SOTU Text; Dem Response; Condensed Versions for Rep. Charles Rangel and All Other Sleepy Americans

Here's the text of the State of the Union Address.

The super-condensed version:

Things are good, though terrorism is a threat to America and so are kids who take steroids and gays who want to marry each other. The housing market's never been better. I have a 10 year-old pen pal named Ashley who's swell.

Here's the Democrat's response by Rep. Nancy Pelosi and Sen. Tom Daschle.

The super-condensed version:

Pelosi: The nation is strong, though not as strong as if a Democrat were in the White House. I remember John Kennedy's first inaugural address and I'm no John Kennedy.

Daschle: We need to become what Republican Newt Gingrich used to call an "opportunity society"--the sort of place of where even Democrats can be elected president. The job market sucks and even illegal drugs are too expensive.