Tennessee Judge Says: Your Baby Is Not Named "Messiah." He's Named "Martin"? Why? I'm From the Government. Also, Jesus Christ.

Judicial busybodyism hits Tennessee parents where they, and their son, live. Child Support Magistrate Lu Ann Ballew (and get a load of that ridiculous monicker!) lays down the law and claims the parental power to name, in the name of the Lord no less, as ABC reports:

Art4TheGlryOfGod / Foter / CC BY-NDArt4TheGlryOfGod / Foter / CC BY-ND

A judge in Tennessee changed a 7-month-old boy's name to Martin from Messiah, saying the religious name was earned by one person and "that one person is Jesus Christ."

Child Support Magistrate Lu Ann Ballew ordered the name change last week, according to WBIR-TV (http://on.wbir.com/1cDOeTY). The boy's parents were in court because they could not agree on the child's last name, but when the judge heard the boy's first name, she ordered it changed, too....

Here's a bit of very surprising news that makes the judge's decision all the more imperious and absurd:

Messiah was No. 4 among the fastest-rising baby names in 2012, according to the Social Security Administration's annual list of popular baby names....

Ballew thinks the kid will have trouble growing up, what with all the Christians around the county.

Nick Gillespie back in 2009 defended the right to absurd names.

Hat tip: Nick del Castillo.

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  • Pathogen||

    Should of named the child "Barack".

    /111111111111

  • Mike M.||

    Barack Hussein Obama, mmmmm mmmmm mmmmm.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    Wow. This combines all the worst elements of the DCFS nanny-staters and fundie theocrats. Amazing.

    Pretty sure it won't hold up on appeal, with that whole Establishment Clause thing in the way.

  • PapayaSF||

    I don't think "fundie theocrats" would name a kid Messiah, because it would be considered blasphemous. They'd probably go with Jesus or Peter or something else biblical.

  • Killazontherun||

    The judge is the theocrat here. Read her justification for the ruling.

  • PapayaSF||

    Ah, I thought Tulpa's "combination" was the judge and the parents.

  • Calidissident||

    Yeah, why did you think the problem here was the kid's name (not that I would ever name my kid that, but it's not a libertarian issue)?

  • PapayaSF||

    It's not a libertarian issue, but Jeebus it's awful when parents give their kids stupid names that will handicap them for life. The kids have enough problems to overcome (including stupid and ignorant parents) without being branded like that. This name is among the worst I've heard, because it will offend many (or just cause them to laugh). Perhaps it's not libertarian of me to think so, but it's nearly child abuse.

    About a century ago, it was not unknown for "funny" white hospital personnel to suggest to ignorant black mothers names for their newborns like "Syphilis" and "Gonorrhea." Now, apparently, the ignorant inflict terrible names on their kids all on their own. Progress!

  • Calidissident||

    Yeah, I agree it's a dumb name and I don't know why a parent would do that to their kid.

  • ||

    D'brickashaw and Barkevious beg to differ.

  • Rod Flash||

    North West

  • Henry the Twooth||

    It's a libertarian issue because we believe idiots have the right to name their children idiotic names.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    As for the last name, use the father's if the parents are married. If they're not, then the mother's last name will have to do. Now, where's my sandwich?

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    Now, where's my sandwich?

    In my large intestine. Be patient.

  • Scarecrow Repair||

    That's Tulpa, dispensing shit sandwiches.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    Ballew thinks the kid will have trouble growing up, what with all the Christians around the county.

    I'm sure "Lu Ann Balew" would know all about getting tormented over her name at recess. Once again confirming my suspicion that most DCFS-crats are re-enacting their own troubled childhoods on the next generation.

  • John C. Randolph||

    "Lu Ann Balew" isn't her original name. Her parents changed it from "pinhead bible-thumping cunt" when she went to elementary school.

    -jcr

  • Agammamon||

    ". . .saying the religious name was earned by one person and "that one person is Jesus Christ."

    I take it the judge doesn't realize that Christ's *name* was Christ and messiah' was just a title?

  • Agammamon||

    'Course it would've been *hilarious* if she had changed the kid's name to Brian.

  • Bob_R||

    That would be Bwian. "Bigus Dickus" would have been better...and Incontinentia Buttocks is a good unisex name.

  • Agammamon||

    But if she named him Brian then she could have used the 'He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy line".

  • HellsBells||

    Welease Woger!

  • Pathogen||

    Chet Manley, for justice...

  • Killazontherun||

    Her reasoning is an insult to every Jew who doesn't accept Christ as the messiah of prophecy. They should crucify her.

  • Bob_R||

    Always look on the bright side of life.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    Technically Jews don't think anyone has earned the title of Messiah, so I don't think they have any reason to complain with her logic. Other than its being stupid.

  • Killazontherun||

    What I wrote doesn't exclude that fact. It's even integral, Ass Burger.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    Don't make me go INRI on your non-Catholic ass.

  • Killazontherun||

    Hey, why not? You already pissed on a nice little anti-Semitic joke that just wanted to spread a little hatred in the world. Get out your white cornette, habit and oaken ruler and go to town.

  • Agammamon||

    Mmmm, cornetto - this diet is killing me.

  • Pathogen||

    "..Technically Jews don't think anyone has earned the title of Messiah.."

    Yeah, their standards are way too lofty.. Kinda impractical.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    They just haven't found the right person to settle down and worship yet.

  • Pathogen||

    The jooos have a irrational fear of commitment, sensitivity training will help..

  • Scarecrow Repair||

    Sensitivity training will set you free.

  • Henry the Twooth||

    They just haven't named a kid "Messiah" yet. Now they have several to chose from. Problem solved.

  • John C. Randolph||

    Actually, a whole lot of Jews thought a bunch of different people were the messiah over the years. Back when Jesus of Nazareth was walking around and the Jews were under Roman occupation, they pretty much had a Messiah of the Month club.

    -jcr

  • Aresen||

    True. The ones that the Sanhedrin didn't stone to death were either killed off by the Tetrarchs or the Romans.

    Stoned, beheaded, or crucified - a regular smorgasbord of martyrdom.

  • ||

    How do I change my handle to Sabbatai Zvi?

  • Bill Dalasio||

    Actually, it would have just been Jesus. Christ is also a title, translating as "the anointed one".

  • DWC||

    Actually, I think his name was Joshua. Joshua Bar Joseph - son of Joseph. This judge is a cunt. They hate us for our freedom.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    Sarcasm?

    "Christos" is the Greek translation of the Hebrew "Messiah". Though I have met some fundies who thought Christ was his last name, and the King James Version was the original text of the Bible.

  • ||

    I have met some fundies who thought Christ was his last name

    I think Harold is his middle name.

  • Aresen||

    No, the "H" stands for "Hardass".

  • ||

    No, no, no. Our father who art in heaven, Harold be thy name...

  • William of Purple||

    Our Father, who is Art in heaven...

    /Bull Shannon

  • John C. Randolph||

    Nope, it stands for "haploid".

    -jcr

  • Henry the Twooth||

    Nobody fucks with the Jesus!

  • Live Free or Diet||

    I take it the judge doesn't realize that Christ's *name* was Christ and messiah' was just a title?

    "Christ" is a Greek term, a translation of the word mashiah, "annointed." His name was Jeshua, like our "Joshua," translated through Greek to become known as "Jesus" to us.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    Why couldn't those goddam Judeans just speak fucking English like the rest of the world.

  • Pathogen||

    Universal translators wouldn't be invented almost 2000 years, during the reign of Emperor Roddenberry...

  • Live Free or Diet||

    Why couldn't those goddam Judeans just speak fucking English like the rest of the world.

    I haven't spoken English since I completed my last post-Elizabethan literature class.

  • Aresen||

    "Why couldn't those goddam Judeans just speak fucking English like the rest of the world."

    If they'd spoken the language extant in the British Isles at the time, it would have been some Celtic dialect.

  • Ted S.||

    You expect government-sector workers to be intelligent?

  • Aresen||

    I take it the judge doesn't realize that Christ's *name* was Christ and messiah' was just a title?

    Actually, "Christ" was an epithet, derived from Greek words meaning "the anointed one."

    By the traditions of Jews living in Judea at the time, his name would have been "Joshua ben Joseph".

  • ||

    Joseph: I dunno about that, it's not like I was getting any.

  • hotsy totsy||

    "Christ" is a title also. Jesus is the proper name and it's the same name as Joshua in Hebrew. Means "savior" if my Catholic school memory is right.

  • William of Purple||

    "that one person is Jesus Christ."

    Or as Sevo would say,
    "who"?

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    I there any *reliable* record of the existence of a judge named "Lu Ann Balew"? I don't mean records generated by historians or judges, or by her followers, but *reliable* records?

  • Sevo||

    Eduard van Haalen| 8.11.13 @ 7:54PM |#
    "I there any *reliable* record of the existence of a judge named "Lu Ann Balew"? I don't mean records generated by historians or judges, or by her followers, but *reliable* records?"

    Eduard, every hear of Randi? He talks about the goat he owns. It's in his back yard. You only have his say-so, but, hey, it's a goat.
    Now some people claim there was this son-o-god (let's call him "junior") who rose from the dead, fed the multitude with a loaf and a fish, walked on water, and performed other miracles, and they bleeve on on the same sort of evidence as Randi's goat.
    Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence, and you have none at all.

  • William of Purple||

    Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence

    citation needed.

  • Sevo||

    William of Purple| 8.11.13 @ 9:53PM |#
    Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence
    "citation needed."

    It's called "logic". But just for the heck of it:
    "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence was a phrase made popular by Carl Sagan. It is the heart of the scientific method, and a model for critical thinking, rational thought and skepticism everywhere."
    http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/E.....y_evidence
    Now are you equating claims of a goat to some supernatural 'person'?

  • William of Purple||

    Let's use an example from history.
    One would be Alexander the Great’s extraordinary conquests. Everyone agrees it happened, but yet the only documentation for it is from centuries later.
    Is documentation hundreds of years afterward enough to know what happened? Most people feel it is.

    Is this 'extraordinary' documentation? Not really.
    So then by your rule, we must say Alexander the Great's conquests never happened.

  • Sevo||

    William of Purple| 8.11.13 @ 10:38PM |#
    "Let's use an example from history."

    Ever see anyone claim AtG was supernatural? Didn't think so.
    I see I'm dealing with bleevers grasping as straws.

  • William of Purple||

    supernatural
    you said extraordinary.
    I see the goal posts shifted again.

  • Sevo||

    William of Purple| 8.11.13 @ 11:08PM |#
    "supernatural
    you said extraordinary.
    I see the goal posts shifted again."

    The first statement required extraordinary evidence for extraordinary claims.
    Your next "example" was AtG; now, did anyone ever claim he was supernatural?
    Don't bother with bullshit

  • Andrew G.||

    Yes actually -- that he was the son of Zeus. Being a demigod it is only natural that he would conquer the known world.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    One would be Alexander the Great’s extraordinary conquests. Everyone agrees it happened, but yet the only documentation for it is from centuries later.

    I'll help Sevo out a bit here. An Occam's Razor face-off between "Alexander the Great existed" and "Alexander the Great was made up by someone" is going to favor the former explanation of his fame; the conspiracy necessary to name a bunch of cities in the Middle and Near East after a fictitious person, have both Islamic Empire and Christian European records of his existence, etc, would have to be enormous.

    Whereas someone like Jesus or Socrates is a lot easier to dismiss because all the records of their existence depend on the same few sources, who happen to be their followers.

  • William of Purple||

    The Jesus conspiracy needs a lot of help too.
    How else do you get from 12 illitereate fisherman to Constantine?

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    The 12 illiterate fisherman aren't documented either.

    Of course, as I was explaining to Sevo the other night, even if Jesus of Nazareth did exist and did do all the things he supposedly did, it's unlikely there would be any surviving documentation of this. There's very little evidence for Pontius Pilate's existence outside the gospels, and he was in charge of a Roman province for ten years; what chance would a hillbilly carpenter-preacher have of making a splash?

  • Sevo||

    Tulpa (LAOL-VA)| 8.11.13 @ 11:50PM |#
    "Of course, as I was explaining to Sevo the other night,..."

    That wasn't an explanation, that was one more excuse.
    You and the other bleevers here claim there was some son-o-god. Well, for starters, there's no evidence of anything like a god, and then your stuck with the second fantasy.
    Look, I don't care. You are all welcome to your fantasy. Strangely, I have yet to ask anyone to bleeve otherwise, but all you bleevers find it oh, so threatening to be called on the obvious bullshit.
    Hey, you guys! Why not start trying to convince folks that Zeus was real! He said nice things, didn't he? So let's make it clear: You all don't bleeve in every other god fantasy, 'cept yours. I'm just one more step from that.

  • Night Elf Mohawk||

    You and the other bleevers here claim there was some son-o-god. Well, for starters, there's no evidence of anything like a god, and then your stuck with the second fantasy.

    I'm no bleever, but I think it's perfectly plausible that the man named Jesus existed, though his miracles and resurrection did not happen.

    One can believe that pharaohs existed without believing the supernatural traits attributed to them.

  • Sevo||

    William of Purple| 8.11.13 @ 11:45PM |#
    "The Jesus conspiracy needs a lot of help too.
    How else do you get from 12 illitereate fisherman to Constantine?"

    One more claim with zero evidence. Try again.

  • William of Purple||

    What are you going on about now?

  • Sevo||

    William of Purple| 8.12.13 @ 12:11AM |#
    "What are you going on about now?"

    You might try a local community college; they offer classes in reading.

  • The Immaculate Trouser||

    Was Josephus a follower of Christ?

    I will agree that the sources which we have claiming to have direct contact with Jesus were disciples, but there were many secondary sources of a reliable nature not far removed from the events in question which have generally confirmed the story told by said disciples (at least, pertaining to non-supernatural elements of that story).

    "There was some guy who got crucified and his followers are nuts" was not really a narrative challenged by the observers at the time.

  • Sevo||

    The Immaculate Trouser| 8.11.13 @ 11:52PM |#
    "I will agree that the sources which we have claiming to have direct contact with Jesus were disciples,"

    What sources had 'direct contact with junior'?
    Hint: None. Not one. Zero.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    Josephus only mentions Jesus twice, once as a reference point for his brother James, and once in a passage that reads far more Christian in origin than rebel Jew in origin.

  • Sevo||

    "I'll help Sevo out a bit here."

    Help? Don't flatter yourself. You're just one more bleever.

  • cavalier973||

    "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence"...for what?

    To be true, or to be believed?

  • Sevo||

    "To be true, or to be believed?"

    You're kidding I hope. You bleeve some junior is son-o-god and you separate that from it being true?
    Help yourself to "faith"; it's an exercise in self-delusion.

  • cavalier973||

    You have ever so much faith yourself.

  • Sevo||

    cavalier973| 8.11.13 @ 11:14PM |#
    "You have ever so much faith yourself."

    Yeah, I know. Bleevers have zero evidence and therefore have nothing else but bullshit like this.
    Go pray to your fantasy; maybe he'll bring you what you want for Xmas.

  • William of Purple||

    maybe he'll bring you what you want for Xmas.

    So I understand you have a very poor understanding of Christianity.
    Keep arguing with the strawman in your head.

  • Sevo||

    William of Purple| 8.11.13 @ 11:20PM |#
    "So I understand you have a very poor understanding of Christianity."

    Xianity is irrelevant; bleef is what matters.
    I don't care if you bleeve in the FSM, fantasy is fantasy.

  • cavalier973||

    I observe that whenever I encounter specific and complex information, an intelligent agent is involved. Biological organisms begin to exist and are sustained by massive amounts of specific and complex information. It is not unreasonable to suggest that an Intelligent Agent was behind it all.

  • Sevo||

    cavalier973| 8.11.13 @ 11:21PM |#
    "I observe that whenever I encounter specific and complex information, an intelligent agent is involved."

    Uh, ever hear of the "Blind Watchmaker"?
    Sorry, this sort of stupidity really isn't worth comment. Go away, and take your faith with you.

  • cavalier973||

    Uh, ever hear of the "Blind Watchmaker"?

    Um...you mean that barely plausible narrative on how the human eye "could have" developed through genetic mutation and natural selection? The story that has no actual scientific observation or testing to support its assertions? The "Blind Watchmaker" that is every bit as fictitious as the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny?

    Yeah, I've heard of him.

  • cavalier973||

    Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence...

    "...to be believed" is the correct answer, of course. Extraordinary phenomena can occur whether or not one has extraordinary evidence that they did so.

  • Sevo||

    cavalier973| 8.11.13 @ 11:18PM |#
    "...to be believed" is the correct answer, of course"

    fort those engaged in fantasy, I'm sure that's true.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    Have you any proof that Carl Sagan ever existed? At least the Christians have the shroud of Turin, you don't even have a single turtleneck.

  • Sevo||

    Tulpa (LAOL-VA)| 8.11.13 @ 11:36PM |#
    "Have you any proof that Carl Sagan ever existed?"

    Ok, asshole, enough!
    Got proof your junior, son-0-god, risen from the dead, walk on water fantasy exists.
    Stuff it, Tulpa. I'm tired of you sophistry.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    "I believe in God all right. And if I ever meet him I'm gonna kick his holy ass."

  • cavalier973||

    If I don't believe in Randi's goat, what happens?

  • Sevo||

    cavalier973| 8.11.13 @ 10:34PM |#
    "If I don't believe in Randi's goat, what happens?"
    Nothing. Unexceptional claims are either accepted or rejected based on the evidence or the reputation of the claimant, but if they're wrong, it really doesn't affect much.
    Which is sort of the reason that if you are claiming some god-creature, you'd better have REALLY good evidence.
    As opposed to none.

  • cavalier973||

    So...what if I believe in God without evidence. What happens?

  • Sevo||

    cavalier973| 8.11.13 @ 11:14PM |#
    "So...what if I believe in God without evidence. What happens?"

    If you or your cohorts try to push that shit onto rational people, a whole lot happens.
    You want to carry on your superstition on your own? I don't give a hoot. Greenies, statists, Xians, muslims, why they're all over the place.
    Just keep it to yourself.

  • The Immaculate Trouser||

    If you or your cohorts try to push that shit onto rational people, a whole lot happens.

    ...such as? I've always found that politely but firmly declining the Mormon missionaries' offer to share their gospel with me works wonders at ending that particular dialogue; no reason that an exchange between a religionist and a "rational person" needs to get heated or lead to anything beyond that.

    Christians have as much of a right to free speech and freedom of worship as anyone else.

  • Sevo||

    The Immaculate Trouser| 8.11.13 @ 11:22PM |#
    "Christians have as much of a right to free speech and freedom of worship as anyone else."

    I absolutely agree! Fools fantasizing about anything they please are not going to get anything other than laughter from me.
    Now, if you try to use the coercive power of the government to force your stupidity on others, I've got a real problem.

  • The Immaculate Trouser||

    Now, if you try to use the coercive power of the government to force your stupidity on others, I've got a real problem.

    Agreed and likewise.

  • cavalier973||

    You're not the boss of me.

  • Sevo||

    cavalier973| 8.11.13 @ 11:24PM |#
    "You're not the boss of me."

    I don't wish to be your boss. I choose to laugh at you.

  • cavalier973||

    I don't wish to be your boss. I choose to laugh at you.

    *shrugs*

  • Agammamon||

    Indiana . . . Indiana, let it go.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    We sit inside and argue all night long, about a God we've never seen, but never fails to side with me. Sunday comes, and all the papers say, Ma Angelica's joined the mob, unhappy with her full-time job.

  • William of Purple||

    +1 broken telephone booth

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    +1 good musical tastes.

    Next time I'm doing Spacehog.

  • Henry the Twooth||

    one person . . . or part of a trinity? i hope she addressed that in her legal opinion.

  • All-Seeing Monocle||

    Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!

    Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.

    Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!

    Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!

    Brian: Now, fuck off!

  • Agammamon||

    He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy. Now go away!

  • Gladstone||

    Where's the evidence that Captain Pike or the The Cage and the Menagerie happened?

  • Acosmist||

    Yeoman Colt...

  • TheTreeOfLiberty||

    Everyone knows that's already the Presidents name.

  • Gladstone||

    His name is YHWH.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    Yahu-Wahu?

  • TheTreeOfLiberty||

    Your Highness White House?

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    Yobs Hate White Hispanics

  • TheTreeOfLiberty||

    Your Heavenly White Halfbreed

  • TheTreeOfLiberty||

    YHWH?

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    The line between Dunphyism and holy tetragrammons is a thin one.

  • William of Purple||

    yeshua bin yusuf

  • TheTreeOfLiberty||

    Ahh, my Hebrew initialisms are clearly gettin rusty.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    WoP is probably pulling your leg. YHWH are (the Roman alphabet's equivalent of) the consonants in God's official name revealed to Moses. Written Hebrew contains only consonants, and this word is never annotated in Hebrew texts to prevent people from being able to pronounce and defile it.

  • ||

    Jesus is the Prince of Peace. So of course the judge names the kid Martin, which means servant of the pagan god Mars or 'servant of war' since Mars is the god of war.

  • Aresen||

    Even better, she could have given the kid the name Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus.

    Most biblical scholars think that Nero was the Antichrist referred to in The Revelation of St. John the Divine.

  • William of Purple||

    I've not come across this. I did not think it's a majority, but I'll dig into it.

  • cavalier973||

    A popular theory with preterists/dominion theologists.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    I don't see how being a biblical scholar gives you any advantage in figuring out names, and numbering systems, that add to 666.

    For what it's worth, St Jerome came up with a list of possible names John of Patmos may have been referring to, less than 300 years after the work was written, and Nero wasn't on it... the prevalent modern assumption that it was Nero is probably due to other contemporary enemies of Christianity having been long since forgotten.

  • Henry the Twooth||

    But . . . only one person has earned the title "Anti-Christ", and it waren't Martin.

  • Voros McCracken||

    "No teacher, I'm Messiah S. Messiah W. sits over there. And Massaiah is in a different class."

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    "I knew it, I'm surrounded by Messiahs. Keep prophesying, Messiahs!"

  • Anonymous Coward||

    Tales from the Sequestration:

    First Dog Bo Rides In His Own Osprey

    Bo, the president's Portuguese Water Dog, arrived separately on one of two MV-22 Ospreys, a hybrid aircraft which takes off like a helicopter but flies like a plane.

    It was the first time the Ospreys have been taken on holiday by a US president.

    More than 70 hotel rooms, each costing up to $345 (£220) a night, have been booked out for Secret Service agents, who took charge of luggage including two large mesh bags full of basketballs.

    The Obamas are staying in Chilmark on the western tip of the island, an area that is dotted with multi-million dollar homes. The neighbours include actor Ted Danson and the singer Carly Simon.

    Nothing. Left. To. Cut.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    BO likes the Osprey because like him, once it reaches high enough, it morphs into something completely different from what it was doing while getting there.

  • Anonymous Coward||

    BO is a lying shitheel. BO has always been a lying shitheel. He's as much a lying shitheel at sea level as he is at 10,000 feet above.

  • amelia||

    I have it on *good* authority that Obama can't ride in a plane with a dog because Muslims have some kind of rule agin' it, dogs being filthy beasts. The Obama family pet is all part of ruse to throw the people off the scent of his true religion. George Bush didn't have a full-time employee to take care of the dog 'cause he was a normal Christian.

  • Anonymous Coward||

    Really? I thought it was just the fact that Obama is a lying shitheel who will gladly spend other people's money on plane rides for the dog, vacations for the daughters, overnights in Paris for the Vice-President, and says that Washington must "tighten its belt."

    I guess he lives in Virginia.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    Screw Virginia and their proof of citizenship for assault weapon transfers.

  • amelia||

    It's one of the lamer conspiracist ideas about Obama I've heard, for sure. Wouldn't it be nice to have a president who that's a life-long celibate, atheist ascetic with no pets and a live-and-let-live attitude about other people's personal choices? No first families, no first spouses with signature moral crusades, no homely first feline or canine stories, no lavish vacations.

    I know, I'm just daydreaming. The media would just overflow with sly entendres about sexual deviance anyway.

  • Agammamon||

    I'm available.

  • Henry the Twooth||

    It's called Artificial Intelligence.

  • ||

    The Obama administration should be glad the dog isn't female, or people would be calling her the "First Bitch". Which everyone in the leftwing would "know" was really a racist dog whistle.

  • Sidd Finch||

    Messiah was No. 4 among the fastest-rising baby names in 2012, according to the Social Security Administration's annual list of popular baby names....

    Umm ... that means it's still a really unpopular name.

  • William of Purple||

    Mohammed is still the most popular first name in the world

  • Anonymous Coward||

    Mohammed was a prophet, not the Messiah. Muslims believe that Isa ibn Maryam (Jesus) was both prophet and messiah, did not die, and will eventually return. Shi'ites believe that the Twelfth Imam is a messianic figure (there's also something about him living in well in Iran) and Jesus is going to be in sidekick during the end times.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    Interesting how that works. Jesus being a common name in Latin America but nowhere else in the Christian world.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    With the exception of Jesus Jones, whose biggest hit was released exactly 11 years to the day before 9/11. Coincidence?

  • Calidissident||

    What about Jesus Shuttlesworth?

  • Anonymous Coward||

    It's a WASP-y thing. Since it's forbidden to misuse the name of God, and Jesus is God, they figured that Jesus' name is just as holy as God (or Jehovah, or Yahweh, or YHWH, or whatever).

    Catholics find this amusing as Jesus is just the Greekified version of Joshua.

  • Aresen||

    Yeah. That got started with the Puritans, who gave their kids nice ordinary names, like "Praisegod Barebone"

  • Anonymous Coward||

    Not really. The known Puritans of the time had fairly common English names. Then some had the radical idea of naming themselves or their children after "virtues," which is how names like "Prudence" and "Chastity" and "Charity" and "Christian" and "Hope" and "Joy" became commonly accepted given names.

    Thankfully, "Sorry-for-sin" and "Humiliation" didn't make the cut.

  • Xenocles||

    OSC took this to an extreme in his Alvin Maker series with characters bearing first names like "Verily, Verily, I Say Unto You, Except Ye Become As A Little Child Ye Shall In No Wise Enter Into The Kingdom Of Heaven" (which of course were always shortened).

  • Boisfeuras||

    Interesting, but the name Christian had been in use well before the Puritans existed.

  • cavalier973||

    "Joshua" = "Jesus"

    I wonder what this judge thinks about the name "Immanuel/Manuel/Manuela"?

  • William of Purple||

    Remember Webster?

    Emmanuel Lewis.
    Never was an issue.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    Gland disorders are a totally different category.

    Emmanuelle 5 sucked, by the way.

  • Ken Shultz||

    The appellate judge that reviews this case should sentence Child Support Magistrate Lu Ann Ballew to having her name legally changed to Honey Boo Boo.

  • Andrew S.||

    Can I advocate for the execution of everybody here? Both the judge, for being a statist asshat, and to the mother (and to every other parent naming their kid Messiah), just because of pure idiocy for sticking their kid with that name.

  • juris imprudent||

    Seconded.

  • ||

    But remember kids, no matter how wacky they sound, fundies never actually use the gov't to shove their views down others' throats. Only liberal democrats do that.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    This shit is going to be laughed out of court on appeal.

    Liberal Dems are doing it at a much higher level and with no serious opposition permitted.

  • Bam!||

    Liberal Denmark requires all names to be approved of before issuing birth certificates.

    From the article:

    "You shouldn't stand out from anyone else here; you shouldn't think you are better than anyone else," said Lan Tan, a 27-year-old Danish woman of Singaporean and Malaysian descent who is trying to win approval for her daughter's name, Frida Mei Tan-Farndsen.
  • Calidissident||

    I didn't take Gojira's post to be a defense of liberal Democrats, just a criticism of the people who say things like "Oh come on, the SoCons might say crazy things, but they never actually try and force their views on people"

  • Ornithorhynchus||

    Lots of European countries have strict laws about names. Germany and Hungary, especially.
    Countries that follow English legal traditions usually allow any kind of name (New Zealand is something of an exception).
    The same applies to changing your name-- it's almost impossible in most of Europe (outside of a few traditional circumstances such as marriage and adoption), but it's really easy in English Law countries.

  • Knarf Yenrab (prev. An0nB0t)||

    Knowing fundies like I know fundies, I'd wager the majority of them, though politically naive, has libertarian instincts regarding stuff like this, which is true for virtually everyone save power-tripping goons and people who've been indoctrinated by the usual collectivist claptrap.

    This is a combo of church-lady piety, annoyance at characteristically African-American names, and the intoxication of power that exists in concert with the supreme ignorance of natural and civil law of a low-level civil servant given an ounce of real power over her fellow human being.

    For people like Lu Ann, the question is why shouldn't she change this poor child's name to something suitable to polite society. That's her job, right?

  • DK||

    I named my two pets God and Darwin. Thankfully, they're cats and not dogs.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    LOL. I had a guinea pig named Darwin growing up.

  • William of Purple||

    I have 3 cats.
    Richard Nixon, Meow Tse Dong, and the Trade deficit.
    They hate each other.

    /joke

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    "Well if there's a doggie heaven there has to be a doggie hell. Hitler's dog went there, and Richard Nixon's dog Chester..."

  • Pathogen||

    ..Richard Nixon's dog Chester Checkers..."

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    Thank you Lisa Simpson!

  • Agammamon||

    And together they fight crime as Godwin!

  • Slammer||

  • Ted S.||

  • General Butt Naked||

    I like this video. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

  • ||

    Don't normal people just auction off the naming rights of their spawn?

  • ||

    What kind of sacrilegious people would name their kid Reason?

  • Ted S.||

    Why wasn't the last-name issue solved when it came time to fill out the birth certificate?

  • Pathogen||

    Because, that filing cabinet was all the way down the hall.. it was like, waaay too far.

  • William of Purple||

    Did my ISP slow down the internet to prevent streaming of Breaking Bad?
    Or did it slow down because everyone is streaming Breaking Bad?

  • Agammamon||

    Both.

  • MappRapp||

    Gotta love those kangaroo court judges lol.

    www.Anon-Tactics.tk

  • Hyperion||

    Messiah seems kind of normal to me, with what my sister named all of her kids.

    Well, the youngest one is in her teens now, so it's a good thing that my sister shut down the baby factory before the super nanny state got to it's current level of peak retard. Or I'd have a whole bunch of nieces and nephews named Martin.

  • General Butt Naked||

    Goddammit man, finish the fucking story.

    The names man, what are their goddamn names!?

  • Sevo||

    Agreed! A tease like that?! The NAMES!

  • Pathogen||

    +1 pair of fucking golf shoes...

  • John C. Randolph||

    That shyster has just violated the first amendment, and besides being impeached and removed from office, he should be charged and tried for violating the parents' civil rights under color of authority.

    If I lived in Tennessee, and had a kid there, I'd probably name it "Jesus Haploid Tap-Dancing Christ" just to piss off the bible-thumpers.

    -jcr

  • cavalier973||

    So...why don't you?

  • William of Purple||

    The mother's choice on name always vetos the father.

  • cavalier973||

    If I lived in Yankeeland, I would name my kid "Jefferson Davis Lee Jackson were the good guys and I'm Glad Lincoln was shot it should have happened four years earlier", just to send the Northern idjits into apoplectic fits. Also, the Neocons, the Cosmotarians, and the Progressives.

  • ||

    Pretty sure the Civil War didn't have good guys...

  • ||

    You know what other war over secession didn't have any good guys?

  • amelia||

    I worked with a kid name Messiah. He would be about 6 years old now. I thought it was odd, so it's interesting to learn there are others.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-VA)||

    You work the same job as children younger than 6 do? Do you model diapers?

  • cavalier973||

  • Sidd Finch||

    Hugo Shwyzer is totally fucking bonkers.

    I cheated on my wife and pretended to be reformed. I wrote an article in the Atlantic condemning age-disparate relationships the same week

    — Hugo Schwyzer (@hugoschwyzer) August 9, 2013

    …that I was sleeping with a 23 year-old. And sexting a 27 year-old. Not my students at least.

    — Hugo Schwyzer (@hugoschwyzer) August 9, 2013

    I'm a monstrous hypocrite.

    — Hugo Schwyzer (@hugoschwyzer) August 9, 2013

  • The Immaculate Trouser||

    It is pretty amusing in a sick sort of way.

    For years feminists have been pointing to Schwyzer as proof that they are accepting of men and as a role model for "feminist men".

    Whoops.

  • amelia||

    Wait, that guy is real? NOT an Onion article? yikes.

  • Aresen||

    The Onion isn't satire, it's prophecy.

  • Sidd Finch||

    His accidental-trolling is orders of magnitude better than anything seen at HyR.

  • ||

    I loved being the most notorious bad boy male feminist out there

    — Hugo Schwyzer (@hugoschwyzer) August 9, 2013

    I cultivated that shit so hard

    — Hugo Schwyzer (@hugoschwyzer) August 9, 2013

    I laughed out loud. What an icon.

  • Calidissident||

    Oh my God this is hilarious. You couldn't make this shit up

  • Almanian!||

    "My name is Sue!
    How do you do?!"

    /man in black

  • William of Purple||

    how dare you quote a bleever

  • Sidd Finch||

    Now I'm remembering family trips to Gatlinburg. Thanks a lot, asshole.

  • Agammamon||

    So, I'm out tonight watching a bunch of people drag-race trucks, cars, quads, and dirtbikes through the desert. In the dark and half of them don't have lights on their vehicles. A great, and dangerous, time for all.

    Everyone is having a good time and what happens.

    Police show up and start ticketing people for open containers while driving. Out in the desert, off-road.

    Goes along with m observation of two cops having pulled someone aside at 0300 for speeding on an empty 4-lane highway. Because they had nothing better to do.

    Goes right in

  • William of Purple||

    tractor pullz

  • Agammamon||

    Hey don't knock it. Gotta do *something* out here in the sticks.

  • Killazontherun||

    Middle of the desert, you had an opportunity that doesn't come around very often. But I guess in a group of a few dozen people there is little chance no one would squeal when you tied some pigs to the front and played bumper cars.

  • MappRapp||

    This makes a lot of sense man, seriously.

    www.Anon-Tactics.tk

  • ||

    As a fan of The Matrix I am offended.

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