See if you can fit it on the paper

Reason writers around town: At The American Spectator, Matt Welch, soiled after evacutations, extremities moist with fluids known and unknown, searching vainly for absorbent fibers, confronts the paperless bathroom and despairs.

Comments

[JD]

Funny you should mention Ohio, thoreau. Last time I was in the Columbus airport (stuck, as usual, thanks to the joys of air travel) we passengers were commiserating, and one lady told us she had lost her cell phone in the bathroom. It seems that she had accidentally dropped it in the toilet. Bad enough, but then she reached for it, and, bending over, triggered the IR sensor...

[James Merritt]

Note to Tim Cavanaugh: If there ever was a blurb that made me want to AVOID the article being advertised, this was it. I worked on a poultry ranch for years in my youth, and I changed diapers and worse for my son during his infancy and toddlerhood, so I'm not especially squeamish. But talk about an unsavory plug!

I think I'll pass.

[Jason Ligon]

... and at the same time one of the world's great restrooms/loos/WCs/bogs has apparently been closed down.

In Osaka, Japan, on Dotombori suji, there used to be a Hagen Dazs ice cream place with the freakiest Lewis Carrol vibe going on. Chairs had arms that moved, tables had teeth, sometimes your silverware was bent in odd shapes, and, best of all, the mens restroom had a stainless steel urinal on the wall that would sprout spider legs and move around on the wall.

I gather that the ladies room had a stall that would suddenly grow plastic flowers and chorous "Singin' in the Rain".

A friend tells me that in the time since I lived in those parts, the Hagen Dazs of madness is no more. Sigh.

[Andy D.]

For me, the only thing worse than poorly tuned bathroom automation is those damned bathroom attendents. I can take care of my damned self in the bathroom... first there's the subtle suggestion that I'm some kind of retard who can't grab a towel, then there's this guy standing there expecting a tip!

[Highway]

I don't ever have problems with auto-flushers (of course I've just jinxed myself and will get soaked by the next 5), but I've got to applaud the no-touch towel dispensers. The air dryers are the worst. They should all be removed from the market by their manufacturers. Not only are they noisy, ineffectual at drying hands, and remove towels from the bathroom, forcing you to grab the exit handle with your soon-to-be-resoiled hand, but who thought putting a nice, warm, humid grid in a bathroom was a good idea? I sure can't think of a better place to grow bacteria.

[Neb Okla]

He doesn't know how to use the three shells. 😉

[Kevin Carson]

Finally, Reason takes on an issue I really care about. Testify, Matt!

So a "germ conscious public" is now being used as an excuse for those "no touch" (more like "dry hands on pants") air blowers?

That's just great, except for one thing: without paper towels, you don't have anything to open the bathroom door with. Most people don't wash their hands with anything, and as a result most public restroom door handles have traces of urine, feces, and/or semen on them.

[B.P.]

I've long hated the auto devices in bathrooms. I'm fed up with getting a geyser of water up my ass when I reach for some toilet paper. (save your bidet comments, Jean Bart)

And I'm wondering what they put in Haagen Daas ice cream in Osaka.

[Jason Ligon]

B.P.

Green Tea and bean paste, among other things. The place was shockingly wierd. They had a mime there who would act like he was doing magic tricks, but he wasn't, and, oh, the music ...

For all that, I still remember it quite vividly after, cripes, 7 years. Here's to funky!

[todd]

It's too bad Matt Welch and Reason try to play this for laughs.

These "Spy Toilets" are not a laughing matter. Check this link:

http://la.indymedia.org/news/2004/01/101168.php

[Citizen]

This is a real memo from that we got at work regarding the bathrooms in another building. It's a bit long, and I changed names and location, but ...

To Whom it May Concern:

OK Folks...We seem to be encountering an almost daily problem with stopped up and over flooded toilets in the Bldg XXX first floor men's room. Today, the janitor found a washcloth in the toilet that was stopped up with its un-flushed waste creating a rank odor and the contaminated water creeping throughout the restroom floor . If this message is making you cringe, then I ask you to think about the feelings of the janitors and plumbers. This problem has a negative effect on the morale and health of janitorial services as well as Company X personnel. Furthermore, it is beginning to annoy a lot of people (myself included). I am asking you to please refrain from using large quantities of toilet paper before a single flush, avoid throwing anything into the basin that does not belong in their and will not flush (Ex. washcloths), and include a few more laxatives like prunes (and less cheese) in your diets. I apologize in advance to those of you actually learned these lessons during your childhood. Please help the plumber and the building managers get this issue under control before we have to live with toilet cams in the stalls (and I am of course joking here). Really though, I seriously thank you for your assistance.

Respectfully,
X

[Jason Ligon]

And how lazy does a commenter have to be not to look up the spelling of Haagen Daas? Ask me, I have firsthand knowledge ...

[Sam I Was]

While he only mentions it in passing (pun intended, sorry), Matt raises a good point: Why are the counters in men's bathrooms always soaked with water? Has anybody else noticed this? It's like this nearly everywhere -- big puddles sitting next to the sinks. I can't tell you the number of times I've leaned forward to check something in the mirror, only to wind up with a big water streak across my pants.

After decades on this earth, I've yet to actually witness this water-splashing in person. What's the deal? Do some guys go in there and recklessly wash their faces? Do they dump fists of water onto the counter? How do these puddles get there?

I really want to know. I've wanted to know for a long time. I'm also curious if the sink counters in women's bathrooms are plagued with this same problem.

[Citizen]

My guess is that the soaked counter comes from faucets that prohibit flow control. Whether it's touchless or those elementary school you've-got-seven-seconds-before-this-shuts-off faucets, they just blast away at flow levels hard enough to remove skin. Splashing ensues.

[PLC]

What the heck is wrong with y'all? You want to use a manual toilet & sink - like a monkey!?!? This is the 21st century - just as I refuse to fill up at any gas station which does not have pay at the pump, I refuse to use a manual bathroom. Why don't you all start using ink wells and telegraphs?!?!?!?

I have never encountered any problem whatsoever with any automated bathroom device. They are a blessing of the modern world.

[Steven Crane]

I wonder if, in some cases, the trend toward automated fixtures everywhere is because people have a tendency to trash anything they can. Maybe it's because I'm still in college.. but any bathroom that has paper towels will find those paper towels scattered EVERYWHERE... and toilets with manual-flush handles will be flushed until they overflow, and faucets will always be left on after leaving the bathroom.

[Sam I Was]

Citizen:

Your theory may, um, hold water. But I've noticed this phenomenon for years -- well before the automated-faucet thing.

I still wanna know: Why are the counters in men's bathrooms always soaked with water?

[JD]

I just remembered another problem of automated bathroom equipment: they stop working when the power goes out. OK, this isn't _usually_ a problem, but it did rear its head during the '03 blackout.

Sam: My theory is just that a certain percentage of people are pigs, and maybe they wash their hands violently or something... From what women have told me, women's bathrooms are not significantly better. My pet peeve is urine on the toilet seat. How damn lazy and inconsiderate do you have to be not to lift the seat? I've heard a few people whine, "But I don't want to touch it! It's dirty!" A) So wash your hands in the damn sink afterwards, and B) MAYBE IT WOULDN"T BE DIRTY IF IDIOTS LIKE YOU DIDN"T FREAKING WELL PISS ALL OVER IT!

[steve]

I really like the fact that I don't have to touch anything that doesn't already belong to me in a bathroom. I've seen what people do in there, the less stuff I have to touch the better. In fact, I remember one time in Osaka...

[joe]

What PLC said. This is like complaing about using full place settings instead of just knives.

[Jack]

I agree with Joe and PLC, I've never had a problem with an automatic sink or toilet. I will admit that forced air hand-dryers are worthless though.

[thoreau]

Funny story:

Several years ago I was on a layover at an Ohio airport. (Cleveland? Cinncinati? Can't recall.) I was tired and a little sick. When I tried to wash my hands, I went through various motions and stances to try and get the sink to work. Only when I pulled my hands away from the sink would it work. This continued for several minutes. I became convinced that somebody was watching me on a security camera and playing with my mind for fun. (Remember, I had been on an all-night bus trip from Ithaca to NYC to Boston, then I got on a plane in Boston, my flight to LAX was delayed, and I was getting sick, so my state of mind was sub-optimal.)

I eventually got my hands clean. I filled out a complaint form. It made me feel good at the time. I got an automated response form, saying my complaint would be processed, but that's about all I figured would happen.

[Mark Fox]

Yes, our manual flushing habits are that bad. I'm not sure if it is pride or vanity, but people have trouble sending their productions down the memory hole. Maybe the well-heeled are too hurried to flush, or the manual labor of working the lever is beneath their social status.

Automatic sinks, I agree, suck. And it is impossible to wipe caviar off my cravat with a blow-dryer. Bring back the towel attendant!

[Lonewacko]

"I still wanna know: Why are the counters in men's bathrooms always soaked with water?"

That's not water, some people are just more clear and copious than others.

[Belle Waring]

I live in Singapore, the world's captial of automatically flushing toilets, and I don't absolutely hate them. They often fail to work, however, and the button to get them to flush manually is tiny. The ironic thing about the air dryers is that in addition to not working and being annoying, they actually spread more germs than paper towels. I'm too lazy to google it but I remember a study coming out in the last year or so that nearly all hand-free dryers were basically blowing strep B and other assorted nasties all over your hands. Hence, wiping my hands on my pants. Or hopping into the Spruce Moose.