Did the GOP Pick Tampa Because of the Strippers? And Did Romney Pick Ryan Because of His Hard-Bod?

We're just asking questions...and wondering about the P90X insanity!

So the Republicans are heading to Tampa to whoop it up at their “Yes We Did Too Build It Ourselves” convention.

Florida in late August? Goodness gracious, it’s not about the heat, or the humidity – it’s about the nudity!

There’s a reason that Tampa was the backdrop for Magic Mike, the hard bodied hit movie of the summer: The city is packed ass-cheek to jowl with strip clubs catering to every customer niche. That’s capitalism at its finest and something the GOP pretends to understand.

The moist evening air in the lightning capital of America ripples with anticipation the way that the chins of convention speakers such as Governor Chris Christie do at snack time.

Is it just a coincidence that the Mitt Romney picked Congressman Paul Ryan for his running mate?

Hardly.

Ryan is a highly public practitioner of the P90X “insanity” workout and is reported to have washboard abs that the ladies dream of taking out for a spin cycle or two.

Ryan famously wears his suits David Byrne style – two or three sizes too big – but as anyone who saw Magic Mike can tell you, oversized clothes just make the stripper-reveal that much sexier.

Local strip club owners aren’t expected the GOP base to flood the red-light zones like Super Bowl attendees have in the past. One of them told the press, "The Mitt Romneys aren't going to go into adult entertainment clubs” and another opined, "I don't think those people are coming to party."

But maybe the top – and bottom – of the GOP ticket ought to skip the boring speeches and funny hats at the convention center and instead check out the fleshpots of Tampa.

And Mitt Romney could get to know the non-unionized independent contractors who work hard for their money and have overcome more than a few bumps and grinds to inject life into an economy that’s limper than Liberace at a speculum convention.

Strippers, like the rest of us, built their business the old-fashioned way: They earned it. 

And a loosened-up GOP that showed some kinship – or is that skinship? - with real working men and women just might be worth tipping a few bucks.

Written by Nick Gillespie, narrated by Kennedy, shot and edited by Jim Epstein, with help from Anthony L. Fisher.

About 2.15 minutes.

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  • Fist of Etiquette||

    The GOP's family values just got the vapors.

  • Brutus||

    Nice 38's. The gun's sweet, too.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Much as I'd like to say "Yes, that's the reason", that would only work if they said they were permanently designating Tampa as the RNC convention location.

    I believe that Tampa's official song is 70s porn music.

  • Paul.||

    But thankfully sans 70s porn actors.

  • sticks||

    I don't know but I suspect those bastions of capitalism are only kept open by political bribes or regulations that serve the existing operators.

  • sticks||

    Is there a free strip club market anywhere in USA?

  • Brett L||

    I don't know what the barriers to entry are in Houston, but they can't be very high.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    They all make you pay valet or cover or tip the greeter or some bullshit.

  • dinkster||

    I'd be fine with a strip club that served actual alcohol.

  • JW||

    I can see only 2 reasons to go there.

  • sarcasmic||

    I want my two minutes and thirteen seconds back.

  • ||

    Why did it take so long?

  • SugarFree||

    Because he had already "watched" it three times today.

  • SugarFree||

    By "watched" I mean "masturbated" and by "three" I meant "six" and by "today" I meant "since lunch" and by "lunch" I meant "masturbating in his car in the parking lot with the windows all rolled up while eating a sandwich and crying."

  • Brutus||

    I hope you kept track of which hand was for what.

  • SugarFree||

    sarcasmic uses a color-coding system.

  • Enough About Palin||

    Racist!

  • SugarFree||

    Agreed. sarcasmic is awful beyond belief or explanation.

  • Apogee||

    Awesome

  • OO=======D||

  • OO=======D||

    "The Mitt Romneys aren't going to go into adult entertainment clubs”

    But the media sure will.

  • ||

    Strip clubs: paying money to get cockteased with no chance of sex. Wow, that sounds like a swell time.

  • OO=======D||

    I see what you did there.

  • ||

    Well, you would.

  • Pro Libertate||

    I get the impression that certain services might be available for a fee. Perhaps some reporters will investigate these options?

  • Brett L||

    Tell you what. Everybody at HyR send me $10 and I'll do an in depth report. Pics, video, you name it.

  • Pro Libertate||

    You'll need more than that. Doubtlessly, the normal fees are higher than usual, especially with the delays and the crappy weather.

  • Brett L||

    Even if the sockpuppets give?

  • Mensan||

    I get the impression that certain services might be available for a fee.

    That is correct.

  • Brutus||

    Speak for yourself.

  • ||

    Almost every strip club in the Tampa Bay area is a front for prostitution. There IS sex in the champagne room if you can afford it (the STDs are free though). Then of course there are all the 'Lingerie Modeling" shops that don't sell any lingerie and the massage parlors that don't employ licensed massage therapists.

  • Brett L||

    What? I was assured that these were all nice young women working their way through college or nursing school.

  • wareagle||

    well, they are working. Probably building that college fund since higher ed is so pricey that women have to result to this in order to afford it.**

    **paid for by the DNC.

  • Brett L||

    The strippers I've known were mostly interested in funding their drug and shopping habits. One of them definitely would screw you for money.

  • Mensan||

    They are, if by "working their way through college or nursing school," you mean supporting their cocaine or crystal meth habit.

  • fried wylie||

    the massage parlors that don't employ licensed massage therapists.

    Ugh.

  • ||

    Yes, wylie, I too hate the fact that you need state approval for something as innocuous as giving a massage, but my point was that there are dozens of massage parlors around here that only massage one specific part of your anatomy. Not that I have anything against that personally; I just find it funny that getting a massage in Tampa usually requires a condom.

  • Scruffy Nerfherder||

    Happy ending or happy beginning?

  • Enough About Palin||

    "and the massage parlors that don't employ licensed massage therapists."

    Fuck off, slaver!

  • ||

    LOL...You obviously didn't understand my intention. See my response to fried wylie.

    And seriously, you need a new insult.

  • Tonio||

    You know that insult was the calling card of departed commenter JsubD, right. Will be missed...

  • ||

    I was unaware of that, sorry.

    It doesn't change the fact that, unless it was meant sarcastically, it was inappropriately applied.

  • ||

    Shouldn't that be:




    Almost every strip club in the Tampa Bay area everywhere is a front for prostitution.


  • sailshonan||

    My BF ia a cop who sometimes works underscover at strip clubs here in teh Tampa area. A lot of clubs are fronts for prostitution AND drug dealing. The girls who are just selling sex services are fairly independent; the club doesn't take a cut or anything. But apparently the drug dealing goes with the prostitution. In order to sell drugs to customers, the girls REQUIRE that you buy drugs with a side of blow/hand job. That way they know the buyers aren't cops. My BF said that a lot of the narcs at the local SOs and PDs are paid off by the clubs too. His agency has worked clubs, and if the SO finds out about it, then theb locals tell all the girls and management, because the next time they go in, they are shunned and the girls tell them that they know that they're cops.

  • brec||

    The first 1.5 minutes of this vid, which is what I watched, were free of content.

  • Mike M.||

    Hey look, it's a fake Sarah Palin with fake breasts and a fake "assault rifle"! And she's draped in an American flag for those who are a little slow to get the joke!

  • Pro Libertate||

    Betcha her next stop is Charlotte.

  • Tonio||

    But what about the flag, is that fake?

  • Pro Libertate||

    Natural stars are rarely that big.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    Rachel's Steakhouse rules!

  • Mensan||

    That's in Orlando.

  • Enjoy Every Sandwich||

    Where the music stinks, and they water the drinks, at the nudie bar...

  • doctormac||

    I remember reading once that the strip clubs in Dallas did a booming business when the Southern Baptist Convention was in town. So I'm guessing that the GOP will similarly infuse some cash into the local economy, family values be damned.

  • ||

    limper than Liberace at a speculum convention.

    In fairness to Liberace, I wouldn't be sporting wood at a speculum convention either. Anybody that would be is probably kind of a weirdo.

  • Intn'l House of Badass||

    This was, like most convention pieces, remarkably content-free. Not up to the usual standards of Reason. Please try harder next time.

  • Kreel Sarloo||

    Drink.

    Godammit, I'm cancelling my subscription!@!!

  • ||

    The joys of commercial sex can not be overstated.

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