One More New Jersey First

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As some of you may know, this mag boasts no fewer than three New Jerseyans on its staff (Julian Sanchez, Tim Cavanaugh, et moi), plus one columnist (Cathy Young). Let me speak for all of Reason's proud sons and daughters of the Garden State, a place that calls to mind the infinitely indifferent landscape of Camus' Sysphus, when I say thank you, Gov. McGreevey, for adding yet another fantabulistic entry to the list of New Jersey's Famous Firsts and Faces.

With The Sopranos on hiatus, you've managed to put the Crossroads of the Revolution back into the papers, at least for a short while.

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  1. Does his administration get annulled now?

  2. Hey, the list of New Jersey firsts already lists the first fairy… oh wait…FERRY. Sorry.

  3. amen to jersey!

  4. I think he should’ve duked it out. It would be great if he was on national television pounding on the podium:

    “Yeah, so I had a gay affair with an Israeli poet and then put him in a $110,000 position in my administration. Yeah, this smiling blonde prop next to me is someone I call my “wife”. So fucking what?”

  5. Lots of famous people came from New Jersey. Mel Brooks, Richard Gere, Joe Piscopo, Arnold Schwarzenegger. It’s a wonderland!

    BTW, I always thought McGreevey was a thoroughly boring, uninspired politician. Having an affair with an Israeli poet is the coolest thing he ever did. Now that he’s out of the way, maybe it’s time for a Toricelli comeback. Now there was a guy who could put the S in sleaze [or Soprano].

  6. How could any self-respecting list of great New Jersey singers not include “Sassy,” The Divine One — Sarah Vaughan, a native of Newark.

  7. Kevin Smith, hello?!?! Snoodgy Boodgie.

  8. So what..McGreevy is a feygele…..folks have known that for a long time. The moralists on the right are already wringing their hands saying what shamelss SOB that he could do this to his wife and family with no concentration on the real reason for the resignation. What is McGreevy looking for? Sympathy? Using his sexuality and extramarital tryst with a man to cloud over the fact that he place this dude, an Israeli national in a high security positon that he has no business being in and that the dude wants to blackmail him. McGreevy is in deep doo-doo. The Dems have shown that he’s expendable, the gays want to make him a new icon, and Jimbo is thinking real hard on how he can reinvent himself and salvage his ass as best he can.

  9. So what..McGreevy is a feygele…..folks have known that for a long time. The moralists on the right are already wringing their hands saying what shamelss SOB that he could do this to his wife and family with no concentration on the real reason for the resignation. Bubele, after Bill Clinton getting a BJ in the Oval Orifice..nothing will make the American public get agita. What is McGreevy looking for? Sympathy? Using his sexuality and extramarital tryst with a man to cloud over the fact that he placed this dude, an Israeli national in a high paying no show job that he has no business being in and that the dude wants to blackmail him. McGreevy is in deep doo-doo. The Dems have shown that he’s expendable, the gays want to make him a new icon, and Jimbo is thinking real hard on how he can reinvent himself and salvage his ass as best he can.

  10. …Bud Abbott, Jason Alexander, Paul Auster, Jason Biggs, Michael Ian Black, Skye Blue, Anthony Bourdain, Jim Bouton, Zach Braff, King Kong Bundy, Asia Carrera, Rubin Hurricane Carter, Grover Cleveland, Lou Costello, Barbara Dare, Hope Davis, Brian De Palma, Tate Donovan, Kirsten Dunst, Donald Fagen, Mel Ferrer, James Gandolfini, Allen Garfield, Allen Ginsburg, Savion Glover, Lesley Gore, Rosie Grier, Ed Harris, Anne Hathaway, Sterling Hayden, Adam Horovitz, Ice-T, Derek Jeter, Ernie Kovacs, Nathan Lane, Frank Langella, Queen Latifah, G. Gordon Liddy, Ray Liotta, Camryn Manheim, Jay Mohr, Bebe Neuwirth, Shaquille O’Neal, Joe Pantoliano, Michael J. Pollard, Twiggy Ramirez, Redman, Tara Reid, Paul Rudd, Roy Scheider, Jon Seda, Cindy Sherman, Brooke Shields, Paul Simon, Todd Solondz, Kevin Spacey, Patti Smith, Mira Sorvino, Lexington Steele, Jon Stewart, Martha Stewart, Frankie Valli, Lee Van Cleef Tom Verlaine, Tracey Walter, Jack Warden, Bruce Willis, Flip Wilson, Pia Zadora.

    If anybody disses you for being from NJ, you just say, ‘Yeah, me and Sterling F*cking Hayden.’

  11. i usually just punch them. who the hell is sterling hayden?

    oh and like, north jersey is so much better than central and south jersey it ain’t funny.

  12. north jersey is better?if you like filthy air, paying unreasonably high rent, and have no attention span.

  13. heh, yeah, it’s so much better down south, especially if you like driving, forever, just to get some chewing gum. and you’re so close to delaware!

    delaware fucking rocks my socks off.

  14. Sterling Hayden was a Hollywood actor who appeared in such films as The Killing, Asphalt Jungle, Dr. Strangelove and The Godfather. You know, really obscure indie art movies.

  15. I moved to New Jersey from Minnesota. And I used to stare at the ceiling at night and whimper, “Why?”

    In the song “New York, New York” the lyrics declare, “If I can make it there, I’ll make it anywhere!”

    For New Jersey, it’s more like, “If I can live here, I can endure damn near anything.”

    The State Motto oughta be:

    “If you don’t care where you live, live in New Jersey.”

  16. jersey’s awesome. stop hating!!! (unless you lived south of elizabeth, in which case, HATE ON!!!)

    i just imdb’d that motherfucker…the dude who was mcclusky. hot.

  17. ‘Cause tonight I’m going to take that ride
    Across the river to the Jersey side
    Take my baby to the carnival
    And I’ll take her on all the rides

    Sha la la la I’m in love with a Jersey girl!

  18. Mr Nice Guy
    “Yeah, so I had a gay affair with an Israeli poet and then put him in a $110,000 position in my administration. Yeah, this smiling blonde prop next to me is someone I call my “wife”. So fucking what?”

    If you read between the lines on this story, it starts to become clearer why he didn’t duke it out. My first reaction was “What, he had a gay affair, many politicians have affairs- why the dramatic and swift resignation?” But then when you read, oh, 432 paragraphs into the story, a darker picture of blackmail, possible sexual harrassment and other ‘things’ seem to be emerging.

    I have a theory with politicians, and so far, it’s turned out to be more correct than not:

    If a pol quits and existing post very suddenly with the allegation of something like an affair, or some other sexual misconduct- especially with the tagline “I didn’t want to drag my family through this”, there’s probably either some truth the ‘misconduct’ allegations, or the affair will expose some other sundry business dealings lurking below the radar.

  19. Four Reasonettes from Joisey?

    What exits?

    (ba-dump!)

    Kevin
    (expatriate Lawnislander)

  20. I am rather fond of New Jersey. Monmouth Park is great and the motels of Wildwood are some lovely examples of mid-century modern architecture.

    However, I never understood the prohibition on self-serve gasoline. Is there some health or safety rationale, or do the gasoline station attendants just have a particularly strong lobby in Trenton? Can any Garden Staters out there explain why New Jersey motorists can’t be trusted to pump their own gas?

  21. “However, I never understood the prohibition on self-serve gasoline.”

    Maybe it’s to keep the locals from drinking it?

  22. You forgot to list saxophonist Hank Mobley in the NJ parade of stars. I live in Elizabeth, and I’m gonna try to get the mayor to erect a plaque (Mobley was born here).

    Of course, Elizabeth is also where L. Ron Hubbard opened his first Scientology storefront, but we won’t talk about that.

    Jersey fuckin’ rules. I work in Manhattan, but I wouldn’t live there if you paid me.

  23. I liked never pumping my gas when I lived in Jersey, except when I was in a hurry. The odd thing was gas was still cheaper in Jersey than just about anwhere else near by. I guess full serve makes up for a whole bunch of other crap in PA and NY. Though the car insurance rates left something to be desired.

  24. Yo, Jersey rules. Anyone who disagrees can lick–wait for it–the back of my balls. yeah, I saved the back for you, biatch.

    Why do you suppose that millionaire motherfuckers who could live anywhere–like that asshole Springsteen or Richard Nixon–end up buying property in Jersey? Cause you can’t fucking beat it, that’s why.

    Slut.

  25. c-monkey:

    Why do you suppose that millionaire motherfuckers who could live anywhere–like that asshole Springsteen or Richard Nixon–end up buying property in Jersey? Cause you can’t fucking beat it, that’s why.

    My good man, I believe that we have received the full benefit of your remonstrations. While true, denizens of the much vilified New Jersey are oft made out to be, shall we say, ‘belt and suspenders’ types, lacking in culture and the required eloquence for the forum of proper debate– you sir, have demostrated that this is simply not so! May you be the guiding light, the lighthouse in the storm, standing as a beacon in contrast to the false imputations on the characters of so many fine New Jersey citizens. May your statements here be proof that these indictments– nay, insunuations of low character are spurious by all those who utter them.

    Now bugger off.

  26. I grew up along the Jersey shore, have been from one end of the state to the other, and can’t understand why so many people hold such strong feelings for the damn state in either direction. Outside of a few of the shore resort towns and Las Vegas’ grotesquely disfigured twin, New Jersey is best defined by its overwhelming monotony.

    95% of NJ is indistinguishable from dozens of places in numerous other states. Maybe you can make a case that the developed parts of North Jersey are unparalleled in terms of the breadth of their non-stop suburban/semi-urban sprawl, but I’m pretty sure that there are worthy rivals in New York, California, and Florida, and perhaps elsewhere. Beyond that, what’s there to get even slightly passionate over? The ghettos, forests, suburbs, port towns, farmland, and hill country, not to mention the Greater Philadelphia sprawl, are all likely to remind you of many other American locales, provided that you cared enough to remember them. This isn’t an entirely bad thing, as there are plenty of highly distinguishable regions in America that we’d rather not enter – many of them in the South and the Midwest – but they seem much more worthy of discussion than places like Cherry Hill, Vineland, Elizabeth, and Paramus.

  27. Being from the People’s Republic of New Jersey myself, (8A to answer your next question) I can say we all knew McGreevey was gayer than Riverdance.

    I loved his old TV spots, where he had some woman surgically grafted to the side of his body, and would say something to the effect of:
    “Hi, I’m Jim McGreevey, and this is my 100% female wife. Note the breasts.”

    No surprise. It’s the other stuff that really shows that he upholds the NJ Code of Sleazeball. Like when he spent campaign funds on a trip to Ireland (for political reasons, I’m sure.)

  28. Jersey I don’t know about, but this thread is a riot.

  29. Don’t forget Laura Prepon, AKA the redhead from That 70s Show, is a Jerseyan. Right there that proves 49 other states suck ass.

    Eric II, go get lost in the Pine Barrens. Read a couple histories of the area first. Then come out, pry the ticks off with a flathead screwdriver, and tell me it’s monotonous or indistinguishable from anywhere else.

    For the rest you fuck faces: between exits 3 and 4, goddammit.

  30. To be fair, my late Aunt lived for a while in Ringwood, near the state park on the New York border, and it was gorgeous there. There’s a slogan for you: “New Jersey! Parts Of It Are Excellent!” ;

    Kevin

  31. “Eric II, go get lost in the Pine Barrens.”

    Been there, done that. Even visited a couple of ghost towns.

    “Then come out, pry the ticks off”

    Done that as well, though not with a screwdriver.

    “tell me it’s monotonous or indistinguishable from anywhere else”

    The Pine Barrens are cool, but there are a number of places between Tennessee and Maine that have a lot in common with the area. The Smokies, the Shenendoah Valley, and the Adirondacks are much more likely to make you nostalgic. It’s just because the Barrens are such a refreshing contrast with much of what lies to their north and west (Look ma! No mini-malls or smokestacks!”) that many South/Central Jersey residents get so sentimental over them.

  32. New Jersians are tied with Puerto Ricans in my book as the rudest people in existance.

  33. “I wouldn’t live in New York City,if they gave me the whole dang town-talk about a bummer,it’s the biggest one around.Sodom and Gomorrah is tame compared to what I’ve found,I wouldn’t live in New York City,Lord,if they gave me the whole dang town”.- Alvis Edgar “Buck” Owens.

  34. Where’s the love for Glenn Danzig–the dark prince of Jersey?

  35. There are, to be sure, advantages in Union for everyone, but it must be manifest that they are greatest for the worst kinds of people. All the benefit that a New Yorker gets out of Kansas is no more than what he might get out of Saskatchewan, the Argentine pampas, or Siberia. But New York to a Kansan is not only a place where he may get drunk, look at dirty shows and buy bogus antiques; it is also a place where he may enforce his dunghill ideas upon his betters.

    — H.L. Mencken

  36. “New Jersians are tied with Puerto Ricans in my book as the rudest people in existance.”

    Uh, there’s also a lot of obnoxious chicks named Heather out there.

  37. Seriously, New Jersians and Puerto Ricans are unbearable to talk to. I work doing bi-lingual technical support for a cell phone company, and whenever I get a caller from New Jersey or Puerto Rico (the dreaded 787) I know I’m in for a lot of crap.
    They are always loud, and yelling with thier stupid accents. Neither can pronounce R’s.

  38. Bilingual,are you,then? What two languages,if I may ask?? It’s “New Jerseyans”,and “their stupid accents”,if you please,and now you’ve met a polite Jerseyan.

  39. The theory says that other states are fools to let civilians slosh explosive gasoline around. Seems pretty dubious to me. However, Laura Prepon rocks.

  40. Gwen-
    I take Spanish tech support calls which mostly originate from Puerto Rico, Florida, Texas and California. English calls mostly when someone enters a 2 instead of a 1 into the “automated system” or if the dept is just swamped in general.

  41. I can tell this is gonna make for another great Solondz movie; imagine the great lines you could get. Clueless wife finds the Gov’s stash of Men’s Health and Seventeen under the bed, he goes, “I was only reading it for the articles!” or Cipel claiming in the news, “I’m actually straight, but the governor converted me for a few years… I was helpless, I was powerless to resist his evil mind rays!”

  42. I can see you’re not familiar with Jersey sarcasm–didn’t literally want to know what two languages you claim fluency in,I was doubting your command of English.Having altered me into a female without my consent,and butchered my name which consists of all of four letters,I no longer have any doubts.

  43. What can I say, New Jerseyians not only sound stupid, but also have stupid names. One more reason why I’m glad to live on the left coast.

  44. “Where’s the love for Glenn Danzig–the dark prince of Jersey?”

    LODI!!!

    yeah, i grew up near lodi. danzig was a friend of one of my high school football coaches. he came to a practice once and i was astounded at his shortitude.

    how’s that for love?

    heather: one of my best friends is a puerto rican from north bergen – take that!

    i don’t know what exit i’m from. whatever’s by hackensack (i don’t drive)

  45. The caption from the McGreevey photo on the cover of this week’s Onion:

    Homosexual Tearfully Admits To Being Governor Of New Jersey

    just about says it all. 😉

    Kevin

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