Anni, You're Breaking My Heart!

David Weigel | September 20, 2007

Wow, Steve Hayes reads an awful lot into Hillary Clinton's light joke about Dick Cheney being "Darth Vader." As the author of Cheney's definitive biography, he's well-equipped to prove that Cheney isn't a Sith Lord.

Calling Cheney "Darth Vader" is certain to get her lots of media attention, even if the rest of her comments were, in their own way, a backhanded compliment. (Even Republicans on Capitol Hill have long regarded Cheney as the Bush administration's enforcer. "When I'd get a phone call from the vice president that was bad news, because he wanted me to do something," former speaker of the House Dennis Hastert told me. "When I'd get a call from the president it was an attaboy or a slap on the back for getting something done. Dick was going to call—there was a tough deed to follow.")

I don't think this anecdote makes Cheney look much better. "All of those awesome achievements of the last Republican Congress? That was Dick, baby. You're welcome." (And who do you figure is easier to boss around: Denny Hastert or Grand Moff Tarkin?)

A better line of attack against Clinton might be her selective cultural illiteracy. Darth Vader is, of course, a tragic figure pushed into a career of planetary genocide by evil men who exploit his naive love of power. Both men are bionic, true, but Vader's first technological enhancements were the result of wounds suffered in battle with the Sith. When his nation called on him to fight in the Clone Wars, Vader didn't have "other priorities."

A long time ago in a Weekly Standard issue far, far away, Jonathan Last made the definitive case for the Empire.

Comments

Episiarch|9.20.07 @ 11:37AM|#

Darth Vader is, of course, a tragic figure pushed into a career of planetary genocide by evil men who exploit his naive love of power.

Such excuses for tyrrany, Weigel. What next, Darth Maul was just a simple clown who loved face-painting and playing with double light sabers? Sauron was just a jewelry-loving homo whose designs got a little out of hand? Bush is just a moron exploited by his handlers?

|9.20.07 @ 11:38AM|#

I like how Hayes considers calling someone an "enforcer," the heavy that pushed people around, is in and of itself a compliment, without even considering what he is pushing them to do, or why.

I also like how Hayes slips in the assertion that Clinton needs to "recover" from the "mistake" she made in calling Patraeus's report misleading, in order to "deflect criticism." 2/3 of the public agrees with her, but Beltway journallists just can't help projecting their uniform fetish onto everyone else.

|9.20.07 @ 12:11PM|#

There's good in him, I can feel it.

|9.20.07 @ 12:15PM|#

The Jedi plotted behind Vader's back. The trecherous slime got what it deserved. In my book, Vader is practically Jesus, but not as communist.

Fluffy|9.20.07 @ 12:16PM|#

"Darth Vader is, of course, a tragic figure pushed into a career of planetary genocide by evil men who exploit his naive love of power."

Episiarch, this is in fact the point of the prequels. It's only the fact that the prequels sucked that prevents people from connecting with the fact that it's supposed to be a tragedy.

Poor Darth Vader. First he's diminished by being portrayed by Hayden Christensen, and then he's diminished further by being compared to Dick Cheney. And then diminished still further by Weigel comparing him to Bush [if I am reading between the lines on the above sentence properly]. Bush! Imagine the indignity!

|9.20.07 @ 12:17PM|#

(And who do you figure is easier to boss around: Denny Hastert or Grand Moff Tarkin?)

This question is an insult to the memory of Peter Cushing. Besides, it was Tarkin who was holding Vader's leash, not the other way around.

lawnsheep|9.20.07 @ 12:17PM|#

The executive cabinet... You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Episiarch|9.20.07 @ 12:22PM|#

Fluffy, I find your lack of faith disturbing.

|9.20.07 @ 12:41PM|#

Jonothan Last's article is truly creepy. I don't care a whit about Star Wars mythology, but his apparent love of "meritocratic" dictatorships, glorification of Pinochet, and order-above-all ethos would make him a natural choice for a position in the next Chinese Politiburo.

|9.20.07 @ 1:44PM|#

Besides, it was Tarkin who was holding Vader's leash, not the other way around.

And that is why the original Star Wars (no "Episode IV", no "A New Hope", no "Darth Vader is Luke's father") was such an excellent movie, in contrast to the cartoon caricature of a lame melange of Greek tragedies that the whole series of episodes became.

Wait... we were talking about the Bush Administration, weren't we... That's okay. The same comment holds...

Franklin Harris|9.20.07 @ 1:47PM|#

This question is an insult to the memory of Peter Cushing. Besides, it was Tarkin who was holding Vader's leash, not the other way around.

If anything, Cheney is more like Tarkin than like Vader. Cheney and Tarkin will probably have the same famous last words: "Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances."

|9.20.07 @ 2:04PM|#

What about Cheney's brother, Chad?

http://www.blamesociety.net/chadvader/index.php

|9.20.07 @ 2:27PM|#

Is there a prequel to the administration coming? Or is this the prequel?

ed|9.20.07 @ 2:34PM|#

So who was responsible for that rasta lizard? He's the real criminal.

|9.20.07 @ 6:00PM|#

Jim Morrison? The Rasta Lizard King of Chicago?

|9.21.07 @ 9:49AM|#

Sheesh - Doesn't anyone watch Comedy Central? The "Lil Bush" cartoons have been portraying Cheney's Dad as Vader since the first episode... Or should that be "Episode 1"?

"but Beltway journallists just can't help projecting their uniform fetish onto everyone else." - joe

When did joe become a media-bashing conspiracy theorist? Yet another example of the fact that liberals and conservatives are just different sides of the same bad penny is that they even whine about the same things - just from different starting points. Liberals complain about "beltway journalists" and their "uniform fetish" (subtext: fascists!) and conservatives complain about liberal bias (subtext: commies!).

The funny thing is that "liberal" bias in the media has actually been shown to have some truth to it, but guys like joe are too good at slipping around inconvenient truths that might obscure their pre-packaged point-of-view.

|9.21.07 @ 1:19PM|#

When did rob write a post that wasn't about me?

*kiss kiss*

Anyway, good thing rob's "right people" don't ever criticize the press.

lunchstealer|9.21.07 @ 1:27PM|#

I always see Cheney as more of a President Scroob to Bush's Dark Helmet.

lunchstealer|9.21.07 @ 1:28PM|#

Except that Scroob and Helmet are in some ways likeable.

|9.21.07 @ 2:34PM|#

It's true, I pretty much only post when I can't resist the urge to point out that joe is being... well... joe.

I think it's the same motivation that Austin Powers feels when he sees Dr. Evil. Ah, who am I kidding? You're a lot more like the Alotta Fagina character...

"That really hurt! I'm gonna have a lump there, you idiot! Who throws a shoe? Honestly! You fight like a woman!"

"That ain't no woman! It's a man, man!"

"Well, no offense, but if that is a woman it looks like she was beaten with an ugly stick!"