Officials' Bright New Idea: Fighting Terrorists By Taking Away Trash Cans

HomelessIndianapolis reacts to the Boston bombing:

The Indiana Pacers, after consulting with the Department of Homeland Security, will remove all trash cans outside of Bankers Life Fieldhouse for all events, said Greg Schenkel, vice president of public relations for the Pacers.

It's the athletic equivalent of making people take off their shoes before they get on a plane, and it's a lousy idea for pretty much the same reason.

[Hat tip: Brian Retz.]

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  • nilecroc||

    Talk about fear motivated stupidity. How fucking dumb do you have to be to actually buy into this bullshit.

  • Scarecrow Repair||

    Didn't Britain do the same during the Irish Troubles in the 1970s?

  • Scarecrow Repair||

  • Sevo||

    Wife and I were in Paris in, oh, '98 or so. The trash cans were 'front-loading'; such that you could see most everything that was in there.

  • Archduke Pantsfan||

    like a vending machine!

  • Robert||

    Mt. Vernon, NY removed all its street mail collection boxes because their contents were being set afire.

  • ||

    This is extra crispy fried stupid. But hey, there will be lots of extra litter and trash on the ground at every game. It's win-win!

  • nilecroc||

    But that would be bad for the environment. Why do you hate nature.

  • A Serious Man||

    But it would make work for the janitors. Stimulus!

  • nilecroc||

    In that case, we should take away toilets too. That should create plenty of extra work for janitors.

  • RBS||

    I agree. All public bathrooms should have nothing but those old school troughs.

  • ||

    What about the toilet bowl makers and plumbing companies? They'll be hardest hit!

  • ||

    Subsidize, subsidize, subsidize.

  • Dweebston||

    By the johns, repurpose them as flushable trashcans.

  • Dweebston||

    buy...

  • Rich||

    And fine the litterers. Revenue!

  • Jordan||

    Parody just isn't possible anymore.

  • RBS||

    Wasn't someone joking last night about banning trashcans?

  • Archduke Pantsfan||

    wait, what?

  • Drake||

    Nothing says safety like a pile of trash.

    Wasn't there trash everywhere in Idiocracy? Now I know why.

  • Sevo||

    Drake| 4.16.13 @ 10:49PM |#
    "Nothing says safety like a pile of trash."

    Plus the local politicos can employ their neer-do-well BILs to sweep the streets at SEIU-set rates!

  • nilecroc||

    This is 4kids editing guns in Yugioh level stupid.

  • Rich||

    “We are concentrating on making this the safest environment possible for the public,” Schenkel said.

    Well, then ban all events at the Fieldhouse.

  • John Galt||

    Permanently banning people from the Fieldhouse would produce the safest environment possible for the public.

  • Alice Bowie||

    Yup!!! You're going to have to outlaw Garbage cans in public as long as Uncle Sap keeps
    - giving $5billion/year to Israel and $billion/year to it's enemies
    - starting wars with people
    - screwing people for no gain what-so-ever
    - leaving middle income people with no safety nets

    No matter what you do, somebody won't like it. That's bad enough.
    However, we should not be screwing people to the point that their life ambition is to murder and injure people. If we were generally nice to people, we would not have to outlaw garbage cans.

  • Guillotined||

    Because the welfare states of the Europe have certainly eliminated terrorism.

  • Banjos||

    This is the second dumbest thing I have read today.

  • Sevo||

    Shreek beat Alice?

  • Banjos||

    No, the Pacers banning trashcans beat out any thing that any of our resident trolls could conjure. Also, I blocked shrieky's comments when I found out that I was pregnant I don't want the baby to come out 'tarded.

  • Sevo||

    "I blocked shrieky's comments when I found out that I was pregnant I don't want the baby to come out 'tarded."

    Well considered move. Most adults are immune to the influence, but you wouldn't want to chance it around kids.

  • General Butt Naked||

    I have a class I'm taking now that is about russian literature.

    There's a term to describe a motif seen in bylini (old bogytar epics) The term describes a method by which a narrator or writer suspends the action with superfluous detail.

    When they told us about epic retardation, the only think I could think was, "You've not seen epic retardation, good sir. I have, and his name is shrike."

  • Fatty Bolger||

    Also, I blocked shrieky's comments when I found out that I was pregnant I don't want the baby to come out 'tarded

    I lol'd.

  • Archduke Pantsfan||

    lso, I blocked shrieky's comments when I found out that I was pregnant I don't want the baby to come out 'tarded.

    Good plan. I've done the same. Gentlemen, stupidity that thick can influence your sperms

  • ||

    We've all already been exposed Pantsfan. Forced sterilization for all.

  • Virginian||

    Is that really a concern for you?

  • ||

    Nah, I just really like threatening sterilization on people.

  • ||

    Keep the poor thing away from mayo.

  • Sevo||

    Alice Bowie| 4.16.13 @ 8:24PM |#
    "- leaving middle income people with no safety nets"

    Uh, welfare is supposed to provide 'safety nets' for the POOR. you idiot!
    Middle class folks are supposed to provide for themselves.
    What's next? Support for the 'poor' millionaires?

    And then Alice leaves us with our amusement for the evening:
    "If we were generally nice to people, we would not have to outlaw garbage cans."

  • An0nB0t||

    Sometimes you carbon-based life forms are embarrassing in your seriousness and painful, all-too-frequent sobriety.

    Alice is a parody, though apparently a much more subtle one than I would have imagined given that she telegraphed it with her final sentence.

  • Almanian!||

    leaving middle income people with no safety nets

    ALICE BOWIE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! ALICE BOWIE, EVERYONE!

  • InlineSkate||

    This really is nuclear grade stupid.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    I came up with the idea of self-exploding receptacles years ago. I foresaw terrorists using trash cans to plant bombs and knew they only way to beat them was at their own game. We explode the bins before they even get to them. We will not let the terrorists win.

  • An0nB0t||

    The reasonable thing would be to sell off all our overpriced gold and invest wisely in your patriotic, common-sense business plan.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    The exploding trash bins can be made of that gold. Do I have to think of everything?

  • Chaucer||

    Now just increase the police presence and think of all the money they'll make in littering fines.

  • Cabeza de Vaca||

    So more trash & debris on the ground, which could also be a bomb.

  • 0x90||

    That was pretty much my first thought. But note that it says:

    "The Indiana Pacers [...] will remove all trash cans outside of Bankers Life Fieldhouse for all events."

    So the question (rhetorical, I guess) becomes: is crowd density generally greater inside, or outside a given sports arena?

  • General Butt Naked||

    The next announcement will be of a TSA checkpoint that needs to be passed through to get inside the arena.

  • 0x90||

    And to think there was a time when that would've been hyperbole.

  • General Butt Naked||

    It's really frustrating that all the things you say are going to happen gets you labeled a paranoid nut keep happening. Think about all the shit you were warning people about 10 years ago and how much of those warnings, or worse, have come to fruition.

  • ||

    ^This!

  • Sevo||

    GBN, I've got a collection of Nat Lamps from the '70s and I won't read 'em anymore, since the satire has long since disappeared.

  • John Thacker||

    Also, pressure cooker control is sure to be next.

  • Sevo||

    Try buying bearing balls.

  • John Galt||

    Bearings have testicles?

  • Sevo||

    And they clank!
    http://www.mscdirect.com/brows.....Term=steel balls&typahddsp=Steel Balls&hdrsrh=true

  • John Galt||

    Seems high prices to pay for singlets. Could make for a very expensive balling machine.

  • Sevo||

    My plug-ins haven't been updated in the last 15 minutes, so I'll pass.

  • 0x90||

  • Aloysious||

    Please be Steve Martin in The Jerk... please be Steve Martin in The Jerk...

  • Aloysious||

    Yesssssss

  • Archduke Pantsfan||

  • General Butt Naked||

    "Three Fingered Snail Hunter"

    Good punk album name?

    You decide...

  • ||

    not_psyco_bob A Guy • 2 hours ago −
    Just tell China that these snails will make their wieners grow huge. Problem solved.

    HAHA. I approve this message.

  • Ted S.||

    You just want huge wieners, don't you?

  • ||

    I'm a fan of wieners of all most sizes.

    There is such a thing as too small and too large though.

    (I'm sorry Pantsfan, I couldn't resist the setup)

  • Archduke Pantsfan||

    you can't turn me.

  • Ted S.||

    He probably wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last man on earth anyway.

  • General Butt Naked||

    John Hamm Seen Canoodling With Canadian Beau at Jets Game...

  • Archduke Pantsfan||

    If Jon Hamm was here he'd break the top story of our Provincial Sales Tax illegally going up 1%

  • General Butt Naked||

    Hell, if Hamm was there they could just tax dongs by the inch and make the revenue that way. Problem solved.

  • Archduke Pantsfan||

    What has Ovechkin been doping on the last few weeks?

  • General Butt Naked||

    Glee over crosby's injury.

  • General Butt Naked||

    ...and john hamm's penis, of course.

  • ||

    Converting is too effort intensive.

  • Fatty Bolger||

    Pro-L should put these on the menu at Mountie Python. Snail problem, solved.

  • SweatingGin||

    I'm not usually one for senseless killed of pest animals, but I have to think those would be fun as hell to shoot with a .223

    So long as I don't have to clean it up.

  • Ted S.||

    The first time I visited my relatives in the old country back in the late 1980s, one of my dad's cousins had a thing about snails and slugs, and insisted on going out in the garden and cutting them in half.

  • Sevo||

    Much easier.
    If you are at all handy with a BB bat, toss 'me in the air and swing through them.
    Snail dust!

  • PapayaSF||

    Why not see-through (metal mesh) trashcans with locked lids and an opening just large enough for small pieces of trash?

  • John Galt||

    Sorry, but common sense solutions will not be considered. This is serious business. And serious business demands seriously retarded solutions.

  • -Umbriel-||

    Some places use a simple folding frame to hold a clear plastic bag. Not a bad idea, but some find it unsightly, and security then presumably has to pick through the trash and inspect every large opaque container they see in the trash.

    I'd suggest large, reinforced/resilient containers to direct most blast energy straight up -- similar to the containers bomb squads use to remove suspicious items, or the ammo stowage systems on modern tanks. Showering debris is much less dangerous than debris blasted directly into people. The chief problem I see would be a need to place them some distance away from tall buildings.

  • 0x90||

    Do you think you would've written this, if the bombs had just been sitting in backpacks on the ground? Or placed in newspaper vending machines? Or in mail boxes? Or in glass storefronts? Would you have written this, or something else?

    Fixating on one thing is how we get to everybody standing barefoot in the airport.

  • -Umbriel-||

    Actually, I thought about it years ago when I saw the clear plastic bag frames I was describing. I wrote it in response to the Pacers' boneheaded "this is why we can't have nice things" response to Boston, when I don't know whether the Boston bombs had anything to do with trashcans at all.

    And I was suggesting it merely as a security improvement. Not as something to be legally mandated, although practically every utterance nowadays runs the risk that someone will try to make it a Federal requirement.

  • 0x90||

    Fair enough. But what, though, would you say is the ratio of those who, like you, had that on their minds prior to these explosions, to those who had not, but who we will presently find weighing in on the need to safeguard against the possibility of bombs in trash cans?

    I'd wager you see my point -- it was not to call you out specifically (as you note, you made no recommendation with which to take issue), but rather to use the detail with which you addressed the subject as a good illustration of the general effect to which I am alluding.

  • -Umbriel-||

    Agreed - people like to close the barn door after the horse has run off. Or after their daughter has eloped, for that matter.

  • Archduke Pantsfan||

  • John Galt||

    Just when you think those Westboro jackasses are finally gone the press resuscitates them.

  • ||

    These assholes seriously test my devotion to the NAP.

  • Aloysious||

    Aren't the Westboro folks Democrats? I have a recollection that ol' Fred donated to Al Gore.
    Am I wrong?

  • Calidissident||

    They are (or at least were)

  • John Galt||

    No doubt the Democratic Party is anxious to claim their fellow Jackasses.

  • Virginian||

    Fred Phelps sat on the dais for Clinton's inaugurations I believe. invited by Al Gore, nonetheless.

  • PapayaSF||

    Fred has run for office several times as a Democrat.

  • Archduke Pantsfan||

  • Archduke Pantsfan||

  • TCMann||

    I have been going to the Boston Marathon as a spectator since 1980. I was standing about 100 feet away from where the second bomb went off, but fortunately for me, my friends and I got thirsty and we all left to go get a drink about 50 minutes before all of this happened.

    I can tell you that there are no trash cans on Boylston Street the day of the race, and there haven't been trash cans on Boylston during the race for as long as I can remember. I can't tell you why there aren't any, but there aren't. It probably has more to do with crowd control than anything else, since one block over on Newbury Street they have all sorts of trash cans.

    So, here is a classic example of a bunch of idiots solving a problem that doesn't exist and never contributed to the tragedy in the first place.

    If we can't throw our trash out, the terrorists have already won!

  • Ted S.||

    God forbid they be seen as Doing Nothing.

  • SIV||

    I spent much of the day driving home from Louisiana.
    Has any official proposed a registry/limit/ID requirement for pressure cookers...yet?

  • Archduke Pantsfan||

    I think Piers Morgan might have.

  • Sevo||

    Ah, "Natural News"? Got a link to something other than that?

  • Archduke Pantsfan||

    why bother?

  • Paul.||

    Oh jeez, Boston Marathon troofers?

  • Archduke Pantsfan||

    WHAT is the terminology for when the name of the movie you are watching is actually spoken by one of the Characters?

  • ||

  • Archduke Pantsfan||

    Yes, that's it. It's so cheezy it fails, every time.

  • General Butt Naked||

    This guy totally says "soup can forge" like a gazillion times in his soup can forge video.

    What a weenie.

  • ||

    He said nipple.

  • PapayaSF||

    Well, that'll teach me to refresh before I post. But mine has an amusing video.

  • PapayaSF||

  • Archduke Pantsfan||

    My favorite is "Clear and Present Danger" (not mentioned)

  • Pinky||

    The correct approach is to reinforce all trash cans so as to contain the blast force of the bombs. We did it with airplane cabin doors, we can do it with trash cans.

  • Paul.||

    This sounds like the Black Box argument: If the black box can survive the crash, why don't they make the whole plane out that stuff.

    Why don't we just reinforce everything to withstand the blast force of bombs?

  • Paul.||

    This is some weapons grade stupid that's been in a North Korean Centrifuge in Kim Jong Un's living room.

    Banning trash bins doesn't begin to solve the problem.

    Clearly, the answer is to ban bins of any kind, altogether, period.

    Save Limbs! Ban Bins!

  • MisterDamage||

    This sort of thing has been going on since at least the Atlanta Olympics trash can bomb. It's less about terrorism than cost cutting.

  • Lord Humungus||

    somewhere an actor dressed as an Indian is crying.

  • eyeroller||

    If trash cans are outlawed, only outlaws will have trash cans.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    It is not a legitimate function of governments to supply public trash cans anyway. Business owners should supply and maintain trash cans outside their business if they don't want people throwing shit on the ground outside their business.

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