Girl Scout Cookies are Decadent and Depraved, Thank God.

10 Zen Monkeys has the drop on Girl Scout cookies. It turns out that the delectable treats are not only still packed with calories but with trans fat and saturated fats:

Those cute little girls selling cookies around your neighbor are delivering junk-food snacks that are astonishingly unhealthy. ( Just four Samoas have 50% of your recommended saturated fat intake for the day...)

How bad are the cookies in terms of cranking up the fat? Check it out:

This information comes from the official FAQ for Girl Scout Cookies, which helpfully points out that you can even buy ice cream with Girl Scout cookies in it. And surprisingly, it's actually more healthy than the cookies themselves. An entire half cup of ice cream -- even the "Girl Scout Cookies Samoas" flavor from Breyers -- contains less fat and less sugar than four actual Samoa cookies! It's even got less sodium and fewer carbohydrates -- so the message is clear. If you want to fight childhood obesity, feed your children Girl Scout Cookie ice cream instead of actual Girl Scout cookies.

It gets better: Despite taking an oath to stop selling cookies with trans fat, Girl Scout cookies still contain the offending man-made lipid. But they've reduced the serving size of cookies so that a serving has less than half a gram. According to FDA labeling regs, that means the Girl Scouts can say it doesn't contain any trans fats.

You're not gonna learn that sort of marketing ingenuity at home or at school.

If you're wondering what percentage of your recommended daily saturated fat content is contained in just four Girl Scout cookies, here you go:

The next time you go hiking in Antarctica, make sure to pack some Tagalongs or Samoas, just in case.

And more power to the Girl Scouts. Everyone - even Sesame Street's Cookie Monster! - knows that cookies are a sometimes food. So if you eat two boxes worth of Peanut Butter Patties and feel like a fat shit, well, it's your own damn fault. The Girl Scouts, bless their pointed little heads, are just giving us what we ask for. It's up to us to consume cookies wisely.

Read the whole thing.

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  • Andrew S.||

    I'm hoping Keebler finds a way to put even more trans fat in next year's cookies. Just because.

  • Copernicus||

    Need some new cookie names:

    Change Peanut Butter Patties to Chris Christie Fatties.

    Change Cranberry Citrus Crisps to Bloomburg Borings

  • waffles||

    Bitches, I knew it.

    Still, a small dab of nonfat frozen yogurt between two thin mints is by all accounts a refreshing and delicious treat.

  • 110 Lean||

    I prefer to eat Little Debbie.

  • Agammamon||

    PEDOPHILE!

    OR MIDGET FETISHIST?

    Could go either way.

  • ||

    Just four Samoas have 50% of your recommended saturated fat intake for the day

    I love people who are too stupid to figure out what to eat and instead rely on idiotic government recommendations. I bet this guy is fat.

  • Doctor Whom||

    Gosh oh golly, has this blogger discovered that Girl Scout cookies aren't a health food? I hope that there's a shocked face in the box for me to wear.

  • ||

    I wonder what he would think of the grilled cheese I'm eating right now made with a shit-ton of Trader Joe's pesto Gouda and tomatoes. And butter. It's really drippy, just like Hugh's mom.

  • Agammamon||

    That's Cracker Jacks dude.

  • Steve G||

    Yeah, fix the crosshairs on the minuscule amount of trans fats, but pay no attention to the sugar or nuthin

  • Agammamon||

    Look, if sugar was bad for you then the government wouldn't subsidize its production. Right?

  • Steve G||

    ~shuffles through USDA propaganda for the answer~

    3 servings!!! Wait, wut?

  • GILMORE||

    What this world needs is more assholes with their own blogs.

  • Jerry on the boat||

    Girl Scout cookies still contain the offending man-made lipid

    Boy, did I read that sentence wrong the first time around.

  • Rich||

    the offending man-made lipid

    Nice band name.

  • ||

    “If the paper turns clear, It's your window to weight gain!”

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    "Hey, Fatty! I've got a movie for ya: 'A Fridge Too Far'!"

  • creech||

    Next year, sell organic broccoli with artisanal mayonnaise. I bet Michelle buys some.

  • Francisco d Anconia||

    Four GS cookies? That's just the warmup round.

    Moar trans fat pleaz!

  • Auric Demonocles||

    I'm pretty sure it's impossible to eat 4. Either you don't have any, or you devour the entire box.

  • Certified Public Asskicker||

    Just like fucking Oreos.

    How do you not eat at least an entire row when you open a bag?

  • ||

    By...by utilizing self control?

  • Certified Public Asskicker||

    I do this by not buying them.

  • ||

    Ok, that can work. I just eat pork rinds instead. If I'm stoned and the munchies are coming on, it's pork rinds to the rescue.

  • Lady Bertrum||

    Pork rinds are a heart healthy food. Stop oppressing us with your healthy food choices!!

  • lap83||

    Me too. I find it next to impossible to avoid sweets when they're around. So I only buy real food and I stay skinny.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Don't be absurd. Eat what you want and wait for science to perfect a diet pill.

  • Certified Public Asskicker||

    I have a friend who operates under that theory.

    Unfortunately for him, he now has diabetes and a host of other problems at just 27.

  • Pro Libertate||

    They'll have a pill for that, too, shortly after a free market in healthcare arises.

  • ||

    I did not read the article. I just came to see what pedo-bot had to say about Girl Scout cookies.

    Nothing yet. He is probably busy....uh....doing whatever bots do in place of wanking.

  • Agammamon||

    He's playing a recording of some dude wanking on a monitor in front of the camera while surfing chatroulette.

  • Francisco d Anconia||

  • GILMORE||

    A guy I used to know who lived outdoors 365 days a year bought a couple of boxes of Samoas each year, and ate a few before bed every night in the winter.

    They kept him from freezing to death. Fat-calories maintain body temp. Or so he explained.

    Said dude never had health problems, fwiw. Now he's a samurai.

    http://northendmeditation.org/.....m_West.jpg

  • Francisco d Anconia||

    Samurai optometrist or Samurai hit man?

  • GILMORE||

    Samurai Archer. Kyodu Zen archery. The old-school ceremonial kind where you have to study for like 30 years before they allow you to actually shoot arrows. They spend a decade focusing on "mindset" and shit.

    No, I don't know how you pay bills doing that either.

  • GILMORE||

    Then again, as I recall he never had many bills.

  • Wasteland Wanderer||

    I saw a video of a practitioner of that once. Couldn't hit the broad side of a barn from the inside. It's a bit worthless if your goal is to actually hit something.

  • GILMORE||

    I'm not sure that's the point.

  • Wasteland Wanderer||

    Yeah; seems to be a total form-over-function philosophy, which is kind of 180-degrees from the way I see things.

  • Agammamon||

    What sort of self-hating ascetic only eats 4 cookies? Especially Samoas.

  • ||

    That's what I was thinking. I could eat a whole box of those in a matter of minutes. Guess the limitations of my pocketbook keep me from exploding. Its hard to spend $4 a box on something that can be scarfed down in no time at all.

  • Rich||

    Its hard to spend $4 a box on something that can be scarfed down in no time at all.

    Pity those smack freaks, eh?

  • Pelosi's Rabbit||

    Toasted coconut? More like zero for me.

  • Pro Libertate||

    It's clear to me that Herbert was thinking of the Girl Scouts when he came up with the Bene Gesserit. Their ability to train cadres of young girls to efficiently market, sell, and distribute cookies is an obvious precursor to the Bene Gesserit Way.

  • RishJoMo||

    But they are sooooooo good. Must have thin mints lol.

    www.Anon-VPN.com

  • Steve G||

    They'll do in a pinch if you don't have sa.... hold on a second!! These robots be gettin smart!

  • Certified Public Asskicker||

    Also, when I have my downward spiral and I stop wearing pants and caring about everything, I will binge eat Samoa ice cream.

  • Steve G||

    In other words, Thursdays

  • ||

    Why can't you just get hammered on expensive gin and take painkillers like the rest of us?

  • Certified Public Asskicker||

    I will be drunk, carrying around a carton of ice cream, and soiling myself.

  • Certified Public Asskicker||

    Although I think I just described Shreek.

  • ||

    Now you're talking. See if you can factor some ether in too.

  • SweatingGin||

    Hear, hear!

  • LibertarianX||

    Of course girl scout cookies are bad for you. So what? Anything is bad for you in the wrong quantity. Does this "expert" believe eating a couple of boxes of cookies each year will do us in?

    In the words of my favorite Libertarian slogan: "Shut the hell up and leave me alone!"

  • Lady Bertrum||

    But girl scouts are supposed to be good. Don't you get it, dude. Good little girls are supposed to do the right thing and sell dehydrated broccoli instead of the cookie equivalent of smack.

    Girl Scouts are worse than drug dealers!!

  • PD Scott||

    They probably get a secret merit badge for ruining people's health!

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    You know, I just bought two boxes of Girl Scout cookies. It's good to know I have a ready source of my government required amount of trans fat.

  • Almanian!||

    Yep, got my delivery from our admin the other day and ate A WHOLE MOTHERFUCKIN' BOX of Tagalongs at work. Shit.

    It was SOOOOO good. I ate the second box the next day.

    Can't wait for next year's delivery!

  • sarcasmic||

    Since they stopped selling the peanut butter sandwich cookies, I haven't bought a box.

  • Libertymike||

    When did they stop selling the peanut butter cookies?

  • sarcasmic||

    They sell peanut butter patties, but they're not the same as the sandwiches.

  • wwhorton||

    You can have my Thin Mints when you pry them from my cold, dead, sticky hands. Or if you sneak into my freezer while I'm out of the house.

  • SweatingGin||

    The freezer is bobby-trapped, right?

  • Lord at War||

    You have an orphan with a funny hat, bad teeth, and an unintelligible accent locked in your freezer?

    I think I'm jealous...

  • Ted Levy||

    "Just four Samoas have 50% of your recommended saturated fat intake for the day"

    It was VERY wrong of me to initially think that read "Somoans"...

  • ||

    And more power to the Girl Scouts. Everyone - even Sesame Street's Cookie Monster! - knows that cookies are a sometimes food. So if you eat two boxes worth of Peanut Butter Patties and feel like a fat shit, well, it's your own damn fault.

    So ordering 16 boxes may have been a little overboard?

  • Tejicano||

    "Just four Samoas have 50% of your recommended saturated fat intake for the day"

    Shit, so I have to eat eight of them to get properly balanced nutrition. OK, well, if you say so.

  • cheap kits||

    "I did not read the article. I just came to see what pedo-bot had to say about Girl Scout cookies."
    I did the same thing as you

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