Harry Potter and the Mad Patriarch

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Here's a perfect excuse for me to give my pet Harry Potter theory: If and when the remaining three books see the light of day, it will at some point turn out that Harry has a long-lost sibling, who will most likely turn out to be Hermione Granger. Meanwhile, Harry's back in hot water, this time in Russia, where Moscow prosecutors are investigating whether the wildly popular books incite religious hatred. Under Russia's "religious hatred" law, authorities are required to investigate any accusation—in this case a claim came from an unidentified woman that Chamber of Secrets contains "occult propaganda." The investigation may also help publishers of the Russian knockoff "Tanya Grotter" books. (Dig the familiar-looking covers.) More than anything, however, this story illustrates how the Russian Orthodox Church is surging like the Red Army after the Battle of Kursk. The signs of the times vary from the ROC's ability to get immigration authorities to help in its war with the pope to Patriarch Alexy II's visits to the booby hatch.

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  1. Great…. First religious fedualism, then secular totalitarianism, then right back into theocracy.

    To borrow a quote from Yakov Smirnoff: “What a counrty.”

  2. Oops: Make that “country.”

  3. Potter and Granger end up as siblings, you say? That would be a wack “Star Wars” style rip-off. Remember Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia?

  4. Huh??? Here did you hear this, Matt?

  5. Luke and Leia are related? I tuned out after they brought in the Ewoks. But that sibling plot twist is an idea as old as melodrama. There was even an old matinee convention where the hero and heroine would each have half a pendant which they put together in the end to reveal their common parentage. (The line “I still believe she was my twin, but I lost the ring” from the song “Simple Twist of Fate” is an allusion to this old favorite.) The Harry Potter books could steal this idea from the ether without technically ripping anybody off, although I’m hoping there’s something more interesting in store. I do, however, believe there is a 100% chance that Harry will turn out to have a long-lost sibling somewhere out there. Also, one of the Weasleys will turn bad.

  6. I know about Star Wars thing, Tim. I was just wondering where Matt had heard that Harry and Hermione were long lost siblings.

  7. Hm. Harry and Hermione as sibs. Hermione *was*
    raised by Muggles, just like Harry, only Hermione
    thinks they’re her parents.

    Plus, you have the similar names – both start
    with H, which is common with sibs.

    I bet it goes beyond just sibs. I don’t recall
    Hermione’s birthday being described. If
    it hasn’t been mentioned, I bet it turns
    out to be the same as Harry’s.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if they turn out
    to be *fraternal twins*.

  8. Whoops… never mind. Tim’s original post a little more carefully than I did the first time.

    Now, excuse me while I find a rock to crawl under until the embarrassment passes.

  9. Whoops… never mind. I just read Tim’s original post a little more carefully than I did the first time.

    Now, excuse me while I find a rock to crawl under until the embarrassment passes.

  10. Harry Potter is a very .Crap I will never read it

  11. Harry Potter is a very .Crap I will never read it

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