Fun of Flying
"People are not afraid of flying," says William Gaillard of the International Air Transportation Association, "but all these security measures take the fun out of flying."
Some readers may shake their head at Gaillard's priorities: Would he rather have his plane hijacked and crashed into a skyscraper? But I have a different question: Was flying ever fun? It's been an ordeal for me since I reached adult size and could no longer fit into a seat without contortions. I don't think we can blame this one on the government–or the terrorists.
I'm guessing Gaillard is used to flying first class.
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After being felt up by a sweaty weird middle aged security guy the last time I got on a plane, I endorse the TSA hiring as many hot 22 year-olds as possible.
Andy-
I’ve got to agree with you. There’s just something cool about flying. The fact that it feels like you’re just sitting around and then next thing you know you’re getting off the plane halfway across the country or world. This is especially evident if you are going from a cold place to a hot place.
Royal Jordanian is a great flight. I went to Jordan with them. My favorite was the smoking seating in back. Not bad for the first 5 hours or so, but by the time we landed the smoke was definitely creeping.
KLM to Amsterdam was a good one too. Good looking Dutch serving wine with dinner and then a liquour afterwards. Puts you right to sleep.
Still, I do love a good solo road trip. Scoop up some smokes, sunflower seeds and 64oz coke, get your music going. Very cool.
Good God, how many people have flown Royal Jordanian to Amsterdam? My experience with them was education in so many ways.
First, the actual RJ employees treated us exactly the way you would expect from employees of an authoritarian state-sponsored enterprise – they all seemed intensely annoyed that we were bothering them with our business.
Second, the presumably Jordanian clientele gave the whole affair a distinctly third-world air. Everyone had bags and bags of stuff to haul home (as carry-on, of course). From what I could tell, there was a massive country-wide shortage of shampoo in Jordan. When the announcement was made that each passenger could take only two carry-on bags, this prompted those with large families to redistribute their bags of shampoo to their toddlers, who dragged the bags onto the plan. Those without large families had to settle for screaming at the gate attendant.
Finally, when the boarding call came, there was this mad rush to the gate (even though it was assigned seating), during which I saw an old man in a wheelchair actually shoved out of line and go careening into a wall.
About the bothersome security… I do hate the very long lines, but not so much if I’m not running out of time. I once got shuffled around the airport from terminal to terminal because of some mixups, which was kinda stressful but kinda fun to, since I didn’t have anywhere really important to be immediately after arrival. But the invasive searching and security measures don’t bother me except for their ineffectivness. Once I got on a plane with a carry-on burrito… which doesn’t sound like a big deal except it was a large burrito wrapped in a ton of tinfoil… I can’t believe they didn’t stop me and check out that large cylindrical piece of metal in my bag. And once I saw a guy with a large metal beltbuckle instructed to put his hands over it when he walked through the metal decector… which made it fail to go off.
But I don’t care if they wand me or tell me to take off my shoes… how the hell does that hurt me?
The way I usually put it is this: I don’t mind flying, I just hate airlines. Let’s see, I get to spend hundreds of dollars so I can have high school dropouts in blue polyester rummage through my stuff and forbid me to carry a pocket knife, after which I will be stuffed into an uncomfortable seat in a noisy can for several hours, during which the airline will make every possible attempt to avoid feeding me, and give me garbage if they do feed me. That’s if I’m lucky, of course; sometimes they just cancel the flight without so much as a “sorry.” Yeah, sign me up for some more of that shit.
Now the airlines are whining that people don’t want to fly. Well, no shit, you dumbasses, you’ve spent twenty years making it as unpleasant as possible, and now you’re surprised? And now they want the government to subsidize them – in other words, they not only want you to pay for flights you do take, they want you to pay for flights you don’t take. Can you tell these clowns get under my skin just a bit? I swear, if I could reasonably get away with it, I’d never fly again.
The only good flights I ever had was flying out of Amsterdam. I was allowed to enjoy certain mood enhancing vices outside the airport to better prepare me for a long flight home to Seattle. By the time I hit my DC-10 seat, I was ready for a good nap. Its the only way I can take my 6’3″, 225 frame anywhere, especially when little old ladies got the exit row seats!
Anyone else but me pissed at the fact that, at least Northwest Air, censors their inflight movies? I know there are families on board, but censoring parts of PG and PG-13 movies seems a little overboard.
Andy,
Searches don’t bother me, either, but on our last flight, I didn’t realize that my kids had bought sneakers with so much metal on them. We were on a 6 a.m. flight, and were virtually the only ones at the security gate, but this one TSA asshole insisted on screaming at my kids about their shoes as if they were holding up a day-before-Thanksgiving rush.
I breezed through metal detector with no problem, the kids finally got it into their pre-teen heads that this yelling man wanted them to take their shoes off “slowly!” and put them on the belt, and then my wife tried to carry the toddler and umbrella stroller through. No way, she was told, the stroller has to be collapsed and run through the X-ray. She looked at me to come back and hold the kid while she collapsed the stroller, but I was physically kept from going back through the gate to help her. She told the screeners that she was not putting the baby down on the cold tile so they could just break the damn stroller down themselves (none offered to hold the kid while she did the job, a process that takes all of 5 seconds). Three TSA screeners, all grown men, then spent the better part of 2 minutes trying to figure out how to fold down the stroller. I was laughing my ass off on the other side of the gate, until my now-thoroughly-pissed wife drove an elbow into my gut and offered to rearrange my manhood if I ever rushed through the gate ahead of her again.
JSM: Meh…who cares about inflight movies. But if you’re interested, Singapore Airlines was showing Swimming Pool, uncensored, boobies and all.
Flying has always been miserable for me. It still is, post-9/11.
However, one upside to the increased security is that my luggage hardly ever gets lost, now — the airports do a *much* better job of matching passengers to luggage.
The only time flying is fun is when you fly your own plane. International flights (across the oceans) are getting better now that you have a sleeping option though. But if sleeping is the thing most desirable, what does that say about flying?
I’ve recently taken to flying discount airlines (mostly WestJet – Canada’s version of SouthWest).
Airfares are cheaper than dirt, and accordingly, they only fly 737’s, and there’s no inflight movie, meal, or “music-in-the-armrest”.
However, all the flight attendants are young and enthusiastic, the customers service people at the gates and at the 1-800 number will bend over backward for you, and BYOB is par for the course.
Add a pair of earplugs, and I can sedate myself and sleep right through to my destination.
The worst part of flying has always been, the layover. Unless you’re flying from one hub to another, you can count on at least one and often two layovers: two or more hours in a crowded, noisy, building where even a drink of water will cost you five bucks. Flying has always sucked and now it sucks harder. For anything under 1,000 miles, driving is much more pleasent, cheaper, and just as quick.
Tom from Texas… I think that the appropriate response in that baby stroller situation was to laugh at those retards. I’ve been with someone going through those checks who absolutely freaks out at the slightest “insult”… lots of needless anxiety. That elbow to the gut was uncalled for!:)
I think the only legitimate reason to stop laughing at this silly stuff is the fact that these idiots are the last line of defense against terrorist.
Andy-
Those idiots are not the last line of defense against terrorism, or at least not the last line of defense against hijacking. (They may in fact be the last line of defense against bombs, sadly.)
The last line of defense against hijackers is the passengers. In the wake of 9/11 passivity is no longer an option for passengers. It used to be that passivity was not so much a sign of a passive public as of a RATIONAL public. Stay quiet, do as you’re told, and the odds of surviving were decent. Make a fuss and while the rest of the passengers walked off the plane in Havana you’d be carried out in a body bag.
On 9/11 people learned that hijacked planes were no longer headed to Havana, but instead had a date with a skyscraper. The passengers on the 4th flight got enough advance warning to fight back, and although they died they managed to stop the terrorists from reaching their target. (I actually heard that one of the passengers knew how to fly, and the plane was brought down by the terrorists when they realized that the passengers would soon regain control of the flight.)
Anyway, I doubt that anybody will ever again try to hijack a plane in this country, and I’m even more doubtful that it will ever succeed again. But, just to make sure, idiots with attitudes will take away my friend’s eyeglass repair kit (consisting of a really tiny screwdriver).
Thoreau, you’re absolutely right that those idiots aren’t the last line of defense against hijackings… you did forget to mention the air marshals. Anyway, it would be very difficult to repeat the 9/11 attacks, with increased passenger vigilance and the real possibility of the planes being shot down by fighter jets if all else fails.
Maybe “these security measures make flying even more of an annoying pain in the ass” would be more accurate?
As a guy who has flown coach on planes 8 times (twice to/from Tokyo from LAX and once from San Diego to Detroit (changed planes each way), I would like to go on record as saying flying is NOT fun. It’s more like being on a cramped bus. While one airline at least made it tolerable -Singapore Airlines, with the in-seat entertainment (movies and games on demand), the seats are WAY TOO DAMN SMALL for anyone over 5′ 8″ and 150lbs. How much fun is it for a 6’2″, 210lb guy to be smashed into a small space? Yes, I know about exit rows and get them when I can.
Oh well, flying used to be fun and romantic, but now it’s just a bus trip. And to be honest, I’ll trade the “fun” and “romantic” bit of flying for the $650 RT tickets from LAX to Narita *ANY* day of the week.
I guess it was fun back before Kennedy and Carter deregulated the airlines, and term “jet set” referred to the fact that most people could never afford to fly.
flying isn’t fun, but the best airline i’ve ever used is royal jordanian. the horrible 7 hour flight to amsterdam – i’m 6’5 and endure great pain during takeoff and landings due to ruptured eardrums as a child – was made bearable by the great service and overall good behavior of the passengers, all of whom were either morose dutchmen, some orthodox jews and arabs of various stripe.
it was a bit like flying in some corny barroom joke but i’d highly recommend them. the food was almost passable, as well.
I dunno, I kinda like it. I’ve never flown solo, but in groups or with at least another person I’ve done coach to Europe, to Central America and across the US several times and I always get a kick out of it. Maybe that’s because when I fly it’s not for business so I’m not in any hurry? People watching in the airport and light reading on the plane. Dress comfortably. Just don’t wear your heated motorcycle skids.
Joe,
I’ve gotten the impression that stewardess back then were seen in a light akin to Hooters waitresses.
Russian airplanes serve great food, but some of those planes seem like they’re left over from World War II. It’s fun, all right — in an amusement-park way.
maybe you guys never spent a long flight in a jumbo-jet piano bar. that was a whole lot better than the sit-down-and-shut-up flights i’ve been taking lately. i won’t even get into the smoking issue.
My first flight (coach) was aboard a Continental DC-10 in 1975, non-stop San Francisco to Houston. There was nobody sharing my window row, or seated in front of or behind me, so I had room to kick my seat back and stretch out in all directions. The stereo headphones were free, and a wide variety of music was supplied by my armrest. I was served a steak (OK, really a steaklet) and baked potato on a real plate, with a stainless steel knife and fork. Although I was only 15 the meal was accompanied by a small bottle of red wine, so half the trip I enjoyed a buzz that only a teenager new to red wine could experience. The stews were all hot “older women” in their 20s, so I was able to fantasize about one slipping into my row and easing my anxiety at making my first flight.
The last time I flew, this past November, my spreading middle age ass fit so snugly into my narrow seat that getting up to go to the can was almost out of the question. I was served a dried out roast beef sandwish on a roll that was baked in 1996. The female flight attendants looked much older than my early 40s, and prompted no fantasies. Free wine was replaced by a $5 can of almost-cold beer.
The female flight attendants looked much older than my early 40s, and prompted no fantasies.
Tom–
Maybe they were the same flight attendants from that first flight in ’75.
I didn’t start flying until the late 90’s. Since then, I’ve flown 4-8 times a year. It sucks and it always has for me. Still, it beats driving across the continent.
I’ve always been envious of those that could sleep on a plane. I think the airlines should offer to sedate the passengers for any flight longer than 90 minutes. Hell, make it mandatory. No more crying babies, and no more hijackings. And they don’t even have to pretend to feed us.
I have a streak going – my last four flights have all been in huge empty planes, giving me more space to stretch out in economy than those in biz class. How these airlines can keep flying empty planes across the ocean is a mystery to me. Surely the gov will step in and subsidize them if… never mind.
Still, it beats driving across the continent.
Only if you’re in a hurry. In the last 3 years I’ve had occasion to fly Boston-St. Louis round trip once and Boston-Ft. Lauderdale round trip once. I’ve also driven I-95 most of it’s length about 4 times round-trip, and a handful of thousand-mile drives. If you’ve got the time, you see a lot more from your car.
Brian,
We just finished a 2,000-mile driving trip that wasn’t half bad (even with three kids). With XM Radio, a CD player and a drop-down DVD screen accomodating Gamecube in the back for the tax writeoffs, there was a minimum of boredom- related fuss. The smoothness of today’s interstate system, away from the big cities at least, allows for a certain Zen state while driving that makes the miles pass.
After having to travel by air with three kids (one a toddler) we are now a driving family.
Part of the alleged Hooters Piano-Bar atmosphere was the fact that at the beginning of air tavel people WERE afraid to fly; staff the flight with hot young nurses and a few perks and a few of the barriers of apprehension slowly broke down. Now flying is as common as muck.
If the TSA personnel making me take off my shoes and undoing my belt were 22 year-old hotties maybe I wouldn’t mind the intrusions so much. Instead we get workfare dumbasses with bad attitudes doing the job, and people don’t like it.
I’ve almost always enjoyed flying… it helps that I’m about 5’9″ and I fidget and move around a lot even when I’m in a big comfortable place so I’m not too bothered by the lack of room. Also, I enjoy the feeling of the acceleration on takeoff and the view out the window… I’ve never gotton over the amazed feeling that we can actually make these huge things that fly. And then I always have something good to read and most of my flights have had a little personal TV right in front of me that’s had something decent to watch. Maybe if I’d flown more than 6 times in my life I’d have become jaded too… though I don’t mind 8-hour car trips by myself either and I’ve done those quite a few times. I don’t get bored easily and it takes a lot for me to feel like I’m physically suffering… I guess that helps:)
Amen Rick C,
Air travel always has been and likely always will be an uncomfortable, degrading rip-off. It would be a lot more tolerable if they just handed everyone a gun on boarding and scrapped the poking and prodding. (apologies to Archie Bunker?)
Nothing beats a long, solo car drive for clearing your mind, particularly overnight when there’s little traffic and you have time to pull over for a quick snooze in the truck stop every 4 hours or so.
The problem with today’s “security”, as provided to us by our crack TSA team, is not so much that it makes flying a major pain in the ass (which it does). The real problem is that the TSA’s “security” measures don’t really make us much more secure at all. Sure, the TSA does many things that make the travelling public feel warm and fuzzy and that allow Beltway Beasts to grandstand about the many measures they are taking to protect us from terrorists, but in reality, we are only marginally more secure today than we were pre-9/11. And flying is a great deal more of a pain in the rear.
Rick C,
Do you really think I-95 is an interesting drive? I’ve driven it a few times from DC to West Palm Beach, and I found it to be one of the most mind-numbing highways ever built. Right up there with the Florida Turnpike on either side of Yeehaw Junction. No cities between Richmond and Jacksonville, which allows one to make decent time, but there isn’t much to see either.
I’ll stick with my non-stop flight on Southwest. 2 1/2 hours in a cramped seat, I can take. 17 hours on I-95, fuhgeddaboutit.
Y’know what really took all the fun out of flying? The fact that the seats are too small for average-sized people.
And I am much larger than the average-sized person. Unfortunately, it’s in the horizontal direction, instead of the vertical.
Still.
The security procedures may be screwed up, but I’ve noticed a distinct upgrade in personnel since the screeners were federalized. They look a lot less like bored high school dropouts.