Fast Five and Cave of Forgotten Dreams

Rock steady

Like the everyday pizza it so closely resembles, the new Fast Five offers one thing and one thing only. Forget fancy toppings and artisanal crusts; sometimes you just want something round and reddish. This movie is that pie. And like Domino’s, it delivers.

If you remember The Fast and the Furious, the first entry in this 10-year-old franchise, you’ve already seen this picture. Like the four previous installments, Fast Five gives only the most minimal of nods to plot and characters, concentrating instead on high-end hot rods, screaming tires, and general vehicular mayhem. The stars, once again, are Vin Diesel, playing ex-con street racer Dominic Toretto, and Paul Walker, as ex-lawman street racer Brian O’Conner. Also on hand one more time is Jordana Brewster as Mia, who is both Dom’s sister and Paul’s girlfriend and, when pressed, a pretty fair wheel-girl, too.

This time out, the three leads have gone to ground in Rio de Janeiro, on the lam following the barrage of action that opens the movie. Their attention is soon drawn to a local crime lord named Reyes (Joaquim de Almeida), who disdains banks and instead keeps his ill-gotten multimillions in safe houses around the city. Dom and Brian want this money. To rip it off, Dom puts out a call to several actors who’ve been resting up from various earlier films, and soon we’re joined by a team of heist specialists that includes Tyrese Gibson, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, and onetime Miss Israel Gal Gadot (whose prize-winning butt plays a key role in the proceedings). To reveal that this crew ultimately manages to separate Reyes from his money spoils, I’m sure, nothing.

As always, the movie is packed with elaborate stunts, most of them spectacular, in a vintage, seen-’em-before way, and one of them—involving an airborne truck, a speeding train, and a bridge—pretty damn impressive. Spectacular in its implausibility, on the other hand, is a long sequence in which the gang screeches through the streets of Rio towing behind them a 10-ton steel vault—an episode I’m not up to explaining.

There’s also an injection of actual personality provided by rock-like Dwayne Johnson, playing a federal agent intent on taking Dom and company down. Although Diesel is something of a muscle mountain himself, he’s a mere bump in the road compared to the towering Johnson, whose character clearly takes frequent time-outs from the action to keep his formidable torso oiled to a high shine.

The picture is beset by the usual Furious shortcomings. Whenever anyone gives voice to dialogue (like “You can’t keep runnin’, Dom” and “People here need to be free”), your hand meets your head in unbelieving dismay. And director Justin Lin—soon to join Arnold Schwarzenegger in rebooting the Terminator franchise—shoots the action with such blurry abandon that after a while you give up trying to discern what’s going on and just surrender to the overbearing score, a merciless assault of skull-shaking percussion and giant battle trumpets. Witnessing all of this pouring off of a 72-foot-high IMAX screen is an experience that’s unforgettable for at least an hour after you’ve left the theatre. Which is to say, fans should love it. And why not? Undiluted crash-bang-boom has its attractions, and here they all are.

With Fast Five, this series would seem to have squeezed every possible permutation out of its premise. You begin to wonder if there’s any conceivable way the filmmakers could manage to keep it going. Then at the end somebody says, “I’ll see you soon,” and you know.  

Cave of Forgotten Dreams

Werner Herzog once staged the pulling of a 300-ton steamboat up and over a steep Peruvian hill, so I think we can say he’s a director who’s drawn to difficulty. Shooting his new documentary, Cave of Forgotten Dreams, may have been a less-daunting challenge, but it’s impressive in a different way. Well, mostly.

Herzog’s subject is the Chauvet-Pont-d’Arc Cave in southern France, which contains 300 of the earliest known cave paintings, many dating back 32,000 years and all looking as fresh as if they’d been daubed yesterday. These subterranean chambers were discovered in 1994, sealed off—and thus immaculately preserved—behind an ancient slide of rocks. The highly protective French Ministry of Culture had always limited access to the site to scientists, but Herzog managed to blag his way in, with certain restrictions. He could only bring a four-person camera crew, only use battery-operated lights, and never step off of the narrow wooden walkways. A further complication was the director’s determination to film in 3D—a decision we can now applaud: This picture may be the most intelligent use of that technology to date.

Shooting in 3D has brought a ravishing dimensionality to the cave’s winding interior—we feel we could walk right into it. It also heightens the paintings themselves—depictions of rhinos, mastodons, cave bears, and, tantalizingly, a human figure with the head of a lion. (There’s speculation that the cave was used for shamanistic rituals.) Thanks to the added third dimension, we see that the irregularities and protrusions of the rock walls on which the paintings are preserved were probably incorporated as an intended part of their effect.

Cave of Forgotten Dreams would have made an excellent hour-long TV special. Padding it out to 90 minutes, though, weakens its spell. Do we really need to see some German fellow playing a tune on a prehistoric flute, or another extraneous gentleman demonstrating Paleolithic spear technique? (I won’t go into the mutant albino alligators, which are an extreme stretch.) And do we really need Herzog’s ever-present narration? The man’s feeling of wonder seems sincere, but his way of expressing it is pure hippie-dip. (“It is as if the modern human soul has awakened here.”) When he says at one point, "Listen to the silence in the cave," we only wish we could.

Kurt Loder is a writer living in New York. His third book, a collection of film reviews called The Good, the Bad and the Godawful, will be published next January by St. Martin’s Press.

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  • ||

    A Herzog movie without Herzog's ever-present narration? Blasphemy!

  • ||

    Exactly. If you don't like Herzog's narration you don't deserve to watch his movies you fucking philistine!

  • ||

    FFS, get a real film critic ...


    just your regular, average, run of the mill philistine here, no fucking allowed.

  • pantsFan||

    This week I learned that back in the day of the tribe of Israel (1000 BCE), the Philistines were the city slickers and the Israelites were the hicks.
    Make of that what you will.

  • Douglas Fletcher||

    Those cities weren't exactly Manhattan back then, but that's a interesting observation.

    What I want to know is when was the deli pickle invented?

  • ||

    The oldest recorded New York kosher dill was in 1899. The recipe originated in Germany, where dill pickles have been made for hundreds of years.

  • ||

    For Grizzly Man it worked wonders.

    His description of what he sees when he looks at a wild brown bear is great when contrasted with what Treadwell sees.

    But yeah "It is as if the modern human soul has awakened here." is pure crap.

  • ||

    From the AV Club:

    Cave Of Forgotten Dreams has much to recommend it: Herzog’s half off-the-wall/half-profound queries, a delightfully unexpected coda on albino alligators, a single scene on ancient weapons that alone justifies the 3-D process, and the opportunity to see what so few have seen.

  • brndn||

    I think this is wrong. Your observation about the difference made by contrasting points of view in Grizzly Man is astute, but I think you fail to see the inherent value in what Herzog is trying to do here with the pronouncements that seem so stupid to you. The statement is not put forward as a possible literal truth. Herzog has always been interested in broader, more symbolic versions of truth, and with that in mind you should have no trouble agreeing with the quoted line. He may not be saying anything terribly profound, he's certainly not producing new knowledge, but I think that with that he's urging us to think about the import of the images in a way that we may or may not have been aware of. He is merely pointing out the relationship between "the modern human soul" and representation, and perhaps asking how this came to be. Maybe not graduate-level philosophy, but not pure crap, either.

  • Name Nomad||

  • blj||

    From the onion:

    Today Now! Interviews The 5-Year-Old Screenwriter Of "Fast Five",20188/

  • ||

    Click his link dummy

  • Ted S.||

    Shouldn't the appropriate title be 5 Fast 5 Furious?

    Of course, I prefer the 1955 version.

  • SIV||

    the movie is packed with elaborate stunts

    Stunts or CGI?

    Name Nomad's link answers the question.There appears to be no actual stunt driving in this movie.

    Loder, stick to reviewing chick flicks.

  • ¢||

    The hippie crap in Herzog's narrations is sarcastic...I hope. "The trees are in misery!" Seriously.

    That "listen to the silence" line would wreck me. Then the whole theater would turn against me. Just like at Grizzly Man "Chaos, hostility, and murder!" LOL.

    I'll watch this one at home.

  • ||

    Just like at Grizzly Man "Chaos, hostility, and murder!" LOL.

    Speaking about the best narration for a nature documentary of all time:

  • brndn||

    To think of Herzog as a hippie is to deeply misunderstand him. And in the film it is not Herzog who asks the crew to listen to the silence but one of the researchers.

    I've always hated 3-D. I still hate 3-D. For this movie it is a necessary evil. Don't wait!

  • Warren||

    This movie is just going to encourage Max to write more Vin/Rock stories.

  • ||

    Wow, that looks like it might jsut actually work.

  • Ted S.||

    This picture may be the most intelligent use of that technology to date.

    No; that would be The French Line: the poster explicitly advertised the movie as having Jane Russell in 3D.

  • Law Student||

    I recommend seeing the Bill Hicks documentary, especially if you're from Texas.

  • Denis Leary||

    please, don't go see it.

  • Argosy Jones||


  • Really?||


  • ||

    Haven't read the review yet, but the first thing I thought of when I saw the picture was "Why are they doing a Route 66 remake?"

  • Douglas Fletcher||

    Route 66 -- I watched that on Netflix or Hulu, boy was it awful.

  • The Man||

    Six is the correct number of parenthetical remarks in a two-movie review.

  • An Objectivist||

    Thanks to Kurt Loder for doing movie reviews that are really quite good. Is this the same Kurt Loder who used to read the news on MTV?

    I hope so, because when I read his reviews, I hear the MTV Kurt's voice!

    Despite reason being a political site, these reviews are more honest than, say, Roger Ebert.

    A good movie review is one where you know whether you'll like the movie in question even if the reviewer is of a different opinion.

  • Hister||

    Despite reason being a political site... is a pop-culture site that does politics.

  • cowboy||

    Is that the car from Corvette Summer, only painted silver instead of red?

  • nike shox||

    is good


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