Fat City

Dr. Atkins is dead, but the forces of meat have a new champion. "Mr. Cutlets" promotes his new book Meat Me In Manhattan with a web site whose retarded design does not entirely mask a wealth of sage, protein-based advice. Among the questions answered in this carnivore's catechism: "Is Meat really murder, like Morrisey said?" and this gem from a disquisition on meat-related ailments:

There is one disease that meat-eaters are vulnerable to, but it deserves special treatment, since it is as much an accomplishment as it is a complaint. Yes, I am speaking of gout, "the king of diseases and the disease of kings." For many years, Mr. Cutlets thought gout to be a kind of semi-imaginary Dickensian ailment, like the dropsy or the vapors. But it?s very real, a kind of specialized arthritis caused by an excess of uric acid in the blood. It?s most common symptom is an exquisite tenderness in the foot, which prevents the sufferer from moving ? though not from eating. Still, one bout of gout is enough for boasting purposes, and it is easily cured by a common medication. One can avoid afterwards by drinking plenty of water.