Arlington County Housing Division Hosts "Housing 4 Hipsters" Happy Hour to Help Hipsters Find Housing Assistance

No, I am not making this up. 

In the Virginia suburbs of Washington, D.C., the Arlington County Housing Division is hosting in a happy hour called "Housing 4 Hipsters." This is a real event. That is actually happening. With the "4" in the title and everything.

The purpose? To help people of the hipster-American variety (presumably) discover ways to take advantage of the county's various housing assistance programs. Doug Myrick, an official with the Housing Division, tells Arlnow.com that the county is holding the event because, “We want people to understand there is housing assistance available across a wide range of incomes." Is it possible to take advantage of rent restrictions and/or housing subsidies ironically? Myrick also says that “when people see government assistance, they often think it must be for low income or they won’t qualify.” I can't imagine why anyone would assume that housing assistance would be limited to those with low-incomes. But at this point, I guess it's for everyone. Will hipsters still like housing assistance now that it's gone mainstream? 

Or maybe the idea is to take insane, widely discredited housing policy ideas and make them retro-cool: The Housing Division website's event page—which exists because, as I cannot stress enough, this is an actual real thing—includes the following teaser: "Options include buying your first home with little as 1% down!" Because that's always worked out so well. Also, "There will be door prizes and complimentary refreshments." Apparently, it's not enough to merely subsidize housing for middle-class young professionals; we also have to bribe them into taking advantage of it. 

At Forbes, Josh Barro sets expectations: "Phrases I expect will be heard at this event include 'it’s an obscure housing assistance program; you’ve probably never heard of it' and “I liked the old FHA mortgage qualification guidelines better.'"

Matt Welch: What could go wrong with government-backed, low-interest, no-money-down housing loans

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  • juris imprudent||

    The glaring shortage of hipsters in Arlington is threatening to shred the very social fabric of that community. And you want to make light of that? Philistine!

  • wrea||

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  • ||

    Y do u h8 diversity?

  • Tom||

    You guys might be dumbfounded by it, but having grown up in the People'e Republic of Arlington I can't say I'm surprised in the least...and they'll get away with it, because there's enough money in North Arlington (hooray for senior Federal employees and overpriced orthodontists/lawyers!) to blind people from the effects of such asinine promotions

  • Almanian||

    they'll get away with it

    They WOULD have gotten away with it, if it hadn't been for those meddling kids...

  • ||

    Shit, it's depressing to think all those people that made and voiced those cartoon classics are long dead. Fucking time.

  • Amakudari||

    Nah, most of the voice cast from Scooby Doo is still around.

  • yonemoto||

    Hah! another arlingtonian.

  • yonemoto||

    (although I was a south-arlingtoner)

  • RVA||

    I'm from Richmond. There is nothing hip about Arlington or Northern Virginia, at all, ever.

  • Dekedin||

    You're missing the point! This is to stop hipsters from gentrifying poor neighborhoods by keeping them all in one place.

  • Almanian||

    OH!

    Then I'm for it.

  • Jerry||

    A hipster ghetto.

  • wareagle||

    so hipster is just a more polite word for moocher. But without the cool gang symbols, baby mamas, and bullets.

  • Omegis||

    Hipsters
    gentrify

    Pick one.

  • ||

    This is one of those situations when you don't necessarily want to tell the hipster to get a job. ...because if they got one, living in Arlington, they'd probably be working for the government. And the only thing worse than a hipster on rent assistance, is a hipster on rent assistance AND working for the government.

  • Paul ||

    "a
    hipster on rent assistance AND working for the government."

    They're one in the same.

  • Thoreau||

    I dunno, Ken, they'd probably insist on working for the most classified projects at the Pentagon, because it's totally underground.

    Sure, they'd insist on locally sourcing everything, but the defense contractors are already in VA, so that would work out. And given how inefficient and slow-to-change the Pentagon is, hipsters with retro crazes would probably fit right in.

  • ||

    Don't listen to Thoreau, a known physicist. Operation PBR--a not-very-well-kept secret Pentagon program--is a plan to place hipster brains into drones and guided missiles. A secret court clandestinely rules that this was permissible, as hipsters weren't using their brains much, anyway.

  • Old Salt||

    KILL IT!

    KILL IT WITH FIRE!

    (preferably nuclear)

  • Tank||

    A nuclear fire?

  • ||

    Thermonuclear cleansing would be a reasonable idea.

  • juris imprudent||

    Thermonuclear enema - great band name.

  • ||

    So, basically, "hipster" has now come to mean "someone who besides having no problem looking like a complete retard now has no being being poor and taking handouts".

  • ||

    ...now has no being being poor and taking handouts.

    But can they form a coherent sentence?

  • ||

    To hell go, sloopy!

  • Almanian||

    Said! Episiarch what

  • Joe M||

    Gnufp, flabg.

  • ||

    I like pancakes!

  • protefeed||

    Epi -- you're assuming any hipsters would show up for an event so unhip and unironic.

    Unless they showed up to mooch the food and mock the government employees in ways that the govt ees would totally not get, then leave.

    "Yes, I TOTALLY want to live in suburbia amongst middle-class government employees. That would be soooo cool," said with an April Ludgate tone of voice.

  • Eric||

    What's wrong with looking like a retard?
    You people should be fine with that.

  • Abdul||

    If they really want hipsters to go to the event, they should keep it underground.

    "Man, this section 8 apartment was so much better before everyone started getting housing vouchers."

  • ||

    The event page on the Housing Division website—which exists because, as I cannot stress enough, this is an actual real thing—includes the following: "Options include buying your first home with little as 1% down!" Because that's always worked out so well.

    Maybe it's a basic intelligence test, you know, like a trick question.

    "If you think this is a good idea, then you are clearly to stupid to own real estate."

  • juris imprudent||

    That made me flash on those police stings where they invite a bunch of people with outstanding warrants to some party with gifts and shit.

    And they show up.

  • protefeed||

    clearly to stupid

    did you write that ironically?

  • Cytotoxic||

    I know the answer is probably yes, but...would sending a murder-drone over to neutralize this little event still be 'initiation of 4ce'?

  • ||

    Why is northern Virginia such a festering cesspool of shit?

  • ||

    Runoff from the Pentagon.

  • ||

    Could it be coming from the Capitol? Smells awful.

  • Anonymous Coward||

    It's the contractors, lobbyists, legislators, staffers, pundits, bureaucrats and other filth that resides in NoVa.

    Living in the vicinity of a dump, a tannery, and a meat packing plant would be cleaner.

  • Tonio||

    Carpetbaggers.

  • ||

    middle-class young professionals

    Methinks Mr. Suderman is unaware that most hipsters are not quite professionals. Most of them are still in school or are working menial jobs ironically to get back at the mainstream moneymakers.

  • ||

    You mean like "misunderstood" amateur art "geniuses" who can't tell their assholes from exhaust pipes, but somehow find the time to simultaneously do absolutely nothing productive with themselves AND be totally insufferable?

  • Peter Suderman||

    The event is also targeted to business owners "interested in retaining [their] employees." And the Housing official stresses that this is designed to attract people who are not low income.

  • ||

    These events, government agencies, and policies are almost as sad as, say, giving your child out to dealers as a housekeeper to pay your crack debts.

  • Sevo||

    Peter Suderman|3.5.12 @ 8:57PM|#
    "The event is also targeted to business owners "interested in retaining [their] employees."

    Careful what you ask for, business owners.

  • wareagle||

    well, as long as "the Housing official stresses...." we have nothing to fear. I mean, that official is from the gummint, and...uh, wait.

    In Housing circles, do glorified welfare programs usually attract someone other than the low income? I realize welfare exists in Congressional circles for the high to very high income, but there is rarely a publicized happy hour soliciting participants.

  • SIVh||

    Por people live in section 8 now. Old housing projects with cool architecture from the 1930s to 1950s are now rented out by the government to "mixed income" people with incomes topping 100k. They are still subsidized.

  • Alice Bowie||

    I'd rather give $5billion/year of our tax dollars to Jewish Hipsters in DC than to Israel.

  • Sevo||

    Alice Bowie|3.5.12 @ 8:40PM|#
    "I'd rather give $5billion/year of our tax dollars to Jewish Hipsters in DC than to Israel."

    Uh, Alice, look up "False Dichotomies". You might not look like a bone-head.

  • ||

    Yeah, Sevo, Alice made a pretty funny joke, and you responded with a logic lesson. So... who looks like a bonehead, again?

  • Tonio||

    Also, Arlington is very much in Virginia, not DC. Big dif.

  • omnibot||

    c-c-c-combo breaker

  • ||

    Plz Gumberment. Save these ppl.

  • ||

    "There will be door prizes and complimentary refreshments."

    It better be PBR, bitch, otherwise, don't waste our precious fucking time! We need to go sneer at the mundanes.

  • Bee Tagger||

    Will hipsters still like housing assistance now that it's gone mainstream?

    Of course they will. This is the core of hipsterdom: being able to take advantage of something you're afraid everyone else will think is lame without appearing lame to those people.

  • ||

    But I thought they wanted to appear lame to mainstream people...for the irony.

  • Bee Tagger||

    Good point. Maybe they'll just put giant signs in the yard that read "I can only afford this because of housing assistance." That way it all appears to be done with a wink.

  • Almanian||

    Remember, that little pussy with the striped shirt and pink socks is the same man who stormed Normandy Beach, who waded ashore at Monte Casino, who raised the flag on Iwo Jima!

    No...wait. This is is that guy's great grandson. Kick him in the nuts.

  • ||

    That one is only *behind* the Iwo Jima memorial, trading handies for food stamps.

  • omnibot||

  • Joe||

    I'm thinking that the "1% down!" was actually an Occupy Wall Street joke by the witty devils at the Arlington County Housing Division. The ACHD, always clownin' around.

  • omnibot||

    If only there was a product that could keep me from spending $100 a year on lint rollers.

  • HeroicMulatto||

    Housing Assistance?

    Great band. I saw them back in 2006.

  • omnibot||

  • HeroicMulatto||

    Psh. Whatever.

  • ||

    Why do you hate hipster hobos and homosexual black kids from east Harlem?

  • Tman||

    I can't understand why this is still happening.

    A friend of mine sold a house today in Nashville for $128K and the buyer put down a total of.......(drumroll)- $1,137!

    Rinse, repeat.

    I do have to agree with Dedkin upthread who points out that this is a great way to keep these idiots in one place.

  • Colonel_Angus||

    Do you have any idea what would happen to a lender that used reasonable loan policies these days? They would be shunned to death, or possibly even hit with a drone strike.

  • Richmond, Va||

    Please take them

  • Britt||

    Damn straight. Well....ok, you can take the males. Leave me the cute hipster chicks.

  • PantsFan||

    Late Night Link: Who's WORSE: The IOC or the CBC?
    http://www.theglobeandmail.com.....le2358280/

  • ||

    Semi-OT: I predict drunken riots when the United States wipes the floor with the host nation's athletes in the London 2012 Olympics.

  • ØJØʃ de aguila||

    You mean Olympic Game hooligans?!?

  • shamalamadingdong||

    Skinny jeans and pink socks... I sure hope somebody is paying for his birth control pills, cause it would be a shame for that to reproduce.

  • sandra fluke||

    why should he have to pay for birth control????? It should be free, dammit.

  • shamalamadingdong||

    1% down is the only version of "1%' the 99%'ers seem to like.

  • Sevo||

    Sorta related:
    Seems San Francisco can't find anyone to develop dilapidated piers on the bay waterfront, regardless of the prime value of such property. Must be a market-failure!
    "This is history repeating itself," said Jasper Rubin, a former city planner and policy analyst who wrote the book "A Negotiated Landscape," a detailed history of the city's waterfront development. "It's hard to see a way out of it for the port."
    http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/.....1NECG0.DTL
    At least until you find the gem buried 'way down in the article:
    "Part of the challenge in developing piers, Rubin said, is that the state - and rightly so - requires port property to benefit the public, which typically prohibits building housing and offices."
    Yep, "rightly so" to prevent any development that might *MAKE MONEY*!

  • ||

    Dude, it's fucking San Francisco. I'd turn down a 1000% salary increase if it meant moving anywhere near it.

  • "A Negotiated Landscape"||

    "A Negotiated Landscape"

    like a hold-up man negotiates a payout at the point of a gun?

  • Sevo||

    Except in this case, the victims have fled, and the hold-up man doesn't have anyone to hold up.
    And then *gripes* about it!

  • ||

    There certainly nothing beneficial about a place to live or an office to work in. If housing and jobs don't benefit the public, just what the fuck does?

    Oh I know. A taxpayer funded stadium for the 49ers. San Francisco has become too stupid to live.

  • ||

    Dissing San Francisco, eh, Bushpig? I bet you think Gabrielle Giffords deserved it, too, when that Paultard execution assassinationed her!!

  • ||

    Hey. I only live in cities that mandate insurance companies pay transgendered partner's sex change operation. San Francisco has long since othered me over that.

  • ||

    Heh, tax-funded gender reassignment surgery? That's peanuts, man. I, on the other hand, go for a higher standard -- cities with post-natal abortion.

    Obviously, when the retarded Rethuglicants realize babies suck and drain the grand welfare system, they'll be a on-board with us on this.

  • Eric Holder ||

    cities with post-natal abortion.
    ------------------------
    as I was explaining at Northwestern....

  • Sevo||

    "Obviously, when the retarded Rethuglicants realize babies suck and drain the grand welfare system, they'll be a on-board with us on this."

    Shithead tells us this won't happen until the babies are fried and fed to the Grannies.

  • Sevo||

    John,
    Nope. The fools in Santa Clara *outbid* the fools in SF to build the Yorks a brand new playpen.
    Not that this is a defense of the fools in SF; they just didn't get a chance to prove they were more brain-dead.

  • ||

    Surprise surprise

    As many have already uncovered Sandra Fluke she is, in reality, a 30 year old long time liberal activist who enrolled at Georgetown with the express purpose of fighting for the school to pay for students' birth control. She has been pushing for mandated coverage of contraceptives at Georgetown for at least three years according to the Washington Post.

    http://mrctv.org/blog/sandra-f.....-insurance

  • ||

    Why not just advocate mandating vasectomies? It's sexist to just be working the female angle!11111

    Fucking progressives.

  • ||

    She is a real peace of work. Shame on Georgetown for letting her in.

  • juris imprudent||

    I'm betting that mommy and daddy must like having her someplace chic.

  • Paul ||

    Told you. She's a shoe-in for a job with the obama administration.

  • ||

    I am off to bed. But for anyone still up, Google image Catrinel Menghia. She is the Romanian model in the Fiat Abarf commercial. Words fail in describing the results of such a search.

  • ||

    Mmmmmmmm

    This is the kind of woman who takes all your money, posessions, and self-respect, and you still feel like you got the better end of the bargain.

  • Paul ||

    At this point in my life, I'd feel like I got the better end of the deal if Andrea Dworkin walked out with all my money, possessions and self-respect.

  • shamalamadingdong||

    Don't forget your hairy nutsack, you chauvinist!

  • Paul ||

    She aight. Her boyfriend need to take her out and get her a steak.

  • ||

    I'll be in my Fiat.

  • ||

    I'll be in my Fiat.

  • ||

    With the squirrels.

  • protefeed||

    She's got a hot face. She could use a few burgers and get a bit more t&a.

  • ||

    Girl likes the Fiat Money.

  • shamalamadingdong||

    John, you're such a shill for big, perfect tits.

  • Colonel_Angus||

    Alternative caption:

    "Ambiguous."

  • Paul ||

    This isn't your father's housing assistance...

  • Sevo||

    "This isn't your father's housing assistance..."

    You bet! It's your grandkid's obligation.

  • BakedPenguin||

    "Domiciles 4 Douchebags"

  • jim smith||

    "I've already got the FHA mortgage qualification guidelines... ON VINYL!"

  • johnny s||

    Remiburse me for the IRAQ war and sex pills are on me.

  • Sevo||

    johnny s|3.5.12 @ 11:07PM|#
    "Remiburse me for the IRAQ war and sex pills are on me."

    You have a problem. The guy who continued the war is the same guy who wants your dough for the pills.
    Let us know how your conversation with him works out.

  • Rapstallion||

    I love orthodonstists/dentists and high level federal employeess having so much money that ridiculous bullshit like this grows on the vine.

  • bleeding rectal||

    I'll cut it off with a plastic KFC fork

  • Sevo||

    Hey, reason.com guys!
    The 900 character limit isn't doing a lot to help the comments blog.
    Rectal/WI/general troll has copy/paste figured out at far fewer characters. How about a filter for 'same content/time'? I don't write code, but that shouldn't be tough.

  • ||

    I as a hipster would not show up. OMG so 1992 people. Why don't we throw a Gay Pride rally? Oh, fuck, that's so 1991 !!

  • ||

    I as a hipster would not show up. OMG so 1992 people. Why don't we throw a Gay Pride rally? Oh, fuck, that's so 1991 !!

  • LilDebbie||

    Hi, rectal!

    Did you know you're hitting ctrl-v, clicking, rinsing, repeating, and this is how you spend your time? There are other things you could be doing! Positive things! Like killing yourself.

    Try cutting your wrists lengthwise while relaxing in the tub. You might want to choke down a few bottles of the cooking wine you buy with your food stamps in order to sleep at night. That'll really help the blood flow.

  • dr cox||

    You mean she's off her clorox? oh no.

  • bleeding rectal||

    WOW they fixed it

  • PantsFan||

    Couple ticketed for using Cell Phone while driving... even though they don't own a cell phone
    http://www.winnipegfreepress.c.....98013.html

  • Sandy||

    I can't believe Suderman (or any other commenters) didn't think to include this, so I guess I'll have to:

    The Arlington Rap.

  • John C. Randolph||

    Will hipsters still like housing assistance now that it's gone mainstream?

    Best snark of the month. Bravo.

    -jcr

  • Air Max||

    get face-to-face, door knock,” said Bickford, the union carpetner and West Roxbury native.

  • GILMORE||

    I think people are overlooking the vast potential of creating a hipster slave-community, all trapped in suburban projects, and used by big-corporate chains as menial employees, ever enticed by the idea that they are simply *one step* from freedom, if only they have the willpower to leave on their own... which, of course, they never will, preferring to languish and bitch rather than demonstrate any independent initiative. Feed them on cheap PBR and hotdogs, taking back their slave wages, throw a few crappy-coke dealers in the mix to ensure they never have enough free money to ever escape. They will provide the needed tax revenue to sustain social security and medicare a few more years. Then, when they turn 30 and realize their lives are a total waste?... grind them up and feed them to hogs to create more hipster-hotdog-food.

    This plan was brought to you by TV on the Radio.

  • ||

    OK wow, who comes up with all this crazy stuff man, I jsut dont get it dude.

    www.Go-Anon.tk

  • Hipster Fannie Mae||

    I was taking advantage of government generosity before it was cool.

  • Konfounded Kristen||

    This thread made my Monday (OK, it's Wednesday but I was off work Monday and Tuesday)

  • ||

    Offer them punch & pie, then more will show up.

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