Now That We've Got All This Stimulus Money, We Need Some More Money To Track How We're Spending It!

The truly indispensable and always-fascinating mag Government Executive reports:

The chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee announced on Tuesday that he will sponsor a bill to provide funding for state auditors who are struggling to keep pace with the demands of the 2009 American Recovery and Reinvestment Act.

"With individual states receiving billions in stimulus funding, it makes sense that the states also be fully equipped to closely monitor those taxpayer dollars," said Democratic Rep. Edolphus Towns at a committee field hearing here in his home district [in New York]. "Not initially providing funds for state auditors under the Recovery Act was an omission that should be rectified as soon as possible."

The American Recovery and Resident-Ripoff Act did kick over $200 million for audits and oversight of how funds would be spent at the federal level. But what about sad-sack, busted-and-broken-down state and local folks? Shed a tear for them, kind souls.

New York state and city officials said on Tuesday they would be forced to spend non-stimulus funds to hire independent accounting firms or contractors, further depleting their already thin coffers.

But wouldn't hiring bean counters be...stimulative? Rep. Towns is pushing for new money to be given to states so that they can track the money they just got, but he doesn't have an exact amount in mind, though it's pretty freaking urgent.

The GovExec article goes beyond documenting the incredibly self-pitying emotions of folks who are getting $26.7 billion in Recovery Act funds to note that the feds themselves have offered precious little guidance to states and municipalities in terms of counting the number of jobs "created" or "saved." Ah well, maybe next year.

More here.

Now, I'm just a broken-down old taxpayer with a double-digit IQ, but can't these goddamn entities take, say 1 percent of stimulus funds at all levels to let people know how the funds are being spent and how they calculate their bullshit saved-and-retained jobs figures? Or get some of those newly flush-with-cash AmeriCorps altruist zombies to turn their prodigous energy and insights to this mess?

Or just let the private sector track spending for free (at least to the taxpayer)?

Seriously, folks, does anyone know the way out of this rabbit hole? It's getting pretty goddamn scary down here. When the teenagers learn about this, they'll be demanding, what 10 percent or more in extra funds just to be able to keep track of their goddamned allowances. Isn't this what happened to the Mayans and the dinosaurs?

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  • High Every Body||

    Seriously, folks, does anyone know the way out of this rabbit hole? It's getting pretty goddamn scary down here.

    Another election is just around the corner.

  • Xeones||

    Two Gillespie rants in one morning? But my birthday was last week!

    Seriously, folks, does anyone know the way out of this rabbit hole?

    Burn it down and start over?

  • phalkor||

    Nick, it's rude to talk about your "double-digit IQ" in public. Manners please, not all of us are smarter than a rock.

  • ||

    Please, the Mayans and dinosaurs didn't even live at the same time.

  • High Every Body||

    Please, the Mayans and dinosaurs didn't even live at the same time.

    Those pesky Incas made sure of that.

  • ||

    If you want to weep, look at how states like Maryland are actually spending money. The $3.8 billion of future debt thrown at Maryland will not actually create any jobs... nor will it do shit to fix much in the way of aging infrastructure. State officials are using it patch a structural deficit. The real shit will hit the fan in a couple of years when the federal teat is dry.

    Giving money to state government like giving crack to a crack whore... you can't exactly expect much in the way of sharing.

  • High Every Body||

    Those pesky Incas made sure of that.

    Sorry, I must respect Lenin's birthday.

    Columbus and those pesky Colonists made sure of that.

  • ||

    Now, I'm just a broken-down old taxpayer with a double-digit IQ

    Y'all don't be fooled by his "I'm just a simple country HyperChicken from a backwoods asteroid" shtick. Nick is very high-functioning.

  • ||

    The dinosaurs died out because they were a evolutionary dead-end in Mother Nature's fervent quest for a species that could invent Twitter.

  • High Every Body||

    Nick is very high-functioning.

    Yea, he got an englishin' degree an' stuff!

  • High Every Body||

    The dinosaurs died out because they were a evolutionary dead-end in Mother Nature's fervent quest for a species that could invent Twitter.

    Is that why Columbus and the other angry white me killed them? The things one learns here!

  • T||

  • T||

    Grrr.

    The dinosaurs died out because they were a evolutionary dead-end in Mother Nature's fervent quest for a species that could invent Twitter.

    So it's up to us to create a species of life that will destroy Twitter? I'm completely onboard if that's the case.

  • ||

    The Mayans as well. The Mayans were going nowhere with wheel technology. Twitter runs on wheels. Thousands of tiny, intricate wheels... packed into one big wheel. A giant wheel that lets you tell people what you had for breakfast from your iPhone.

  • ||

    does anyone know the way out of this rabbit hole?

    We must dig! Dig deeper! Dig faster!

    Dig, Baby, dig!

  • Naga Sadow||

    SugrFree, that's a damned lie! Also, dinosaurs? Fictional. God put those bones in the earth to test our faith.

  • ||

    SugrFree, that's a damned lie!

    Do you omit the A in Sug-rFree like the way Joos omit the O in G-d? I just want to make sure I learn and respect the local protocol.

  • ||

    You are so wrong, Naga. Dinosaurs lived into contemporary times. How else can you explain this?

  • Xeones||

    I just want to make sure I learn and respect the local protocol.

    Naw, that's just... Naga.

  • Naga Sadow||

    Is fractional libertarian accusing me of spoofing libertymike?

  • Naga Sadow||

    Jesus? Also fictional. God is a curmudgeon who lives alone.

  • ||

    The Mayans as well. The Mayans were going nowhere with wheel technology. Twitter runs on wheels. Thousands of tiny, intricate wheels... packed into one big wheel. A giant wheel that lets you tell people what you had for breakfast from your iPhone.

    What happened to the tubez?

  • ||

    Is fractional libertarian accusing me of spoofing libertymike?

    Just getting the lay of the land. Lots of names to catalog, but seems to be an awfully cozy community so far. Good stuff.

  • ||

    What happened to the tubez?

    Twitter still uses wheels to move things through the tubez. Did you think it was pneumatic? This isn't science fiction, you know.

  • Naga Sadow||

    Silentz,

    Just ignore, SugarFree. He's just shilling for Big Mayan and looking for human sacrifices.

  • Naga Sadow||

    fractional libertarian,

    My advice would be to simply shadow the boards for a month or so. You should be up to speed by then.

  • Xeones||

    Speaking of the Maya, it cracks me up how there's all this fooferaw about how the world's gonna end in 2012 based on the Mayan calendar ceasing to calculate beyond that December. Like any other people in history, the Maya knew of this thing called procrastination. They figured they had plenty of time before 2012 to work on the next couple thousand years, so they took a break for a while. Next thing you know, there's droughts and Toltec invasions and civil wars and yadda yadda yadda, no more Mayan civilization, at least not with enough astronomical skill to work on the calendar anymore.

  • ||

    Why do we need to track this spending? It's a government program, so you *know* the money will be spent wisely, and with the greatest possible good effect.

    The Government Oversight Committee has more important things to worry about; like empty seats at Citibank Field.

  • ||

    [kick dirty laundry over a pile of severed heads]

    Hey, Naga... It's Earth Day, how about you go have a nice solar-heated, GMO-free whole-wheat bowl of STFU and let the grown ups talk.

  • Xeones||

    STFU is made with wheat?

  • Naga Sadow||

    Xeones,

    You cabalist! Dude, check out this super accurate portrayal of what's gonna happen in 2012!!!

  • Naga Sadow||

    SugarFree,

    I'm hurt. Why did I get dissed LoneWacko style?

    *sobs*

  • ||

    Xeones,

    Organic STFU is, not that slop you normally see in the stores. It also travels less than 250 miles from farm to bowl.

  • ||

    *sobs*

    Your tears are delicious.

  • Art-P.O.G.||

    The dinosaurs died out because they were a evolutionary dead-end in Mother Nature's fervent quest for a species that could invent Twitter.

    You're a step short, SugarFree. The teleological endgame was actually LoneWacko's Twitter. I know, I know. Not even Douglas Adams could've imagined.

  • JB||

    Speaking of the Maya, it cracks me up how there's all this fooferaw about how the world's gonna end in 2012 based on the Mayan calendar ceasing to calculate beyond that December.

    Or they just knew that was Obama was going to be President and figured it would take even him a few years to end the world. He's well on his way.

  • T||

    Twitter still uses wheels to move things through the tubez. Did you think it was pneumatic?

    Pah. Wheels are the mechanism of 20th century man. We shall dominate the future with our luminiferous aether and phlogiston.

    Also, a Twitter devouring tentacle monster. But it'll run on phlogiston, so it's all good.

  • High Every Body||

    Naga,

    Are you going to Youtube your Marylin Monroe singing to JFK impersonation for Earth Day?

  • Naga Sadow, Hollywood Scriptwr||

    Hmmmmmmmmm. That would be an awesome movie. Mayans riding dinosaurs attempt to save the world from catastrophe by using their primitive Nokia cellphones to send text forward in time to reach us on . . . wait for it . . . wait for it . . . Twitter. Only one man can stop them from warning us . . . Chris motherfucking Kelly. Who views Twitter as some sort of illegalimmigrant conspiracy. In the race against time, can SugarFree with his trusty sidekick Xeones save the Earth?

  • ||

    Art-P.O.G.,

    Oh, please please please tell me that the LoneWacko Twitter feed is not a joke. I'd love to know what racist fuckrag trolls do all day.

    Chris Kelly is having huevos rancheros for breakfast.

    Chris Kelly is posting drivel to his blog.

    Chris Kelly is sobbing on the toilet.

    Chris Kelly is masturbating to autopsy photos of his mom.

    Chris Kelly is sobbing on the toilet.

  • Naga Sadow||

    HEB,

    Quit projecting. No matter how you claim to "remember", we all know it was you. Obviously Suki is my Marilyn Monroe.

  • Naga Sadow as Moralist Scold||

    Autopsy photos? Is there no end to sleaze?

  • Ravac||

    Naga - if teenagers are killed 24 hours after receiving the twitter text - you've got gold!

  • Art-P.O.G.||

    :D Sugarfree, I swear he posted a link to his Twitter feed in some thread. I didn't have the testicular fortitude to click it.

  • Naga Sadow||

    Ravac,

    I'll work that into the rewrite.

  • Art-P.O.G.||

    Naga, I'll watch your movie if Lonewacko is played by Ben Affleck.

  • High Every Body||

    Obviously Suki is my Marilyn Monroe.

    Me projection? You are obsessing!

  • High Every Body||

    Projecting even.

    Something must have distracted me while I was typing.

  • Naga Sadow||

    I was gonna use this guy.

  • Naga Sadow||

    HEB,

    Musta been that fantasy of yours from upthread that you tried to lay at my feet. You are forgiven.

  • Xeones||

    Why do i have to be the sidekick?

  • ||

    "Chris Kelly is sobbing on drinking from the toilet."

  • Xeones||

    I mean, i guess i can see it, if you're going for an Ice Cube/Chris Tucker kind of thing...

  • High Every Body||

    Why do i have to be the sidekick?

    You can be comic relief, if you enjoy those consequences.

  • Art-P.O.G.||

    Naga,

    An unknown, but a good choice...

  • Naga Sadow||

    Xeones,

    I'm giving you a chance to star in movies and sleep with B list stars and your gonna bitch? Sheeeesh!

    "In the words of the great warrior poet Ice Cube, 'Today I did not have to use my AK. It is good.'"

  • Naga Sadow||

    I wanted someone who resembled Michael Moore with the hassle of him actually being Michael Moore.

  • Naga Sadow||

    Without! Without dammit!

  • Art-P.O.G.||

    Naga,

    The sentence works surprisingly well either way.

  • High Every Body||

    Naga,

    The spirit of your Ninja Princess has you flustered, eh?

    Hope your real-world chick (if she exists) is not reading this . . .

  • Xeones||

    (if she exists)

    She doesn't.

  • Xeones||

    Or, if she does, she "totally lives in Canada, you guys."

  • High Every Body||

    Or, if she does, she "totally lives in Canada, you guys."

    How convenient. Imaginary chick in an imaginary country.

  • Xeones||

    Canada is real, HEB! It is within us all, if only we believe.

  • ||

    Or, if she does, she "totally lives in Canada, you guys."

    He met her a Niagara Falls, you wouldn't know her.

  • High Every Body||

    Canada is real, HEB! It is within us all, if only we believe.

    Is that why I stand on guard for thee? I thought I was just being cautious.

  • Art-P.O.G.||

    Naga's girl is so rad...you guys don't even know!

  • Naga Sadow||

    She is real!!!!!!! Her name is . . . ummmm . . . (looks around for names on household items) . . . Magnavox . . . a. Her name is Magnavoxa. She's eastern European. And she's hot and she puts out like . . . every day. For real, guys!

  • High Every Body||

    And she's hot and she puts out like . . . every day. For real guys!

    Guess that leaves you out.

    Wait until your Ninja makes a movie and you watch it on your 'girlfriend'. The sparks will fly!

  • Naga Sadow||

    Guess that leaves you out.

    What. The. Fuck. Are you coming on to me? I take exception to that!

  • High Every Body||

    No goofy. Look at my skillful comma removal from the quote ala joe.

  • Naga Sadow||

    *reads HEB's comment*

    . . . . . . . . . . .

    *head explodes*

  • ||

    Only one man can stop them from warning us . . . Chris motherfucking Kelly.

    I see Nicolas Cage in that role. You could probably piece it together with outtakes from his last several movies.

    The sentence works surprisingly well either way.

    Thus, the miracle of RC'z Law.

  • Naga Sadow||

    RC Dean,

    Cage? Bah! (waves hand dismissively) Cage shall go wanting.

    As for the second part of your comment . . . indeed. In that case, I meant to do it. Carry on.

  • Naga Sadow||

    Snake Eyes sucked by the way.

  • Paul||

    2009 American Recovery and Reinvestment Act.



    American Structured Securities Rescue Act for a Prudent Economy.

    So, it comes down to:

    Who's getting A.S.S.R.A.P.E.? Is there enough A.S.S.R.A.P.E.? Where is the A.S.S.R.A.P.E. taking place? When A.S.S.R.A.P.E. is occurring, is it hard and strong enough? Is A.S.S.R.A.P.E. having the desired effect? Is there any unnecessary A.S.S.R.A.P.E.? Is there any necessary A.S.S.R.A.P.E. that isn't occurring that should be? And, how much A.S.S.R.A.P.E. is too much (and is there really such a thing as too much A.S.S.R.A.P.E.?)?

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