At Least Chris Christie Spared Us the "Uplift"

Same appeal, minus the yelling.I tuned in to the GOP infomercial right before Rick Santorum started his sub-Whitmanesque rhapsody about hands, and I stuck around through 3 Doors Down's brief break from the casinos-and-county-fairs circuit. I'm no good at determining what "works" as a convention speech, since I really have no idea what an undecided voter is going to think of most of this -- to me Ann Romney's pitch for her husband sounded extremely contrived, but who knows, maybe there's someone who will go for it. From my seat only Chris Christie seemed capable of giving a rousing address, and that had far more to do with his schlubby charisma than with the platitudes that made up the keynote's actual content. (Christie effortlessly performs the "authenticity" that Romney has such trouble conjuring.) The usual suspects are complaining that Christie was "angry" and gave us no "uplift," which is probably why I liked his speech better than the rest: I'd rather be yelled at by a fat guy from Jersey than smothered with a pillow full of inspirational rhetoric. But again, I'm really not the target audience for these things.

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  • R C Dean||

    the GOP infomercial

    Perfect.

  • o3||

    kasich was the best amongst the one speech i listened to...plus ron paul acourse.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    I really have no idea what an undecided voter is going to think of most of this -- to me Ann Romney's pitch for her husband sounded extremely contrived, but who knows, maybe there's someone who will go for it.

    Heck, I think Obama's 04 was really shitty, but it got him from being state senator with no vetting to the White House in 4 years.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    04 speech*

  • Pro Libertate||

    Back then (I heard the speech on the news), I was scratching my head about all of the accolades about the speech. I thought he presented it well, but it wasn't anything special. But the media raved, and now we have a disaster president.

    Perhaps a little more focus on substance rather than image would help?

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Apparently people prefer image and soundbites (and yelling) to substance and issues. All this stuff does for me is piss me off and say "why don't you actually say something?

  • Rich||

    Oh, then you're gonna *love* Martin O'Malley heading into 2016.

  • nobody||

    Nononono not that Carcetti fuck.

  • Scruffy Nerfherder||

    Face it ProL, bullshit sells and it sells well.

  • Pro Libertate||

    No doubt about it. Khan was right--we need to improve man. [Runs off to start a eugenics program.]

  • Auric Demonocles||

    What about improving... Klingons?

    (partway through Enterprise season 4 right now)

  • Pro Libertate||

    Dumb. No need to explain the lack of money on TOS for advanced make-up and special effects.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    I wonder if advanced augment fighting techniques were around in the TOS era and that's why the fistfights looked the way they did.

  • Pro Libertate||

    The double fist club is indefensible.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    I'm not sure if you mean "indefensible" as in "physically unable to defend from that style of attack" or "unable to defend the inclusion of that style of attack in TV".

  • Pro Libertate||

    Exactly.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    It's indefensible at the quantum level!

  • Spoonman.||

    Man, I wish Enterprise had gone on longer. It stopped just as it got really good.

    And the double fist to the spine appears on DS9 too.

  • Pro Libertate||

    I liked it 4th season, except for the stupid last episode.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Damn. That doesn't bode well for a week or two from now.

  • ||

    Face it ProL, bullshit sells and it sells well.

    This is why I compare politicians to Network Marketers (you know, the guys who sell Amway Mona Vie). They're all bullshit artist; the only difference between them is the product their selling you.

  • Pro Libertate||

    I suppose it works with voters for the same reason people by crap on infomercials.

  • ||

    I think I'm one of the few people in Tampa that didn't buy the Sham-Wow.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Along with stripping, we're a major center for infomercials and other TV sales.

  • ||

    I actually met Billy Mays at a Chili's in Oldsmar a few years ago. He was drunk of his ass but seemed like a nice guy until some guy at the bar told him that "Oxi-clean didn't clean shit." Mays had a melt-down and had to be asked to leave.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Those people usually believe in their core products, believe it or not.

    I've heard he was a partier.

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    Seriously, I miss Billy Mays.

  • The Ghost of Billy Maes||

    Billy Mays here for Chipotlaway!

  • ant1sthenes||

    Pop politics is so shallow and overproduced. I only listen to indie politicians you've probably never heard of.

  • John||

    I never find any political speeches to be particularly effective. The only three speeches that I remember in my lifetime as being both enjoyable and effective were Reagan's 1980 convention speech, Reagan's 1984 speech at Normandy, which was just epic, and Palin's convention speech in 08. Hers was not epic or historically notable. But it was at least well given, charismatic and entertaining.

    I defy anyone who says Bill Clinton or Obama are great speech makers to listen to one of their SOTU addresses and still claim that. And Obama's Philadelphia speech was one of the worst most dishonest speeches I have ever heard.

  • Pro Libertate||

    I think Clinton was a decent orator--definitely had the technical skills--but Reagan was definitely the best of the presidents for quite some time. Of course, being an actor probably helped.

  • John||

    Clinton was better than either Bush. But Obama is just awful. His speeches are uniformly terrible, much worse than Bush's. It is the height of condescending racism to call Obama a great speaker.

  • VG Zaytsev||

    The delivery of his prepared campaign speeches is usually top notch. But the content is always vapid. (Yes we can!)

    His policy speeches universally suck and are always filled with armies of straw-men for the one to slay.

    And his contemporaneous remarks are just pathetic. Filled with ums and uhs and sentence fragments.

  • John||

    His rhetorical style is one note consisting of "some say (insert ridiculous straw man here)" and then him demolishing said stray man with his righteousness. He is the most dishonest orator I have ever seen.

  • Pro Libertate||

    He's very low on content. Truly great speakers usually have something to say. So limited technical skills, no content. Amazing.

  • R C Dean||

    I find Obama's speaking style to be so inauthentic that I can't even give him points for technical skills.

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    But Obama is just awful. His speeches are uniformly terrible, much worse than Bush's.

    It's not the quality of his speeches, it's the quantity.

    Obama is on fucking TV speechifying about something almost every day. I tuned him out about two days after his inauguration.

  • Lord Humungus||

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXBswFfh6AY

    Reagan's 1964 speech is still a classic. The real juicy anti-communist stuff starts at 23:20.

    But boy, listen to the earlier minutes and there is plenty of issues that still are pertinent for today.

  • John||

    Speeches were generally a lot better back then. They didn't assume their audience were total morons.

  • ||

    I'd rather be yelled at smothered by a fat guy from Jersey...

    FIFY

  • An0nB0t||

    IBIMB

  • oscar||

    this was a pretty good "i'm running for president in 2016" speech

  • Rich||

    sub-Whitmanesque rhapsody about hands

    Nice, Jesse.

  • John||

    Don't worry Jessee, next week you will get lots of anger. You have to remember when a Democrat gives an angry speech the media will tell you it is powerful and spoke truth to power. When a Republican does it, he is an angry white man.

  • Tim||

    One Christie is worth three Obamas.

  • R C Dean||

    By weight or volume?

  • WTF||

    Fat joke?

  • The Late P Brooks||

    Perhaps a little more focus on substance rather than image would help?

    Try to be a serious adult for once in your life. Now absorb these vacuous platitudes. And contribute to Society.

  • Tim||

    "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son."

  • Pro Libertate||

    MR. BLUTARSKY. . .ZERO POINT ZERO.

  • The Late P Brooks||

    "Seven years of college, down the drain."

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