FAA Gets Whiny About Airborne Dance Video; Bring on the Sequestration Already

The “Harlem Shake,” the YouTube dance meme that was baffling for about five minutes, funny for exactly 47.9 seconds last Tuesday, and then quickly grew tiresome, is causing the Federal Aviation Administration to have a little hissy fit.

According to CNN, a pack of Colorado College students on their way to an ultimate Frisbee tournament in San Diego (I think that entire description is just coded language for “stoned”) convinced their fellow travelers to participate in the dance video midflight. They got the approval of the flight crew and said it took just a minute to film it. Nevertheless, the FAA is “looking into” the matter to see if any rules were broken.

It’s worth wondering if maybe CNN is partly feeding a non-story (the FAA insists it’s not an actual investigation) by going around looking for experts to act like stern oracles of doom from a safety video parody on The Simpsons. They hit the motherlode with retired pilot Jim Tilmon, who is just the worst. He probably yells at people who raise their arms up on rollercoasters:

"If I was king for a day, the criticism would first be leveled at the airline for encouraging this type of thing," said Tilmon, the retired pilot. "It may seem cute but you cannot tell me it is safe to have that number of people up out of their seat jumping up and down."

"If they're on my airplane, they're going to either sit down and fasten their seat belt, or I'm going to find a policeman to help them do it."

Worst remake of Footloose, ever. The experts also worried that the dance could be used to conceal a terrorist act. CNN doesn’t quote anybody on that, so I’m deeply suspicious whether they brought it up themselves or if a CNN reporter or producer did.

Anyway, here’s the video below. Cluck your tongues at the recklessness and worry about what sort of things college students are going to get up to on planes once the sequestration results in the FAA laying everybody off who could save us from the terror of actually having fun on our lengthy cross-country flights:

 

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  • Fist of Etiquette||

    ...or I'm going to find a policeman to help them do it.

    WHO'S FLYING THE PLANE WHILE YOU'RE DOING THAT?

  • Tulpa (LAOL-PA)||

    Not sure about who has jurisdiction over planes in midflight, but I seriously doubt there would be an officer from the correct agency on board to assist Tilmon in enforcing passenger discipline. Maybe an air marshal?

  • Tulpa (LAOL-PA)||

    Dancing is a bad idea even on the ground, said Veda Shook, president of the Association of Flight Attendants. She fretted about being labeled a "buzz kill." But dancing impedes other passengers and makes it impossible for flight attendants to communicate with passengers, she said.

    Wow, you couldn't make up better names than these.

    Also, bonus points for the article bringing up the possibility of HS being used as a terrorist diversion tactic and turbulence turning dancers into missiles.

  • ||

    You know what impedes passengers? Letting motherfuckers on with rollerball suitcases that are clearly bigger than the bag sizer. Airlines can suck it until they put an end to that bullshit and stop relying on the TSA to funnel them their baggage fees via liquid bans.

  • Jordan||

    Amen. I always wonder how these morons still haven't figured out that their giant suitcase of doom is not going to fit. And then I remember who our President and Congress are.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-PA)||

    Every flight I've been on recently they beg you to gate-check your carry-ons (at no charge) to save space. Since I'm usually in the last boarding group I generally do so because the honey badgers in the earlier groups can put their giant bags in any overhead compartment they want.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    Gate checking is statistically the fastest way to lose your luggage, especially with connecting flights.

  • ||

    Plus it still holds things up, and those fuckers don't have to pay. I have no problem with baggage fees, just with airlines relying on TSA to funnel them money while dicking over most of their passengers in the process.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    If you are the last one boarding and they have you gate check your luggage, it might not even get put on the plane you are on.

  • ||

    Not necessarily true. Gate checked bags actually get taken straight down to the baggage compartment and half the time you can watch them do it depending on angles. Checking at the curb or the desk, who the hell knows what happens to your bag on the way?

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    I have been on planes where they loaded pallets of shit inside and ran out of room for checked luggage.

  • Doctor Whom||

    Lufthellhole is the worst offender in my experience.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    Airlines can suck it.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Now's the time on airplanes when we dance!

  • Almanian!||

    Your story has grown tiresome...

  • Pro Libertate||

    Your presence intimidates me to the point of humiliation.

  • LTC(ret) John||

    Would you like to touch his monkey?

  • Pro Libertate||

    That is not a nun's laugh. That's a whore's laugh.

  • tarran||

    I thought sequestration was supposed to be cutting into the FAA's ability to carry out its core functions?

    If they have man-hours available to waste on this, clearly the managers need to be replaced for their inability to prioritize.

  • John||

    Beat me too it. How do we even have an FAA as of midnight last night?

  • NoVAHockey||

    hmm. they're at 800 Independence SW. I got SW in the deal. i'll handle this.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-PA)||

    From the article the FAA said it was only looking into whether the fasten seat belt sign was on.

    Like the OP said they didn't call it an investigation.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    That sign has no practical meaning whatsoever unless the plane is taking off, landing, or on the ground.

  • ||

    And the seat in an upright position has JACK SHIT to do with safety. Fuck you, I'm sleeping until we land! Don't tell me to put my seat up 20 minutes prior!!!!

  • Jordan||

    Not to mention turning off my Kindle. Fuck you. I'm leaving it on, and turning the wifi on just to spite you! Yeah, I live dangerously.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    I'm always casually taking aerial photographs of cities when they tell you to put shit away.

  • ||

    But that 3% recline will KILL YOU!

  • ||

    Fuck. Degree, not %. Damnit.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    Percent can be a measure of an angle or grade.

  • Doctor Whom||

    We've already cut government to the bone and are one budget dollar away from becoming the United States of Somalia. My liberal friends tell me so.

  • wareagle||

    well hell, how do we even have airlines at all then? We barely got roadz...

  • Brandon||

    but you cannot tell me it is safe to have that number of people up out of their seat jumping up and down.

    Um, is he afraid the wings would break off?

  • tarran||

    Is he a real pilot? Because I'll bet the forces the dancers imparted on the air-frame were peanuts compared to the forces caused by turbulence.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-PA)||

  • ||

    Southwest planes are the only planes with the cookie crunch!

  • wwhorton||

    Yeah...science doesn't really work like that...

  • PapayaSF||

    Well, if dozens of people were jumping up and down in rhythm, that could easily be thousands of pounds of force. I would hope the plane could handle it, but it would make me nervous.

  • Loki||

    Um, is he afraid the wings would break off?

    I wouldn't be all that surprised. Pilots know shockingly little about the machines they operate. The college I went to had an "Air Science" degree (glorified term for "pilot training"). The only math the AS majors were able to do was to figure out when to stop drinking in order to be sobered up enough for their check rides. I shit you not.

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    Somehow we became a nation of pussies. This morning, it was Dan Patrick concern trolling about college kids storming basketball courts after big wins. Now it's CNN concern trolling about college kids dancing on an airline flight. What the fuck is wrong with everybody? Do people wander around this world living in fear? Is everything outside of their pajamas, sofa, and TV to be feared?

    Fuck!!!

  • wareagle||

    Patrick evidently picked up the Mike&Mike; ESPN meme (good thing he's got them for show prep) which followed Coach K's bellyaching about it. Plenty of campuses ring fields and courts with security to prevent the storming. Let's see if K suggests the Cameron bunch stay off the floor from now on.

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    Coach Kerskewski is just buttsore because the dookies lost. Fuck 'em.

  • Virginian||

    Damn right fuck him! Wahoowa bitches.

    And as always, DUKE SUCKS.

  • wwhorton||

    Oh god, I had to listen to that crap on the way to work. Little Mike was going on and on about how "chaos is scary" because he was covering a Bulls game in Chicago in the 90s and people flipped cars. In his head, there's a straight shot from kids rushing the floor to be excited after a win and "Escape from New York."

    And coach K can go eff himself. (Go Terps!)

  • robc||

    Go Terps!

    I wish you would. Pay the exit fee and go.

    And coach K can go eff himself.

    I concur. His behavior in this situation wasnt very becoming.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    "Bulls game in Chicago in the 90s and people flipped cars"

    Good times.

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    As a Buckeye, I look forward to wiping our feet on the new welcome mat, Maryland.

  • Loki||

    My senior year of high school after we beat the state runner up from the previous year in football we stormed the field and tore down a goalpost. On their home field. They weren't pleased and a couple of students who the cops saw do it got arrested, but no one was hurt (other than the opposing school's butthurt over it that is).

  • The Late P Brooks||

    An ultimate frisbee team, seriously? And the fundraisers in the Colorado College Development Office undoubtedly haven't a fucking clue why I never send them money when they rattle their tin cup at me.

    If these buffoons had stripped naked and tyrapped themselves to the scanners in an organized protest against the TSA, I might have contributed to their legal fund, but CC isn't in the business of encouraging their students to question the State's inexorable bloat, encroachment, or ham fisted imposition of total control.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    I think shit like rugby and water polo and college fishing and ultimate frisbee and frisbee golf usually has to fundraise their own money or get it from "activity fees".

  • JEP||

    My university went to extra lengths to distance themselves from the ultimate team. They wouldn't let us use the school mascot/logo - so we came up with our own in the early 90's. The Purdue University ultimate team is known as Undue Purversity.

    I prefer it that way.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    They at least allow use of facilities, or did you have to unilaterally take the intramural field from fag football?

  • JEP||

    Well, we were students paying tuition, so we should have had use of the facilities anyway, but yeah we had to compete for facility space with other club teams.

    Also, we paid club dues to afford to pay for field space. And if you host a tournament, each team pays ~200 bucks to play, so the host team can afford to rent field space, lights, handle water distribution, etc.

    Everything's paid for, nothing is really a hand out.

  • AuH2O||

    Okay, this is a side note, but holy fuck does CC have the worst cup-rattlers in their office.

    I am a new alum, only out a year, and they already are trying to hit me up about money, or go to a 1 year reunion, or tell me about the new sustainability initiative on campus or how the new president plans to stand up to "rape culture."

    The only way I ever give them a dime is if they ever get a President who can crack down on the whackadoodle shit they go for... which will never happen.

  • Auscifer||

    My university stopped calling when I told them I was unemployed and living with my parents.

    Not true (really!)

  • mr lizard||

    At least they didn't Ghost Ride the plane. Although on the Tarmac that wouldve been funny.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    Especially on the wing of an MD-80 with the engines going.

  • JEP||

    I would make the argument that ultimate frisbee is actually a pretty libertarian sport. (Full disclosure: I play on a club team.)

    There are no referees in ultimate frisbees. Fouls and other rules violations are discussed between players until an agreement is reach...the trick being that you can't play the sport with a bunch of assholes. In the past couple of years, "Observers" having been incorporated into the game to make it more legitimate. But they only get involved when the players themselves can't come to an agreement in a reasonable amount of time, to keep the game moving along.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    I threw up in the ultimate frisbee house once. The "team" actually rented a house. Not Colorado.

  • JEP||

    Most college teams are that way. At Purdue, the women's and men's team each had their separate houses they'd rent year after year. Each house had it's own set of nicknames, etc that'd change on a yearly basis.

  • AuH2O||

    And whatever house has the most team members living there kind of ends up designated the "team" house. Plus, some teams try to keep team members renting certain houses. I know some guys who tried to swing that a few times.

  • Loki||

    a pack of Colorado College students on their way to an ultimate Frisbee tournament in San Diego

    *blinks, rubs eyes* WTF? That's a real thing?

  • Archduke Pantsfan||

    San Diego? Possibly.

  • Loki||

    They aren't going to end up jackin' it in San Diego are they?

  • The Late P Brooks||

    I should say: if a bunch of guys want to get together and call themselves the "Colorado College Ultimate Frisbee Team" and put together a schedule which includes away games in places like San Diego (or Honolulu, or Moscow, or Buenos Aires) and are travelling on their own dime, that's perfectly fine with me. A lot of the kids at that school when I was there could have done it without blinking.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    And they probably always had dank weed, too.

  • AuH2O||

    Same here. There are some rich-ass kids who end up at that school, and that seems like the exact shit they would do.

    When I was playing club rugby there, we had no such thing. All the trips were driving. But rugby got blue collar kids and ultimate did not.

  • Bee Tagger||

    "If I was king for a day, the criticism would first be leveled at the airline for encouraging this type of thing,

    You're king. Dream bigger!

  • Killazontherun||

    If I was king for a day, the criticism would first be leveled at the airline for encouraging this type of thing

    If I were king for a day I would order you tied down while the reanimated corpse of Ruth Gordon took a shit in your mouth.

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    Jesus, Killaz. Really?

  • Killazontherun||

    Who do you want watching the watchers? LeVar Burton?

  • The Late P Brooks||

    Pilots know shockingly little about the machines they operate.

    "Pull back, and the houses get smaller. Push forward, and the houses get bigger."

    What more do you need to know?

  • Ken Shultz||

    "A pack of Colorado College students on their way to an ultimate Frisbee tournament in San Diego (I think that entire description is just coded language for “stoned”).

    In San Diego, the code word for stoned is "Over the Line".

    http://tinyurl.com/bklvp3c

    "Ultimate Frisbee tournament" means drunk.

    And "playing hide the German sausage under the roller coaster with Kenny" means sex on the beach.

    "Sex on the Beach" is a shot drink chicks like.

    Lemmie know if you guys need any more definitions. You won't find this stuff on Urban Dictionary, and I'm here to help.

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