Not the Absent Father but the Present Lover

Adam Greenfield of v-2 considers the pervasiveness of sneering contempt for Ikea and Starbucks. (Via BoingBoing.)

Comments

[Jesse Walker]

The best reasons to have contempts for Ikea:

1. Their assembly instructions are incomprehensible.

2. Their stores are unnavigable.

3. Their customer service is horrendous.

4. They ripped me off once.

If it's hip to despise them, then hooray for the hipsters.

[Kirsten]

Well, I don't like Starbucks coffee, but I readily admit to being spoiled- not that there is anything with being spoiled in moderation. My husband home-roasts coffee for us in an old-style popcorn roaster. It is less expensive (not to mention much, much tastier) to buy green and home roast than to make a habit of drinking at Starbucks (yes, even if labor is factored in).

[Jason Ligon]

We ain't got Ikea hearabouts, jus' Wal Mart.

[Russ D]

You can't beat Ikea for people watching. I saw one obese lady there eating two ice cream cones (in one hand) at the same time. But one thing about Ikea, you can't buy anything there without taking at least a half hour, even if you know exactly what you want before you get there; it just takes that long to get in and out of the place.

I don't drink much coffee, but when I do I want free refills.

So even though the article won't bash Ikea or Starbucks like I will, it does bash Fight Club, and we need more Fight Club bashing as far as I'm concerned.

[Russ Rodrigues]

Now I'm no coffee connoisseur, but I can say with some confidence that Starbucks has a tendency to roast their beans to a shade short of charcoal. Maybe I've just grown accustomed to wimpy, North American brew, but I shouldn't need to dump tablespoons of sugar into my cup just to mask the bitterness.

So I avoid their dark roasts and stick to their milder blends. I'd rather drink something that I personally find palatable than to choke down a cup of black-death in an attempt to demonstrate my sophistication and appreciation of some arbitrary continental standard of haute caf??

Apart from the my over-roasting criticism, I enjoy just about everything else that Starbucks has to offer. Comfy-chairs, a pleasant atmosphere and best of all... consistency. When I'm far from home, and looking for a place to grab a drink and a newspaper, the presence of Starbucks cuts down my search time for a decent spot to relax. I don't want to deal with the uncertainty associated with trying to choose among the local, no-name coffee shops.

Also, Starbucks has become a great substitute for a living room. When I want to chat with someone, it's much easier to meet him or her over coffee in a neutral environment, than to invite them over to my place. Where else can you rent a coupe of armchairs and a coffee table by the hour for $3.00 and get a latt? thrown in?

As for the other corporate giant, almost all my furniture comes from Ikea. Mostly because it's the best that I can reasonably aff?rd.

[joe]

Greenfield doesn't get it. It isn't the prevalence of the chains that's the problem, it's the faux hipness. No one talks trash about Dunkin Donuts, and they do exactly the same thing as Starbucks, minus the visual cues designed to convince buyers and observers of their products snob appeal. I don't look down on those companies for selling products people like. I look down on them for pretending that, in doing so, they're improving people culturally.

Actually, I don't look down on the companies for that scam. I look down on the suckers who buy into it.

[Dave]

I don't know what it is, exactly, but I just love me some Ikea. I think it's because every time I go there, the price of a package of 100 tea candles has gone down from the last time. I've never actually bought one of those packages, since I have no idea what I would do with that many tea candles, I just think it's sort of nifty.

Plus, if you've moved a few times in the last few years (like I have) it's quite handy to have furniture that you can unscrew into a fold flat format.

[Russ Rodrigues]

I don't think that it's necessarily some tenuous bourgeois veneer that attracts people to Starbucks. In my experience, I find their shops are just plain nicer than the sight of linoleum flooring, plastic tables and vinyl seats found at Dunkin Donuts (or Tim Horton's, Canada's fast-food coffee & doughnut chain).

Starbucks is selling more than just coffee; they're selling a pleasant experience. It didn't just magically appear though. They obviously spent a lot of research time developing an atmosphere that people would find pleasing. If you find that experience to be contrived and shallow, then you're free to buy your coffee elsewhere, and be as pretentious as you like while doing so.

Either way, whether or not the "suckers" are visiting Starbucks for what you consider to be the "right" reasons, they're getting what they pay for and they are happy about it. If their contentment offends your sense of cultural propriety, the solution should be obvious. Stop being so damn cynical.

[Tim Yoon]

joe, there's no hipness whatsoever at starbuck's. faux or otherwise.

[stubby]

I think Joe's on to something, Tim. I agree - there is nothing hip about Starbucks - but Starbucks believes (or wants to make others believe) that there is. And truly, is there anyone more annoying than someone who thinks they're hipper than thou when they aren't? It's one thing to hate the hipsters, cos you know deep down that they really are hipper than you; but I'm not takin no tude off those spotty faced "barristas." And don't even get me started on the "independent" "coffee houses." You know what? NO ONE grows those wispy little chin beards on purpose. If you can't come up with a decent goatee, just shave - it's pathetic.

Ikea sucks because the furniture falls apart after one year. I've had much better luck with Target's stuff.

[Wild Pegasus]

I solved both of these problems by not drinking coffee and by not owning any furniture that I couldn't fit into a shopping cart at Wal-Mart.

- Josh, snazzy dresser, though

[fyodor]

Joe,

I dunno, is Dunkin Donuts anywhere near as pervasive as Starbucks? I don't think so. I can see what you're saying about faux hipness making Starbucks a target, but McDonald's get bashed too, and I would never accuse that chain of faux hipness! I think pervasiveness plays a major role, and maybe faux hipness some too. But y'know, store-bashing is a trend like any other, and trends tend to have life of their own that isn't necessarily going to follow any sort of explicable or decipherable formula or pattern. Sorry if that makes discussion of the phenomenon boring, but sometimes all you can say about a trend is that for some reason it caught on.

[Russ Rodrigues]

I have this strange suspicion that the motivation to critize the "pseudo-snobs" who populate Starbucks, stems from a desire to firmly establish one's own position in the exclusive ranks of honest and true, A-List snobbery.

"Starbucks? That place is for losers who think they're bigshots... Everyone who's anyone knows that. Like me, for instance..."

[jon]

As a snob who tends to get his caffeine in Circle K ThirstBuster form, I laugh at the idea that a coffeehouse can be hated as much as Starbucks. The snobbery that affects coffeedrinkers is similar to that of smokers who need their own brand: I'll gladly leave you to your needs.

As for IKEA, I want one in my state (Arizona, for those corporate executives scouring reason.com for your expansion plans)! Target furniture is fine, but there isn't enough of it: only a few tables, chairs and shelves (in boring faux-Americana names, no less!)

But for real snobbery, there's nothing like going to an independent book or record store.

[AJMB]

IKEA seems to be the furniture of choice for college and university kids, as it lasts about as long as it takes to get their degrees. As for coffee, Tim Horton's will eventually take over this planet. It's good, it's cheap, and, unlike Starsucks, it's actually coffee, not some poseur bullshit pretending to be the bean. Best of all, you can buy Timmies by the can, to make it at home. Yummie.

[JD Weiner]

Russ: You're spot on regarding Charbucks - I mean, Starbucks - and their over-roasting. Then again, I think most American coffee is roasted too dark, and the most likely reason for this is that it helps conceal the quality of cheaper beans (all charcoal tastes about the same, after all). It helps that people think that a completely black, bitter brew is more sophisticated or something. (It's supposed to be dark and strong because you use a lot of grounds, not because you roast the beans to a cinder and let them steep for fifteen minutes.) Related gripe: what the hell are the "espresso beans" I keep seeing around? Espresso is a technique, not a kind of bean! OK, coffee snob mode off...

Yeah, Starbucks is silly, but so's most of American consumer culture. People are buying an image more than a product, and Starbucks is just a company that understands that better than most.

[Neb Okla]

He probably hates Microsoft too...

What he's saying is pretty interesting, but unless he applies a rational view of how the products serve consumers as a whole, then he's a hypocrite.

[Douglas Fletcher]

Jean Bart is correct in his comment, I heard the CEO on a radio show say exactly the same thing. Though I don't know about making it "uniform," whatever that means, his idea was to emulate the "coffee culture of Europe," as he put it.

[Dan]

Starbucks is an American way of emulating and making uniform French and Italian coffee culture.

That's sort of true, but not quite. What Starbucks did was introduce a mainstream-friendly coffee-drinking environment. There were a fair number of little coffee shops beforehand, but (at least in the cities I've been in) they tended to skew towards counterculture types, and expressed little to no interest in getting Joe Businessman to come in and order an espresso. In my experience, most of the indie coffeehouses were a lot more interested in vibe than in coffee; mediocre coffee, bad service, but free bands on Wednesdays!

Another thing to consider is that Starbucks, at first, was a little bit exotic. Most people drank shitty coffee just to wake up; that was the extent of "coffee culture" for 90% of the population. Espressos and mochas were things you maybe ordered at fancy restaurants once in a blue moon. Then, suddenly, there's a place at the mall selling them -- and also selling coffee that's really damn good! (yes, I know Starbucks isn't all that good. But keep in mind we're grading on a curve vs. Folgers-from-a-dirty-office-coffeepot here) Plus they offered sugary chocolately milky concoctions that cause most of the women I know to go all weak at the knees and speak in the hushed tones normally reserved for discussing Orlando Bloom. Which didn't hurt.

So naturally it boomed; it exploded into a niche market whose existence most people had never suspected. Who would have thought Americans would actually care about coffee? What could be next -- actually remembering what the World Cup is, perhaps? 🙂

This sort of thing has happened before. Prior to the early 90s, most Americans thought beer meant "Miller Genuine Draft" or some other form of yeast-flavored soda water. The microbrew explosion changed that for a lot of people -- there were millions of Americans who just hadn't realized what they'd been missing. Now I can buy good beer in American supermarkets instead of having to root around in the specialty section of the liquor store.

[Constantine]

All the venting here seems to be about Starbucks, not Ikea, and it sort of proves the weakness of the original author's point. In fact, the reasons to vent about Starbucks run counter to the very nature of Ikea.

Starbucks saturates the market with a franchise on every street corner, and they sell a mediocre-quality product at an extraordinarily high price. They also deceptively market themselves, positioning themselves as a coffee chain, when they actually sell sweetened milk drinks.

Ikea, on the other hand, is available in just a few locations across the country, where their wares are available in a giant warehouse. They provide decent quality furniture at low prices, and they offer a lot of variety.

To buy coffee at Starbucks is to claim that you have an affection for high-quality products, when all you're doing is buying an overpriced mediocre product. Fight Club notwithstanding, shopping at Ikea is a public admission that you're still living a low-rent, practical lifestyle.

[Jean Bart]

I buy Kona or Jamaican Blue.

BTW, it has always been my impression that Starbucks is an American way of emulating and making uniform French and Italian coffee culture.

[Russ D]

fyodor,

I'm not sure it's faux hipness either. Maybe it's more along the lines of what I see at my office. Years ago, no one complained about the coffee. Now I hear squawks about it almost every day.

"You should use 2 packets."

"You should use 2 filters."

"You use too much water."

"Use this kind of water."

"Get this kind of cream."

Then people started requesting their own special blends. I'm all for more choice, but people are just getting way too anal and indignant about the way I'M making the FREE coffee.

[Brian]

I'd like to second the call for IKEA in Arizona, please. I'd at least like to have the option of being a snob about my furniture...

As for Starbucks...it provides at least two vital services. It makes reasonable (and consistent) quality coffee and coffee-like beverages available to its customers, and it gives everyone else something to feel all superior and shit about. Everybody wins.

BTW, I have found that Starbucks employees do understand me when I say "small" "medium" and "large"...I'll say "venti" in Italy...hell, I'll even say "grande" in South Tucson...

[dhex]

maybe i'm a clueless fuckwit, but i've had nothing but good luck in IKEA, either in elizabeth or minneola. i've had a cd rack from them for almost five years now that's still in good shape. and their prices are unbeatable, especially for bookshelves and storage options.

plus watching people argue over the phone about colors and measuring conversions is fucking hilarious. ikea seems to damage more relationships than gay marriage.

[Highway]

I've had Ikea furniture for many many years. Living in the DC / Baltimore Area, we're within 2 of the older stores in the US. So I don't really understand people complaining about it (and no, I didn't see Fight Club). It's easy to see the things that won't last (the plastic molded chairs, the shelves with little metal braces, etc), and easy to see the things that work. In fact, every room in the upstairs of my house has Ikea furniture, and only my computer desk is MDF with plastic veneer. No two rooms look alike, either.

What are you gonna do for furniture otherwise? Go to Target, where they've got 2 tables and 4 chair styles? Go to one of those regional furniture chains like Marlo or The RoomStore, where they've got no stock, have to order everything, and it all looks like some street-person's idea of 'swanky furniture', all black and mirrors and faux leather? Or go to the little local shop with no choices at all? Similarly, where are you gonna go for coffee? The gas station, with the two pots: regular and decaf? I also must admit I don't drink coffee. But I DO like going into Starbucks for Hot Chocolate, when my wife wants coffee. The employees have always been friendly, and the stores ARE comfortable to sit and talk in.

If it wasn't for Starbucks and Ikea, these people would just have to find some other popular store to kvetch about. That's what they want more than anything, just to bitch and feel superior.

[bennett]

What's worse, the faux hipster convinced of his superiority because he drinks Starbucks and shops Ikea, or the "Cultural Rebel" who is convinced of his superiority because he knows that people who drink Starbucks and shop Ikea are just more of "the Man's" dupes? IMHO, they are both equally annoying.

[Rob]

Coffee is *so* 3 years ago. Anybody in the know is drinking hot tea. And not the crap they sell in Starbuck's. And brewed the English way, rather than the American way. And if you don't know the difference, well then I guess we know which demographic *you* fall into. Now don't we?

[Jimbo]

Reasons to dislike Starbucks:
-They make you order in European

-They serve flavors other than coffee-flavored coffee

-I can fill a styrofoam container full of authentic chinese food (and a cup of tea/coffee mix...don't ask) for less than a small cup of their non-coffee-flavored coffee.

Reasons to like Starbucks:

-Unlike many coffee places in NYC, there are no cats roaming around

-Unlike many coffee places in NYC, the workers wash AND comb their hair

-Unlike many coffee places in NYC, I can be free of people telling me how Starbucks is destroying the world, one non-shade grown Venti Mocha Frapachino at a time

[Douglas Fletcher]

I'm hipper than everybody. So get off my planet pronto, snappy-like, you dig?

[Douglas Fletcher]

I sure wish the five-and-dime store would make a comeback. And, no, I don't really think the dollar stores are quite the same thing.

[Jimbo]

On the other hand, Ikea is like a trip to the DMV - rude, disgusting people braying at rude, disgusting people behind counters, after waiting in lines that would seem long at Disneyworld. That said, I am typing this by the light of a $7.50 Lista Floor Lamp, next to a row of Billy bookshelves in mettalic gray. Low prices and a 3% sales tax would tempt me to lay down on Procrustes bed if it came in white laminate with roll-away storage.

[dhex]

one of the great benefits of living in a heavily ethnic neighborhood (polish/italian) is access to very good food and excellent beers. (if you like belgian beers and ales, which i happen to).

it's also an excellent reminder that being 60 and falling down drunk at 11 a.m. on a thursday is lame-o.

(((yet it remains my dream to someday walk into a 7-11 in jersey and pick up a six pack of hoegaarden)))

the omnipresence of starbucks in manhattan seems to be slipping somewhat lately, however. i've never had their coffee - and never will, allah willing - but after a while their intrusion into the landscape became aesthetically painful. it's nice to see them being taken back a step or two, if only for variety.