Brickbat: You'll Put an Eye Out with That

Jaydot / photo on flickrJaydot / photo on flickrKitchen staff at England's Castle View School have been ordered to no longer cut flapjacks, or what Americans call granola, into triangles. The order came after one student was hit in the face by a flapjack thrown by another student. Staff must now cut the flapjacks into squares or rectangles. Officials say the triangular flapjacks are a safety risk, but others note that square flapjacks have an even greater number of pointy edges.

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  • Professional Target||

    More corners, less pointy.
    Circle: infinite number of infinitesimally pointy corners.

  • Counterfly||

    A circular breakfast food? You bloody septic.

  • Ted S.||

    Nah; they need to be in the shape of a Möbius band.

  • Rich||

    You *monster*!

  • Counterfly||

    Acute angles are right out! Obtuse or at the very least, all right angles are the order of the day. The ideal shape for a 'flapjack' is a dodecagon, but failing that, an octagon is acceptable.

    Pentagons, while they actually meet the angle criteria, are right out because of cultural association.

    Additionally, from now on, all of the VAT collected on flapjacks will be used to fund abortions.

  • SIV||

    What is the top libertarian issue for today?

    A Tim Carney piece on inside-the-beltway food trucks of course! You read it here first

  • Counterfly||

    You can have my food truck when you pry it from my cold, dead, meth-addicted, micro-green stained, ethnically influenced hands.

  • Ted S.||

    I figured your hands were Soylent Green-stained.

  • SIV||

  • Ted S.||

    The top libertarian issue for today is whether people have rights to commit violence against those who SF their links.

  • SugarFree||

    What's the problem? You yokels got a nice abortion thread to stroke over yesterday. You even had a strong showing by the Patron Saint of Know-Nothings.

  • SIV||

    We may still be clueless about rape culture but JD2chili schooled us on growing up in "abortion culture".

  • mr simple||

    Do they serve cocktails?

  • DontShootMe||

    It's come down to this. Public officials have gotten so stupid, I can't tell whether this is an April Fool's joke or not.

  • Rich||

  • anarch||

    Cereal killer.

  • Radioactive||

    this certainly takes the flake!!!

  • Counterfly||

    Oh get a life.

  • Generic Stranger||

    Did someone piss in your Wheaties this morning?

  • Ted S.||

    Somebody's not getting their Kix reading bad cereal puns.

  • Counterfly||

    Would it have helped if I said get a cinnamon life?

  • Ted S.||

    Hey, Mikey, I like it.

  • Generic Stranger||

    Allow me to chex my Magic 8 Ball:

    don't Count on it

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Officials say the triangular flapjacks are a safety risk, but others note that square flapjacks have an even greater number of pointy edges.

    This is completely stupid. Everyone knows that the angles of the corners of an equilateral triangle (the only true food triangle shape) are sixty degrees whereas the angles of a square's corners are ninety degrees and therefore sufficiently more blunt to be of no danger. Additionally, the square cannot be a knife (which everyone knows is England's gun) and furthermore no danger to staff or students or bobbies, which is what they call law enforcement because of the metric system which they otherwise don't use. Rectangles, however, are the devil's circles and should be avoided. End of discussion.

  • Tim||

    You really ARE the smartest guy on this blog.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Now that's end of discussion.

  • Night Elf Mohawk||

    Isosceles is clearly the preferable triangular shape, even if it has a military assault style acute angle.

  • mr simple||

    flapjacks, or what Americans call granola,

    That makes a little more sense (not the rule, that some kid got hurt). Maybe if they called pancakes flapjacks like everyone else this wouldn't have happened. Pancakes are soft and delicious, and only dangerous to your arteries, not delicate skin.

  • Rich||

    Serious question: Why does *anyone* live in the United Kingdom?

  • Generic Stranger||


  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Machismo. Pluralized.

  • Zeb||

    It's a nice climate for gardening.

  • Fatty Bolger||

    Wow, I had no idea granola could be so dangerous. And all this time I've been cutting ours into throwing stars.

  • SumpTump||

    Dude, there is a guy that knows what time it is. Wow.

  • ||

    The obvious solution, which any old-school wargamer or RPG player would know, is to cut them into hexagons. Edge pieces would of course have to be carefully disposed of in a separate container.

  • ||

    Never saw granola look like that. More like a brittle, it seems. Either way, it's an assault on your insulin.

  • Death Rock and Skull||

    What is that? Deep dish pizza?

  • ||

    Lou Malnati wishes you death for that.

  • Agammamon||

    ". . .but others note that square flapjacks have an even greater number of pointy edges."

    Sigh - don't be obtuse.


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