If the Cops Overtake Me, Gonna Rocket My Meth From Here

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Scott Morgan of Flex Your Rights considers the lessons from the arrest of two (alleged) drug offenders who turned out not to be rocket scientists.

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  1. Dude! If you need more speed you gotta slow down. It’s simple orbital mechanics, man.

  2. Dude! You know what we’re gonna do?!?

    What!

    We’re put it in fuckin’ rocket in the fuckin’ trunk!

    Yeah! That’s fuckin’ awesome!

    …You know what? Fuck you!

    The problem with the methamphetamine trade is that you take people eager to have access to hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of crystal meth, and you give them access to hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of crystal meth.

  3. joe – exactly!

    That’s sweet!

  4. joe, I consider your last paragraph to be a Quotable Quote.

  5. I’m an aerospace engineer looking for a new job, and this sounds like a start-up opportunity if there ever was one! A bit more technical than the “trunk monkey,” anyway.

  6. Joe,

    Right on target. Only a crank-head could think that was a good plan.

  7. Wow! That’s freakin’ hilarious. Did anyone else read the Fox article about the guy that tipped the Starbuck barista with a half-gram of mj?

  8. 2. Police tend to be edgy during traffic stops. If they pull you over and your trunk pops open and a rocket shoots out in their general direction, they’ll totally freak out and shoot you repeatedly.

    I am totally against the drug war, but since 9/11, I would be ok with the cops shooting you repeatedly while I await to see your winning position in the Darwin Awards!

  9. Did anyone else read the Fox article about the guy that tipped the Starbuck barista with a half-gram of mj?

    Mo, In Seattle, we call that the barter system! In many cases, its better than cash and you are likely to get a better cup of jo!

  10. Just because this was a bad idea for transporting crystal, doesn’t mean that it’s a bad idea period.

    …Rigging your car so that your trunk flips open and a rocket goes off when you push the cigarette lighter is awesome.

  11. Wouldn’t it be simpler to just put a little trapdoor in the floor of your car, so that when you see the cop-lights flashing behind you, you can drop the drugs through the trapdoor onto the street?

  12. Wouldn’t it be simpler to just put a little trapdoor in the floor of your car, so that when you see the cop-lights flashing behind you, you can drop the drugs through the trapdoor onto the street?

    Its been done and it resulted in a bust. However, it wasn’t a trap door, just an opening under the stick shift boot, IIRC. I also recall it being a bag of white powder, shows up well at night let alone day.

  13. Maybe put the plastic baggie to be dropped out the trapdoor in a paper bag – perhaps a black one?

  14. Well, Sam, I don’t know what meth looks like, but the cocaine powder problem would be easy to solve–don’t DROP the bag through the trapdoor; scatter its contents through the trapdoor, so that the drugs become simply dust in the wind. Then drop the bag only AFTER it is empty.

  15. You know, if you’re going to go to the trouble to build a meth-filled rocket, why not go for the whole enchilada and forgo using the car as a delivery system altogether?

    Why not just fill the rocket up and launch it to where you want it to go?

  16. Why even get pulled over at all? If you are stupid enough (or too fucked up) to get pulled over while driving with contraband, well, you are probably better off rocket launching your stash! Driving within the confines of the law is not a difficult task, tens of millions do it every day, a minority of them are drunk and/or high.

  17. I view this as evidence that James Bond has made an indelible impression on speedfreaks everywhere.

    Mediageek – great idea. This could lead to a rise in sales of catcher’s mitts. (note to self – purchase Spalding and Rawlings stock)

    The next generation of this technology might involve using the rockets as a fireworks display to distract the cops from seeing the shit you drop out the trap door.

    fearless prediction: the Texas legislature will draft a bill outlawing trunk-launched rockets. SCOTUS will declare model rocketry to be interstate commerce.

  18. s.a.m.: while I don’t know the ethnicity of these particular folks, it’s a lot easier to avoid getting pulled over by “driving within the confines of the law” if you’re white and driving a nice car. There’s a reason they call them “pretext stops.”

  19. I wonder if any cop has ever successfully argued that he had a reasonable suspicion to pull over a car because the driver was being overly scrupulous about obeying traffic laws.

  20. I wonder if a cop ever successfully argued that he had probably cause ’cause the defendant looked like a tweeker.

  21. “I wonder if any cop has ever successfully argued that he had a reasonable suspicion to pull over a car because the driver was being overly scrupulous about obeying traffic laws.”

    This reminds me of some of the profiles used by cops for drug mules we read in my criminal procedure class. They were along these lines:

    High mileage on car: frequently used to carry drugs over long distances.

    Low mileage on car: car recently purchased with drug proceeds.

    Car is a bland make that blends in: perp wants to blend in.

    Flashy, pimped-out car: car recently purchased with drug proceeds.

    Car full of fast-food wrappers: mule is going through drive-thrus to avoid leaving drugs unattended in car.

    You can see how these rationales encompass oh, about 100% of cars/drivers on the road.

  22. Rather than eject the meth in a visible fashion, maybe an under-hood system to disolve the meth in something (alcohol? gasoline? what does meth disolve in?) and run it through the engine, there by destroying it through combustion. Does meth burn? I can just see the cops sniffing your tailpipe… “Oh yeah, we got us some speed freaks.”

  23. driving at the exact speed limit consistently has been used as an excuse to pull someone over. The cops assumed he was drunk.

  24. Of course meth burns…that’s a favoured method of ingesting it.

    Not that I would know anything about that, but I read it somewhere.

  25. ‘m an aerospace engineer looking for a new job, and this sounds like a start-up opportunity if there ever was one! A bit more technical than the “trunk monkey,” anyway.

    Comment by: D-FENS at July 11, 2005 12:51 PM

    For those that don’t get the Trunk Monkey reference, http://trunkmonkeyad.com/

  26. My ideas:

    1) If pursued by police, hit button on dashboard. Device dumps meth into exhaust pipes. Meth gets burned and/or exhausted into the air. Use a care that burns a lot of oil, to cover the smell and fool drug dogs.

    2) If pursued by police, hit button on dashboard. Top of car is jettisoned. Ejection seats fire. You parachute to safety some distance away and escape while cops are dirstacted by jettisoned top hitting their windshield, and following careening driverless car full of meth.

    3) If pursued by police, hit button on dashboard. Rocket motors mounted in chassis turn car into a flying car. You and your meth escape to safety — non-flying cop cars cannot follow.

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