The Olympics So Far...

The Olympic games have given us a healthy dose of entertainment two days before the opening ceremony.

Greek triple jumper Voula Papachristou has become the first athlete to be kicked off an Olympic squad for something said on social media after tweeting the following:

With so many Africans in Greece … at least the West Nile mosquitos will eat homemade food!!!

Moroccan runner Mariem Selsouli has failed a drug test. This is her second time testing positive for a banned substance and she now faces a lifetime ban.

In a “you couldn’t write this” level gaffe the North Korean women’s soccer team temporarily boycotted their game against Colombia after their images were put next to a South Korean flag. The real Korean drama is scheduled for next week when North Korea and South Korea face each other in table tennis.

Off the fields and out of the locker rooms there is more news.

The Washington Post is reporting that bets are being waged on the chance of a UFO appearing at the opening ceremony (1000 to 1) and London Mayor Boris Johnson having his hair set alight by the Olympic torch (33 to 1).

A strike by border staff that had been planned for tomorrow has been cancelled, though what the government offered workers in order to have the busiest airport in the world operating functionally on one of the busiest days in its history is unclear.

The spectators who do arrive without incident to London will be able to enjoy the Olympic Village and its surroundings in East London where bakers have been banned from displaying their certain shaped goods in a certain formation thanks to the Olympic Committee. Choice of where to go for fries is restricted (unless you get some fish), thanks to McDonald's demanding that they be the sole supplier of fries during the Olympics.

I for one plan to enjoy winning a little bit of money watching Bojo’s hair catch fire during the opening ceremony Friday, watching Handball on Saturday and Canoeing on Sunday, all while waiting to see how many more drug dopers and racists we can get kicked out of the games while getting the flags screwed up. 

London's Mayor welcomes you to the games:

 

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  • Pro Libertate||

    Table tennis--ha! The real action is in competitive badminton, and no, I'm not kidding.

  • ||

    At least the tennis will be just like watching Wimbledon...again.

  • Pro Libertate||

    What surface do they use for the Olympics?

  • ||

    Whatever the hosting city provides, I assume. So in this case...grass.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Really? Good.

  • ||

    It will be to Federer's advantage...again.

  • Pro Libertate||

    That's fine, too. Unless Borg comes back with his wooden racket--then, look out!

  • ||

    I can't even imagine going back to wooden rackets.

  • Ska||

    Of course not, with your swishy girl wrists and all.

  • ||

    Swishy?!?

  • Pro Libertate||

    He meant swarthy.

  • Pro Libertate||

    I have a newish racket that weighs practically nothing. It's made out of some crazy material, like moonrock. But I learned with a wooden racket. Which weighed a lot.

  • SugarFree||

    The one time I played with a wooden racket, I broke it within an hour. I felt pleasingly Hulkish.

  • ||

    One benefit to the modern rackets is they're tough. If I go FULL MCENROE and throw my racket, nothing will happen other than scratches. If you did that with a wooden or aluminum racket...oops.

  • ||

    I don't care about weight so much as balance.

  • Almanian's Evil Twin||

    Still have my two Wilson Jack Kramer Autograph™ model wood rackets from when I played in MS/HS the 70's. Hadn't played in years - finally bought a new carbon-fibre-space-resin thing that weighs approximately zero ounces- UNbelievable. Tried to play with the wood one just for lulz...

    "How the FUCK did we use this crap back then? And thought it was good?"

    But it's like everything else. See also: 70's running shoes versus today, 60's Triumph Bonneville versus "Any Modern Motorcycle", my '71 Camaro versus my 2013 Mustang...even guns are WAY better now.

  • BarryD||

    Drug doping and racism should be Olympic events, not grounds for banning athletes!

  • Hugh Akston||

    You know who else enjoyed racism and the Olympics...

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    That 1970's gorgeous hunk of man meat, Mark Spitz?

  • Pro Libertate||

    Racist? How could he have been racist with that mustache?

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    Okay, not racist. I just needed an excuse to post that photo.

    He was in Bloomington, IN way back in the day (1991-1992) training to make the 1992 Olympic team. I had the chance to meet him a couple of times. Nice guy actually.

  • Pro Libertate||

    I recall his acting career. He did a lot of TV guest appearances.

  • Hugh Akston||

    We...We're not gonna have to endure regular Olympics updates at HampersandR, are we?

    I mean, the only thing more retarded than international politics is the Olympics. Combining the two is like bringing your hippie-maoist girlfriend home for dinner with your methodist Limbaugh-listening parents.

  • ||

    How many times are you going to do that, Hugh? I had hoped you'd learned after the first six times.

  • Virginian||

    Methodists? You mean the religious wing of the Democratic Party?

  • Hugh Akston||

    It didn't get really awkward until the last time when she dumped my salmon steak on the floor and told my parents that the only fish she lets me eat is hers.

  • ||

  • Scott S.||

    I will be providing panting audio commentary of the wrestling events set to porno music.

  • ||

    You should, seeing as that would be hilarious.

  • SugarFree||

    untz untz untz untz untz untz untz untz untz
    untz untz untz untz untz untz untz untz untz
    untz untz untz untz untz untz untz untz untz

  • Killazontherun||

    You and your cottonseed oil drenched chips.

  • Ska||

    Mmmmm.....moist girlfriend.

  • playa manhattan||

    "thanks to McDonald's demanding that they be the sole supplier of fries during the Olympics."
    McDonalds fries have sucked ever since they switched to vegetable oil from beef tallow.

  • R C Dean||

    With so many Africans in Greece … at least the West Nile mosquitos will eat homemade food!!!

    Man, if you are so offended by that rather innocuous (IMO) joke that you would kick somebody out of the Olympics, they must be hosting beach volleyball in your sandy, sandy vagina.

  • rts||

    I think it was a cumulative thing; she has apparently also tweeted support for the Golden Dawn.

    Source.

  • Brutus||

    Is that the drug gang from "Tropic Thunder?"

  • Gweskoyen||

    It's a Greek Neo-Nazi party.

  • playa manhattan||

    The gist of that joke is "There are lots of Africans here" and not "I hate smelly Africans and want them the hell out of my country"
    It is an orgy of political correctness.

    These guys are (unofficially) in trouble too:
    http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/.....00136.html

  • rts||

    That Australian one is much more stupid than this Greek one. Crikey!

  • ||

    Y'all will notice the fingers on triggers. Aussies don't know the NRA Safety rule #2. Isn't there also some kind of rule about not looking so pleased with yourself, especially in public with having a gun or two..?

  • Juice||

    Look, she said the word "African." She should have known what she was getting into.

    /sarcasm

  • Libertarian||

    "It's political correctness gone mad!"

    /Jezz

  • Gweskoyen||

    If you feel the need to comment how many Africans are in your country, it's pretty much clear you're racist.

  • Fluffy||

    Is it bad that I'm watching the North Korea game and rooting for them?

    I figure unless they win some games, the physical safety of these girls is at risk when they go home.

  • Tulpa the White||

    You know communism has fallen on hard times when the female athletes can't even grow beards.

  • SIV||

    In protest, I will recognize Voula Papachristou as the only true Womens Olympic triple jump champion.

  • Dylan||

    How well is "UFO" defined for the purposes of that bet? At 1000-1 odds, if I were in London...

  • playa manhattan||

    I was wondering that too. If it is poorly defined, I might just have to bet my life savings and then get to work building a UAV.

  • CE||

    YOu won't need to fake a UFO sighting. An advance landing party will appear and address the nations of the world at the opening ceremony.

  • Fluffy||

    So now I'm watching the Sweden - South Africa game.

    These Swedish girls are so blonde that on the wide shots they look like they're all wearing yellow scarves on their heads.

  • rts||

    Today's obscure Olympic sport is 10 metre air rifle. Sounds like fun, actually.

  • Ska||

    I actually have a .22 air pistol like that. I've never seen one other than .177 before.

  • playa manhattan||

    Looks like a pretty macho "sport":
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/F.....ooting.jpg

  • perlhaqr||

    Shit, and I thought my 10mm was hardcore. A 10m air rifle sounds like the recoil would kill an elephant.

  • Killazontherun||

    Okay, that actually sounds like a fun target practice gun.

  • db||

    I have shot 10m air rifle in college. Best I ever did was 3rd place in a sectional championship match. It is all about precision. You take about a shot a minute.

  • CE||

    They have 10 metre air rifle, but not golf.

  • Anonymous Coward||

    The real Korean drama...

    Somebody watches Korean TV.

  • Archduke PantsFan||

    I love modern pentathlon.

  • Hugh Akston||

    That's the one with the standing long jump, javelin throw, watching an entire season of an hour-long drama on DVD, drinking a Venti espresso, and replying to every update on your facebook timeline, right?

  • ||

    BEST ALT TEXT EVER!!!

    "Lisa doing her part in the name of national pride"

  • Brian Sorgatz||

    Lisa who?

  • Gweskoyen||

    Lisa Simpson.

  • Brian Sorgatz||

    Aha. I missed that—probably because I'm not Wilson Bryan Key.

  • A Serious Man||

    I recall a few years ago some petition was being pushed calling for poker to be made an Olympic sport. That would be awesome.

  • Brutus||

    Or darts. Complete with open bar and unfiltered Camels.

  • Almanian's Evil Twin||

    Till they bring in the Corn Hole and Traktur Pullz, they're never gonna get Ohioganders to watch...

  • Killazontherun||

    Corn Hole. I will never get use to that word having a non butt fuck or non rape meaning. Blows my mind anyone could see it in any other way.

  • ||

    Why isn't ultimate fighting an Olympic sport?

  • GILMORE||

    Too entertaining. Also, the Chinese protest that 5-finger death-strikes are not allowed.

  • mr simple||

    Let's not forget the 21 yr old, Russian junior record holding model/long jumper that didn't make the team. I don't know if it's an interesting story, but she's definitely worth checking out. I tried to link to a site with the story of her not making the team and some interesting videos (modeling shoot and jumping, get your mind out of the gutter) but reason won't let it through the spam filter, so here is her NBC page.

  • sunny black||

    Can't wait for the Hope Solo Dare Dorm videos.

  • James Anderson Merritt||

    I love how the London mayor's name is Boris, and his city is looking a lot like Moscow, what with all the military and paramilitary security and personnel carriers running around town. Kind of makes up for 1980.

  • Rasilio||

    Um, is that pink and blue thing up there really some official symbol of this years olympics?

    I mean I go out of my way to avoid anything to do with the idiocy that is the modern olympic games but I have to ask who the hell designed and even moreso approved it cause the only thing I see going on there is standing up buttsex

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    They are Helleno-fascists.

    (and really, this is spam and the digital equivalent of a guy selling Rolexs off the back of his truck isn't?"

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    What do squirrels eat? May they die from lack of it!

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    Helleno-fascists was the Golden Dawn, not the Olympics, responding to an earliter post.

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