You Just Can't Make This Up

From the truth-is-way-fucking-creepier-than-fiction department, Pat Robertson's drones explaining how a two-state proposal to solve chronic Middle East violence spawns tornadoes in Oklahoma. God's will.

Comments

[Joe]

They've got a point. Reminds me of that blazing volcano in the Pacific. The minute they threw two virgins in it, the volcano stopped erupting.

Of course, it began spewing again when the natives did something wrong. So another virgin went in, and guess what? The volcano stopped.

So they're probably right about those tornadoes.

[Kevin Carson]

Robertson has a long history of putting in his two cents on divine intervention in weather processes. Back in the mid-80s, Robertson had his audience praying that a hurricane would miss his facilities in Virginia. The storm moved on up the coast instead, and wrecked the shit out of another town. Thanks, Pat!

[Tom]

Actually, I enjoyed the bit about "Pat's Protein Pancakes" over on the right margin. Just when you think the Religious Right can't get any doofier...

[David]

Holy freaking christ on a cracker...it LOOKS like a Landover Baptist (www.landoverbaptist.org) site, it READS like a Landover Baptist site...but these people honestly, truly believe it. Amazing.

[sam]

"That same day, thousands of miles away, a powerful storm was brewing off the coast of Nova Scotia. On October 31st, what would be called "The Perfect Storm" smashed into New England, pummeling the President's Kennebunkport, Maine home with waves 30 feet high. It was a storm so rare that the weather patterns required to create it only happen once every 100 years."

....so wait, does the wrathful God act according to weather patterns or do weather patterns act according to the wrathful God? God must be delighted to look in his "whup-ass" toolbox and see that the Perfect Storm is back at his disposal. didn't i just use that? time does fly....

[david f]

Where does the part come into play where god helped Notre Dame kick the winning field goal? "Hey", says god, "I'll fuck over Michigan State today" (a worthy goal, actually).

Does this mean that as a mouthpiece for this diety, will W be able to control the weather now?

these freaks are fuckin' scary. and they have the ear of the commander in chief and of the attorney gerechtigkeitsf?hrer...

storms and lawyers headin' into chicago soon...

drf

[Douglas Fletcher]

What, you don't think an ancient witch doctor would've driven an SUV if he could've had one?

[St. Poo Poo]

Sad thing is (and I say this as an atheist) the
Pat Robertson article is waaaaaayyyyy funnier
than George Carlin's "highschool arguments against
religion".
Somehow the two go pretty well together on the
missing-the-point-of-religion meter, albeit in
different ways.

Cheers.
St. Poo Poo

[fredH]

St. Poo Poo:

Of course the Robertson piece was funnier. Brilliant comic actors (John Cleese, for example) have always understood that people are at their funniest when they are being deadly serious.

Mike E.: A brilliant summary of two centuries of scientific research. I can see that you are a real intellectual giant. (That was sarcasm, by the way.)

[Warren]

Pat's got nothing on Jack Chick
http://www.chick.com
check out The Sissy?

[Chris Dunlea]

Thanks for the Biblical weather report, Pat. On that note, we leftist gay-defending, Republican-bashing, sinful-lifestyle liberals here in New England have had a pretty good summer so far, with plenty of rain for the water supply and relatively comfortable temperatures.

Following your logic, maybe that means God only unleashes tornadoes and disasters on "Christians" who practice superstition more appropriate for the people of Sodom and Gomorrah. Or maybe, just maybe, God made most of us smarter than tadpoles so we could use our common sense and realize that a 2000 year old book is not a weather forecast. Try smoking that in your pipe, Pat.

[Ron Hardin]

Southwest Radio Church used to be the best source of prophecy in their ``Bible in the news'' segment; alas, now a shadow of its former glory. Some synapse stopped firing in an aging preacher. But they used to refer to Artificial Intelligence (a frequent contributor) as A-one, and once they observed that the savings and loan industry, once a leading economic indicator, now lies in ruins. There's a book they were flogging a couple of years ago that by the process of logical elimination proved that UFO's are piloted by fallen angels trying to get the media's attention. But mostly today it's a disappointment, a really dull report from Israel where the aged preacher's daughter lives or something. They have a website somewhere, but apparently the torch has been passed to environmental groups today.

[Anonymous]

"Following your logic, maybe that means [G-d] only unleashes tornadoes and disasters on 'Christians' who practice superstition more appropriate for the people of Sodom and Gomorrah."

I think that Chris might be onto something. Having just returned from a trip to Israel, I can tell you that the weather was clear, bright, and warm. This is despite the fact that many secular Jews there apparently have political views well to the left of those of Robertson and various messianic Jews.

Perhaps we need to side as much as possible with the Israeli left so that G-d is too busy punishing Christian fundamentalists to worry about Israelis who have a pragmatic approach to security issues.

[R.Paul]

Scariest thing is that Pat Robertson once ran for President of these United States. (Yikes!)

[D.Arwin]

Bomb-bomb. YOU made my day, in turn. "We get lawyers from pond scum in just a few years." (ha-ha-ha!) A good one I'll have to remember for office parties.

(Still wiping the tears.)

[Anonymous]

"Doesn't the belief that God has to screw around in earthly events to achieve His will imply that He didn't get it right the first time?"

Joe, but the Bible said, "And God created the heavens and the earth (and Adam, etc.) and saw that it was GOOD."

It didn't say, "... and saw that it was PERFECT."

(He left that part up to us.)

[Douglas Fletcher]

"Scariest thing is that Pat Robertson once ran for President of these United States. (Yikes!)"

It wasn't that scary. I'm thinking of running myself.

[joe]

Doug,

What Would Baal Drive?

[Anonymous]

The God's Will argument is always used because it's impossible to really disprove.

Besides, tornadoes are good for the economy.

[Brian]

I thought it was a sign when the space shuttle carrying an isreali astronaut was touched by the hand of allah over Palestine,TX.

[twistedmerkin]

I'm surprised that others are surprised at the beliefs of fundamental christians. You people never had to talk to one before? Years ago an elderly woman neighbor started talking to me in tongues. That's when I became a gun rights advocate. I thought she was going to turn into that bitch from Army of Darkness. Where's my boomstick?

[Bruce Almighty]

Sorry, but I have it on good authority that it wasn't God who created that tornado. That was me... you see, at the time, God was in Vegas to catch the new Celine Dion show and he didn't want to be bothered with, so he asked me to fill in for him... and well, I sneezed... and you can figure out the rest, right?

Again, sorry about that... my mistake. I'm still fumbling around with this all-powerful stuff.

But I promise you next chance I get I'll turn that Robertson guy into a rambling lunatic... oh, wait a minute... that's what he is already... sorry. Well I'll figure something out.

[Mike E]

Exactly, about the only thing goofier than believing God may have a hand in contemporary events is that we somehow morphed into the humans we are today from pond scum millions of years ago . . .ooops, probably insulted a few here, huh?

[bomb bomb]

twistedmerkin: you just made my day

Mike E: Humans from pond scum in millions of years? Why not? We get lawyers from pond scum in just a few years.

[joe]

Doesn't the belief that God has to screw around in earthly events to achieve His will imply that He didn't get it right the first time?

[Joe]

Of course, the scariest part is that you expect this kind of thinking from a witch doctor living some 6,000 odd years ago -- he didn't know any better.

But to get this from someone who probably drives an SUV, who has telephones and TV and maybe a PC at his home, and who lives right here among us in the year 2003 ...

That is really sad.

[Mike E]

Fred H: thanks for proving that some of us never make it out of the 'pond-scum' developmental phase

Kudos

[Anonymous]

Ooooo! That's slimy!

[Chimera Beth]

EMAIL: [e-mail]
IP: 203.162.3.148
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DATE: 05/20/2004 10:23:04
'Of course' is cyanide of the mind.