It's Always The End of the World Around Here

Brian Doherty | March 10, 2009

A very thorough, entertaining, and heartening timeline history of as-yet-unfulfilled apocalyptic fantasies, from 2800 B.C. to now, and beyond.

[Hat tip to the marvelous Cory Mervis]

Comments

Reinmoose|3.10.09 @ 1:45PM|#

Wow, that page hasn't been updated in a while, huh?

|3.10.09 @ 1:46PM|#

No Paul Ehrlich?

Brian Doherty|3.10.09 @ 1:52PM|#

Reinmoose...it's not all on one page. See the top for tabs to other eras.

Reinmoose|3.10.09 @ 1:54PM|#

Brian -
I was referring to how it lumps 2005 in the "future" and you can see why, because at the top of the page it says "Page last updated: Oct 13, 2005" (and that's on the Future page)

Brian Doherty|3.10.09 @ 2:02PM|#

Thought you were making a 17th century joke. It isn't exactly a constantly and swiftly changing field of historical endeavor, Reinmoose. The page is a historical compendium, not this week's news, and I don't find it at all lacking for that.

|3.10.09 @ 2:03PM|#

This should be required reading for all self-styled sayers of sooth. Especially the ones who have discerned it from holy books, and AGW doomcriers.

B|3.10.09 @ 2:05PM|#

That one for 4,500,000,000 AD has me kind of freaked out.

Cabeza De Vaca|3.10.09 @ 2:06PM|#

English sailor Richard Brothers, who called himself "God's Almighty Nephew."

I don't think I've heard of someone claiming to be God's nephew before. I like this guy he's a original thinker. From now on I'm telling everyone I'm God's second cousin.

Jeff P|3.10.09 @ 2:07PM|#

I, personally, plan on laughing all the way the mathematically-inevitable Carter Catastrophe. But the gray goo aftermath will probably kill me.

|3.10.09 @ 2:11PM|#

Great. Now I have that fucking REM song in my head.

Kolohe|3.10.09 @ 2:12PM|#

It was founded ca. 156 AD by the tongues-speaking prophet Montanus and two followers, Priscilla and Maximilla.

This is how you form a cult: with two chicks, not with twelve dudes. (nttawwt)

Reinmoose|3.10.09 @ 2:12PM|#

Thought you were making a 17th century joke. It isn't exactly a constantly and swiftly changing field of historical endeavor, Reinmoose. The page is a historical compendium, not this week's news, and I don't find it at all lacking for that.

Agreed. I was just commenting on its relative age. I didn't mean it to serve as a way of discrediting the site or the information it contained.

|3.10.09 @ 2:14PM|#

It was founded ca. 156 AD by the tongues-speaking prophet Montanus and two followers, Priscilla and Maximilla.

The Elvis of 156 AD. Could he sing? How were his pelvic gyrations?

Nittany Cat|3.10.09 @ 2:16PM|#

"Great. Now I have that fucking REM song in my head."

I lived in a city where a radio station was bought out by another company and for a week the new owners simply looped that song.

|3.10.09 @ 2:17PM|#

This excellent listing contains almost no Islamic references. I wish i had the time to put it together, but there is a HUGE Islamic literature about the end of the world (mostly cribbed from Christian tradition, but also including whatever else the orthodox doctors picked up in the Levant and Persia). Endless lists of the signs of the end times circulate on email and get published in popular books and DVDs....filled with details about the coming of dajjal (the Antichrist equivalent) followed by the arrival of the Muslim Jesus...then there will be a terrible war in which only a few thousand true Muslims will fight alongside Jesus. The final battle occurs near LOD airport, the Jews get killed in droves (yes, there are Jews in the story) and trees and rocks say "there is a Jew hiding behind me, come and kill him" and so on. Its very vivid, very detailed and its always just around the corner.

Jeff P|3.10.09 @ 2:18PM|#

Ah, the preistesses Priscilla and Maximilla.

They were PILFs.

The Twelfth Gay Imam|3.10.09 @ 2:22PM|#

"but there is a HUGE Islamic literature about the end of the world"

But I'm enjoying my time in the well. At least I think it's a well. Though sometimes I get the feeling it's actually a barrel because I'm fed with 9-inch tubes.

Ska|3.10.09 @ 2:23PM|#

Does evite have any orgy templates set up for December 20th, 2011?

|3.10.09 @ 2:34PM|#

The best delineation of eschatological obsession I've ever heard:

What if the world we know were destroyed, but you alone (or suitably partnered) survived? The commonest recurring image of the Apocalypse, in literature and film, is the dilapidated and depopulated city. As the survivors tour corpse-littered streets, we are allowed to peer at a world caught unaware by the moment of its extinction. To be the inheritor of worthless riches and an inexhaustible supply of canned food is not perhaps such an unattractive prospect.

[...]

…a half-wished for descent into dog-eat-dog barbarity and the extermination of all the boring people in the world.

Kim Newman, Apocalypse Movies: End of the World Cinema

|3.10.09 @ 2:36PM|#

Stupid tags

Cabeza De Vaca|3.10.09 @ 2:37PM|#

"This excellent listing contains almost no Islamic references."

The seige in Mecca being the most dramatic in recent history.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grand_Mosque_Seizure

Richard|3.10.09 @ 2:42PM|#

Around Y2K, Dogbert explained to Dilbert that even though the mind of God is unknowable, we know He's fascinated by big round numbers.

not really Warren|3.10.09 @ 2:45PM|#

But this time it is real!

doom
Dooom
DOOOOM

Bronwyn|3.10.09 @ 2:47PM|#

Heeheeeee!
*wipes tears*

The Raelian website is Hie-larious!

Lefiti|3.10.09 @ 3:31PM|#

Nonetheless, it could be the end of YOUR world, asshole.

Syd|3.10.09 @ 4:23PM|#

Legend has it that, in 1143, St. Malachy prophesied that there would only be 112 more popes left before the end of the world. Pope Benedict is the 111th, which means that the world will end in the early 21st century. According to Malachy, the last pope will be named Peter of Rome. Time will tell. (Skinner p.74-75)

The next pope should take the name Peter II just to screw with people's heads.

Kolohe|3.10.09 @ 5:59PM|#

The next pope should take the name Peter II just to screw with people's heads.

Even if he doesn't, that shouldn't prevent people from shoehorning facts to fit the prophecy

(you gotta admit, the fact that Karol Wojtyla was born during an eclipse is pretty solid, but they are stretching to get Ratzinger's connection to olives.)

jtuf|3.10.09 @ 6:03PM|#

This is why I believe in the resurection of the dead at the end of days. That way, when someone tells me, "The end is near", I can refute them with, "No it's not. My gandparents haven't risen from the dead yet".

|3.10.09 @ 6:08PM|#

Knowing that the common theme around the apocalypse from a religious standpoint is that the end will come when we least expect it, any proclamations of "the end of the world will be" ...xxx..., you can pretty much guarantee you'll be safe on ...xxx...With that logic in mind, the more people we have predicting the end of the world, the longer we're likely to hang around.

Given that, my own prediction is any given Saturday, guaranteeing I'll have an uninterrupted string of Saturdays in which to not worry about the end of the world.