Friday Funnies: You Can Keep Your...

You can keep your...

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  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Looks like Malcolm's dad forgot to grow his hair back after selling all that meth.

  • alexisaudrey||

    my classmate's step-sister makes $83/hr on the computer. She has been fired for nine months but last month her payment was $14664 just working on the computer for a few hours. go.....W­W­W.D­U­B­3­0.C­O­M

  • ||

    Would someone please sugarcoat Friday Funnies? Thanks.

  • Austrian Anarchy||

    At least it was bubble-top free.

  • ||

    Holy carp i made it among the top 5 posts for Friday posts!!!

    Where the hell is sugarfree?!?!

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    The idiot parade probably.

  • SugarFree||

    I am always here, as long as I live on in your hearts.

  • Swiss Servator, kirsch anyone?||

    Kali worshiper style, right?

  • SugarFree||

    You've got to respect any goddess that can give that many handjobs at once.

  • Almanian!||

    Awful.

    On another topic, can someone put a bullet through the back of the figurative skull of the "JFK legacy" and "All JFK All The Time" barfstalgia once again assaulting us?

    Thanks!

  • All-Seeing Monocle||

    But it CHANGED THE COUNTRY FOREVER

  • IDPNDNT||

    Did you expect anything more from Bok?

  • Almanian!||

    Truly? No.

  • Certified Public Asskicker||

    Did people have "where were you when JFK was assassinated conversations?"

    I ask because I dread listening to the "where were you, on 9/11.../01" every September 11. I look forward to the day when they finally stop.

  • ||

    Did people have "where were you when JFK was assassinated conversations?"

    Assume it's an accusation and get riled up

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    Nice.

  • Certified Public Asskicker||

    Anon: Where were you on 9/11?

    CPA: I WAS IN FUCKING SCHOOL OK? TECH ED AND THEN US HISTORY CLASS TO BE SPECIFIC. FUCK YOU, I DIDN'T DO IT!

  • Almanian!||

    +1 grassy knoll

  • Swiss Servator, kirsch anyone?||

    *applause*

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Are libertarians supposed to hate JFK now? Did his funeral cost too many tax dollars. WHY MUST EVERYONE HERE ALWAYS BE HATERS?

    And for the record, I thought Bok nailed it. NAILED. IT.

  • Almanian!||

    Don't try to sweep Kennedy's awfulness under an Armenian orphan rug, Fist. There's no sugarcarcoating it - I'm not very fond of him.

  • Certified Public Asskicker||

    He's no Lou Reed, or even a sex offender in Tulsa.

  • Almanian!||

    What makes you mention Lou Reed? Is he dead or something?

    IS LOU REED DEAD?! GODDAMNIT, DON'T SUGARCOAT IT! I CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH!

    *trembles*

  • Swiss Servator, kirsch anyone?||

    WHO ARE YOU, AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE REAL FIST?!!!

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    My therapist said I should start working my anger issues out online. And try to be more contrarian.

  • ||

    You must be seeing Tulpa's guy.

  • Ted S.||

    Weren't libertarians always supposed to hate JFK? I mean, the guy was a politician.

  • DJF||

    Then I bet you won’t be watching “”Where Were You: The Day JFK Died Reported by Tom Brokaw”” tonight at 9 PM

    Somebody should tell Tom that most people weren’t even born yet, and most of those who were born are bored with JFK.

  • Lady Bertrum||

    WHERE WERE YOU WHEN LINCOLN WAS SHOT?????

  • DJF||

    You forgot the “With Tom Brokaw” since I bet the show will be more about how Tom and his political cronies think and feel then about JFK or Lincoln.

  • Lady Bertrum||

    WHERE WERE YOU WHEN WILLIAM MCKINLEY WAS SHOT with Tom Brokaw.

    WHERE WERE YOU WHEN JAMES GARFIELD WAS SHOT with Tom Brokaw.

    I envision a whole series.......

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    Where were you when Zachary Taylor succumbed to a fatal illness?

    I remember it like it was yesterday - I was drilling with my militia unit because I thought the controversy over slavery would lead to a civil war. Then when I heard Taylor was dead and Millard Fillmore was President, I breathed a sigh of relief because I figured Fillmore would patch up a compromise between North and South that should last for about another ten years.

    So I went home and stare at the wall, wishing they'd invent TV so I could watch Breaking Bad.

  • Tonio||

    This is the funeral. Everyone alive when that took place is in their fifties or older. By the time the 75th anniversary rolls around the only people who were alive during the event will be seventies or older. And most of those will have been children when the event occurred, so not as invested in the event as the people who were old enough to have voted for him.

  • Swiss Servator, kirsch anyone?||

    From your lips to God's ear, Tonio!

  • Austrian Anarchy||

    'Tis the season for all that Kennedy nonsense. I know this because the Second Spitter episode came up on Seinfeld reruns the other day.

    All you "inside job" hobbyists might want to check the new Frontline special on PBS. I do not suggest the special to bolster inside jobber claims, but to dash them.

    It is a good show. One item, the confusion with some photographs labeled as Oswald in Mexico City, they don't do a good job of explaining. It is pretty simple, from my own experience researching old documents, when something gets a label, right or wrong, it gets archived with everything associated with that label. Someone at CIA mislabeled the pictures, and I would guess everything shot that day after some point was "shifted" by one or more. They provided plenty of other evidence that Oswald was in Mexico City at that time, but did not explain the CIA error very well IMHO.

    Yes, PBS is government owned and paid for through threats of violence, but occasionally there is a good apple in their basket. If PBS were a private network, it would be deemed a monopoly in nanoseconds and broken up like NBC was.

  • Almanian!||

    "If you like your conspiracy theory, you can keep it. Period."

  • Neoliberal Kochtopus||

    If they determined it had a monopoly in boring, then yeah.

  • Austrian Anarchy||

    It would be called a 'monopoly' merely because there are more PBS stations than any other network.

  • Fatty Bolger||

    Haven't you heard the news? Oswald didn't kill Kennedy, Dallas did. Oh, sure, Oswald pulled the trigger, but that's just a bit of meaningless trivia. It was those evil right-wing extremist racist Texans who made him do it, somehow.

  • Loki||

    Well that just PROVES the insideousness of right wing thought. Oswald was a far left winger. Some say he was even a communist. Yet somehow the hateful right-wing rhetoric of that cesspool of TX managed to corrupt his brain and made him kill the original Lightbringer. /Prog-Derp da derpity der

  • Marc F Cheney||

    NAILED IT.

  • All-Seeing Monocle||

    The headline gave me false hope that the punchline was going to be anything other than "plan".

  • Almanian!||

    I bet fucking Bok and Kennedy prefer(red) deep-dish pizza. #monsters

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    Lincoln got shot, too, and accomplished stuff before buying it. Why wasnt there obsessive Lincoln coverage at the time of the Gettysburg Addressversary?

  • Tonio||

    See above. Everyone who remembers that event is long dead. I suspect this was a bigger thing during the lifetime of the participants.

  • Swiss Servator, kirsch anyone?||

    Wait, Pro L is still with us.

  • Almanian!||

    Happy November 22! (SFW)

    The Dead Kennedys

  • SugarFree||

    Pull down your dress, here's a kick in the ass
    Let's beat you blue, 'till you shit your pants
    Don't move child, I gotta big black stick
    There's six of us babe, so suck on my dick

    Also... The poetry of YouTube comments:

    ted witt

    what about mommy bringing them to a concert "I'll be back whenever happy hour is over" they just disrespect punk my dad was into the punk seen you know but I don't have my take me and drop or some shit no fuck no you fucking sneek out the window put ur parents car that N slot or whatever and sneak the car fuck wha happens I mean bring a bang with you I mean I also came back with a full tank of gas or some shit kids today dont have balls their not rebellious they dress like fags dont dress punk
  • Jordan||

    Brevity is the soul of witt.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    Tonight I will read my latest poem:

    what about mommy bringing them to a concert
    "I'll be back whenever happy hour is over"
    they just disrespect punk
    my dad was into the punk seen
    you know
    but I don't
    have my take me and drop or some shit
    no fuck no
    you fucking sneek out the window
    put ur parents car that N slot or whatever
    and sneak the car
    fuck wha happens
    I mean bring a bang with you
    I mean I also came back with a full tank of gas
    or some shit
    kids today dont have balls
    their not rebellious they dress like fags dont dress punk

  • Almanian!||

    Mourning Lynx?

    You know who's fault it is that Iran's "going neclear"? Advance 4 spaces if you said BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11.....html?_r=2&

  • Aloysious||

    Trans fats are not for the peasants, but for the nobility.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    NPR is doing a daylong memorial to C. S. Lewis and Aldous Huxley, interviewing all their old associates, speculating on what more they might have written if they'd lived, etc.

    Just kidding.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    Actually, they're doing a daylong coverage of the rollout of The Hunger Games.

    Ha ha

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    Seriously, they're building up to tomorrow's anniversary of the first Dr. Who episode.

  • Vincent Milburn||

    NPR is a bunch of shills for middlebrow pop culture and cable TV.

  • Terr||

    Anyone else listening to Bullet by Theisfits?

  • Terr||

    The Misfits dammit.

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    I'm listening to Richard Pryor "Craps After Hours".

  • VicRattlehead||

    Yeah but i changed the words to obammy, shelly, and replaced texas with freedom. though the thought of his repulsive wife jerking me off just caused me to vomit

  • Lady Bertrum||

    Never heard of them. Off to google 'The Misfits dammit'.

  • pan fried wylie||

    The Theisfits are the christian punk cover band.

  • SugarFree||

    I've got something to say
    I baptized your mother today
    And it doesn't matter much to me
    As long as she's saved

  • Mike M.||

    I think I'll celebrate today by going down to the gun range later on.

  • Ted S.||

    If you like your alt-text, can you keep it? Or has the government banned that?

  • pan fried wylie||

    No, I'd think Obama would be quite the fan of less-than-noticeable messages that most people don't pick up on.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    New NC law abolishes teacher tenure - adopts financial incentives for the top 25% of teachers.

    Some teacher's assoc (NC version of union) guy tells NPR this creates a "Hunger Games" atmosphere, and anyway the incentives aren't big enough. "The food is awful, and the portions are too small!"

  • lap83||

    She should have a cereal box next to her bowl, "sugarcoated branches of oaks"

  • VicRattlehead||

    Hey you better not be putting sugar on that! Off to the re-education center for you.

  • Lady Bertrum||

    Why is that lady eating a twig? I guess Chip doesn't know there are no trans fats in bacon and eggs. But then it wouldn't be funny, right? Because irony?

  • Fatty Bolger||

    Reminds me of this classic comic: How fights get started

  • John Galt||

    Just be thankful, for the time being at least, our Queen let's you keep the air you breath.

  • GILMORE||

    I don't get it

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