Who Killed the Kennedys?

The week has been both good and bad for the Kennedys, the political clan who one day, if justice prevails, will primarily be remembered for giving a San Francisco punk band half its name. On one hand, Kerry Kennedy Cuomo, whose husband hopes to be the next governor of New York, was dressed down by Rep. Charles Rangel (D-N.Y.): "No one knows who she is. She is not like a Ted Kennedy or a Patrick Kennedy or one of the better-known Kennedys. These are professional politicians–I'm talking about those who have stood for election. And they would know as Democrats that Carl McCall should be the candidate of the Democrats–not their new in-law." On the other hand, Kathleen Kennedy Townsend, who intends to become governor of Maryland, got a boost yesterday when her only semi-serious rival for the Democratic nomination–Martin O'Malley, Baltimore's musical mayor–announced that he wouldn't run.

At her best, Townsend, Maryland's lieutenant governor since 1995, is a bland candidate, stringing together clichés with an odd and somewhat creepy enthusiasm. (When she gets excited, her head looks like it might explode.) At her worst–that is, when she has no script–she issues statements worthy of Dan Quayle, or perhaps Gertrude Stein. The most infamous occurred in 2001, when the Baltimore Ravens won the Superbowl. "My favorite part," she declared, "was when the other team scored a football and then we came right back on the next play and scored a football too." Townsend is widely expected to win her race, but she may yet allow her state to slip into Republican hands for the first time since the reign of Spiro Agnew.

Whatever happened to the Kennedys? They were just as foolish 40 years ago, be they a presidential playboy thrusting us into Vietnam, an ally of Joe McCarthy turned saboteur of Gene McCarthy, or an irresponsible drunk whose most memorable achievement was getting away with manslaughter. But people loved those Kennedys–they were movie stars. Outside their private circles, who loves gaffe-happy Kathleen, or a generation of men remembered best for their peculiar modes of dying?

When John and Bobby were killed, their fans looked for conspiracies. When Michael and John-John were killed, their fans just looked embarrassed. (Though, as always, there are exceptions.) And Kerry and Kathleen? They, like Kennedy manque Michael Skakel, have supporters, but they don't have fans at all–just an increasingly devalued family name.