Brickbats
? Police in Newport News, Virginia, have apprehended 17-year-old Andy Marlowe. Despite his tender age, Marlowe has been wanted by police "for years." His crime? Trying to raise money for a missionary assignment from his church. Marlowe has been earning cash by repainting people's house numbers on the curb. The city has charged him with painting on public property without a permit.
? This correction appeared in a recent issue of The New Yorker regarding a statement by William Bennett in an article by Michael Kelly: "In criticizing the political views of Patrick Buchanan, Mr. Bennett said, 'It's a real us-and-them kind of thing,' not, as we reported, 'It's a real S&M kind of thing.'"
? In Dayton, Ohio, two firefighters were injured when airbags slammed into them as they were trying to free people from a wrecked car.
? An employee of New York's state-funded Legal Aid Society tried to incite prisoners to force a "lockdown" in all maximum-security prisons. This was to commemorate the 1971 Attica riot and to protest conditions in New York prisons.
? In Little Rock, Arkansas, Joshua Martinez shaved his head in solidarity with his mother, who lost her hair due to chemotherapy. Apparently, some kids didn't appreciate this show of devotion. They decided Josh must be one of those nasty skinheads they've heard so much about and beat the crap out of him.
? Some people want a constitutional amendment making it illegal to desecrate the flag. Well in India, it's illegal to defame Mahatma Gandhi. And Rupert Murdoch faces criminal charges because of it. A guest on a talk show aired by Murdoch's satellite channel Star TV called Gandhi a "bastard bania." (Bania refers to a shopkeeping caste.) Now a judge has agreed to send out warrants for the arrest of the guest, the host of the show, and Murdoch.
? Maine's highest court has upheld a $40,000 jury verdict against the Fort Kent Golf Club. The club was sued by a golfer whose own ball bounced off railroad tracks that cross the first fairway and hit her in the face.
? In South Carolina, Judge Joseph Wilson refused to allow a female lawyer to enter a plea on behalf of her client. The reason: The lawyer was wearing pants. Said Wilson, "If a man were to come to court without a tie, I'd ask him to put on a tie."
? When Paul Holloway arrived at Orlando International Airport, he was disturbed to find that his suitcase had been torn. He complained to officials, who found two explosive devices had been planted. Turns out that police in Amsterdam, where the flight originated, had placed the bombs in the suitcase as a security test, then forgot about them.
? In Philadelphia, the head of a special police unit that handles sensitive racial incidents has been transferred for telling a black officer patrolling a protest rally, "You're sweating like a nigger."
? Michigan's Mackinac Center has announced the results of its Outrageous Law Competition. Among the winners: the city of Harper Woods, which forbids the painting of songbirds; the Village of Lyons, which makes it unlawful to allow an indecent exposure of any animal where they may be seen by passers-by; and the state of Michigan itself, which forbids a person from placing the insignia of an organization on his car unless he's a member. That means an awful lot of Detroit Tigers fans are breaking the law.
? Lured by psychics, 1,500 Bulgarians gathered at an airfield to await the arrival of extraterrestrials. The aliens were supposed to, among other things, help the country pay its foreign debts. Alas, the ETs never arrived and police had to move in to protect the mediums from an angry crowd.
? Have you wondered what David Duke has been up to lately? Well, the former Klan leader has been in Russia. There he met with Vladimir Zhirinovsky, the wacky ultranationalist. And guess what? The two got along swimmingly. Said Duke, "Zhirinovsky once called me his favorite American politi cian."