Clap for the Clap!

Via feministing, a priceless peak into Louisiana's taxpayer-funded "Governor's Program on Abstinence":

Is the point that wearing your own underwear will give you HPV? Or is it just the slutty kids' unmentionables that carry the stated trio of disease? If only there were a way to get laid without contracting gonorrhea. Some kind of "safe sex."

Comments

Cab | January 4, 2007, 3:33pm | #

Oh, the humanity.

Taktix | January 4, 2007, 3:37pm | #

Can someone tell me what this is about? The internet Nazi at my work blocked these sites.

dhex | January 4, 2007, 3:37pm | #

oh dear.

what lies beyond the age of farce?

Lamar | January 4, 2007, 3:39pm | #

Nope, it isn't HPV. I just checked my underwear. It's nothing more than an out-of-control fart stain.

blogimi Dei | January 4, 2007, 3:39pm | #

This is the worst Zepplen disater I have ever seen.

This is why "they" want to bomb us. Oh, and those "rent-a-center" "we are family!" commercials too.

Cab | January 4, 2007, 3:42pm | #

Don't get me wrong, I think abstinence is an extremely reasonable option. Hey, I was abstinent for a lot longer than most (not quite as long as Weigel however, according to what he wrote while an undergrad).

But looking at some fat dude dressed like a cored apple singing (badly) about STD's in underwear takes all of the reasonableness out of it in a hurry.

Todd F | January 4, 2007, 3:43pm | #

And remember kids, gay people's tears are responsible for HIV, and condoms fail one hundred percent of the time, and the only safe sex is no sex or sex in the ear.

But it does pose a few interesting questions: What underwear do you drape over your shoulder when going on a walk with your girlfriend? Who in Louisiana has HBV, gonnorhea, and clamydia all at once? (I've heard of dirty, but what the hell?) What idiot would pull down the pants of a girl which had all these diseases and stick his dick into that lice infested, puss spewing , scab covered, hell hole? And just what was the kid in the background shouting?

Todd F | January 4, 2007, 3:45pm | #

Sorry HBV=HPV

Lowdog | January 4, 2007, 3:47pm | #

It's not that teaching that abstinence may be a good idea is all that bad, but that they aren't teaching any alternatives.

Up until I actually did the deed, I was too much of a wuss to try, but once my hormones took over, I was on a mission. Once you're on a mission, it's hard (pardon the pun) to turn back. So kids should be taught how to complete the mission as safely as possible.

El | January 4, 2007, 3:47pm | #

G/C travel together, and carrier HBV infection is common in lower socioeconomic classes, approaching 100% in the third world.

El | January 4, 2007, 3:48pm | #

...and _everyone_ carries HPV.

thoreau | January 4, 2007, 3:49pm | #

Presentations like that do nothing to remove the stigma from abstinence.

Warren | January 4, 2007, 3:50pm | #

The kids they use to stage this horror show are going to find a way to live with the shame for the rest of their lives. Won't someone please think of the children?

TCR | January 4, 2007, 3:52pm | #

The best part is where the kid takes the giant undies off the line and someone from the audience yells: "Put it on!"

Seriously, what kind of retard actually thinks this will influence these kids in any way?

Brian | January 4, 2007, 3:55pm | #

So, no underwear, no problems?

de stijl | January 4, 2007, 4:05pm | #

"And just what was the kid in the background shouting?"

Flava Flav's love child. Yeaa, boyy!

steveintheknow | January 4, 2007, 4:25pm | #

I think skiveys that big ensure abstinance. Its the only way to be sure.

David | January 4, 2007, 4:36pm | #

Seriously, what kind of retard actually thinks this will influence these kids in any way?

That is a good question. Any person involved in the planning, writing, or performance of whatever the hell that was should submit themselves for electro-shock therapy.

David | January 4, 2007, 4:42pm | #

One more thing. What's the deal with the Olympic Logo and wedding bands? What does it mean?

I'd like to think that it symbolizes some sort of gymnastic sex life for married couples, but I doubt that's it.

like, whoa | January 4, 2007, 4:44pm | #

HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT.

steve l | January 4, 2007, 4:48pm | #

I'll bet you twenty bucks the guy with the guitar has never touched a real woman.

Downward | January 4, 2007, 4:52pm | #

steve, true he may have never touched a real woman, but I'll bet he is sleeping with that young boy on stage.

Brian24 | January 4, 2007, 5:03pm | #

Presentations like that do nothing to remove the stigma from abstinence.

Actually, presentations like that stigmatize abstinence more effectively than any peer pressure.

biologist | January 4, 2007, 5:06pm | #

El | January 4, 2007, 3:48pm | #

"...and _everyone_ carries HPV."

cite reference, please

VikingMoose | January 4, 2007, 5:12pm | #

I got the reference here, Biologist!!:
(just find/replace AIDS with HPV)


Everyone has AIDS!
AIDS AIDS AIDS!
AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS!
Everyone has AIDS!

And so this is the end of our story
And everyone is dead from AIDS
It took from me my best friend
My only true pal
My only bright star (he died of AIDS)

Well I'm gonna march on Washington
Lead the fight and charge the brigades
There's a hero inside of all of us
I'll make them see everyone has AIDS

My father (AIDS!)
My sister (AIDS!)
My uncle and my cousin and her best friend (AIDS AIDS AIDS!)
The gays and the straights
And the white and the spades

Everyone has AIDS!
My grandma and my dog 'ol blue (AIDS AIDS AIDS)
The pope has got it and so do you (AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS)
C'mon everybody we got quilting to do (AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS)
We gotta break down these barricades, everyone has
AIDS! x 20

Robert | January 4, 2007, 6:45pm | #

Please, someone, a transcript or description for those of us who can't access the video!

Bobster | January 4, 2007, 7:03pm | #

Robert

Sorry. A description is not possible. It must be seen to be unbelived.

scape | January 4, 2007, 7:09pm | #

The only thing that could make that performance worse is if it was funded by an NEA grant instead of an abstinence program.

K.T. | January 4, 2007, 9:47pm | #

abstinence is good... this is bad, bad, bad...

mk | January 4, 2007, 10:35pm | #

Today I learned not to write the names of STDs on my tidy-whities, My ENORMOUS tidy-whities.

Thank you Louisiana.

I never wear underwear anyway, but still.

NoStar | January 5, 2007, 1:52am | #

I thought I had that safe sex thing all figured out.

But now at my age, I can't always remember where my hand has been.

JimmyJimmy | January 5, 2007, 6:59am | #

Here's the transcript as best as I could determine:

...tonight
With the hope of
Holding her tight
Never thinks about
This here's your wife
And that girl's syphilis takes
Another part of his life

So, what disease is in your underwear?
Is it syphilis?
Or gonorrhea?
Or is it HPV?
Or could it be all three?
Is this really happening?
Could this really be me?

Just another girl out tonight
(I'm guessing it repeats)

You still need to see the video, especially the member of the STD players that acts out that acts out the chorus. Truly, I have never seen syphilis represented to dramatically.

Mr. Nice Guy | January 5, 2007, 8:24am | #

Jesus.

I couldn't watch the video. I had to stop it.

This is coming from a guy who sat through Highlander II in its entirity.

Russ R | January 5, 2007, 8:26am | #

Funny how it only depicts the girls as the carriers of disease.

thoreau | January 5, 2007, 9:14am | #

This is coming from a guy who sat through Highlander II in its entirity.

The thing about Highlander movies is that there should be only one.

Shlong, it's been good to know ya | January 5, 2007, 9:47am | #

it only depicts the girls as the carriers of disease
Allocation of scarce resources, cost of information, blah blah. Converting the boys solves the problem. For all boys and het girls, anyway.