When Having Sex on Public Transit, Remember Not to Release the Video Online

Presented both for frank and helpful advice to those of you contemplating releasing videos of your public sex acts on mass transit, even in groovy ol' San Francisco, and to contemplate why public transit police don't have anything better to do with their time than to "investigate" a harmless stunt that already happened to no apparent harm to anyone or public order, this report from last week from CBS Local San Francisco:

LA Wad / Foter / CC BY-NC-SALA Wad / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA

Bay Area Rapid Transit police are investigating an amateur pornographic video apparently shot on a moving train.

Deputy Chief Ben Fairow said the cell phone video shows a “partially disrobed” couple having intercourse on a seat at the end of a BART train car.

The video was apparently filmed by a third party, and the man and woman in the video appear to know that someone is filming them. Fairow said the video does not show whether other riders are in the car.

The video quality is good enough that investigators are hopeful that they’ll be able to identify the couple.

Fairow said lewd conduct on BART is a misdemeanor and can result in a system-wide banning.

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Strangers on a Train.

  • ||

    4:10 to Cuma.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Planet of the Rapes.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Magnificent Copulation.

  • ||

    You have to stay within the train motif or it doesn't count. Sheesh.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Atlas Shagged.

  • ||

    Yeah baby.

  • MasterDarque||

    I got it Money Shot :)

  • Pro Libertate||

    Coitus on the Orient Express.

  • Pro Libertate||

    High Poon.

  • Rasilio||

    The Great Train Buggery

  • Rasilio||

    Bone Her on the Orient Express

  • JW||

    Night Train to Munchin'

    Schtupping on the Orient Express

    The Fuckative

  • SugarFree||

    The Darspooging Limited
    Throw Momma From the Strap-On
    Platform 9 3/4 Inches

  • BakedPenguin||

    Bridge Over the River Fornicate.

  • Aresen||

    "Snakes on a Train!"

  • ||

    Winner winner chicken dinner.

  • Swiss Servator - past LTC(ret)||

    + a very large number

  • Spoonman.||

    Subway to Lovin'

  • ||

    BARTon Fuck

  • SweatingGin||

    The Pole Her Express

  • Paul.||

    *golf clap*

  • Swiss Servator - past LTC(ret)||

    *opera applause*

  • ||

    Bone à BART

  • ||

    er Boned à BART

  • JEP||

    The Great Train Orgy

  • JEP||

    The Little Cock that Could
    Train Spooners

  • db||

    Rough Guys

  • Calidissident||

    The Transvaginal Railroad

  • Lord Humungus||

    can't think of anything clever based on Pelham 123

    "The Sexting of Pelham 123"

  • NoVAHockey||

    I'm having the same problem with Von Ryan's Express.

  • ||

    Vas Deferens' Express?

  • Pro Libertate||

    Von Rammin's Express?

  • Scruffy Nerfherder||

    Planes, Trains, and Videotape

  • Scruffy Nerfherder||

    Schtupp Her Streak

  • Scruffy Nerfherder||

    The Titfeel Thunderbolt

  • Apple||

    The Great Train Nobbery

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    Blow Momma from the Train.

  • Warrren||

    Trainspooging.

  • Hyperion||

    public transit police don't have anything better to do with their time than to "investigate" a harmless stunt

    The pervs just want an excuse to sit on their fat arses and watch the video over and over again. They haven't figured out how to use that new fangled intertoob thingey, yet.

  • RBS||

    Someone should let them know that there is some real interesting stuff in this genre coming out of Japan...

  • MasterDarque||

    they have nothing else better to do than chase this?

  • SugarFree||

    Bay Area Rapid Transit?

    Did anyone get shot in the back?

  • MasterDarque||

    Back shot huh lol

  • Ice Nine||

    Zipless fuck?

  • MasterDarque||

    also you call this reporting where is the evidence lol

  • ||

    Shut the fuck up, Orrin.

  • MasterDarque||

    Who is Orrin? and on the movie title thing San Francisco Rim?

  • Irish||

    I was really hoping this idiot would disappear after the Zimmerman verdict.

  • MasterDarque||

    Nice that you would even mention that trial. Sorry it was over for me even while it was a world event for you move on clown - this is a completely new thread completely new day

  • Paul.||

    also you call this reporting where is the evidence lol

    You can always tell when the Kos Kidz show up. They don't use punctuation and end each statement with 'lol'.

  • tarran||

    Be nice, the retards are trying really, really hard.

  • ||

    Dude, Risky Business happened 30 years ago. They're a little late to the party.

  • JW||

    First thought I had as well.

    Oh well, onward: Runaway X-Tube

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    That's why I call my penis "The Bullet Train".

  • Hugh Akston||

    Because it gets there so fast and you barely even feel the ride?

  • ||

    Be careful, Hugh. If you make Tagliaferro angry, he might become Suki again. You wouldn't like him when he's Suki. Oh wait, we don't like him now either. Carry on, I guess.

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    I killed Suki, but not with my penis

  • Jerry on the boat||

    Because it unloads as fast as a Glock?

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    No, because the Japanese sell toy versions of it to children.

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    That's just due to the lack of a proper grip safety.

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    Hey baby, want to see my bone grips?

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Because the ride is over really quickly?

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

  • Paul.||

    .25 or .380?

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    Deer slug.

  • Paul.||

    I heard bird shot.

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    Bird shot lacks penetrating power.

  • Paul.||

    Ed Zachary.

  • Rasilio||

    Rumor has it they have a little blue pill for that now

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    Wanna see my pump action?

  • Aresen||

    The video quality is good enough that investigators are hopeful that they’ll be able to identify the couple.

    Since the couple were "a man and a woman", we can rule out Warty.

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    It could be just Warty masterbating, couldn't it?

  • SweatingGin||

    The video was apparently filmed by a third party, and the man and woman in the video appear to know that someone is filming them.

    I have to assume they can tell by the smiling at the camera and thumbs-up.

  • R C Dean||

    Pix or it didn't . . . .

    Oh, never mind.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Doherty, you aren't going to get busted for public transit sex based on your alt-text.

  • OldMexican||

    I don't think any girl would want to get busted with HIM for public transit sex. It's not like being libertarian attracts the hottest women - it's usually money which does that.

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    Hey baby, Rand had a thing for trains. Want to Go Gault with me, if you know what I mean?

  • OldMexican||

    When Having Sex on Public Transit, Remember Not to Release the Video Online


    Oh! Phew! Thanks for the heads up! I'll keep that in mind next time.

  • Dave Krueger||

    It's only a matter of time before mass transit security cameras, facial recognition software, and motion analysis algorithms will automatically detect those kinds of activities and send a summons directly to the homes of the parties involved.

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    And just because the pictures aren't of your faces doesn't mean we can't identify you. At this very moment those pictures are on their way to Washington where the FBI has experts in this type of identification. If you turn yourselves in now, you may escape a Federal charge.
    --Principal McGee

  • Voros McCracken||

    And by "summons" I assume you mean "SWAT Team?"

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    We had to kick the door down and shoot the dog, he may have flushed his penis down the toilet to get rid of the evidence. He made a movement toward his pants and may have had a small backup penis hidden in them.

  • Swiss Servator - past LTC(ret)||

    You are on a serious roll on this thread...bravo!

  • tarran||

    Great...

    I had a dopelganger in college. Never saw him, but I had a couple of altercations with people who were pissed off at his PUA moves on their girlfriends.

    Having sex on the metro was just his style too. With my luck, I'd be getting his citations.

  • SweatingGin||

    If they need help identifying the suspect, I'm sure Ms. Balbricker could help.

    "Well, I'm sorry, but I've got him now, and I'm not going to let him slip through
    my fingers again. Now, all I'm asking is that you give me five boys for a few minutes. The
    coaches can be present - Tommy Turner and any four boys you see fit to choose and we... and
    we... can put a stop to this menace. And it is a menace."

  • Dweebston||

    BART quite inadvertently happens on a way to make their quandarous light rail system profitable, and unsurprisingly quashes it. License the damned cars to studios for a series of “real encounter”-type videos!

  • SweatingGin||

    Could probably keep them filled from the last run until dawn, no problem. No more operating subsidy needed there.

  • buddhastalin||

    All that money will just get funneled to the unions anyway. Did you know that BART will lavish you with six-figure compensation in exchange for the ability to push a start and stop button? This is why Bay Area public entities will be perpetually on the verge of insolvency.

  • The Late P Brooks||

    BART: IF ANYBODY IS GOING TO FUCK THE PASSENGERS, IT WILL BE US!

  • Brett L||

    This thread is now over.

  • Dweebston||

    I think Atlas Shagged already locked it down.

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    She gave him Fountainhead?

  • Paul.||

    He gave her Fountainhead!

  • SweatingGin||

    Also, this thread is why there are no female libertarians.

  • SugarFree||

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    I now have a goal in life - to get on the SugarFree list of quotes on his blog.

  • Pro Libertate||

    I always liked mine. And where's The Art, anyway?

  • SugarFree||

    Art still comments on my blog when he can. Last I heard he was deployed.

  • Pro Libertate||

    We need to clamor for his return. Can't we petition the White House?

  • RBS||

    Sometimes I wish most of the commenters from around 2006 (when I first discovered reason in the trash can of my boss's office) would return.

  • Calidissident||

    Mine as well. Also, what happened to Groovus Maximus? Are we sure he didn't get in too deep with the Ukrainian Mob?

  • RBS||

    Either happily married or strewn about Eastern Europe.

  • Rasilio||

    Well I'm sure he got pretty deep into something Ukranian

  • PH2050||

    That list is so epic - even anonbot is on it!

  • itsnotmeitsyou||

    Is that a GIF of Nikki?

  • ||

    Those are some great quotes, SF.

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    And why we can't have nice things.

  • ||

    Also, this thread is why there are no mostly pervert female libertarians.

    You were just a bit off.

  • Rasilio||

    I thought being a pervert was a prerequisite to being a libertarian regardless of gender?

  • ||

    One would think, but there seem to be some pretty traditional folks floating around here(NTTAWWT).

  • BuSab Agent||

    That's Perv-ect!

  • AlmightyJB||

    That is completely disquisting. Who would ride public transit?

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    Is "public transit" what we're calling Epi's mother nowadays?

  • AlmightyJB||

    What bus is gonna give you change for a quarter?

  • Mr. Soul||

    My mistake officer, I thought it was "pubic" transportation.

  • CE||

    The video quality is good enough that investigators are hopeful that they’ll be able to identify the couple.

    But it may take a LOT of repeated viewings.

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    She was on top of me your honor, I was physically unable to retreat and so had to put one in her.

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    Blow Momma from the Train.

  • Longtorso, Johnny||

    She was on top of me your honor, I was physically unable to retreat and so had to put one in her.

    Eeeewwww! THAT'S NOT ICE TEA!!!

  • ||

    And those aren't Skittles either!

  • JW||

    Bart! Lisa!

  • Larry Fine||

    From the "But I want to watch porn at work" files.

  • B.P.||

    That was my initial thought: how did this get discovered? "Hey boss! I was home yanking it to youporn last night when I noticed that one of the videos was filmed on a BART train."

  • Loki||

    I might have to review the evidence myself, just to see what all the fuss is about...

  • MrMorden||

    So if you fuck on a train, leaving no physical evidence behind, BART will chase you to the ends of the earth. On the gripping hand, if you shit all over a train, they're cool with that unless they write you up three times in 90 days. WTF?

GET REASON MAGAZINE

Get Reason's print or digital edition before it’s posted online

  • Progressive Puritans: From e-cigs to sex classifieds, the once transgressive left wants to criminalize fun.
  • Port Authoritarians: Chris Christie’s Bridgegate scandal
  • The Menace of Secret Government: Obama’s proposed intelligence reforms don’t safeguard civil liberties

SUBSCRIBE

advertisement