SOTU Text; Dem Response; Condensed Versions for Rep. Charles Rangel and All Other Sleepy Americans

Here's the text of the State of the Union Address.

The super-condensed version:

Things are good, though terrorism is a threat to America and so are kids who take steroids and gays who want to marry each other. The housing market's never been better. I have a 10 year-old pen pal named Ashley who's swell.

Here's the Democrat's response by Rep. Nancy Pelosi and Sen. Tom Daschle.

The super-condensed version:

Pelosi: The nation is strong, though not as strong as if a Democrat were in the White House. I remember John Kennedy's first inaugural address and I'm no John Kennedy.

Daschle: We need to become what Republican Newt Gingrich used to call an "opportunity society"–the sort of place of where even Democrats can be elected president. The job market sucks and even illegal drugs are too expensive.