    No offense, but this is an example of the stupidity of people. Yeah, I understand that this was the time of Ozzy and such, but really, Duck's Orgasm? Shouldn't a person say "Wait a minute, that seems pretty stupid, maybe that's not right."

    Much like my aunt refusing to let her sons listen to "Blinded by the light" as she was she that there were douches being wrapped up everywhere.

  30. Ditto on Julia, Pam and Jessica. I never knew what the big deal was with Suzanne Sommers back in the day either.
    The first movie crush I ever had was on that girl from "Real Genius" with the bangs. I never saw her in another movie.

    "Dark sarcasm" is the preferred mode of communication between libertarians.

  31. Re: Dark Sarcasm

    It helps to listen to the first lyrics of the song ot establish context to the refrain, i.e. the immediate song prior, "The Happiest Days of Our Lives":

    When we grew up and went to school
    There were certain teachers who would
    Hurt the children in any way they could

    By pouring their derision
    Upon anything we did
    And exposing every weakness
    However carefully hidden by the kids
    But in the town, it was well known
    When they got home at night, their fat and
    Psychopathic wives would thrash them
    Within inches of their lives.

    Enter into "Brick in the Wall" and refrain.

    http://www.pink-floyd-lyrics.com/html/the-happiest-days-wall-lyrics.html

  32. I thought it was "No Darkstar Chasms," either referencing the low budget science fiction comedy from a few years prior, or just being another case of Roger Waters writing a nonsensical line in an attempt to sound like Jon Anderson.

  33. Yeah, I, too, am kinda lost on the Simpsons and Spears of the world. To me, they both look totally plastic, with large, vacant eyes. What's so fucking sexy about that?

    And Pink Floyd.. well I simply have to weigh in.. pretty much any worthwhile Floyd song has Roger Waters airing out his personal demons. In "Another Brick in the Wall (part 2)", Waters is recounting his "horrific experiences" in grammar school, where a particular school master humiliated him for writing poetry during his lectures.

    In real life, however, Waters recanted a little, and admitted that things weren't really "that bad" in school, thus accepting some responsibility for his behavior (on another tangent, as a youth, Waters was the head of some civilian youth military-type unit, and he was such an asshole that the other kids banded together and gave him a blanket party).

  34. The Wall is an awful album.

    Having never watched Dukes of Hazzard, I have only one memory concerning it. 1980. My folks were out, and my girlfriend and I were lying on my living room floor watching The Girl, The Gold Watch, and Everything, and it had just gotten to the point where Pam Dawber effectively rapes Robert Hayes in a case of mistaken identity. This turns my girlfriend on, and when the show goes to commercial she pounces on me. Just then my younger brother walks in with a huge bowl of popcorn and says "I wanna watch Dukes of Hazzard!" This cracks my girlfriend up, and the moment is gone.
    I've sworn a blood-hatred of Dukes ever since...

  35. Ha! My friend is a neighbor of Ben Jones, who just closed his Dukes-themed grill in Sperryville, VA, after some very successful Dukes festivals. Perhaps he's upset because they started asserting IP rights to the appearance of the General Lee replica he brought out every day?

    Jesse, you and I have surprisingly similar backgrounds. Now, can you do an essay on Webb Wilder's Corn Flicks?

  36. Waitaminit.

    Did he say they "made a mockery" of the Dukes of Freakin' Hazzard?! How is that even possible?

  37. The Dukes didn't just question the competence of law enforcement, but the necessity of government itself. Maybe they were anarchists.

    The Wall was everywhere and inescapable for a while there in the late 70s into the early 80s and I hated it. I thought it was boring and humorless.

    I thought it was "Darkstar chasms" too.

  38. When will Hollywood wise up and start putting quality stories with compelling writing and fully developed characters back on the big screen? You know - Like BJ and the Bear.

  39. I just realized that referencing Darkstar and Girl, Gold Watch and Everything in a Dukes of Hazzard thread makes me the biggest geek ever. Give me a few minutes and I'll try to get The Starlost, Gemini Man, Space Academy, and Ark II worked into the conversation.

  40. BJ and the Bear paled next to BJ and the Seven Lady Truckers. I have yet to figure out why surplanting a monkey with seven buxom things was so appealling...
    The greatest trucking show ever was Glen Larson's The Highwayman, starring Sam Jones and Jacko (the freakishly large Australian known for the Eveready ads in the 80s)

  41. "Duck's orgasm in the classroom"...now my coworkers are wondering why I just burst out laughing.

    And Jesse- I didn't realize you were from the South. I forgive you...I guess.

  42. People.. forget about all the overhype of "The Wall" and "Darkside of the Moon". Have a really good listen to "Wish You Were Here" or even "Meddle".. for the true Floyd experience.

    "Animals", too..

    Okay, I'll shut up..

  43. Number 6:

    I always wanted to ask you, dude. Why DID you resign?

  44. Animals is the only Floyd album I can listen to all the way through without shuttling forward minutes at a time.
    For the best Floyd experience, listen to early Porcupine Tree. Sky Moves Sideways and Voyage 34.

  45. If Dukes does well at the boxoffice, will a Ennis spin off movie be far behind?

    Maybe he could join the FBI, move to the city and write home to Daisy about his adventures.

    It can't miss.

  46. Actually, the best Pink Floyd album is Piper at the Gates of Dawn. The band was better before Roger Waters took over.

    Dukes of Hazzard may be a dumb show, but it had the best theme song ever. Only Quincy Jones' music for Sanford and Son and the original Bill Cosby Show come close.

    Jessica Simpson has one of those wax-robot faces that scream "I came off an assembly line," but I appreciate the fact that she hasn't succumbed to Hollywood's institutional anorexya.

    Franklin: They're in my Netflix queue, OK?

    Number 6: I grew up in North Carolina, though I was actually born in Boston. My father's side of the family comes from Nashville; my mom's side left Eastern Europe for the American northeast. Someday I'll write a memoir called Call Me Jewneck.

  47. Mr. Nice Guy- It was matter of concience.

  48. Good lord, Jesse, you truly are an American mongrel. Which is a good thing. I lived in NC for a while, and I'm not sure I'd call it the South. Depends where in the state you are, I guess.

    For the cover of your memoir, I suggest a picture of you leaning against a pickup with a Dale Earnhardt sticker in one window and star of David in the other. In one hand, a Budweiser, in the other, a Matzo ball.

  49. I like that image, but the truth is I just came out doubly assimilated.

    My hometown was Chapel Hill, which isn't all that southern. But the Dukes of Hazzard/Pink Floyd mixup took place at summer camp, which was very southern.

  50. Jessica Simpson has one of those wax-robot faces that scream "I came off an assembly line," but I appreciate the fact that she hasn't succumbed to Hollywood's institutional anorexya.

    She actually did early on in her career when she was trying to compete with Brittney and the other robo-blondes. She and her family were smart enough to figure out what was happening and got her back on a "normal" (relative term) path. Of course now that she's big, she's getting smaller again.

  51. As far as Floyd goes, it's interesting that there are Barrett purists, Waters purists, and those who are just peachy with the Gilmore incarnation.

    But I'll throw in yet another Friday subjective arguement.. Barrett was a total flake that burned out way too quickly. He allowed himself to be totally consumed by the self-indulgent rock and roll fantasy, and subjected his fans to it. I mean, who really is interested in listening to an hour-long, acid-drenched guitar solo with some nut rolling marbles down his guitar strings? Waters, though a total asshole, saved the band. Otherwise, they all would've sunk with Barrett's mental breakdown.

    "Piper" has a solid following.. but really, albums such as "Meddle", "Wish You Were Here", etc.. are solid, authentic masterpieces that will forever endure.

    And question to the gallery.. does anyone know what songs Floyd did for that G8 thing? I'm really curious.

  52. A couple weeks ago, I saw that TNN was replaying Dukes reruns. Mwah ha ha! So, I set up a DVR search timer to record any Dukes events that came on. Turns out, TNN is the only one that replays them. Oh well, still turned out to be an episode a day. All's well, right? Heh, until I started watching them, and it turns out the they're in the midst of the terrible "New Dukes" era, where Bo and Luke went to the NASCAR circuit, and were replaced by their cousins. Ugh. Talk about gratuitous shirtless scenes! I doubt Byron Cherry ever actually wore a shirt...

    If Cooter wants to speak out, he should denounce that dark era in Dukes history as well.

  53. Chalk one up for the Gilmour camp. Waters and Barret were both talented, but self-indulgent.

  54. "A couple weeks ago, I saw that TNN was replaying Dukes reruns."

    I thought CMT was the only channel replaying them? I've watched a few episodes lately, but the show was a lot more fun to watch when I was 12.

  55. Not that it's relevant to anything, but my parents rarely forbade me to watch or read anything. The Dukes were an exception. My father didn't allow that show to be on in the house not because anything in it was immoral and offensive, but because it was stupid. Of course, this meant that I simply waited until summer, when I would visit my grandparents for several weeks, to catch up.

  56. I, too. prefer the Gilmour-fronted stuff, if for no other reason than he got Tony Levin on bass.
    Also, Stephen Hawking's voice on Keep Talking is cool.
    Piper's a good album, though.
    On thw whole, I find that bands going for the Floyd sound manage to out-do Floyd pretty consistantly. Anathema, Opeth, and Riverside have all released excellent Floyd albums.

  57. I mean, who really is interested in listening to an hour-long, acid-drenched guitar solo with some nut rolling marbles down his guitar strings?

    The endless jams don't interest me, but the short, whimsical songs like "Bike" are great.

  58. I'd say Dukes comes in third in in best theme song ever. Sanford and Son comes in second. Fat Albert comes in first. Written by Herbie Hancock, I think.

  59. Number 6:

    Gilmore has an excellent solo album that came out, I think, around the time of "The Wall". The picture on the cover says it all. Gilmore has a pissed-off look on his face that, to me, says "Christ.. I wanna KILL Roger.."

    I watched DOH recently on that country music channel, and came to the realize that I was one pretty dumb kid. Though I will say for the record that Daisy looks MUCH hotter in her muscle car during the early shows then that stupid mini-jeep piece of shit she ends up with.

  60. heh heh heh. "cooter"

  61. That was Haking in "Keep Talking?" Who knew? FWIW, Division Bell and Momentary Lapse of Reason are my favorite Floyd albums.

  62. Besides the theme song and Daisy's ass, the coolest thing about the Dukes was compound bows and dynamite. Although, my dad didn't think it was too cool when I blew up all the sqaush in our gaden with my M-80 version.

    As for all you Jessica Simpson dissers.

    http://www.cinemaeye.com/index/weblog/more/jessica_simpson_washes_the_general_lee/

    Like y'all wouldn't hit that?

  63. I meant garden. I'm from the south, not south Boston.

    Brian,

    Where would you rank Barney Miller and Welcome Back Carter on the theme song top ten?

  64. Well, if no one else will, I'm going to stick up for Pamela Anderson (sort of).

    Find those first couple of Playboys she did, back when her implants were a fairly normal size, when her hair wa a natural-looking shade of blonde, before the tattoos, before the tanning and the stripper make up.

    She was actually quite attractive.

  65. profanity and sexual content in the film make a mockery of the family-friendly show.

    How does a moonshine running pop, two brothers constantly fleeing and avoiding arrest, a hottie showing more business than Janet Jackson and every member of county law enforcement presented as foolish, incompetent embezzlers qualify as a family-friendly show?

  66. Charles,

    You forgot to mention before the hepatitis.

  67. Ralphus,

    You are right. I think we can sum it all up just by saying "before Tommy Lee."

  68. In terms of where I lived and who I was raised by, I was almost as far removed from redneck culture as you could get. But I still remember avidly watching Dukes reruns as a little kid. I even had a Dukes of Hazzard toy bike that I pedaled around the house. Now that I think about it, I wonder if the show, the bike, or some combination of the two had a formative influence on my adult driving habits.

  69. Dukes of Hazzard may be a dumb show, but it had the best theme song ever.

    I enjoyed that theme song a lot as a young bean. I watched Dukes for the two cute brothers, the bumbling sherriff, the little basset hound, and Boss Hog. And the obligatory car jump scenes. There had to be at least two ever show, if my memory serves me correctly.

    I was searching Monster.com for a new job a few months ago, and one more than one occasion, a job description for a Dukes of Hazzard Foundation (not sure if that's the correct name of the organization) came up. Basically, it required that the person holding the position research, watch, and study episodes of the Dukes of Hazzard full-time in California somewhere. I thought it would be a pretty good job for me to apply for, but I was worried that I might get tired of it after a few weeks.

  70. Whoo! I was comment #69 on this thread. I just noticed. Congratulations to me. 🙂

  71. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

  72. Crap, I forgot Barney Miller. That might edge out the Dukes for number three. Welcome Back Kotter? I dunno. That's getting into that 70s singer songwriter sound that I usually avoid.

  73. And question to the gallery.. does anyone know what songs Floyd did for that G8 thing? I'm really curious.

    Breathe, Money, Wish You Were Here and Comfortably Numb

    Roger and David sounded a bit hoarse. I think it was during 'Comfortably Numb' that they glanced at each other and realized that they had wasted two decades. Too bad someone did not get them together years ago and tell them to shut up and play yer guitars.

  74. that's two for two, Smacky. congrats.

  75. All this discussion of TV theme songs, and nobody has mentioned WKRP in Cincinnatti?

  76. Three words: Two Lane Blacktop. You can't have true auteur redneck cinema without Warren Oates. It's simply not possible.

  77. I'm sure this came up in at least one of the 72 or so foregoing posts BUT, didn't old Cooter notice Daisy Duke's ASS in those hot little hot pants? Half of the guys I knew only watched that show to see her hot little backside.

    And they called THAT family entertainment?

  78. Much like my aunt refusing to let her sons listen to "Blinded by the light" as she was she that there were douches being wrapped up everywhere.

    Well, actually, Springsteen's original lyrics for Blinded by the Light *did* say: "wrapped up like a douche, another runner in the night", and Manfred Mann's Earth Band changed that to "deuce" for their recording of it. Maybe your aunt heard the story and was freaked out, even though that's not what was actually sung.
    Late interjection, but that's one of my favorite songs.

  79. There's "art", and then there's "entertainment". Clearly, Dukes of Hazzard falls in the "entertainment" category. Whatever its moral failings, it was a fun show to watch. It's hard to imagine how the movie could mess it up unless they were unable to capture the fun.

  80. We were nine. It was the south. At the time, it seemed to make sense.

    So sayeth "Uncle" Jesse Walker.

  81. I watched the Dukes for Daisy and the General Lee. It was lame-arse TV but good lame-arse TV. I am not shocked the buggered up the DoH is there any TV show that Hollywood doesn't screw up when they make into a movie?

  82. Another thing I liked about the Dukes of Hazzard was the overdubbed narration. That was great.

  83. So sayeth "Uncle" Jesse Walker.

    I was waiting for that...

  84. The Jeffersons had pretty good theme music.

    But at my second grade talent show it was The Dukes of Hazard rip-off, not Sanford and Son or other (pre-Jeffersons) TV, or any Pink Floyd that received the students' vote of confidence. I think the teachers let some mime win. It was second grade. I don't remember much except the Dukes of Hazard Sketch by a bunch of seven-year-olds who stopped in the middle of the act to select a willing contestant who would get to be Daisy Duke within their sketch.

  85. It's over now. Uncle Jesse it will be forevermore. Perhaps you should go ahead and change your by-line.

  86. Twba:

    Thanks muchly, dude. I find the song selections highly interesting. I can't imagine the amount of negotiations it took to formulate it.

    Given the writing credits and the vocals, it seems fairly even, though surprisenly skewed towards Gilmore. Waters is really mellowing out in his old age.

    I've read that The Floyd was playing in Monocco for the coronation. I wonder if this is the whole Floyd..

    If they toured, they could charge anything for tickets. I'm talking about Streisand $600 a cheap seat here.

    Here's my fantasy playlist:

    Open with "One of these Days" - let Waters announce his bass presence, and then Gilmore's ripping solo.

    "Pigs on the Wing" with Waters on accoustic, then seque right into "Dogs"

    "Shine on You Crazy Diamond"

    ..okay..gotta stop..

  87. "Another thing I liked about the Dukes of Hazzard was the overdubbed narration. That was great."

    Definately. Without Waylon Jennings as Balladeer, the show just wouldn't have been the same.

  88. back on the dark sarcasm in the classroom: you have to pay attention to the lyrics preceding that line for it to make sense

    We don't need no education
    We don't need no thought control
    No dark sarcasm in the classroom
    Teachers, leave those kids alone

    you can see it's a list of things not needed in the classroom. Read the third line as (We don't need) no dark sarcasm in the classroom. Those first words are left out to fit the music, and for the consonance of sarcasm and classroom ending in the same sound. you know, artistic license and all that.

  89. I've been watching some of the re-runs of Dukes recently. There is a kind of glorious inanity to the whole show. For a truly zen experience, try to attach a plausible motivation for any random action you see a character perform. You could spend a long time making stuff up rather than accept that there is nothing there - just like One Hand Clapping. I am working on this theory that it is a Bhuddist meditation on our existential condition.

    I found that Ms. Bach doesn't do anything for me these days. Can't explain it. Even back in the day, I was more of a Linda Carter or Erin Grey kinda guy. I, er, grew up with those two.

    Jessica Simpson is extremely attractive in a non threatening way. Her apparent stupidity adds to the subconscious notion that you might be able to spit the right line and she'd swallow it if you met her in a bar. I say 'apparent' because I hesitate to speak with authority on the intelligence of someone who makes that much more than I do.

  90. I'm totally using "Uncle Jesse" from now on.

  91. JL:

    I think you're on to something.. why is there all that yelling, crashing, explosions, and banjo music? Why not? Care not for motivations, because it impossible to divine such things. Allow to happen, as they will happen none the less.

    Does Uncle Jesse have a buddha nature?

  92. Mr. Nice Guy,

    It'd be hard to call myself a "Barrett purist," because I couldn't listen to any Floyd post-1970. I do think he was great, though.

    As for the Waters-Gilmour thing, though, chalk me up as a Waters man. Pink Floyd today sounds like one of Gilmour's old solo albums. Not awful, or anything, but not all that great. Waters' solo stuff, on the other hand, sounds like THE Pink Floyd. Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking sounds almost like part 2 of The Final Cut (one of my absolute favorites, BTW).

  93. Okay, not that I'm a big Pink Floyd fan or expert or anything, but Gilmore struck me as being an accomplished musician, but not especially creative. Roger Waters was the one who would come up with crazy ideas and say 'why don't we try this?'. It just seems that way to me, anyway.

  94. KC:

    If my Floyd history is correct, right around the time of "The Wall", Waters had "Pros and Cons" worked out, and was debating doing that instead. However, history would have Waters completing that album as a solo project.

    I harp on this all the time (big shock), but the best show I've ever seen was Waters a few years ago. The first half the of show, he did Floyd tunes, and did them very, very well. The second half was all solo stuff.

    Though I'm obviously a Waters partisan, I think he was much better when he had (though limited) creative competition with the other members of Floyd. His oftimes overblown bombast was tempered nicely by Gilmore's mellow.

  95. When will Hollywood wise up and start putting quality stories with compelling writing and fully developed characters back on the big screen? You know - Like BJ and the Bear.

    LOL, BJ and the Bear. Hmm. I seem to remember that the character named "Stacks," played by the legendary Judy Landers, was particularly well-developed.

    And just to unite the twin themes of this thread, FYI, there is a hillbilly remake of Pink Floyd's "The Wall" by Luther Wright & the Wrongs. The samples actually sound rather intriguing. More samples.

    Also, in connection with nothing in particular but in a "Friday Fun Link" frame of mind, everyone should visit comedian Emo Philips' new site, read "The Joke of the Day," and watch the video "The Can Man." You'll be glad you did.

  96. I was waiting for that...

    Comment by: Jesse Walker at July 15, 2005 12:54 PM

    Yes, that's right...I went there.

  97. I'm trying to think of nice things to say about Pink Floyd.

    Ummmmmm.....

    They kept potheads safely in their rooms, headphones on, where they were unlikely to hurt themselves?

    Hmmmmmm.....

    They made The Ramones necessary?

    Come to think of it, I don't think I ever watched an episode of Dukes from start to finish. I think my little brother liked it for the cars. I could look at Catherine Bach all day, but the show had serious amounts of dumb in it.

    Jeff: Since you admitted to having a frisky girlfriend, you forfeit all your geekpoints. I suppose if you made a saving roll you could keep them. 🙂

    Lynda Carter is in the new Dukes movie. She still looks good.

    Kevin

  98. kevrob,
    Your mention of Lynda Carter finally forced me to get Sela Ward into the mix here.
    Of course I defer to kwais as the PhD of pulchritude, but if I could have a three-way with Lynda and Sela in heaven, I'd do some suicide bombing faster than two shakes of a sheeps tail.

  99. To get back on the attractiveness thing for a moment...

    Someone somewhere in here mentioned it in kinda a distinction between "sexiness" & being "cute". I've seen it that way as well, though I called it "casual beauty vs agressive beauty". Anyway, I'd explain it as follows:

    -"casual beauty" is when a chick is good looking but not in a va-va-voom sense. Gives off a quite "girlish", gentle vibe, easy-on-the-eyes. You wouldn't fantasize about her, but a good banging would be nice.

    -"aggressive beauty" is when a girl has the type of looks that trigger that primal instinct in men no matter what else you may be doing at the time. A very "sultry" (or slutty, if you prefer) image, combined with plenty of the proper curves and a manipulative streak to her personality that pushes her to show them off in the most blatant ways possible.

    You can tell which is which by asking yourself a hypothetical question: "If this woman were within close sight range while I were doing a relatively mundane activity -- buying groceries, lazing about at the bookstore, that type of thing -- would my first instinct be to consider saying (or actually say) 'hi', or to hope none of the bystanders around notice my humongous boner?"

    Girls in the first category, with rare exception, would look ridiculous dressing and acting like the ones in the latter. Girls in the "aggressive beauty" category trying to dress like and act like the first group would look, well....ever seen a stripper on her day off?

  100. well....ever seen a stripper on her day off?

    No, where can I do this?

  101. >heh heh heh. "cooter"

    You know it means "turtle," right? Makes a damn fine stew.

    Jessica Simpson is dumb as a rock and while not anorexic, has had plenty of cosmetic surgery. Plus she can't sing and has the dancing ability of a 50-cent stripper.

  102. What things do we tend to want a good long time, but this is not a waste of time.

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