Now, Even Russia Has Drone-Delivered Pizza. Get With It, USA!

Don McCulloughDon McCulloughThe Cold War is heating back up and the Russians have an edge on The Land of the Free in one critical arena: drone-delivered pizza.

The Russian Federation – whether its restricting speech online, making work visas more difficult to obtain, or muscling ethnic minorities in the recently snatched Crimean peninsula – is not exactly known for its commitment to limited government. And yet, The Moscow Times reported yesterday on an activity that the Ivan Dragos of the world get to enjoy while the Rocky Balboas do not:

A pizzeria in the Komi republic's capital city of Syktyvkar has launched a helicopter drone-delivery service.

DoDo Pizza's first unmanned delivery was made on Saturday to much applause from witnesses in the city's main square. …

The drone was able to complete its task in just half an hour, and the pizzeria's owners plan to make drone deliveries a regular practice.

This is the Sputnik of 2014, people.

Why is it that Russians (and others worldwide) can get a quintessentially American dish delivered by an unmanned aerial vehicle, but Americans cannot? Regulations courtesy of the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA).

The FAA is tasked with rolling out a set of regulations for commercial drone use in the U.S. by 2015, but in the meantime, they've left businesses in a sort of legal limbo. The agency has this year grounded operations of a beer delivery service, a flower delivery service, and even a volunteer search-and-rescue organization, because they don't conform to FAA rules (which aren't necessary legally binding). The agency made some progress earlier this month by allowing BP to become the first fully approved commercial drone operator, but that doesn't exactly deserve applause. Apparently, it took over a year to work that deal out, and it shows the FAA is more interested in picking winners and losers than simply allowing any business to adopt drone technology and become more cost effective for consumers. 

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  • Hugh Akston||

    American drones deliver something much more important than pizza: Freedom. One Hellfire missile at a time.

  • JW||

    Delivered, hot and fresh, to you in 30 orphans or less!

  • Paul.||

    Russia is nothing but a state of deregulated anti-gay teabaggers. Of course they have drone-fired pizza.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Wait, is the pizza launched at high speeds from some sort of drone cannon? Just what is Russian pizza made of, anyway?

    Pizzadrone!

  • ||

    Russian pizza is deep dish pizza made with potatoes and beets. Sounds right up your alley, ProL.

  • Pro Libertate||

    You wouldn't know a pizza if it murderdroned you.

  • ||

    That's about all a deep dish pizza is good for, quite true, ProL. Murder. Of taste.

  • Pro Libertate||

    You don't need a drone, anyway, because they can just throw your preferred Frisbee-with-Sauce to you.

  • Xeones||

    Actually, Epi, it's a bagel with tomato slices and zucchini on top. At least, it was in 1996.

  • ||

    Sounds right up ProL's alley.

  • Pro Libertate||

    I can't wait until I can deliver drone rebuttals to you.

  • ||

    Seeing as my drone is a Gunstar, I don't think you'll like that very much.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Oh, yeah? My drone is Sinistar.

  • JW||

    And he does hunger...

  • Pro Libertate||

    HE IS SINISTAR.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Once I have enough profits from my space beer company, I'm going to start delivering pizzas from orbit. It gets cooked on the way down, for minimum order-to-door time.

  • sarcasmic||

    It gets cooked on the way down, for minimum order-to-door time.

    That's a cool idea.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Artisanal friction cooking.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    It comes with a free pamphlet for local burn wards.

  • Pro Libertate||

    How long could you store a pizza in the vacuum of space, assuming you kept it blocked off from the sun?

  • LarryA||

    Forever.

    It might not still be edible, but you can store it forever.

  • sarcasmic||

    In Russia, pizza delivers you!

  • GILMORE||

    "The Russian Federation – whether its restricting speech online, making work visas more difficult to obtain..."

    = 'MURICA! We did it first, and better!

  • Acosmist||

    Every other country in the entire world has more restrictive immigration practices than we.

  • GILMORE||

    "... or muscling ethnic minorities"

    WE STILL WIN

  • Almanian!||

    USA! USA! USA! USA!

  • Rhywun||

    So is this a gimmick or it actually more efficient than other methods of delivery? Not having to hire a delivery boy saves, but I'm not so sure about the other variables.

  • sarcasmic||

    Yes.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Consider the possibilities. With an individual right to bear drones, the customer could use his own drones to send back a damaged/defective/nonconforming order, along with the threat to a drone attack in the event the pizza parlor failed to comply within, say, twenty seconds.

  • ||

    "What the fuck?!? I ordered a pizza! What the hell is this, an open-faced calzone?"

    (presses Death Blossom button for drone)

  • Pro Libertate||

    Drones really are the tool of freedom.

  • JW||

    "Mushrooms!? What do we do now?"

    "We die."

  • ||

    "Death is a primitive concept. I prefer to think of them as battling deep dish in another dimension."

  • JW||

    "Up to your old "Uno Pizzaria" tricks again, eh, Episiarch? Did it ever occur to you that it is against the law to deliver to worlds outside the Star League?"

  • ||

    Remember, Pizza Blossom delivers only one massive calzone at close range...theoretically.

  • SugarFree||

    Where we're going we don't need roads.

  • JW||

    "I have a pizza here for Seymour Asses."

  • Almanian!||

    "I have a pizza here for Seymour Asses Butz."

    fixed

  • ||

    There isn't anybody by that name here. Or anywhere. I hope in time you realize how stupid you are.

  • Pro Libertate||

    I no-shit knew a guy named Michael Hunt. And yes, he was a Mike.

  • LarryA||

    Flying over the traffic would be useful. Particularly during rush-hour.

  • Brandon||

    Is there any federal agency that is more useful than it is a hindrance?

  • Paul.||

    Considering the fact that nearly every federal agency was put in place to stop some sort of practice, I'd say finding one would be a tough call.

  • sarcasmic||

    When government gets involved in the economy, all it does is hinder. That's it.

  • LarryA||

    Library of Congress
    Smithsonian

  • Drave Robber||

    They also made a funny video out of this.

  • Aresen||

    It is considered advisable to tip the drone.

  • Acosmist||

    Russian pizza sounds loathsome.

  • Vampire||

    Probably like that Chicago deep dish nonsense, but with some added borscht.

    Oh sheisser Kapitan, dis krap is too heavy, loosing altitude! Who in de hell makes a pizza into a cake like monstrosity anyway!!?

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