And It's Typed So Nicely

You can almost see the fragrant steam rising off this preposterous letter in defense of the PATRIOT Act. The authors manage to establish what nobody has contested: that not every provision of the act provides cause for concern, and that some provisions are even beneficial. But it also scrupulously avoids discussing the provisions that civil libertarians have raised concerns about, except to aver, without backing up the claim, that objections consist of "inaccurate rhetoric."

Most hilarious line:

In passing the Act, Congress extensively debated the commonsense updates in the law and provided safeguards for civil liberties.

Yes, in the six weeks between September 11 and the passage of the final version of the 342 page bill amending 15 complex statutes, debate was extensive. I hear a few of the legislators voting on the bill had even read the whole thing. Or had their staffers read it. Or read the title, anyway. I mean, it's called the PATRIOT act; what more do you need to know?

Runner up honors go to the spectacular bit of post hoc ergo propter hoc reasoning evidenced here:

After the Act was passed, terrorist cells were dismantled in Oregon, New York, North Carolina and Virginia. Terrorists were prosecuted in California, Ohio, Texas and Florida. In other words, the Patriot Act's tools are protecting us.

And after sleeping with me, my girlfriend got over a cold. In other words, I have magical powers of sexual healing. I'd better send an open letter to Congress.