The Great Juggalo Conspiracy Strikes Back

Juggalo Edgar HooverRemember that FBI report last year that classified the Juggalos -- fans of those magnetically mystified rappers, Insane Clown Posse -- as a gang? We all got a good laugh out of it, but the cops weren't joking. Camille Dodero of The Village Voice reports that the U.S. Marshals Service recently

issued a press release with this headline: "Gang Member Removed from New Mexico's Most Wanted." The apprehended menace in question was 20-year-old Mark Anthony Carlson, a white 140-pound male wanted on a felony bench warrant for missing probation. His gang affiliation? The "Insane Clown Posse 'Juggalo'" gang....

Whether or not he would've been put on New Mexico's Most Wanted List without the Juggalo association is unclear--we're still waiting to hear back from the U.S. Marshal's Office. But the first press release announcing his highly-sought fugitive status suggests Carlson's dangerous because of his explicit affiliation to two face-painted clown rappers.

Mark Anthony Carslon A.K.A. Mark Carlton is wanted on two felony warrants for failing to comply with the terms of probation both on underlying armed robbery cases. Carlson is a member of the Insane Clown Posse "Juggalo" gang. The "Juggalos" were recently classified as a gang by the Albuquerque Police Department Gang unit and it is believed that Carlson is still actively committing armed robberies in the Albuquerque Metro area.

Insane Clown Posse plans to sue the FBI over the gang classification.

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  • Hugh Akston||

    I'll bet Episiarch is loving this. The only reason he hates Juggalos so much is because they rejected him. Let that sink in for a minute. Episiarch was too lame to be a Juggalo.

  • Lord Humungus||

    Juggalos gotta Jugg.

  • Brett L||

    And I thought calling someone a sheep fucker was our worst insult.

  • Brandybuck||

    Tell that to a turkey fucker

  • Brett L||

    You fuck one turkey, one time...

  • ||

    I told you that in confidence! Fucking secrets, how do they work?

  • ||

    Int. - Dimly Lit Dressing Room

    A song is playing loudly, drowning out all other noise. The song is The Great Milenko. We zoom in on a Hollywood mirror with some bulbs flickering or burnt out. A hideous face appears in the mirror. It is the one we have come to know as Episiarch. He slowly starts dabbing on white makeup. He pauses, grins maniacally and whispers.

    Episiarch: I am the Great Milenko. hee hee ha ha

  • ||

    I watched Big Money Rustlas. I admit it. It was on and I couldn't look away. Shaggy 2 Dope is either an Andy Kaufman level comic genius or the stupidest man alive, and I can't tell which. I almost don't want to know which, because it leaves the possibility of someone even crazier than Andy out there.

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    In my youth, I was a member of The Kiss Army. Does that make me a foreign combatant?

  • Voros McCracken||

    I'd expect the answer in the form of a visit from the friendly neighborhood drone any day now.

  • Almanian's Evil Twin||

    The military are sworn to defend against all enemies - "foreign or domestic."

    U WER A DOMESTIK TOURRIST EMEKNEE!11!one~!

  • Almanian's Evil Twin||

    Also, KISS sucks balls. God, I hate them.

  • sarcasmic||

    second

  • ||

    Motion carries

  • Ska||

    I'm going through the process of cleaning out my parents' house so they can sell it, but a sticker from the late seventies left by my older brothers still lingers in an upstairs bedroom.

    The sticker has been partially scraped off, but it's still legible. The big KISS logo is there in the middle of a black field with "SUCKS MY ASS" written underneath in white out.

    I just may have to find a way to remove that sticker and preserve it for sentimental value.

  • Almanian's Evil Twin||

    That is fucking awesome

  • R C Dean||

    Nothing a sawzall couldn't liberate.

  • Ska||

    Heh, very true, and it would be fitting as it would preserve another staple of the times - wood paneling.

  • ||

    That makes you a proto-juggalo. You disgust me.

  • LTC(ret) John||

    Their surrender was accepted in 1989, right? I think you are OK.

  • Fluffy||

    New Mexico has so little going on that somebody missing a probation appointment rates being one of their Most Wanted?

    Andy and Red better dig deep bunkers in Zihuatanejo.

  • ||

    well, his sheet is a bit... extensive for a 20 year old:

    Robbery, Aggravated Fleeing of a Law Enforcement Officer, Possession of Heroin and Commercial Burglary. Corral has an extensive arrest history including Criminal Sexual Penetration, False Imprisonment, Aggravated Assault w/ Deadly Weapon, and Robbery.

    Mind you, I once read a case here about a 17 year old with 493 convictions, including manslaughter. I was hoping he'd get seven more by 18 and have a nice round number

  • Almanian's Evil Twin||

    Robbery, Aggravated Fleeing of a Law Enforcement Officer, Possession of Heroin and Commercial Burglary. Corral has an extensive arrest history including Criminal Sexual Penetration, False Imprisonment, Aggravated Assault w/ Deadly Weapon, and Robbery.

    Well, yeah, but other than THAT...

  • Fluffy||

    Right, but he's on probation.

    If the state thinks you're so little a danger that they give you probation instead of sticking you in the pokey, how dangerous can it be if you BAIL on probation?

    It's like telling me that a dangerous lunatic is on the loose, because he was just released from a psych ward.

  • ||

    This is a job for The Professor

  • Tim||

    The Bugaloos are america's Pussy Riot.

  • Almanian's Evil Twin||

    *stares at Tim with hatred and disbelief*

    Et tu, Timmeh? Et tu?

    THE JUGGALOOS ARE NO PUSSIES!!!

  • Tim||

    You know what I mean. Honestly this is the kind of tone deaf incompetent shit I expect from a Bush Administration.

  • Almanian's Evil Twin||

    I blame Bush

  • Marshall Gill||

    Yep, as a married man, so do I.

  • LTC(ret) John||

    What did Kate ever do to you?

  • Almanian's Evil Twin||

    +her jeans on the cover of "The Kick Inside", which I purchased in my youth. Wotta babe!

  • fried wylie||

    Honestly this is the kind of tone deaf incompetent shit I expect twice as much of from an Obama Administration as from a Bush Administration.

  • Rich||

    There's the Wisconsin kid who was forbidden from wearing Insane Clown Posse shirts to school, but didn't have money for new clothes, so he kept getting suspended.

    That kid should sit next to the First Lady at the next SOTU.

  • ||

    but didn't have money for new clothes, so he kept getting suspended.

    How on earth are licensed concert shirts promoting a band cheaper than real clothes?

  • R C Dean||

    I imagine the local Goodwill has a wide selection.

  • ||

    It also has a wide selection of non-ICP t-shirts. So it does not explain his inability to afford clothes that wouldn't get him suspended.

  • aelhues||

    Just cause the kid had cash for shirts last month, doesn't mean he has cash this month....

  • ||

    No but it does mean that is lack of taste is inexcusable.

  • Anonymous Coward||

    Couldn't he just turn the shirt inside-out?

  • ||

    More like Inane Clown Posse, amirite?

  • Brett L||

    I'm very much hoping that they show up to court in full makeup and regalia. Preferably represented by Juggalo lawyers also fully in character.

  • Rich||

    Fucking contempt of court, how does it work?

  • Sudden||

    Better Call Saul!

  • Almanian's Evil Twin||

    1-800-CALL SAM

    /s Detroit version

  • ||

    'Clearly his taste in women is the same as his taste in lawyers: “Only the very best, with just the right amount of dirty.”'

  • BakedPenguin||

    C'mon, provide a link.

  • perlhaqr||

    Ok, I'm kind of an ICP hater, but the idea of Juggalawyers makes me laugh, I have to admit.

  • Romulus Augustus||

    Albuquerque? I was told all the insane clowns were on Capitol Hill and 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

  • Rasilio||

    Damn, you gotta wonder when they are gonna call in an airstrike on Pennsic or Estrella

  • ||

    Way to NutraSweet the links, genius.

  • Rasilio||

    Yeah lets try that again.

    Estrella

    And

    Pennsic

    Both have more than 10,000 heavily armed and armored "domestic terrorists" engaging in military training exercises. Definately sounds like grounds for drone strikes to me.

  • ||

    Both have more than 10,000 heavily armed and armored "domestic terrorists" engaging in military training exercises. Definately sounds like grounds for drone strikes to me.

    Better hurry... looks like they're only a couple centuries away from developing firearms.

  • Rasilio||

    Right, so they are significantly better armed than the Islamic Terrorists everyone is so worried about.

  • Brett L||

    Do Juggalos even have opposable thumbs to grip weapons with?

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    Let me help you out, little brother.

    Pennsic

    Estrella

  • GILMORE||

    Mark Anthony Carslon A.K.A. Mark Carlton

    I read the linked article, and apparently the reason the FBI credits the guy with an 'alias' is because U.S. Marshalls misspelled his name on a warrant, not because the guy was clown-criminalizing incognito.

    The "aka" thing really does add to the criminal flavor though.

  • Dr. Frankenstein||

    Reminds me of the "They call me Tater Salad" bit from Ron White.

  • Almanian's Evil Twin||

    "Almanian, AKA 'Almanian's Evil Twin, AKA 'Almanian_1', AKA 'Almanian...still', AKA...."

  • The Late P Brooks||

    Yes, as through this world I've wandered
    I've seen lots of funny men;
    Some will rob you with a six-gun,
    And some with a fountain pen.

  • ||

    Maybe it's because I've been playing Arkham City recently and have beaten down a lot of thugs in clown maskes, but I can't help but make the connection between people in clown masks and the Joker's gang in the comics and other media.

  • ||

    "Batman...Batman...Can somebody tell me what kind of a world we live in, where a man dressed up as a bat gets all of my press? This town needs an enema!"

  • ||

    As great as Heath Ledger was I don't think anyone captured the insanity and humor of the Joker better than Mark Hamill.

  • ||

    Uh, no one can equal Caesar Romero, dude.

  • Tim||

    No, but Frank Gorshin as the Riddler came close.

  • Tim||

    And why the Hell can't we buy that show on DVD?

  • ||

    Riddle me this, Bat-moron: who is better, Vincent Price as Egghead or Victor Buono as King Tut?

    God that show was amazing.

  • Tim||

    Otto Preminger as Mr. Freeze, Dynamic dud.

  • ||

    It was a trick question; the correct answer was Julie Newmar.

  • Tim||

    meow!

  • Tim||

  • ||

    Only fifty bucks?!? If I wasn't dead set against having physical media, that would be a sure thing.

  • Tim||

    Buy it before some bastard studio shuts them down.

  • Agammamon||

    They potray different facets of the killer clown.

    I haven't seen Hamill's work ( i don't watch the cartoon) but I think that Nicholson's and Ledger's performances werre equally good - they just portray the the killer clown differently.
    NIcholson brought the comic portrayal straight to live action - his Joker *is* the comic book.
    Ledger's performance personifies the terror of truly random violence - you can never fully protect yourself from his Joker as that one has no motivation except random destruction. He's almost as likely to ignore you as murder you horribly and you can never tell which way he's going to jump.

  • IceTrey||

    Now if they would only give the gang designation to the Bielibers.

  • ||

    I liked the Juggalo episode of Workaholics

  • Proprietist||

    I was just going to say that. One of their best...

  • The Late P Brooks||

    Aggravated Fleeing of a Law Enforcement Officer

    He can't be ALL bad.

  • $park¥||

    Did he flee because he was aggravated or did the cops get aggravated when he fled?

  • ||

    "Aggravated" means that his original crime was worsened by fleeing from police after committing it. So if he robs a convenience store and runs from cops afterwards, he is charged with the robbery and aggravated fleeing.

  • mnarayan||

    So is it illegal to flee the cops when you haven't committed a crime?

  • ||

    a white 140-pound male

    Calling out the fact that he is a skinny white nerd to emphasize his harmlessness is racism and sizeism, straight up.

  • R C Dean||

    Given his rap sheet, I bet at least five of those pounds are tattoo ink.

  • ||

    The makeup probably adds another couple of pounds too. This story is getting sadder by the minute.

  • ||

    "Check 'is out! I got me a rat tail!"

  • ||

    Dennis: All blackface is racist, Mac, and that is the point I'm trying to make. You just cannot cast a white man as a black man and paint his face black. You can't do it.

    Mac: They're actors. They're trying to create an illusion. You know, in the "Lord of the Rings" movie Ian McKellan plays a wizard. Do you think he goes home at night and shoots laser beams into his boyfriend's asshole? I don't think so, dude.

  • ||

    I was recently at a beer tasting event where, at the end when we were all a little loaded, this 20 year old kid with a rat tail let one of the girls I was with cut it off. In the dark, with, like, some nail scissors from her purse. That sacrifice in pursuit of getting laid may not have paid off that night, but in the long run I think we at least improved his odds.

  • Brett L||

    Infinitely.

  • Tim||

    You know who else was skinny and white?

  • Almanian's Evil Twin||

    Bob Geldof?

  • ||

    Mitt Romney?

  • ||

    You?

  • Tim||

    "Episiarch's Dink"

  • Almanian's Evil Twin||

    *snorts pop out nose*

  • mr simple||

    Funny, I didn't see anything about this on Juggalo News.

  • Proprietist||

    Aren't Juggaloes more like drunk soccer hooligans than gangsters?

  • LTC(ret) John||

    I would fear immediate violence from a drunken soccer hooligan more than a gangsta.

  • Proprietist||

    Yeah, but I'd be more scared of a Faygo-and-bath-salt addled Juggalo than either one.

  • Brett L||

    Why? Are their noodle arms and general lack of conditioning dangerous?

  • Proprietist||

    The hybrid power of bath salts and Faygo, combined with the testosterone maximizing ICP rap-rock transforms these noodle armed weaklings into psychopaths with Hulk-like bodies. Chuck Schumer said so.

  • Stormy Dragon||

    OMG, this could be worse than the epidemic of ballet knife fighting that broke out in New York City until the NYPD was able to arrest the main members of the Jets and the Sharks.

  • just another lurker||

    A bizarre case here in Seattle from a couple years ago. I didn't buy the Juggalo 'enhanced gang penalty' claim to begin with, but I REALLY don't approve of the prosecution's ploy to avoid any mention of it during the regular trial, then bring it up before a single judge afterwards during sentencing.
    http://seattletimes.nwsource.c.....lo28m.html

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