C-SPAN Soul Train

If you're only watching the RNC only one of the commercial cable networks instead of C-SPAN (cable's gift to the universe), then you're missing some of the greatest film of all time: Republican delegates dancing to canned music (e.g., "Soul Man," "Gimme Some Lovin'") in between speakers. Must be seen to be enjoyed, though it may induce nightmares.

In particular, there's some guy who seems to be from the Washington state delegate. Move over, William Huang. Take a backseat Star Wars Kid. You've met your match--and he's appearing one more night in Madison Square Garden.

And rest easy partisans: Something very similar was true of the DNC, too. Politics and dancing form an uglier pair than Frankenstein and the Wolfman.

But shh, Zell "Give 'em Hell" Miller has taken the stage and is yelling at the Democrats…