Drug Czar's Office Backs Out of Another Congressional Softball Game with Drug Law Reformers

A Congressional softball team composed of the least winded members of D.C.'s various drug reform groups shot out an angry press release this afternoon announcing that the Office of National Drug Control Policy had backed out of yet another baseball game with the One Hitters: 

Once again, the softball team representing the Office of National Drug Control Policy (ONDCP) has backed out of playing a Congressional Softball League game against the One Hitters, a team consisting of members of several drug policy reform organizations and others who support ending the “war on drugs.” A game between the two teams had been scheduled for May 25, but the ONCDP Czardinals pulled out shortly after scheduling the game, with ONDCP public liaison coordinator Quinn Staudt citing an “accidental double-booking.”

This is not the first time the Czardinals have refused to play the One Hitters. In 6 years, the team found one reason or another to avoid taking the field against this team of individuals dedicated to reforming the out-of-date and ineffectual policies promoted by the ONDCP.

This behavior is being mimicked on the national stage by the ONDCP as well. While drug czar Gil Kerlikowske has stated that he will no longer use the rhetoric of a “war on drugs” and President Obama said that he wants to move to treat drug abuse as a health problem rather than a criminal justice problem, little has been seen in the way of action in that direction. The President has also said that he does not support the legalization of any drug, even marijuana, despite the inarguable damage marijuana prohibition does to society, individual users, medical patients that benefit from marijuana treatments, governmental budgets, and respect for the rule of law.

"It is really disappointing that the ONDCP not only refuses to have an honest debate with drug policy reformers about the absolute failure of drug prohibition, but also keeps ducking out of softball games with us,” said One Hitters team captain Jacob Berg. “We think it would be a great opportunity to advance the discussion between drug law reformers and the people ostensibly in charge of drug policy in this country. I wonder if they are afraid to have that conversation. The drug czar said ‘legalization’ isn't in his vocabulary, but it's just a friendly softball game!"

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  • ||

    Is this a joke, Riggs?

  • Ska||

    At least it's funny.

  • ||

    Is it?

  • Ska||

    In a Friday Funny sort of way, yeah.

  • Riggs||

    Totally real. Congressional softball is a weird part of the D.C.'s ecosystem. A lot of Senate/House offices have teams, as do most of the hill rags and a few federal agencies.

  • ||

    If they lose to a bunch of stoners, what kind of message does that send to todays youth about drugs mmmkay? It's for the children.

  • ||

    Bingo. It's all about the possible symbolism. We might lose, so we won't play.

  • ||

    I'm too old for this shit.

  • NeonCat||

    Maybe they think the reformers have cooties.

    Maybe they think the reformers' spikes are used hypodermic needles.

    Maybe they're just asshats.

  • ||

    How. Fucking. Childish.

  • ||

    You are dealing with sub-humans, i.e., state actors.

  • juris imprudent||

    The Czardinals???


    Fucking REALLY?

  • juris imprudent||

    Oh, wait, I get the joke - ONDCP only plays hardball.

  • juris imprudent||

    Of course they won't play - they are afraid of our current drug policy striking out.

    Thank you, I'm here all week.

  • jtuf||

    So, how many Obama supporters will leave the plantation over Obama's war on drug users.

  • Shocked||

    None, because they also believe he will be sending them even more free money.

  • ||

    "Leave the plantation"?


  • ||

    They should make it a game of legend.

    If the Hitters win, we end drug prohibition. If the drug warriors win, we steal all their softball stuff.

  • ||

    Maybe the ONDCP is scared the One Hitters will put Tim Lincecum on the mound.

  • ||

    Game canceled due to 'lack of balls'.

  • Rochelle, Rochelle||

    Is this from The Onion?

  • pinkwink||

    Who pays for their uniforms?

  • ||

    By refusing to play, the ONDCP team has forfeited. The drug reformers win by default.

  • ||

    In this league the drug warriors presumably get to change the rules in any way that suits them.

    You know, the way they do in the court system.

  • ||

    The Czardinals are probably worried about getting plunked and tagged in the balls.

  • B||

    DC is fucking retarded.

    To be fair, I don't think I could stomach socializing with anyone who worked for the ONDCP.


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