Jedis March On Ottawa, Vader Robs Bank

While the U.S. deals with the Gulf oil spill, an overhaul of financial regulations, and overbearing immigration laws, the big summer controversy in Canada is whether the government should stop coercing people into handing over detailed personal information to big brother.

Much like in this country, Canadians are required to fill out a census form every five years. A randomly selected group of people, however, are given a long-form census with invasive questions about personal relationships, work and migration histories, and family background, among other things. While I wouldn't have thought that making such questions voluntary would be all that controversial, a surprising number of people are up in arms over the proposal.

Many groups are worried that a voluntary census would hamper the government's ability to collect reliable data, which is then acquired by these groups at prices far below market value. Yet, considering that in 2001, 21,000 Canadians listed their religion as Jedi Knight, it would appear as though collecting information under the threat of coercion doesn't work very well either. Census data from other countries also shows that the world's Jedi population is growing. But as many European countries move to eliminate the census altogether, Canadian Jedis are up in arms.

Although the Jedis did assist the Rebel Alliance in overthrowing a tyrannical emperor, it's clear that the Knights were originally set up to enforce the Galactic Senate's big government agenda. Not to be outdone, the empire continues its assault on private property. Security cameras in Long Island caught Darth Vader holding up a bank yesterday morning. If only police in Long Island had census data showing the names and addresses of the local Jedi population, they might have an easier time apprehending the dark lord. And the circle is now complete.

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  • ||

    I really hate when people ask me my religion on questionnaires. Clear through college I put "Druid". Later I put "Army Christian". But now I need a new answer. Jedi Knight is too obvious. Butlerian luddite seems to obscure.

  • ||

    I'm partial to Southern Bohemian Rudist, even though I didn't come up with it.

  • nobody||

    Pastafarian?

  • ||

    Ceiling Cat

  • Astrid||

    Zensunni Wanderer or Jenova's Witness, depending on the mood I'm in.

  • cynical||

    If enough smartass conservatives put "Progressive" on the census, maybe we can have it declared a true religion and use the first amendment to restrict it's ability to force its beliefs on everyone.

  • ||

    And isn't that guy Chad? The night manager at the Piggly Wiggly up in Yazoo?

  • ||

    A chad vader and Oh Brother where art thou? reference and no one comments. What happened to the Reason I used to know?

  • Naga Sadow||

    I caught it. I also would like to point out . . . wait. I know that guy in the pic. Poor dude. Got all lightsabered and shit, yo. Allegedly force choked his girl too. Dude has problems . ..

  • Suki||

    Much like in this country, Canadians are required to fill out a census form every five years. A randomly selected group of people, however, are given a long-form census with invasive questions about personal relationships, work and migration histories, and family background, among other things. While I wouldn't have thought that making such questions voluntary would be all that controversial, a surprising number of people are up in arms over the proposal.

    In this they do the same as us, twice as often and just as stupid.

  • Warty||

  • Richard ||

  • ||

    That's funny. People governing locally is chaos. Darth Sidious did what was necessary to make order.

  • ||

    It really isn't local rule. You have the Jedi running around the galaxy trying to make things right. I am sorry but I could see them being a bunch of humorless prudes and enforcing as such on the galaxy.

    If Lucas had been a better writer and thinker he would have made the "bad Jedis" more complex. Rather than being mindless forces for evil they should have been misguided crusaders for good intentions. That is how real evil packages itself. It doesn't come dressed in horns and cloven hooves. It comes in the front door and tells you how there is all this wrong in the world and you really need to go to great measures to set it right. The road to hell is paved with good intentions is a cliche for a reason. It is true.

  • ||

    I think Mr. Last made a case for Saddam. Sure Saddam had to be cruel at times like the Empire, but he did it to bring a greater peace for his domain.

  • l0b0t||

    That was a pretty good read but Mr. Plinkett does a much better job of pointing out just how bad Lucas is at making movies and telling stories.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxKtZmQgxrI

  • ||

    Death Star II is very, very expensive to build.

  • ||

    Darth Vader was a Sith, not a Jedi. That's like confusing a Satanist with a Catholic because they believe in the same spiritual universe.

  • ||

    Does being a Sith come from your mom or dad's side? Was Return of The Jedi really Return of the half-Sith? ;-)

  • ||

    If the mitochlorians are from the mitochondria, neither Luke nor Leia should have special powers, since mitochondrial DNA comes only from your mother.

  • Jordan||

    Yet, considering that in 2001, 21,000 Canadians listed their religion as Jedi Knight, it would appear as though collecting information under the threat of coercion doesn't work very well either.

    A fake religion in a fake country. Meh.

  • affenkopf||

    Are there non-fake religions? (or countries for that matter)

  • Jordan||

    Good point. I still maintain that Canada is a myth ;)

  • EscapedWestOfTheBigMuddy||

    Come on, the alt text should have been obvious:

    I am altering the deal...
  • db||

    "I find your lack of cash...disturbing."

  • Jinglish||

    Vader *would* use a Glock.

  • ||

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3F1d3QWsyk0

    I am sure everyone has seen this. But it is the funniest under 10 minute film made maybe ever. It is always worth watching.

  • ||

    Damn, I thought that was going to be the "Jedi Bush" video. You have failed me for the last time, John.

  • Mangler||

    This video contains content from Turner (Adultswim), who has blocked it in your country on copyright grounds.

    This seems ironic somehow, but I'm not certain.

  • hmm||

    Canadian Jedis are up in arms.
    Although the Jedis did assist the Rebel Alliance in overthrowing a tyrannical emperor..
    The plural of Jedi is Jedi.

    Your alt text sucks.

    C+

  • ||

    I thought it was Jedorum.

  • RyanXXX||

    "New Democrat MP Charlie Angus was more colourful, stating that the Tories had scrapped the mandatory long-form census "strictly out of partisan reasons to appease the Ron Paul, Tea Party base."

    http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/TopS.....gn_100721/

    How about that?

  • Cytotoxic||

    Cripes, if only. Those con assholes have been the worst. Ethanol subsidized, auto companies nationalized. This the first decent thing they did in ever. On the bright side they intend to 'review' away affirmative action in the civil service.

  • Contrarian P||

    Since when does the Dark Lord of the Sith pack a piece? He lost mad cool points for not force choking the teller.

  • Han Solo||

    Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good [auto] by your side, kid.

  • CE||

    How much did Darth walk away with? $7,000? Congress robbed us of a hundred million times as much, and none of them have been arrested for it yet.

  • RyanXXX||

    Bernanke=Palpatine

  • ||

    US alwasy make the decision of the world.canada goose should get rid of it to help people.

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