Harvest in the Heartland

Jesse Walker | 11.30.2004 10:26 AM

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Momma 20 years ago

It's a wonder somebody didn't get their eye put out!
the great pumpkin 20 years ago

Doesn`t anyone see a problem with this cruel and savage behavior?
Fabius Cunctator 20 years ago

First it was just kids throwing pumpkins.

Then adults got into the act and built catapults to throw the pumpkins.

Then they built cannon to fire them.

Now we're dropping them from airplanes.

Soon we'll develop guided missiles with pumpkin warheads and destroy the evil pumpkins in their pumpkin patch lairs.

Pumpkin Magnus delenda est.
Isaac Bartram 20 years ago

When will we find Saddam's cache of pumpkins of mass destruction.
Warren 20 years ago

Thanks Jesse, now I've got to go clean my lunch from out of my nose.
Stevo Darkly 20 years ago

This, my friends, is the essence of what it means to be a man.

Glorious.
joe 20 years ago

Fabius, I've developed a prototype of a system that can hurl a squash at a flying pumpkin. My first test was a "partial success."

Was that your car?
Curtis 20 years ago

Hey, Thanks for that! What a great story!
Fabius Cunctator 20 years ago

Josephus,

"Partial success" is a term used by DoD acquisition types that means "complete and utter failure".

Shiny armor didn't help the Samnites and your squash based pumpkin interception system (SBPIS) will help neither the Pumpkin Magnus nor his deluded followers.

Pumpkin Magnus delenda est.

QFMC cos. V
joe 20 years ago

Screw you, Fabius, I'm building the f*cker anyway!

How many Americans do suppose realize that we have absolutely no defense against airbore pumpkins? Your problem is, you just don't care about the security of the Latin people.
Fabius Cunctator 20 years ago

Josephus,

Your war mongering will cause an arms race, threatening all Italians. I have dispatched fetial priests to demand that you do the following ...

Destroy all squash in your possession.
Surrender all squash producing materials.
Forswear the future production of squash.

Failure to agree to these demands means war.

In case you choose war, all of our pumpkin based weapons are being equipped with decoys and other CSBPISM (counter-squash based pumpkin interception system measures).

Pumpkin Magnus delenda est.
Chuck 20 years ago

When pumpkin bombs are outlawed, only outlaws will have pumpkin bombs.
Linus Van Pelt 20 years ago

INFIDELS!

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