Cuddle Crackdown! Police Think Snugglers are Actually Hookers: Don’t cops have better things to do?

“I’m going to change the world one snuggle at a time,” declares Hannah Rode, manager of the Snuggle House in Madison, Wisconsin. Hannah, and her stable of professional snugglers (including the lone man Lonnie!) were all set to open their doors and their arms to those in need of non-sexual stress relief. However, local officials didn’t buy the non-sexual part. They figured the Snuggle House to be a front for prostitution.

“No offense to men, but I don’t know any man who wants to just snuggle,” says assistant city attorney Jennifer Zilavy. The Madison Police Department spoke openly about busting the new business with sting operations, boasting that officers make frequent use of stings to rack up arrest stats for everything from drugs to alcohol and sex-related offenses. You may even find undercover officers at local restaurants and dance clubs trying to bait suckers into swiping unattended smartphones.

"That's just what we do, for drugs, bars, anywhere we think it's beneficial," police Lt. David McCaw says. "We do it all the time. You can't expect that's not going to happen to you."

The Snuggle House ended up buckling under city harassment and shutting down before dishing out any snuggles. But c'mon, don’t cops have better things to do?!

Turns out the cuddly controversy erupted around the same time the state’s attorney general released a report finding that human trafficking is on the rise in the Badger State, and is especially common in cities. Wisconsin Attorney General J.B. Van Hollen joined 46 other attorneys general to call on the federal government to devote more resources to combating this crime that often involves forced sex, and where victims are often children as well as adults.

But why wait on the feds? Maybe Madison’s sting-happy cops could devote more resources to fighting human trafficking, and lay off the non-violent adults engaging in consensual acts.

2 minutes

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"Don't Cops Have Better Things to Do?" is written and directed by Ted Balaker (@tedbalaker). Produced by and motion graphics by Matt Edwards (@MattChrisEd). Opening motion graphics by Meredith Bragg. Camera by Zach Weissmueller. “Jerry the Professional Snuggler” played by Paul Detrick. Music by audionautix.com and "The Contessa" is by Maurice and the Beejays (Magnatune Records).

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  • prolefeed||

    "That's just what we do, for drugs, bars, anywhere we think it's beneficial," police Lt. David McCaw says.

    Hey, nice job of skipping specifying the object of that sentence.

    Beneficial for WHO? Police wanting to rack up overtime? Prudes who take pleasure in the notion that people who are experiencing pleasures they personally find icky are being thrown in a cage?

  • Juice||

    “No offense to men, but I don’t know any man who wants to just snuggle,” says assistant city attorney Jennifer Zilavy.

    So sexist.

  • sarcasmic||

    Just because no man wants to cuddle with her doesn't mean no man wants to cuddle with anyone.

  • Alan||

    +1

    I was going to say the exact same thing.

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    When someone starts a sentence with, "No offense to..." the next thing that comes out of their mouth will be offensive.

    When someone starts a sentence with, "Not to sound racist, but..." the next thing that comes out of their mouth will be pretty racist.

  • lap83||

    "I don't want to sound like a queer or nothin', but I think you got a hot ass!"

  • wwhorton||

    +1 Depeche Mode is a sweet band!

  • GILMORE||

    + 2 bitchin' rollerblades

  • VicRattlehead||

    I think unicorns are kick ass

  • wwhorton||

    "Not to sound racist, but there really needs to be a separate league for these Asian kids in the spelling bee."

    Don't forget my all-time favorite: "I've got no problem with black people; it's niggers I have a problem with."

  • sarcasmic||

    Don't forget my all-time favorite: "I've got no problem with black people; it's niggers I have a problem with."

    Chris Rock is racist?

  • Zeb||

    His stage persona is, anyway.

  • sarcasmic||

    Then you obviously did not understand a word he said.

  • Zeb||

    No, I just mindlessly commented without looking at the link.

  • Voros McCracken||

    Beyond being a moronic statement, you would think an attorney would be a little more familiar with the concept of "presumption of innocence."

  • John C. Randolph||

    Yeah, can't we charge her with a hate crime for spewing sexism like that?

    -jcr

  • Francisco d Anconia||

    Don’t cops have better things to do?

    Like beating schizophrenic people to death and shooting dogs?

  • wwhorton||

    Surely someone, somewhere must be rolling through stop signs with a pound of coke up his kiester.

  • ||

    Or shooting at white people that look nothing like Chris Dorner?

  • Zeb||

    If they are so big on stings, then why didn't they wait to find some actual evidence before forcing the place to close?

  • Christophe||

    Yeah, if they actually wanted to catch people (not that they should) maybe loudly announcing you'll be running stings is counterproductive.

  • VicRattlehead||

    Its called Hubris, its why King Xerxes' troops were decimated by King Leonidas, and it is the reason cops try to force legitimate businesses to close down instead of allowing them to produce taxes for our society to function on, because they "know" its a brothel and they "know" men don't like cuddling, never mind that getting a lap-dance is perfectly legal. does this make absolutely no sense and completely discredit all cops involved? I think we all know the answer to that.

  • Normajeana||

    Cops don't need no stinkin' evidence… but when it comes to the 5,049,220 unsolved reported rapes and sexual assaults from 1991 to 2012, they had the evidence, but most of the rape kits sitting in the evidence lockers nationwide are deteriorating by the minute… because there are not enough resources to test the kits, pursue the alleged rapists, prosecute if rapist is caught and no place to put them if they are convicted. It is just so much easier for cops to allege adult women are victims of sex trafficking- no proof needed, the federal government gives cities huge grants to find and rescue sex trafficking victims and cops get all the free samples they want… win-win for everyone but rape victims, sex workers and the cuddlers and cuddle-ees.

  • Edwin||

    "No offense to men, but I don’t know any man who wants to just snuggle,"

    WOOOWWWW. No surprise, though, that a high-power government worker is another stereotypical feminist cunt who's just jaded because she was never good enough (giving, loving) to get or keep a real man.
    A lot of guys LOVE cuddling

  • John C. Randolph||

    Of course, the real motive here is that they only want people to seek comfort in the tender embrace of Big Brother.

    -jcr

  • Ross Adams||

    "We don't need evidence to know what's really going on; we're the police and our preconceived notions be law!"

    Hey, Madison Police Department, kill yourselves :)

  • Bean Counter||

    Can you say "prior restraint"?

  • daisy269||

    I absolutely love this program, it's actualy the most financially rewarding I've ever had. You can work where ever, when ever, and as much as you want. Make $100 in a day, pretty cool!! I can't believe how easy it was once I tried it out. Linked here www.Buzz95.com

  • Alan||

    "Maybe Madison’s sting-happy cops could devote more resources to fighting human trafficking, and lay off the non-violent adults engaging in consensual acts."

    There is virtually no human trafficking in the Americas, and not much globally either.

    But Wisconsin is a surprisingly weird state when it comes to this sort of thing - they've combined the worst aspects of man-hating feminism and purity-obsessed religious nuttery.

  • Normajeana||

    You are So right, Alan. This is a moral panic, aiming to 'eradicate' all commercial sex- any way they can. Cops like the laws, because it allows them to get 'free samples' from sex workers under threat of arrest.

  • Normajeana||

    Yes, indeed- Wisconsin is in the middle of a 'sex trafficking' crisis… according to the Polaris Project report from 2012 (2013 not yet available), there were 4 (FOUR) calls which were designated "potential victims referenced' (which means that these calls MIGHT have been about potential victims, but it doesn't say if these calls referenced sex trafficking victims. In 2011, the Polaris Project said that there were 5 (five) calls designated as 'potential victims referenced.'

    However, in 2012 there were 1,219 reported violent rapes, cops managed to arrest 559 alleged rapists, 383 adults for engaging in consenting adult commercial sex and 20 minors for engaging in commercial sex… in 2011, there were 1,163 reported rapes and 693 arrests for rape, 457 arrests for prostitution, and 48,195 arrests for disorderly conduct… so, reported rapes were up in 2012, but 'potential victims referenced calls' were down … sure sounds like they have a HUGE problem in Wisconsin…
    stats courtesy of the Polaris Project and the FBI Bureau of Justice Statistics table #5 (crimes committed by state) and # 69 (number of arrests by state) (2011, 2012)

  • JD3||

    If I'm working at a Cuddle Center and some undercover cop (hopefully female) slaps some cuffs on me...methinks things just got freaky-deaky.
    Cop: You're under arrest!

    Me: Oh, so you want to do more than just cuddle? All right babe.

    Cop: You have the right to remain silent...

    Me: Way to stay in character!

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