Rape: The Real Menace Of Climate Change?

Crime sceneMagic1: DreamstimeYou can't make this stuff up. Mother Jones has credulously published "Study: Global Warming Will Cause 180,000 More Rapes by 2099." The MJ article is citing a new study from the Journal of Environmental Economics and Management that purports to calculate that future man-made global warming will fuel higher crime rates in the United States over the rest of the century. The study projects:

Between 2010 and 2099, climate change will cause an additional 22,000 murders, 180,000 cases of rape, 1.2 million aggravated assaults, 2.3 million simple assaults, 260,000 robberies, 1.3 million burglaries, 2.2 million cases of larceny, and 580,000 cases of vehicle theft in the United States.

Crime and higher temperatures do correlate, but there are likely to be some mitigating factors over the next century. Maybe those seeking sexual satisfaction or indulging in violent sexual fantasies will turn to the animatronic delights of highly responsive sex robots. With regard to property crimes, perhaps every physical possession will be connected to a vastly elaborated Internet of Everything and stolen items would simply refuse to cooperate with thieves or they might alert passersby that they have been feloniously taken. And why steal vehicles when nearly everyone rents cheap self-driving automobiles on demand? 

Finally, keep in mind that while average temperatures in the United States have increased since the 1970s, the crime rate (including rape) has been falling for nearly two decades.

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  • Raven Nation||

    Alt-text winner!

  • KDN||

    I would have preferred,"it's hot out this bitch, and that's a good enough reason."

  • Hugh Akston||

    Is climate change responsible for Warty, or is Warty responsible for climate change?

  • Hillary's Clitdong||

    "Yes"

  • Lord Humungus||

    I've noticed a distinct lack of STEVE SMITH love. Is Warty slowly becoming the new SS?

  • From the Tundra||

    It's marketing build-up for SF's upcoming Warty epic.

  • Wasteland Wanderer||

    Proper STEVE SMITH jokes should be done posting as STEVE SMITH, and it's been a pain in the ass to change handles since registration.

  • anon||

    Obviously the latter; all the rapes really wear him out, forcing him to eat more; he's releasing the energy from that food into the atmosphere, causing global warming.

  • playa manhattan||

    "Cause". That word does not mean what they think it means.

  • sloopyinca||

    Aren't you going surfing today?

  • anon||

    Hopefully in something with a really high HCL content.

  • playa manhattan||

    I don't mind 15 ft waves if they are good, but today is not that day. We now have 6 different weather alerts in MB:
    http://www.accuweather.com/en/.....ngs/337142

  • playa manhattan||

    BTW Sloop, you're about to get hit with a massive downpour in about an hour:
    http://www.wunderground.com/cg.....uery=92507

    It was coming down so hard, the whole house was shaking...

  • sloopyinca||

    I'm too amused by the CalTrans truck that just ran into an Edison truck right in front of my office to worry about it. It's like a Reesee's Peanut Butter Cup of Government idiocy.

  • Raven Nation||

    Obviously, both agencies need more funding to avoid these kinds of accidents.

  • sloopyinca||

    I will say this about CalTrans: they are pretty good stewards of their assets. We sell about $5M of their rolling stock a year and the overwhelming majority of it is extremely well-worn. Most of the passenger vehicles and light duty trucks are over 200k miles and are at least 10 years old and are also set to run on LP or gas. Most of the heavy duty and medium duty trucks are well over 500k miles, and most of the equipment has the right amount of hours on it for the year/use.

    That said, I think their procurement process is a disaster because they pay retail price for everything.

  • playa manhattan||

    Don't they both have flashing yellow warning lights on the trucks? Nice work, guys.

  • sloopyinca||

    Now it's triple-fucked because it looks like the Oltman's jobsite across the street should have had a lane blocked because their temp fence was obscuring the view.

    I sense a James Bergener appearance in the near future.

  • Francisco d Anconia||

    It was coming down so hard, the whole house was shaking...

    Huzzah, the drought is over.

    Next we'll get to listen to you all bitch about global warming induced mudslidez.

  • Hillary's Clitdong||

    Between 2010 and 2099, climate change will cause an additional 22,000 murders, 180,000 cases of rape, 1.2 million aggravated assaults, 2.3 million simple assaults, 260,000 robberies, 1.3 million burglaries, 2.2 million cases of larceny, and 580,000 cases of vehicle theft in the United States.

    STEVE SMITH DOES NOT STEAL CARS. THAT IS WARTY'S DOING.

  • John||

    And here is something else. If the world warms they will able to extend the football season. And since football games are associated with increases in domestic violence, it won't just be the number of rapes that is going up. More women will be beaten by their husbands and boyfriends too.

    God, I need to just sell out and become a leftist academic. This shit is so easy it practically writes itself.

  • playa manhattan||

    Bikini season will be longer too, and that's not fair to women.

  • ||

    MALE GAYZE!!!!11

  • Lord Humungus||

    And with warmer weather, more people will be driving to the beaches, which in turn will increase the number of auto accidents AND smog. Therefore more lung disease and skin cancer.

    God, you're right, the papers practically write themselves.

  • anon||

    And with warmer weather, more people will be driving to the beaches,

    Which will also increase the number of scantily clad women at the beach, which will obviously cause more rapes. GREENHOUSE RAPE EFFECT!

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    GREENHOUSE RAPE MULTIPLIER!

  • Raston Bot||

    GREENHOUSE RAPE EFFECT!

    It's a vicious feedback of patriarchy and cloud forcing. Forcing, get it?

  • sloopyinca||

    If we have warmer weather, people won't need to drive to the beaches. The beaches will show up at their doorstep in a matter of years. No, weeks. Yeah, that's it, weeks.

  • playa manhattan||

    Finally, my investment in Sandals Resort-Phoenix is going to pay off!

  • sloopyinca||

    Ha! The joke's on you, because I've already got my Hedonism IV at Otisburg permits approved.

  • playa manhattan||

    Is it hard to get permits for ugly people fucking?

  • sloopyinca||

    I've got four kids, don't I?

  • mnarayan||

    Crime and higher temperatures do correlate, but there are likely to be some mitigating factors over the next century.

    Rapes created or saved.

  • CampingInYourPark||

    More women will be beaten by their husbands and boyfriends too

    How dare you not include teh gayz in your study?!

  • sloopyinca||

    That's actually a good control group study. As the use of warming flannels and men's thick denim clothing increases in lesbian relationships, the rate of violence in those relationships has grown by an estimated 30% in the past two decades.

    Sorry guys, but I think the enviros may be right on this one.

  • sloopyinca||

    In unrelated news, Al Gore has done an about face and is now in favor of global warming and says he will begin to push for less restrictions on personal massage services in the developed world.

  • The Late P Brooks||

    Global Warming Will Cause 180,000 More Rapes by 2099.

    Could this be the single most outlandish and unverifiable claim ever made?

    Probably not. But it's a contender.

  • anon||

    Global Warming Will Cause 180,000 More Rapes by 2099.

    The fact that anyone might be able to publish that and remain gainfully employed offers an insight into exactly how fucked we are.

  • R C Dean||

    Global Warming Will Cause 180,000 More Rapes by 2099.

    So, that's 180K more rapes over the next 85 years? or just more than 2K per year?

    In a population of several billion?

    What's the word for a rounding error in the decimal dust?

  • UnCivilServant||

    Not statistically significant.

  • Raven Nation||

    Could this be the single most outlandish and unverifiable claim ever made?

    It has a LOT of competition:

    http://www.numberwatch.co.uk/warmlist.htm

  • GILMORE||

    Warm List already covers "Rape Waves"

    http://gatesofvienna.blogspot......waves.html

  • Raven Nation||

    Good lord. I didn't even read the whole page. So, journalism may not repeat itself but it does rhyme.

  • PapayaSF||

    According to author Bruce Bawer, the city of Stockholm carried out a survey of ninth-grade boys in the predominantly Muslim suburb of Rinkeby. In the last year, 17% of the boys had forced someone to have sex and 31% had hurt someone so badly that the victim required medical care.

    Wonderful.

  • ||

    Isn't the rapes just a byproduct of WW4 that will be caused by global warming?

  • sloopyinca||

    Isn't that what happened to Tasha Yar?

  • Francisco d Anconia||

    It's kinda fun to randomly click on that list and see what comes up.

  • GILMORE||

    STEVE SMITH RESENT GLOBAL WARMING FOR TAKING TOO MCUH CREDIT

  • BiMonSciFiCon||

    I love that it's completely unqualified. Not "may," not "might" but will. Quick, women, move to Canada! It's your only hope.

  • JW||

    Just the women? What choice will any of us have after the South bursts into flames from the warming. Vermont will be the new Florida.

  • ||

    Okay, the women of 2010-2023 were undeniably raped. But from 2024-2080 and the free-living 'cognitive enhancement' culture really makes a lot of them "He said, she said." and the way the women of 2056 onward dress, they're just asking for it anyway.

  • anon||

    Finally, keep in mind that while average temperatures in the United States have increased since the 1970s, the crime rate (including rape) has been falling for nearly two decades.

    Goddamnit Bailey, there you go using things like "facts" and "statistics" to formulate a hypothesis that actually makes sense.

    DIDN'T WE TELL YOU WE HAD A GODDAMNED CONSENSUS!? You fucking bushpig christfag teabagger!

  • JW||

    Did you see how that climate was dressed? It was asking for it!

  • Raven Nation||

    Shit, glad I had swallowed the coffee before I read that.

  • GILMORE||

    Ron Bailey = typical 'libertarian' shill for Big Rape.

  • Pope Jimbo||

    Well with the way global warming has been going and this winter in particular, if the trend continues, how many of those property crimes will include people stealing my snow blower?

  • playa manhattan||

    50% of those rapes will occur during the Road Salt Riots of 2017.

  • Zeb||

    It is worth noting that North America is not the globe.

    I know you are most likely joking, but "it's cold this winter" is just as dumb as "oh my god, a big hurricane" when discussing long term climate trends.

  • CampingInYourPark||

    It is worth noting that North America is not the globe.

    No shit. I have the globe right there in the corner of my study.

  • sarcasmic||

    I know you are most likely joking, but "it's cold this winter" is just as dumb as "oh my god, a big hurricane" when discussing long term climate trends.

    Uhhhh, no?

    Hurricanes, cyclones, tornadoes, floods, droughts, heat waves... those are all climate events.

    Cold temperatures, iced over lakes, blizzards, heavy snowfall... that's just weather.

  • Pope Jimbo||

    Who are you gonna believe sarc? Credentialed climate scientists or your lying eyes?

  • Pope Jimbo||

    I never joke about my snowblower. You mess with a Minnesotan's blower at your own risk.

  • sarcasmic||

    I'm in Maine and I just got mine fixed. I think this mechanic is a keeper. Normally when the mechanic picks the thing up they take the tarp cover and toss it somewhere. This guy folded it and secured it under the roof rake. That's a sign of someone who cares. Definitely will be using him from now on.

  • OldMexican||

    You can't make this stuff up. Mother Jones has credulously published "Study: Global Warming Will Cause 180,000 More Rapes by 2099."


    Global Warming Will Cause More Leftist Journalists To Release Hot Air And Noxious Fumes Into The Atmosphere.

    We must stop Global Warming - if for anything, for our sanity!

  • Raston Bot||

    I understand, but don't condone, the uptick in simple assaults.

  • ~Knarf Yenrab~||

    What do you do when your models prove inaccurate, unscientific, and increasingly brittle when faced with the nagging problem of falsifiability? Why, just keep on using them, of course, tossing in an extra handful or five of nutjobbery to really season the old communal pot.

    Beyond the niggling issue that there are as of now no remotely accurate methods of projections climate or temperature, it's also no great surprise that MJ focuses on the projected rapes and not the murders, as everyone knows that rape is the most serious crime there is.

    Maybe those seeking sexual satisfaction or indulging in violent sexual fantasies will turn to the animatronic delights of highly responsive sex robots.

    Perhaps, but carbon-fueled rape impulses will drive up demand for basic pleasure bots, thereby increasing the price and ensuring that poor people are priced out of the market and thus run around raping actual human beings.

    It's obvious, hardly needs to be said, in fact, but the solution to this conundrum lies in federal subsidies for animatronic rape-victim bots for the poor.

  • ||

    You can't make this stuff up.

    But that's exactly what they did.

  • ||

    Perhaps, but carbon-fueled rape impulses will drive up demand for basic pleasure bots, thereby increasing the price and ensuring that poor people are priced out of the market and thus run around raping actual human beings.

    It's obvious, hardly needs to be said, in fact, but the solution to this conundrum lies in federal subsidies for animatronic rape-victim bots for the poor.

    Honestly, I'm looking forward to perpetrating some ditrape; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiln_People

  • Rasilio||

    Hey baby, that's a mighty hot climate you got there, now what don't you take it all off and show me just how steamy your tropical regions are.

  • JW||

    "I walked through the door, beaten like a dog from that day, and she wasn't wearing a thing, except for a smile and retreating glaciers..."

  • ||

    With regard to property crimes, perhaps every physical possession will be connected to a vastly elaborated Internet of Everything and stolen items would simply refuse to cooperate with thieves or they might alert passersby that they have been feloniously taken.

    Why would this only solve property crimes? The prophylactics and undergarments refuse to cooperate without the explicit consent of both parties or are uber-helpful in the event of an actual rape.

    "Ma'am, are you okay? Your panties called about a rape. They said the DNA they collected belonged to the guy at the end of the block. We just need you to corroborate their story."

  • steve walsh||

    My statistics prof in college called these spurious correlations while insisting that we endeavor to seek them out and destroy them. Others prefer to recite the mantra, Correlation is not Causation, in these situations.

  • ||

    They don't even really have a correlation, as Bailey pointed out in the OP.

  • Invisible Finger||

    Crime and higher temperatures do correlate,

    The heat-mongers claim global warming's been around for the last 40 years, but over that 40 year span crime rates have gone DOWN across the country (using Radley Balko's blog as the source).

    So I'm not even willing to buy the claim that crime and higher temperatures correlate.

  • ~Knarf Yenrab~||

    Temperature isn't the only input on crime or the most important one. From what we know (and from the basic intuition that hot weather makes us irritable) temperature increases would result in higher crime rates ceteris paribus. But ceteris ain't paribus, as other factors have driven down the crime rate over the past generation.

  • ~Knarf Yenrab~||

    Should also add that pointing out that higher temperatures correlate with crime is a half truth at best. Warmer weather leads people to more frequent interaction, which leads to both more opportunities for crime as well as more opportunities for trade and cooperation. It's irresponsible to highlight the effects of warmer temperatures on crime without also noting the net positives to farming and economic growth.

    The article and apparently the research treats temperature increases like they just directly "cause" an increase in violent crime as a direct input, but it's likely that increases in crime are secondary effects of increased interaction between people, which is a net positive. It's like saying that increased frequency in dating among young people leads to more assaults--they may be correlated, but there's a huge upside to dating that just so happens to have a relatively small negative attached to it.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    This makes perfect sense to me, as I have never raped anyone, and I have lived in the cold northeast my entire life. This logic is infallible.

  • Russell||

    The only solution is to link temperature to tax rates for such opressive patricarchic commodities as candy, which is dandy , and liquor , which is qucker, and criminalize dancing across state lines for immoral purposes.

  • nailzer||

    A complete list of things caused by global warming

    http://www.numberwatch.co.uk/warmlist.htm

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