When 'Merchants of Death' Seems Too Mild

During a visit to Israel this week, The Jerusalem Post reports, American Cancer Society President John Seffrin declared that "all those involved in the production and marketing of tobacco products are 'terrorists.' " Even the guy behind the counter at the convenience store? I suppose cigarette makers and sellers would be just like terrorists, if terrorists asked their victims for permission before they placed their bombs, if the bombs took 40 years or so to go off, if only one out of three of them exploded at all, and if in the meantime the victims enjoyed having the bombs around so much that they were willing to pay for the privilege.

[Thanks to Brad Rodu for the link.]

Comments

[Mr. Nice Guy]

Free will is an illusion.

[no]

Lunchtime doubly so.

[Jarod]

I propose an addendum to Godwin's law: if you compare your opponent to or call your opponent a terrorist, you instantly lose the argument, unless your opponent actually is a terrorist.

[SPD]

Is there any group out there now that hasn't been accused of being terrorists? Are people actually trying to make the word meaningless?

[Gary Gunnels]

ACTIVIST
You're spending what? Twenty,
thirty dollars a week on cigarettes.

LISTENER 1
Forty.

LISTENER 2
Fifty-three.

ACTIVIST
Fifty-three dollars. Would you pay
someone that much money every week
to kill you? Because that's what
you're doing now, by paying for the
so-called privilege to smoke!

LISTENER 3
We all gotta go sometime...

ACTIVIST
It's that kind of mentality that
allows this cancer-producing
industry to thrive. Of course we're
all going to die someday, but do we
have to pay for it? Do we have to
actually throw hard-earned dollars
on a counter and say, "Please,
please, Mister Merchant of Death,
sir; please sell me something that
will give me bad breath, stink up
my clothes, and fry my lungs."

LISTENER 1
It's not that easy to quit.

ACTIVIST
Of course it's not; not when you
have people like this mindless
cretin so happy and willing to sell
you nails for your coffin!

DANTE
Hey, now wait a sec...

ACTIVIST
Now he's going to launch into his
rap about how he's just doing his
job; following orders.
(MORE)

11.

ACTIVIST (CONT'D)
Friends, let me tell you about
another bunch of hate mongers that
were just following orders: they
were called Nazis, and they
practically wiped a nation of
people from the Earth...just like
cigarettes are doing now! Cigarette
smoking is the new Holocaust, and
those that partake in the practice
of smoking or sell the wares that
promote it are the Nazis of the
nineties! He doesn't care how many
people die from it! He smiles as
you pay for your cancer sticks and
says, "Have a nice day."

DANTE
I think you'd better leave now.

ACTIVIST
You want me to leave? Why? Because
somebody is telling it like it is?
Somebody's giving these fine people
a wake-up call?!

DANTE
You're loitering in here, and
causing a disturbance.

ACTIVIST
You're the disturbance, pal! And
here...
(slaps a dollar on
the counter)
I'm buying some...what's
this?...Chewlie's Gum. There. I'm
no longer loitering. I'm a customer,
a customer engaged in a discussion
with other customers.

LISTENER 2
(to DANTE)
Yeah, now shut up so he can speak!

ACTIVIST
Oh, he's scared now! He sees the
threat we present! He smells the
changes coming, and the loss of
sales when the nonsmokers finally
demand satisfaction. We demand the
right to breathe cleaner air!

12.

LISTENER 3
Yeah!

ACTIVIST
We'd rather chew our gum than
embrace slow death! Let's abolish
this heinous practice of sucking
poison, and if it means ruffling
the feathers of a convenience store
idiot, then so be it!

DANTE
That's it, everybody out.

ACTIVIST
We're not moving! We have a right,
a constitutional right, to assemble
and be heard!

DANTE
Yeah, but not in here.

ACTIVIST
What better place than this? To
stamp it out, you gotta start at
the source!

DANTE
Like I'm responsible for all the
smokers!

ACTIVIST
The ones in this town, yes! You
encourage their growth, their habit.
You're the source in this area, and
we're going to shut you down for
good! For good, cancer-merchant!

The small crowd begins to chant and jeer in DANTE's face.

CROWD
Cancer merchant! Cancer merchant!
Cancer merchant!

VERONICA enters and surveys the mess. The CROWD throws
cigarettes at DANTE, pelting him in the face. Suddenly, a
loud blast is heard, and white powder explodes over the
throng. Everyone turns to face...

VERONICA as she stands in one of the freezer cases, holding
a fire extinguisher.

VERONICA
Who's leading this mob?

[Brian]

SPD - you're a terrorist for asking that question.

[Mackey]

I prefer the term "Cancer Merchant."

[David]

SPD, The word is already meaningless. Unless you count the current conventional meaning of "Muslims in countries whose governments we don't like."

[SR]

"Are people actually trying to make the word meaningless?"

"Terrorism" was never a particularly meaningful word in the first place, but it's been in permanent decline since the early 1980s when the US government decided to apply the word to any sort of violent activity it didn't approve of. The Beirut barracks bombing is often identified as the beginning of the end for the word's utility.

[clarityiniowa]

Of course, Seffrin is within his Constitutional rights to characterize the tobacco industry any way he wants, terrorists or otherwise. Of course, if/when he crosses certain lines, members of that industry can sue under libel, slander or defamation. Wonderful ol' thing, liberty under law.

[thoreau]

Forget about equating tobacco companies with terrorism. Catch up with the times and say that tobacco is incompatible with the culture of life.

[Mr. Nice Guy]

Yeah, T, right on. We need Tom Delay to make another speech along the lines of "today we bury our dead, tomorrow we soak the ground with the blood of the cancer merchants"

[Jeff Clothier]

thoreau - "culture of protoplasm" would be more appropriate.

[clarityiniowa]

I think "merchants of death" is more creative than "terrorists" anyway. I see a whole new ad campaign:

"Got death?"

[Kevin]

Gary:

You forgot the punchline. The activist was a Chewies gum rep.

"This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers."--Randall

[Larry A]

And then Danny the Dentist walks in and says, "My God! You're selling chewing gum?

[Herman]

How about "Terrorist Merchants of the Culture of Death?"

[SPD]

Herman,

That just sounds too much like "The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim." Redundantly redundant.

But it would make an excellent martial-arts movie title. Buddy, I like your thinkin'! 🙂

[The Real Bill]

If the tobacco companies are terrorists, then so am I! For it was I that forced tobacco smoke into my lungs for nearly two decades, not them. I just recently quit and it was a horrible bitch! (Well, actually, I was the horrible bitch, as anyone around me would testify.) I feel as if I've been emancipated, but I'm free from MYSELF, not the tobacco companies. Free will is not an illusion. Predestination is simply one of the many refuges of scoundrels.

[MJ]

Two posters who suggest that "terrorist" has no legitimate meaning beyond perpetrators of violence the USA does not like. Yeah, right.

David & SR: you two might want get those recto-cranial inversions you're suffering from looked at, it must getting difficult to breath up there by now.

[court]

Personally I'm waiting for terrorists (US variety included) to hand out leaflets proclaiming that indulging in terrorist suffering can be hazardous to one's health.

[SR]

MJ,

Read what I wrote, not what you think I wrote, asshole.

[Anti-smoking activist]

I suppose cigarette makers and sellers would be just like terrorists, if terrorists asked their victims for permission before they placed their bombs, if the bombs took 40 years or so to go off, if only one out of three of them exploded at all, and if in the meantime the victims enjoyed having the bombs around so much that they were willing to pay for the privilege.

Attention American public:

You are getting sleepy.

You are getting very sleepy.

Go to sleep.

On the count of three you will wake up. When you wake up you will uncritically accept comparisions of tobacco sellers to murderers. You will forget that the "victims" are informed consenting adults who enjoy their habits.

Also the word "addiction" will send you into a hysterical frenzy and you will support government action against anything fun.

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