Goodbye Mike Johanns, Though We Hardly Knew You At All…

Stop the presses, at least if you're one of the six or seven last remaining farmers in America! Mike Johanns, who has been the secretary of Agriculture since 2004 (or is it since 1804?), is resigning his post.

Johanns, a former Nebraska governor, is expected to run for the Senate seat being vacated by Sen. Chuck Hagel (R-Neb.), who is retiring from politics.

Please, Secretary Johanns (and former Gov. Johanns and future God-Emperor of Dune Johanns), just shut down the department as you leave–as Clarence Thomas asked, in reason in 1987, "Why do you need a Department of Agriculture?"–

But if you're not going to do that, then at least take that fucking Power Panther, the Ag Dept.'s idiotic mascot, back to the Cornhusker State with you.

Or at the very, very least, kill a different type of publicly funded cougar: John Cougar Mellencamp, whose Hoosier relatives soaked Uncle Sam for over a million bucks in farm subsidies.