Hawaii Cops Give Up on Sex With Hookers, Settle for Handjobs and Blowjobs

KHONKHONHawaii cops have reached an agreement with state legislators that will limit the exemption that allows them to have sex with prostitutes. Police originally insisted on an open-ended license to fornicate, but now they are willing to settle for petting, handjobs, blowjobs, and other activities that fall short of penetration.

Hawaii's current prostitution law includes a blanket exemption for law enforcement officers "acting in the course and scope of duties." That covers both agreeing to pay for sex and actually having sex. As you may recall, some members of the state House of Representatives, who apparently were surprised to discover this exemption existed, wanted to remove "sexual penetration or sadomasochistic abuse" from the list of things cops are allowed to do with prostitutes. Police objected, saying that change would put a damper on their work, and the bill that the House ultimately passed left the exemption alone. But news of the nixed amendment generated enough outrage that police are now willing to compromise.

Yesterday state Sen. Clayton Hee, who chairs the Senate Judiciary and Labor Committee, told KHON, the Fox station in Honolulu, that the Honolulu Police Department (HPD) "agrees that the sexual penetration language in the law that they are exempt from should no longer be an exemption for police officers." HPD Maj. Jerry Inouye told the station that the department "has never allowed police officers to have sex with prostitutes and that HPD only wanted to keep 'the part that allows an officer to make a verbal agreement for sex for money because that's the crux for most prostitution investigations.'" But that is not what Jason Kawabata, captain of the HPD's Narcotics/Vice Division, told the House Judiciary Committee last month (emphasis added):

As written, this bill would nullify the exemption if the officer agrees to pay a fee for sexual penetration or sadomasochistic abuse. This would limit the type of violations law enforcement officers are able to enforce. Even if the intent of the amendment is merely to limit actual conduct by the officer, we must oppose it. Codifying the limitations on an officer‘s conduct would greatly assist pimps and prostitutes in their efforts to avoid prosecution.  

Yes, Kawabata wanted to make sure it was legal for officers to promise money for sex, including penetration. But he also wanted to preserve the exemption for actually having sex with hookers, even though Inouye insists that has never been allowed, because "codifying the limitations on an officer's conduct would greatly assist pimps and prostitutes in their efforts to avoid prosecution." As I said last week, that argument does not make a lot of sense, since it depends on a scenario in which a prostitute has sex with her customer to make sure he's not a cop before striking a deal. In any case, if police regulations are as strict as Inouye claims, knowledge of them would have the same effect on the behavior of pimps and prostitutes as knowledge of a statutory restriction would.

Apparently that has occurred to the SPD, which decided not to send any representatives to a Senate hearing on the prostitution bill last Friday. Inouye explained that the first rule of the department's policy regarding sex with hookers is not to talk about the department's policy regarding sex with hookers:

Maj. Inouye also addressed the department's absence at last Friday's hearing, saying they have to be very careful about what they say publicly about policies when it comes to their undercover investigations. "We felt at that point, if I went to the hearing, I might be subjected to questions about our undercover polices that I might not be able to answer," he said.

Kawabata and Inouye talk about their work as if they are catching terrorists and dare not tip them off about police methods because lives hang in the balance. But in reality, cops enforcing prostitution laws are not protecting the public from dangerous predators; they are trying to stop consenting adults from exchanging sex for money. There is nothing noble or worthwhile about that work, and it surely does not deserve the sort of deference the state House showed when it unanimously agreed that police need the leeway to have sex with prostitutes so they can stop people from having sex with prostitutes.

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  • Zeb||

    What about anal? Is that OK?

  • Jacob Sullum||

    No anal. Anal = "penetration." But certain kinds of "sadomasochistic abuse" may be OK.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    But blowjobs are okay, and they could be said to be a kind of penetration.

  • Zeb||

    That's what I was thinking.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    A Blowjob, aka "oral copulation", is penetration under CA law. IDK about Hawaii.

  • Soros' Wank-noose||

    Jibbers all around!!! Jibbers for everyone!!!

  • Zeb||

    I love how you just give me a completely straight answer to a very silly question.

  • Sudden||

    A very silly question? Nine times outta ten when I ask a girl about that, she thinks its a very serious question.

    And I am being very serious.

  • Zeb||

    As I am not a cop in Hawaii, my situation is rather different.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    Hetero anal probably would have still existed mostly in porno and urban legend territory, were it not for the whole abstinence craze busting things wide open. Thanks, social conservatives!

  • Zeb||

    Anal sex has probably been used both as a virginity preserver and a sort of birth control for a long, long time.

  • Sudden||

    busting things wide open

    perfect phrasing

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    What? What'd I do?

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    Just wondering, does Hawaii police ever go undercover to catch male prostitutes? HA! That's probably the main kind of prostitute they use their "tactics" to catch.

  • prolefeed||

    They go undercover to bust trannies, which are the overwhelming majority of prostitutes with dicks.

  • Anomalous||

    A blowjob isn't penetration if you have a really short dick.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    The right kind of lips can wrap around anything.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    OT, but oh-so satisfying and hilarious:

    Leland Lee, San Francisco state senator, was arrested by the FBI and placed under indictment by Federal prosecutors. Among the charges: conspiracy to traffic firearms

    Yes, Leland Lee, one of the most prominent anti-gun Democrats in California, allegedly conspired with Chinese gangsters to traffic in illegal firearms. Using the black market gun laws create.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    Like I said, that guy can burn in hell. My AR-15 already has to have training wheels in this state, and he even wanted to have that taken away from the public.

  • ||

    If he is truly guilty I hope he is gang raped to death in prison.

  • Sudden||

    No! To the Pain!

  • ||

    And then my ears, I understand let's get on with it.

  • seguin||

    WRONG. Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing," will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    I don't care if he's guilty.

  • ||

    I wonder why the guy sitting in the oval office, who did the exact same thing, is sitting in the oval office and not an 8x10.

  • Wasteland Wanderer||

    FYTW

  • Sevo||

    And the Chron goes 'way out on a limb and states he should be removed from office (with pay...)!
    Because he's a slime ball, right? Nope, because he makes Ds look bad. Pathetic:

    "Calif. state Sen. Yee's arrest damages Democratic power"
    http://www.sfgate.com/opinion/.....351910.php

    Who cares about crooked politicos so long as they don't hurt the brand!

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    The NBC bay area website forgot to include his party affiliation for some reason.

  • ||

    They said he was a California politician. I'm not entirely sure what more you need to know about his party affiliation.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    And yet, they never forget to include the (R).

  • ||

    Otherwise people would assume he's a normal California politician.

    Imagine how cumbersome it would be if we had to say "straight marriage" or "alcoholic beer" "not retarded education" "mundane stones" etc

  • Zeb||

    Some really boring person should do a study about that. Seems like the sort of think that is very susceptible to confirmation bias.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    The comments on the NBC article went apeshit about it, and they quietly changed it without a correction note after a few hours.

  • Agammamon||

    Like the people who go nuts about this president or that not wearing an American flag on his lapel all the time.

    Or 'not returning his military escorts salutes'.

  • ||

    This is actually what FBI agents should be doing. Nothing else but putting the fear into politicians everywhere.

  • Sevo||

    In order for them to be frightened, they'd have to pay some sort of penalty.
    If you read the Chron editorial, you'll find the guy convicted of lying about his residence is still collecting his pay!

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    I just got through with the article. They are actually advocating for him to continue receiving pay while in federal prison!!! That motherfucker is so crooked, he has his own nickname in the gang, "uncle".

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    To be fair, pretty much any Chinese male over the age of 18 is referred to as "uncle" by someone in his acquaintance.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    Also in the article, he has arrests for shoplifting and cruising in the red light district.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    That filing is incredibly extensive. Yee is fucked.

    I'm going to go over to calguns.net and see if they are gloating yet.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    He never should have double crossed Leslie Chow.

  • Agammamon||

    Did the FBI arrest end in a standoff?

    He's an international criminal, these things *always* end in a standoff.

  • Hugh Akston||

    Police originally insisted on an open-ended license to fornicate, but now they are willing to settle for petting, handjobs, blowjobs, and other activities that fall short of penetration.

    "Episiarch's Law"

  • ||

    Episiarch's law is like Episiarch's love: hard and fast. Also, if it isn't vaginal it doesn't count as sex to Catholic schoolgirls. Thanks be to Satan.

  • VicRattlehead||

    I don't pretend to understand Episiarch's Law, I merely enforce it.

    Do you wear a velour uniform as well?

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    "codifying the limitations on an officer's conduct would greatly assist pimps and prostitutes in their efforts to avoid prosecution."

    Yeah, imagine if prostitutes stop asking for the money upfront to prevent undercover 5-O from busting them.

    Because that's the idea, right?

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    A good gay narcotics officer taking down gay drug traffickers in the gay male prostitute scene should always have gay meth and gay semen in his gay blood and up his gay ass.

  • Tman||

    (NTTAWT)

  • sarcasmic||

    What's the point of being a cop if you can't cheat on your wife with prostitutes?

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    I dunno. Dog killing?

  • Sudden||

    "Illegal" camping murder rampages with full body armor and fully automatic weapons?

  • Dweebston||

    Inouye in the Biblical sense.

  • Hyperion||

    to have sex with prostitutes so they can stop people from having sex with prostitutes

    That's really all that needs to be said here. Anyone who can't grasp the irony of that is totally incapable of making any decision about how society should function.

  • VicRattlehead||

    * however will probably get elected on empty promises and lies anyways

  • Heroic Mulatto||

  • Hugh Akston||

    It's hard to stop once you get a taste of murder.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    Tasty, tasty murder.

    And, the last incident was international news. Somebody in management needs a talking to.

  • Agammamon||

    Soon, they hunt the most dangerous game - the primate exhibit.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    But that new lion is better than all 4 of of the lions he replaced combined.

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    So, what you're saying is that the new lion is Voltron?

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    He will be, god willing.

  • ||

    No, Aslan. Or more well known as "Jesus".

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    I shit you not, my older brother named his kid Aslan. Several people choked on their drinks last week at brunch when he announced it.

    My little brother and I started calling the baby "Assland", often enough that my mom accidentally does it now...

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    Your older brother named your nephew after a Chechen guerrilla leader?

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    I'm going to use that against him too.

    He named his other kids Casper and Josephine, so I have no idea what the hell is going on in his head.

  • ||

    My ex-coworker named his son Archer, and hadn't actually ever watched the show when he did that (he has now, thankfully).

  • Zeb||

    I hope he liked it.

  • ||

    If he had real balls he would have named him Sterling.

  • Wasteland Wanderer||

    Or Seamus.

  • Agammamon||

    Mallory

  • Wasteland Wanderer||

    Duchess.

  • VicRattlehead||

    I named my kid Aria T'loak

    My brother named his kid Raiden

    I think we play too many video games

  • gaoxiaen||

    Mxyzptlk

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    Well, considering this lion got into this position by slaughtering 4 poor motherfuckers, I'm gonna take that "Jesus" as the "Central American Drug Lord" variety of Jesus.

  • Zeb||

    It is a little known fact that God the Father actually had 5 sons born at the same time in and Jesus murdered the other 4.

  • ||

    "Don't fuck with the Jesus."

  • ||

    No, Aslan. Or more well known as "Jesus".

    Wait, what!?

    Was that whole stone table thing some kind of metaphor for Christ dying on the cross and being resurrected? It was so subtle I never noticed.

    Thanks, Epi!

    /sarc

  • Zeb||

    I actually never got that when I read Narnia as a kid. Somewhat surprisingly my family, which was fairly religious in a liberal New England Protestant sort of way, never tried to impress that aspect of it on me more. I just never understood what the hell was going on when Aslan allowed himself to be killed and then mysteriously reappeared.

  • ||

    Oh, Lewis was popular in my family for his Christian apologetics, so I was familiar with him going into reading the Chronicles of Narnia. His Space Trilogy is also fairly entertaining, but also ham-fisted in its message.

    The Screwtape Letters is the only reason why if a date offers to pay for dinner, I suggest splitting once and then accept graciously.

    I rather like Lewis.

  • Zeb||

    I think I enjoyed both Narnia and the Space Trilogy more when I was young and naif and didn't see the heavy handed allegory so clearly. But I do still enjoy his writing.

  • ||

    The best part is that when I read it as a kid, it went totally above my head (I'd only been in a church about three times in my life). I didn't realize it was Jeebus until years later. I guess that's what I get for reading The Odyssey instead of the Bible.

  • Zeb||

    I even went to church fairly regularly and still just thought it was weird. Allegory isn't a very high form of art anyway.

  • VicRattlehead||

    Probably less nightmares as well the Bible is no book for small children, fucking violent as hell. I was raised in an Eastern Orthodox Catholic household, that was my bedtime story book, probably explains my love of sado-masochism.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    Businesses scrap things all the time.

  • gaoxiaen||

    They should roast them and sell gyros, though I think that giraffe would be better.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    No, it's like Meow-schwitz.

  • ||

    Get out. Now.

  • VicRattlehead||

    ROTFL

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    FTA: The zoo said they were unable to place the lions elsewhere, so they had to kill them.

    What the fuck? The LA Zoo has been trying to get new lions since theirs died over a year and a half ago.

  • ||

    Shipping charges were too much?

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    I doubt they were ever contacted.

    GLAZA (the fundraising arm of the LA Zoo) has a shitload of money (including my small donations), and they are in need of lions.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    Restrictive regulations?

    In the museum and zoo industry, things like the deaccessioning of collections usually get announced to the accreditation members well ahead of time.

  • Zeb||

    If you see the purpose of the zoo as breeding healthy animals in captivity, it probably makes sense in a way. Though You'd think they could find somewhere else for those animals to live.

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    I full understand culling to maintain the health of a flock or herd. I did it with my chickens and rabbits all the time.

    It's just funny when its the same zoo that killed the giraffe, which I believe they fed to those very same lions.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    I know, right? What a waste of giraffe!

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    I'd fucking eat a giraffe.

    And as giraffe is 100% Kosher, I expect to find that shit in the Butcheria.

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    *Butcherie

  • Agammamon||

    Carniceria

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    A couple of my friends went off-registry for my wedding and signed me up for a meat-of-the-month club. Giraffe was month 3. Similar to beef.

  • ||

    Actually, they often can't. There was/is an animal rescue place in Maine outside of Augusta where I used to vacation (Parker Pond), and they took anything and everything because no one else would. They had monkeys, panthers, lions, camels, you name it. I got to play with a lion cub there, which was pretty awesome.

  • gaoxiaen||

    Roast camel hump is delicious.

  • Agammamon||

    I think there's a place in Africa they could try. I hear they have lots of lions there.

  • Libertymike||

    Is Major Inouye a relative of the late senator?

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    IDK, it's a common name in HI.

  • Raven Nation||

    Late senator had only one son who has one grand-daughter. Beyond that, didn't find anything on a quick search.

  • Raven Nation||

    Been away all day so may be late with this OT:

    Conservative stalwart Michelle Malkin endorses medical marijuana:

    http://townhall.com/columnists.....p-n1814543

  • ||

    It still blows my mind that someone that good looking also defends the internment of Japanese-Americans in WWII.

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    A lot of people went batshit crazy after the Towers fell. She is to be pitied rather than scorned.

  • Jordan||

    I would totally pity her. I would pity the hell out of her.

  • ||

    You only say that because she's really, really hot.

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    Of course.

  • ||

    Why do I suspect your idea of pity leads directly to extensive twerk training and then on to Warty's Rapetorium™?

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    That already happened, "complete with video evidence.

  • Heroic Mulatto||

  • ||

    I dunno, she seems pretty good at keeping her knees together.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    Tighter than a vice.

  • ||

    I don't think you're quite getting it, jesse. It's not really your milieu.

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    I should also note that her extensive twerk training also involved forcing her to dress as Yoko Ono, just because.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    That one un-aroused me.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    That's like an adult swim bump.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    So they can only get half of a half and half? I guess this could be seen as a cost saving measure, depending on if they ever actually pay for it.

  • Surly Chef||

    The cops pay, with taxpayer money. Then confiscate all the money the hooker has, then busts more hookers for more money. It's hooker money all the way down.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    I knew somebody around here would know the correct lingo.

  • Raven Nation||

    More OT: Atletico back on top of La Liga.

  • Agile Cyborg||

    I'm curious as to what the wives of these cops must think.

    Dumb shitty Hawaiian cop to wife or girlfriend, 'Honey, I had to get my dick sucked tonight to save Hawaii from bad girls. No biggie. Mama go down on papa?'

    Wife or gf to cop busting bad girls ruining the worthless-island-no-one-gives-a-shit-about Hawaii... 'Are you FUCKING kidding ME! I ain't goin' down on no mutherfucker gettin' his dick sucked by no goddam ho! Fuck YOU!'

    Ah.. that felt good just to type.

  • RishJoMo||

    So what is so wrong with an occasional hand job?

    www.EliteVPN.tk

  • Agile Cyborg||

    Nothing... unless you pay for one, klutz.

  • Agile Cyborg||

    And by 'pay' it can be determined that cash and not a hamburger has been exchanged for said service.

  • Agile Cyborg||

    And by 'pay' it is understood that moralizing infants with access to law books have determined that your dick being stroked for 20 actual bucks deserves to be incarcerated by the services of law enforcement costing many thousands.

  • AlmightyJB||

    Hawaii cops = pieces of shit. That is all.

  • AlmightyJB||

    Hey. Wouldn't it be awesome to go out and victimize some women. $/;??###;&*# assholes. Where are are the feminist in all of this? Oh that's right. There too busy saying misogynistic bullshit about republican women to be bothered by rape and persecution.

  • gaoxiaen||

    It's actually quite a sacrifice. If it wasn't me it would have been some other victim.

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