Spain Gets a Meat Vending Machine

True story: There is a vending machine for meat in Spain:

Said vending machine is located outside a 100-year-old butcher shop and allows customers to buy meat around the clock. The vending machine features meats, sausages, sandwiches and other goods on a seasonally rotating basis.

The butcher shop also apparently features multilingual touchscreens that help people who speak a variety of different languages order without the usual confusion.

I reviewed the Senate's hotdog vending machine, and hollered about the provision in the House health care bill requiring nutrition labeling on vending machines. I've celebrated veterans who get their beer from vending machines. I've also written about machines that vend gold in Abu Dhabi and pizza in Rome.

Wow. Apparently I'm obsessed.

Radley Balko reviewed the secret history of the vending machine here.

Via Courtney Knapp, my co-guestblogger over at Megan McArdle's site.

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  • Old Mexican||

    Said vending machine is located outside a 100-year-old butcher shop and allows customers to buy meat around the clock.

    That would probe to be useful especially for those late night, post-Soccer barbeques . . .

  • Brian Sorgatz||

  • ||

    Eat a bag of dicks. You suck!

  • ||

    I don't usually call for the banhammer, but...

  • ||

    Dude, it's so amusing. Just because you don't delight in other people's suffering is no reason to deny me entertainment, you selfish prick.

  • ||

    Fair enough. Brian stays.

    I'll bet his mom was hot back in the day.

  • ||

    C'mon Epi, Brian's suffering is so mundane...and self-imposed to boot.

  • ||

    So? The display of it, and where, is what I find so amusing. If you were having a mundane teenager-level existential "crisis", would you blogwhore it on H&R? It doesn't make sense, man.

    "Don't chain me down with your manners!"

  • The Gobbler||

    I'd haul my ass to Jezabel.

  • ||

    Exactly.

  • nobody||

    Who's wielding the ban-hammer these days? Matt? Nick?

  • Kevin||

    You know who else wielded a ban-hammer?

    Hitler.

  • Jason||

    Hitler wielded a ban-gas chamber.

  • Enyap||

    One of the name anonbots is named banhammer.

  • Enyap||

    name=new

  • Hugh Akston||

    Sorry dude, as I'm sure your parents tell you on a daily basis, you are a space-wasting troll. Please vacate the premises.

  • ||

    "Mom, we're out of milk."

    "No trolling in the kitchen."

  • Old Mexican||

    It's not funny anymore. *Yawn*

  • ||

    Screw all these guys, Brian. I, for one, support your pointless rebellion! Though, as an attorney who in no way represents or even acknowledges your existence in any professional way, I must tell you that matricide is frowned upon in our culture. Ditto assault, battery, and mutilation.

  • ||

    Actually, I'm lying. I'd kill my kids if they messed with me like that. Then again, I'm a big believer in patria potestās

  • D-FENS||

    Is that Latin for "late late late late-term abortion?"

  • ||

    It's Latin for "You know, I brought you in this world, and I can take you out. And it don't make no difference to me, I'll make another one look just like you."

  • milkman||

    no you won't

  • Tomcat1066||

    Brian, my greatest hope for you is that you start cutting to release the angst and one day, while cutting on your wrist, you go deeper than you meant to.

    It'll be sweet release for us all.

  • phalkor||

    you make me feel so normal and well-adjusted.

  • Old Mexican||

    The butcher shop also apparently features multilingual touchscreens that help people who speak a variety of different languages order without the usual confusion.

    You mean hedid that without being made to do it by an anti-discrimination law? How barbaric! How "freemarkety"! Yuck!

  • ||

    The awesomeness of the ability to get jamon any time, even in the middle of the night, cannot be overstated.

  • Old Mexican||

    Jamon Serrano . . . Mmmmmmm.

  • ||

    Jamon Iberico, you cheap bastard. You have to spend on the good stuff.

  • ||

    I had house-cured culatello from Salumi for lunch. I win.

  • ||

    Oh yeah? Fuck you and the Batalis too.

  • T||

    If they're selling Iberico out of a vending machine, that's fucking awesome.

  • ||

    I'm holding out for a truffle machine. Truffles--white and black--truffle oil, other high-end fungi, etc.

  • ||

    God, I hope not. Iberico, like proscuitto, loses its flavor intensity soon after slicing.

  • matt||

    jamon iberico bellota, even.

  • ||

    I am underwhelmed.

  • Kevin||

    Dude, I'm gonna form a rock band and sell my CDs out of vending machine, because rock and roll is about sticking to the man. And sticking to the man in a vending machine would be a very efficient marketing strategy for sticking it to the man.

    Yeah, dig it.

  • Polynikes||

    You should so name your band "Meat Vending Machine"! Rock on, Kev!

  • ||

    Didn't Rush release a single called "Meat-Eating Man?"

  • Johnny Shockrock||

    This is the subject of my new metal concept album Electric Meat Machine.

  • Old Mexican||

    Inflatable women vending machine . . . there's a business opportunity there, especially late at night.

  • ||

    Put it next to a night club. Gold, baby!

  • Jason||

    So would a brownie husband vending machine.

  • ||

    (1) Built a Japanese-style capsule motel with units that can be rented by the quarter hour.
    (2) Provide in the lobby a vending machine with your inflatable women.
    (3) Provide another machine with various gels and creams.
    (4) Become insanely wealthy.

  • ||

    My god, do you know how much you would have to pay the cleaning crew? That kind of overhead would eat up your profits.

  • Brett L||

    Nah, just run a bleach rinse once it locks down empty.

  • ||

    Brett L, Chief of Operations.

  • Solanum||

    Inflatable women vending machine . . . there's a business opportunity there, especially late at night.

    I'm pretty sure there's a Suki/John T joke in there somewhere.

    Nevermind. I keep forgetting she's a real-doll, not an inflatable.

  • ||

    You know what surprised me? When I first read about this meat-vending machine a couple of weeks ago, I went looking for a haggis-vending machine on the web. I didn't find anything! How is that even possible?

    Before anyone says anything, there is such a thing as canned haggis.

    Now that haggis imports are legal again, can an American-Scottish haggis vending machine be very far behind? Crap, I'm tempted to buy some Caledonian Kitchen canned haggis, rent an accommodating vending machine, and, well, the rest will be Internet history.

  • ||

    Your sick, perverted sexual fetish for haggis disturbs and intrigues me at the same time. Tell me more.

  • ||

    Dude, you need to see the offal truth: We've got a whole series of haggis postings.

  • ||

    I wasn't serious, you Scottish deviant.

  • ||

    Oh, my God. I have a cunning plan to end all cunning plans: Scottish/Italian fusion cuisine.

    This may be the evilest idea I've ever had.

  • ||

    It smells evil, that's for sure. "Scottish/Italian fusion" is like saying "matter/anti-matter cocktail". It just doesn't even make sense.

    This is why your evil schemes always fail, ProL. Because while evil should always triumph because good is dumb, your evil is dumber. I have no idea about your schwartz, though.

  • ||

    Whatever. You haven't tried my haggis risotto.

  • ||

    He's covered with sandtrout; this man has no schwartz.

  • ||

    No, no, that's not me. The Kwittheshitz Hadenough comes before that.

  • ||

    For the record, Italian is my favorite cuisine. By far. In fact, I'm thrilled with most Mediterranean foods.

  • ||

    I know, I had nothing Pro'L Dib. I would be impressed if you could pull off haggis au grautin a la Wylie Wylie Dufresne, gastronimist extraordinaire.

  • ||

    Doc, you know about Dufresne? My cousin lives in NYC right near wd~50, and is personal friends with Dufresne and his father, and goes to wd~50 all the time. I've been there myself with him, and it's excellent. Dufresne is a maniac, though, staring into the open kitchen at his staff like a madman.

  • ||

    I'm not a total bumpkin, Epi. ;-)

  • ||

    Sure, doc. Whatever you say. Enjoy your Skippy and Fluff sandwich.

  • Jeff P.||

    From Haggis Fetish Magazine:

    "I slowly undid the stiches from the moist, pale stomach lining..."

  • Almanian||

    Still can't beat fried haggis on a stick from Checks in Glasgow.

    Well, unless they put it in a vending machine...

  • ¢||

    Caledonian Kitchen canned haggis

    is fuckin' BLEEUUAARGH, yo.

    But the whisky cake they sell is the world's best non-beer non-Sterno non-soda non-bean non-fish thing-in-a-can.

  • ||

    You mean you've actually eaten canned haggis? With your mouth?

    I am simply aghast with admiration.

  • ||

    Okay, I have a serious question for the commentariat: What is the best canned food?

  • Jeff P.||

    Canned asparagus.
    Heavily buttered.
    Late at night.
    Preferably drunk.

    Certain regional canned Chili can also be satisfying.

  • ||

    Canned chili might be it for me, too, though I'm not sure which.

  • ||

    Honestly? I like hearty soups on a cold day.

  • ||

    Oh, anchovies and lutefisk.

  • ||

    Botulism.

  • ||

    If you can't play fair, don't play at all.

    Potted meat product?

  • ||

    Q: What did Rock Hudson die from?

    A: Bad meat in the can.

    BA DUM DUM...ZING

  • ||

    Come on, Epi, pick a canned food. You can say least offensive if it makes you feel better. Canned foie gras? Canned caviar?

  • ||

    The best canned food is yellowfin tuna in olive oil, which is the norm in Mediterranean countries, but I have only found Genova brand here. The Genova is very good, but is a little inconsistent in quality, unlike the European ones.

  • ||

  • Brett L||

    +1

  • Nipplemancer||

    yea, that sums up life. Libby's, a few eggs, toast, coffee & oj is my favorite breakfast.

  • ||

    Drizzle a little Crystal hot sauce on it for a taste sensation!

  • ||

    I love the tuna. I'll have to try it. Think Fresh Market or Whore Foods would carry it?

  • BakedPenguin||

    Whore Foods? I heard they have a great coq au vin and coq Cordon Bleu oh, and... ah, fuck it, this joke is already tired.

  • ||

    Costco's Kirkland brand tuna.

  • Warty||

    Canned beans are close enough to home-cooked beans. I don't know if any canned food rises to the level of "good", though.

  • smartass sob||

    Ranch Style Beans, with or without jalapenos.

  • Almanian||

    Oh, c'mon - Spam by a country mile

  • ||

    I'd rather eat canned haggis.

  • Almanian||

    Same thing

  • BakedPenguin||

    Not really. Spam is ground up first, has less oats, and more pork anus.

  • ||

    Wow. Apparently I'm obsessed.

    I'm gonna go with "underfed", KMW.

  • Warty||

    Katherine, I'll be your meat machine if you like.

  • Almanian||

    Katherine wants to know if you're "vend-able"?

  • Hugh Akston||

    Don't do it, KMW. Sure he's got a salami that would choke a donkey (don't ask how he knows), but you'll smell like a kosher deli for weeks.

  • ||

    "[D]on't ask how he knows?" I'm more interested in knowing how you know about him and the donkey.

  • Hugh Akston||

    Warty and I used to drive around the country during the summer and put on a little...show, for discriminating audiences.

    I was the manager/driver/roadie. Warty was the talent. Well, half of it anyway. Poor ol' Zeke choked to death during a show in Corpus Christi. I guess he just couldn't take the strain anymore.

  • ||

    Oh, okay.

  • BakedPenguin||

    One of the reasons I want to visit Japan is to see their beer vending machines. Trouble is, paying 500¥ for a liter of Sapporo or Kirin just seems like a waste.

  • Sidd Finch||

    We had a beer machine in college. It's not difficult, particularly if you know the re-filler guy.

  • ||

    Why would a vending machine need nutrition labels? They normally sell packaged items, which already have nutrition labels. In rare cases I've seen them sell things like apples, which aren't required to be nutritionally labeled.

  • ||

    Yet.

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