Friday Funnies: Petraeus

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  • Jerry on the road||

    Why does he have Ray-Ban glasses stuck to his uniform?

  • Carston||

    This...

  • $park¥||

    Is that supposed to be a bra? Did GigantoPetraeus get caught banging a smurf? Sweet fuck Payne, have you ever seen a woman?

  • Brian from Texas||

    I think it's supposed to be a medal. The Bronze Bra or something.

  • Question of Auban||

    Smurfette. And she was certainly an A cup.

  • Lord Humungus||

    but still very popular.

  • Question of Auban||

    Of course! Only one female in a village of at least a hundred guys all with a severe case of blue balls!

  • Fatty Bolger||

    with a severe case of blue balls!

    I see what you did there.

  • zandooo||

    lol, they dont call him "General Betrayus" for nothing lol

    www.Privatized-Web.tk

  • Certified Public Asskicker||

    Evolving anonbot?

  • RBS||

    Two steps forward one step back.

  • Certified Public Asskicker||

    It fucked up the Gillespie Drug debate thread.

    Nevermind anonbot, you still disappoint.

  • Drake||

    Is it becoming self-aware?

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    And you may find yourself in another part of the world...

  • Tim||

    Not even you wanted to be first for this shitty thing.

  • db||

    You may ask yourself: Why...such a large suit?
    You may ask yourseld: Couldn't it be...taken in a little?

  • Drake||

    This is not my large automobile.
    This is not my beautiful wife.

    My God, what have I done?

  • Bobarian||

    His suit isn't big...

    The witch doctor shrunk his head.

  • Lord Humungus||

    ha!

  • Almanian.||

    Horrid. Wretched. Awful. -300
    Possibly Payne's worst ever.

    Bravo, Henry - you aimed low and struck even lower.

  • Fatty Bolger||

    He went for the low hanging fruit - and missed.

  • db||

  • ||

    I disagree strenuously with my despised colleague Almanian. This is easily Payne's best work in years.

  • ||

    Yes but you and Almanian use this for different things. He - poor simple man - just wants to laugh at Friday Funnies. You use Payne's work for your own sinister purposes. All those who know those purposes are, of course, either dead or insane

  • ||

    So???

  • Bardas Phocas||

    Opens with a scene in Oval Office. The president and director and other hangers on are listening as diplomats and CIA agents are battling terrorists and calling for help. The director demands naval and air force air support for "his people". The president, all weasely, says no. He'll not have "Another Desert One two months before the election. I'll not be a Jimmy Carter clone!" The Director curses him and all his sycophants and storms out. Back at the office he starts drafting his letter of resignation but Salma Hayek slinks in wear lingerie, or nothing, or a burlap sack - it all works with her. Our hero is distracted and starts to bone her.

    Cut from the director/Hayek boning to the CIA agents under fire and getting overrun to the president sleeping next to a wookie and then back.

    At some point, the obsessed FBI agent will hack the director's emails and then start jacking off.

    Bill Clinton will have a cameo, as himself, in later comedic scene where the president is asking him and the director how they get away with having so many women and their wives not cutting their balls off?

  • Bardas Phocas||

    The pron version will have a number of heavily tattooed, 25 year old actors in general's uniforms, with gold braids and medals boning a bunch of heavily augmented milfs. Bill Clinton will have cameo as himself. It will be called: "The General's Staff".

  • LTC(ret) John||

    That was a 25th Infantry Division (Light) training film?

  • Cdr Lytton||

    "Tropic Whitening"

  • Fatty Bolger||

    Wow, I had no idea he was a recipient of the White Star and the Yellow Sun. I guess he didn't have room on the uniform for his Pink Heart, Yellow Moon, Orange Star and Green Clover.

  • Tim||

    They're magically delicious.

  • Bee Tagger||

    Cool shades, bro.

  • Loki||

    What's with the sunglasses?

  • Romulus Augustus||

    Why less medals than the typical NYC cop you see on tv dramas?

  • Lyle||

  • Cdr Lytton||

    Is that Petraeus ribbon for achievement or service?

  • CbadCAMom||

    Anyone else tired of this "scandal?" Who cares who he was shtupping. Anyone taking bets on criminal charges?

  • plusafdotcom||

    ... just me, waiting to find out what this is really a distraction from or a coverup for..
    ... again.

GET REASON MAGAZINE

Get Reason's print or digital edition before it’s posted online

  • Progressive Puritans: From e-cigs to sex classifieds, the once transgressive left wants to criminalize fun.
  • Port Authoritarians: Chris Christie’s Bridgegate scandal
  • The Menace of Secret Government: Obama’s proposed intelligence reforms don’t safeguard civil liberties

SUBSCRIBE

advertisement