Brickbats

? A teacher found 6-year-old Seamus Morris giving lemon drops to some of his fellow first-graders at a Colorado Springs elementary school. Apparently mistaking the candy for drugs, officials reacted by calling an ambulance and the fire department to examine the kids, advising their parents to take them to the hospital for tests, and suspending young Seamus.

? Late last year, Larry Flynt issued free subscriptions to Hustler to more than 400 congressmen, senators, and cabinet heads. Hustler reports that just 63 refused the subscriptions.

? The U.S. Forest Service recently installed dozens of "odorless outhouses" in national forests at a cost of more than $10,000 per outhouse. The buildings pipe out foul air with the aid of solar-powered fans. But the Forest Service placed many of them in areas that are constantly in the shade, making the fans useless.

? Last year, the state of Hawaii banned no-holds-barred fighting competitions. Lawmakers called it "human cockfighting." Earlier this year, a committee of the state house passed a bill legalizing real cockfighting. Observers say the bill likely will become law.

? A Christian group in Yuba City, California, is trying to get the Ancient Ways store kicked out of the Yuba City Mall. The store sells such things as tarot cards and five-sided stars. The Christians say such items are as dangerous as drugs, pornography, and guns.

? The Illinois Department of Children and Family Services has doled out some $22.5 million to the most dysfunctional 1,370 families on its rolls since 1995. One mother of six got almost $75,000. Among the goods given to those parents, many of whom have been charged with neglecting or abusing their kids: electronic entertainment centers; YMCA memberships; and aikido, basketball, and drama classes. All this in an attempt to simulate middle-class environments for the children.

? Democrats will go to great lengths to get campaign dollars, but begging Newt Gingrich for money seems a bit desperate. Still, there it was, a solicitation letter to Gingrich from President Clinton on behalf of the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee. Said Gingrich spokesman Andrew Weinstein, "In an ongoing quest to shake down anyone with a wallet, the Clinton-Gore campaign has already worked its way through foreign nationals, Buddhist nuns, and impoverished tribes. I guess Republican leaders were next on their list."

? In South Carolina, the state board of education is considering putting less emphasis on IQ scores for admissions to gifted and talented programs. Instead, factors such as "motivation" would be considered.

? South Dakota voters this year will get a chance to vote on a new constitutional amendment banning nonfamily farm corporations.