5 Reasons Alabama Should Elect Roy Moore, the 10 Commandments Judge, Governator of Alabama

Moore is the judge who refused to remove a colossal hunk of rock with the Ten Commandments on them, resulting in a fine from the very court he swore to serve.

Steve Gordon lays out the case for Moore in tongue-in-cheek fashion. They include national media exposure ("we can be sure that Alabama will be highlighted on a daily basis on programs like The Tonight Show, The Daily Show and Bullshit!. We'll also be helping the national economy, as sites like The Onion and Wonkette will have to hire additional writers to keep up with us.") and increasing religious diversity ("With respect to religion, Alabama is one of the least diverse places I've been.  The institution of the worship of idols made out of stone will go a long way to re-establish our primal pagan [and pre-Ten Commandments] values.")

More, including Moore's theocratic beliefs on the gays and the gambling, here.

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  • ||

    I love the soft-focus picture at the link. He looks like a Muppet with Down's Syndrome.

  • ||

    Judge Moore on sodomy, fta: "an act so heinous that it defies one's ability to describe it."

    I don't know, Judge. The countless colorful euphemisms may disagree with you.

  • ||

    I DONT KNOW JUDGE MOORE, BUT I CANT BELIEVE HE ALLOWS HIS NAME PRINTED AMONG SUCH AS THE SICKEST OF THE DEVILS WOREST MINIONS OF BAD, THESE WERE VOTED IN TO CARVE THEIR NAMES DEEPER INTO THE PAIN THAT AWAITS THEM.....
    THERE IS NO FOOL ANY GREATER THAN A NON- BELIEVER,
    SINCE AS IN POKER YOU HAD A FULL HOUSE, AND YOUR 0PP0NENT HAD A LOWLY 4 LITTLE TREYS,,,,,OOPS, AND YOU WERE SO,SO SURE. TO LATE NOW SUCKER,

  • Xeones||

    "...it defies one's ability to describe it."

    In fairness to the judge, he is from Alabama, where they don't have a lot of vocabulary. The Alabama edition of Webster's Dictionary is only fifteen pages, and a thesaurus is widely believed to be a mythical creature whose bones were buried by Satan.

  • ||

    We've got more than enough vocabulary to kick your puny ass all over the place. Phuken phag.

  • Sean Scallon||

    Since no one is forcing you to live in Alabama Nick, what do you care? I hope that states' rights is not an elastic principal that only exists in drug cases.

  • Warty||

    SugarFree, didn't you know that "muppet" is short for "mongoloid puppet"?

  • ||

    "an act so heinous that it defies one's ability to describe it."

    The doorknob rattled on his office door. A voice from the hall said, "Roy, you in there? I got it. Open up."

    Roy locked his desk and then stood. He smoothed down his judicial robes and went to the office door. A hulking figure loomed on the other side of the frosted glass. "Is it you?" he asked. "Of course it's me," the figure said, "who the fuck you think it was?"

    Roy open the door and snatched the paper sack out of Billy's hand as soon as he was through. The T-shape of the gavel dildo tumbled out of the torn sack and bounced under his desk. As Roy reaches for it his robe rides up. He is naked underneath. Billy watches Roy's anus pucker, like an eye shutting out the sight of Billy's growing erection.

    When Roy stands--the lint-covered dildo in hand--Billy is already dropping his over-alls to the floor. Billy juggles his testicles while pinching the head of his penis and Roy moans. He drops his own robes to the floor and starts to lick the dildo clean.

    "I gotta take shit, Roy, but don't you go weak sister on me. You give it to me but good." Billy crossed and bent over the desk. He spread his flabby white ass open for Roy and farted almost silently.

    Roy inserted the gavel-dildo in his own anus and waddled toward Billy. Roy felt ready to come as soon as the tip of his glans first brushed the pimples dotting Billy's perineum. The perfume of Billy's colon almost drove Roy mad.

  • Dan from Alabama||

    You are a sick fucker, but I can't think of anyone who deserves this more than Roy Moore. Have you sent this to his website yet? Or the wingnut daily? Ha Ha Ha.

  • Warty||

    Since no one is forcing you to live in Alabama Nick, what do you care? I hope that states' rights is not an elastic principal that only exists in drug cases.

    P.S. any replies to this will surely be ad homs, thereby conceding my points and showing the anti-intellectual nature of libertarians.

  • ||

    Warty,

    I thought it was not quite a mop and not quite a puppet.

    Your explaination make more sense, though.

  • Warty||

    The perfume of Billy's colon almost drove Roy mad.

    This is the worst sentence I've ever read.

  • ||

    Ya'll talk all the smack you want. Just be aware that in the southeastern part of the state known as "the wiregrass", folks love the judge and his societal awareness. "We need more men of courage and conviction like judge Roy Moore."

  • ||

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  • ||

    """ "We need more men of courage and conviction like judge Roy Moore."""

    From the same camp that claims to dislike judical activisim?

  • ||

    Nick isn't from Alabama, but libertarian Steve Gordon ( the author of the linked piece) is. Are you suggesting reason writers/editors only write about and link to articles about politics in their home states?

  • ||

    Yeah, what John C said. And besides, how is my state of residence relevant to what I posted or critical of where the Judge works? X was the one who slammed Alabamians. Oh, I get it, Sean, reading comprehension is also not a strong suit down there. To improve, I urge you to read SugarFree's 11:02am post. Don't forget to sound out the big words.

  • Xeones||

    Way to make me wish Al Gore had never invented the internet, SugarFree.

    The worst thing about that story is that i'm sure there are at least a few judicial slash fiction sites out there where it would be right at home.

  • ||

    The 10 Commandments issue is just lip service to religion. You couldn't get a prosecutor to walk into a room where bearing false witness would be a crime.

  • ||

    This is the worst sentence I've ever read.

    Way to make me wish Al Gore had never invented the internet, SugarFree.

    Those are both going to be used as cover blurbs.

  • ||

    Aaand, the daily Pelosi is delivered right on schedule.

  • ||

    While Judge Moore is an ignoramus and a dolt, forcing him to get rid of his rock was way off base. First, the Ten Commandments is a historical legal document, just as was the Code of Hammurabi. Second, it was not an establishment of religion, just a quote carved in a rock. Third, no one was harmed by the existence of the rock in the courthouse.

    Yes, it offended the sensibilities of some people. Fuck them. I'm not a Hindu, yet I've been in the presence of a quote from the Bhagavata without incurring any damage whatsoever to my psyche.

  • Dan from Alabama||

    I believe it was about maintaining religous neutrality within government institutions. If we let Roy douchbag keep his ten commandments in the courthouse, we would have to let other religions put shit of their's in as well. Under no circumstances can any level of government in the U.S ever show favoritism to any religion. It is the reason there have no been any inquisitions, crusades, holy wars or witch trials in this country since Jefferson announced our independance. By the way, you are aware of Roy Moore's little piece "Muslim Ellison should not hold public office" that he wrote for the Wingnut Daily aren't you. Roy thinks its alright to permenantly install a 5000 lb monument of his religion in the main lobby of a government building as a permenant structure, but he doesn't think it is alright for U.S representative Ellison to take his oath of office on the holy book of his faith at his own private swearing in. What the fuck is that all about?

  • gmatts||

    This is from Judge Moore's Wikipedia page:


    "Moore's travels eventually took him to Texas, where he spent a year training and fighting professionally as a kickboxer. After a brief return to Gadsden, Moore next travelled to the Australian Outback and, after meeting Fundamentalist Christian Colin Rolfe, worked for almost a year as a cowboy on Rolfe's 42,000-acre (170 km2) cattle ranch. He remembered both careers fondly in his autobiography and subsequent interviews and was particularly proud of a kickboxing victory in the Greater Gadsden Tournament of Champions, a triumph he attributed to divine will.

    Moore returned to Gadsden again in 1985. He ran in 1986 for Etowah County's district attorney position against fellow Democrat Jimmy Hedgspeth. He lost that election as well, and Moore returned to private practice in the city. During this period, he married his wife Kayla, switched his affiliation to the GOP, and added to his office a wooden Ten Commandments plaque that he had personally carved in 1980."

  • the innominate one||

    Brandybuck, I'd find your argument more convincing if the code of Hammurabi had been posted alongside and at the same time as the Ten Commandments monument.

  • Anonymo the Anonymous||

    Brandybuck's argument is one of those, like "Why can't we have a White History Month?", that would make sense if the immediate matter at hand was the first thing that had ever happened in the history of the world. But it wasn't.

    Roy Moore didn't install his rock after an unremarkable career of sober, dispassionate jurisprudence. He's on the record in judicial opinions calling for the state to use "the power of the sword" to combat homosexuality. Five seconds reviewing his record reveals that he's a theocrat hellbent on restoring "Biblical law". The Ten Commandments monument was merely the most theatrical act in a campaign to intimidate and tyrannize Alabamians who don't share his paleolithic religious views, and one must be either deeply deluded or shamefully disingenuous to argue otherwise.

  • ||

    """Fuck them. I'm not a Hindu, yet I've been in the presence of a quote from the Bhagavata without incurring any damage whatsoever to my psyche."""

    In a courthouse?

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